Do you worry that your client has just opened a wound as the clock winds down and you need to end the session? Are you concerned that you might be sending them off raw, unsettled, and unresolved?
If so, you are not alone. In fact, mastering the art of closing a therapy session without leaving your client feeling cut off is a challenge for many, and a skill that is worth learning.
How to End a Challenging Session Smoothly: 13 Eminent Therapists Share Their Wisdom
1. WRITTEN BY BECKY DEGROSSA ON AUGUST 1, 2017
How to End
a Challenging
Session Smoothly
13 EMINENT THERAPISTS SHARE THEIR WISDOM
2. DO YOU STRUGGLE
WITH HOW TO END
A CHALLENGING
SESSION
SMOOTHLY?
Do you worry that your client has just opened a
wound as the clock winds down and you need to
end the session? Are you concerned that you
might be sending them off raw, unsettled, and
unresolved?
If so, you are not alone. In fact, mastering the art
of closing a therapy session without leaving your
client feeling cut off is a challenge for many, and
a skill that is worth learning.
We were inspired to address this topic when one
of our members on our Private Practice Builders
Facebook page asked about ending difficult
sessions. So we posed the question to some
expert therapists who were very gracious in
responding with their best advice
3. "WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND TO BE A
SMOOTH AND EFFECTIVE WAY TO
CLOSE AN EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED
SESSION ON TIME?"
Some of the advice these leading therapists provided is general and would
apply to any therapy practice, while other suggestions are specific to
practice specialties, to certain populations, and to the modalities being
used in therapy. The different specialties and modalities are addressed in
the introductions to each expert therapist.
It’s obvious that these senior therapists have gems to share. They have
learned through years of practice what works (and what doesn’t) to wrap
up the session smoothly and on time. Don’t miss the summary at the end
of this article!
4. FrankG.Anderson,M.D.
The Foundation for Self Leadership, Executive
Director
http://www.frankandersonmd.com/
Dr. Anderson’s expertise focuses on the
treatment of trauma, including single-incident
trauma, complex trauma, dissociative identity
disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder
(PTSD). He also specializes in the treatment of
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD),
autism spectrum disorders (ASD), and lesbian,
gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) issues. In
addition, Dr. Anderson has training in sensory
motor psychotherapy (SP) and eye movement
desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR).
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
5. I always let them know that we have 5
minutes left in the session# 1
# 2
# 3
I have them check “inside” and see if there is
anything that the internal parts of them want the
client to know before the session is over. For
example, stay connected, check in daily, promise
to follow-up next week, etc.
I ask the parts to take back their energy and try
and go to a safe place in the client’s mind, until
our next session.
# 4
Make sure you (the therapist) follow-up with the
issue you were discussing when you see the client
next. It is important to not make false promises.”
“HereiswhatItypicallydoandroutinelyteachtherapistswhoarehaving
troubleendingatherapysession,especiallywithclientswhosufferfrom
traumahistories.Note:the“internalparts”hereareInternalFamilySystems
constructs."
6. FRANK G.
ANDERSON
More information on
Dr. Anderson is in private practice and he
expanded his professional focus in 2004 after he
met Richard Schwarz, Ph.D., founder of Internal
Family Systems (IFS). Dr. Anderson learned to
integrate the IFS model into his passion for
psychopharmacology, neurobiology and trauma
therapy; He and Dr. Schwartz currently teach IFS,
Trauma and Neuroscience, a five-day intensive
training for therapists. In 2013, Dr. Anderson was
named the chairman of the Foundation for Self
Leadership (FSL)—a nonprofit organization
dedicated to advancing IFS via research,
scholarships and outreach. Dr. Anderson serves as
FSL executive director and continues to provide
consultation, individual therapy and couples
therapy at his office in Concord, Mass. Additionally,
he maintains an active career as a speaker,
teacher, consultant, writer and researcher who
travels the globe, often conducting seminars,
workshops and training programs. He also remains
affiliated with the Center for Self Leadership and
Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute.
7. WendyT.Behary
The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey
The New Jersey Institute for Schema Therapy
www.disarmingthenarcissist.com
Wendy Behary specializes in cognitive and schema
therapies, as well as narcissism. Cognitive therapy is
a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns
of thought about the self and the world are
challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior
patterns or treat mood disorders such as
depression. Schema therapy addresses broad,
pervasive themes regarding oneself and one’s
relationship with others, developed during
childhood and elaborated throughout one’s lifetime,
and dysfunctional to a significant degree.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
8. "We start with a very keen attentiveness to time. We work diligently to be very attentive
while using emotion focused strategies, or working to illicit emotion in the client, or if the
emotion is just getting activated spontaneously with more fragile clients. With a client who
enters into states of vulnerability easily, it is very important to be aware of time."
"Attention to time is important when working to heal old maladaptive themes in a client’s
life, to meet unmet needs, and to recalibrate the way a client is holding a distorted
position in the way he is thinking that sets off the emotional charge. Or if it’s something
that’s happening in the therapy relationship, something in the transference or counter-
transference (where as we would say in schema therapy, schema’s are getting activated on
both sides), these are good moments for realness. So you can say something like, “Time is
real, and I care about you, so let’s see if we can use some strategies before we end the
session. Let’s make sure that we save some time at the end to debrief.”
"AS A THERAPIST WHO IS NOT ONLY AN
EDUCATOR BUT WHO WORKS WITH REALLY
CHALLENGING CLIENTS LIKE NARCISSISTS
(MY SPECIALTY), I KNOW THE IMPORTANCE
OF PAYING A LOT OF ATTENTION TO TIME."
9. "ALWAYS MAKE
SURE YOU HAVE
DEBRIEFING TIME
WHERE YOU’RE
MAKING SENSE OUT
OF THE
DISCOVERIES AND
THE EMOTIONS
THAT HAVE GOTTEN
ACTIVATED."
"Make sure you have time to do some regulation work, whether it’s
teaching them mindful awareness, using the breath, body scanning,
or safe place imagery. There are many different skills for helping
patients get grounded before they leave the session. Ending the
session on time helps the client feel more grounded, feel that they
can stand up, walk out and face the world again.
One sure fire way that I use in ending a session on time is to cut away
at the end, pick up my phone, open up the recording app that I use,
and record a message to the client. Therefore, in real time they can
listen to it throughout the week. I say, “We’re coming to the end; I
know there are still some painful emotions hanging in the air; I know
this is upsetting for you and this is a challenging time.”
"Then I either give them something to practice when they’re at home as an emotion regulation
strategy or I say, “I want you to listen to this and as you’re listening, please recognize that I’m going
to help you; we’re going to get through this; it’s not going to feel like this all the time; you’re doing
really hard work; you’re very courageous; I’m very proud of you; I’m here; I’m on your
side.”"Preparing and presenting the tape for them is a way of shoring up that they can exit with a
sense of connection to you with a helpful transitional emotional object. These emotions are the
things that make it frightening and sometimes impossible to walk out of the room because they
don’t feel they have resolution or they don’t feel they have sturdiness to carry themselves forth.”
10. WENDY BEHARY
More information on
Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The
Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The
New Jersey Institute for Schema Therapy. She has
been treating clients, training professionals and
supervising psychotherapists for more than 20
years. She is also on the faculty of the Cognitive
Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of
New York, where she has trained and worked
with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. Wendy is a
founding fellow (and supervisor) of The Academy
of Cognitive Therapy (Dr. Aaron T. Beck). She was
also the President of the International Society of
Schema Therapy (ISST) from 2010-2014.
11. BETTY CANNON, PH.D.
Boulder Psychotherapy Institute,
President
www.boulderpsych.com
Betty Cannon specializes in
providing Applied Existential
Psychotherapy (AEP) at the Boulder
Psychotherapy Institute. AEP
integrates the concepts of
contemporary existential and
psychodynamic approaches with
techniques inspired by Gestalt and
other experiential therapies.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
12. "I have no
problem with
emotionally
charged
sessions.
In fact, I like
them."
"They’re often just what the client needs. But closing
in the middle of working with an emotionally
charged issue that is far from complete can be a
challenge. It depends on the situation entirely, but
here is one way I might handle this. First, I would try
to be aware of the time so that we have a little space
for closure, which in this case would not mean tying
everything up neatly, but acknowledging that we’re
working with an important issue that will need to be
continued at the next session or sessions. If I’m
doing empty chair work and the dialogue is between
parts of the self or the child-self and the internalized
parent or adult self, I might have one part say to the
other something like: “I know we’re not done, and I’ll
be back to continue this with you next week.” If the
client often works on dreams, I might suggest paying
attention to dreams over the next week."
13. "THEN, I would give the client a few minutes to ground (feet on the ground, seat
in the chair, and breathe) and get ready to meet the world outside. I
would not express doubt or alarm since I usually feel confident that the
client can handle and move forward with her own process. If the client is
really charged, I might invite her to sit in my waiting area until they’re
ready to drive or otherwise go out and meet the world. I would spend a
bit of extra time if the client appears dissociated, having her notice
objects in the room and work on grounding and coming back into the
present. I would not allow the session to go over the allotted time more
than five minutes since this shows lack of confidence in the client, which
the client may then internalize and become afraid of their ability to work
with their own deep issues and feelings.”
14. BETTY CANNON
More information on
Betty Cannon, Ph.D., is the president of the
Boulder Psychotherapy Institute. BPI trains
therapists in Applied Existential
Psychotherapy (AEP). Betty is its founder.
She holds doctorates in both literature and
psychology. She is Professor Emerita at the
Colorado School of Mines and Adjunct
Professor at Naropa University and Regis
University. She is the author of many
articles and book chapters on existential
therapy. Her book, Sartre and
Psychoanalysis, is considered a classic in
existential psychology. She has worked with
individuals, couples, and groups in Boulder
for over 30 years and trained therapists for
over 20 years.
16. “This is actually an important question. Ideally,
processing emotionally charged material should be
agreed upon between client and therapist prior to
beginning the conversation. In this way, the therapist
can do several things to decrease the likelihood of client
dysregulation or flooding. Keeping one eye on the time is
imperative. The first 5-10 minutes of the session should
be used to remind the client of internal and external
resources for grounding, self-soothing, and safety. This
can include mindful breathing, using aromatherapy, a
“safe place” image, an agreed upon object for grounding
such as a pillow, or a smooth stone.
17. Lisa Ferentz is a
recognized expert in the
strengths-based,
depathologized treatment
of trauma and has been
in private practice for 32
years. She presents
workshops and keynote
addresses nationally and
internationally, and is a
clinical consultant to
practitioners and mental
health agencies in the
United States, Canada,
and the UK.
"The actual exploration of emotionally
charged material should be time-limited as
well, leaving anywhere from 5-15 minutes at
the end of the session to integrate the
aforementioned strategies so any effect can
be contained. I also believe that the
therapist should invoke pacing throughout
the emotional work: toggling back and forth
between activation and self-soothing. This
approach prevents the work from becoming
a “runaway train,” and helps the client to be
“forward,” and stabilized at the end of the
session. If a client attempts to bring up an
emotionally charged subject at the end of a
session, I thank them for the courage it
takes to want to go there, explain why it
would be too de-stabilizing to open that
door with 10 minutes left in the session, and
then use that time to prepare them for our
next meeting when we could safely begin to
explore their issue.”
18. EricGentry,Ph.D.
Arizona Trauma Institute, Vice-President
www.compassionunlimited.com
Eric Gentry’s work is rooted in the belief that we
all have the innate drive urging us toward our
health and maturation. Because of difficult
experiences from our past and present, he
believes that this drive becomes thwarted and
we become stuck in our problems, negativity,
and symptoms. His work is about helping
individuals confront these obstructions, navigate
successfully through them, and realign with their
natural maturational processes. He has a wide
range of both experience and training in a
variety of psychotherapy styles and techniques.
He has actually created a process for session
closure and trauma containment.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
19. “WHEN A CLIENT IS EITHER
OVERWHELMED BY A TRAUMA
MEMORY OR HAS ACCESSED
SOME DIFFICULT MATERIAL IN
THE LAST 1/3 OF A SESSION YOU
CAN USE THIS TECHNIQUE TO
CONTAIN THE TRAUMATIC
MATERIAL OR SAFELY BRING A
SESSION TO A CLOSE."
20. (FOR SESSION CLOSURE) Give client paper and colored markers…
ask them to draw what it feels like inside
right now. 2 minutes only.
Give client paper and colored markers…
ask them to draw what it feels like inside
right now. 2 minutes only.
After two minutes say: STOP. Put your
marker down and look at me.
While the client has been drawing, retrieve
a 9 x 12” envelope. Ask the client to place
their drawing in the envelope. Next, hand
the client a stapler and tell them: Put as
many staples in the top of this envelope
as you need to make certain that this
drawing stays in here. Allow the client to
staple as many times as they wish.
(FOR TRAUMATIC
CONTAINMENT)
Eric Gentry is a board certified expert in
traumatic stress. He is the current vice-
president at the Arizona Trauma
Institute. He is slow to view problematic
behaviors and beliefs as pathological
and, instead, helps individuals identify
the utility of these “problems” so that
they can adopt more healthy and useful
behaviors and beliefs.
21. StanleyE.Hibbs,Ph.D.
Psychologist | Life Coach
www.drhibbs.com
Dr. Stanley Hibbs’ specialties are
anxiety treatment, productivity
coaching, wellness coaching, and
marriage counseling. Even with
the variety of specialties, Dr.
Hibbs has a simple prescription
for closing a session: it’s his job
to watch the time, not the client,
and he will let them know when
that time is approaching.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
22. “During my first session, I tell my clients that they may
sometimes notice my glancing at the clock. I don’t do this
because I’m bored or eager to end the session. I do it
because it’s my responsibility to keep track of the time to
make sure we cover everything we wanted to in the time
allotted. It’s my job to worry about the time; not theirs.
Clients usually appreciate this, so I rarely have a problem
with ending sessions on time.”
Stanley Hibbs is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified life coach,
seminar leader, and published author who has helped thousands
of individuals and couples over his 30 + year career. His books
include Consider It Done!: Ten Prescriptions for Finishing What You
Start, Anxiety Gone: The Three C’s of Anxiety Recovery, and Anxiety
– Treatment Techniques That Really Work: A Practical Guide for
Therapists. He says, “Perhaps the highlight of my career was
traveling the country leading my seminar “Anxiety: Treatments That
Really Work” for thousands of mental health professionals.”
23. DR. HARRIET LERNER
Psychologist | Author
www.harrietlerner.com
Dr. Harriet Lerner is best known for
her scholarly work on the psychology
of women and family relationships.
She has many best-selling books on
anger, intimacy, marriage, connection,
deception, and more. Feminism and
family systems theory are the central
themes of her work. Dr. Lerner’s
private practice is the heart of her
work, but she also tours nationally to
speak and consult.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
24. "although a therapist
may be tempted to be
apologetic about
ending an emotionally
charged session on
time the people we work with are ultimately assured when
we can maintain time boundaries and end sessions in a
calm, confident, and professional manner.
One can say warmly, “Our time is up. We’re in the
middle of something important and I look forward to
continuing this conversation when we meet again.”
25. Harriet Lerner is a clinical
psychologist and a contributor
to feminist theory and therapy.
From 1972 to 2001 she was a
staff psychologist at the
Menninger Clinic in Topeka,
Kansas and a faculty member
and supervisor in the Karl
Menninger School of Psychiatry.
During this time she published
extensively on the psychology of
women and family relationships,
revising traditional
psychoanalytic concepts to
reflect feminist and family
systems perspectives.
"Obviously, as when a
patient is suicidal or in
unmanageable distress,
more is required. No
position should be rigidly
held. But, as a general rule,
it’s important to keep to the
time limits and relate to the
client’s competence to
manage the strong
emotions that a session
may evoke.”
DR. HARRIET LERNER
More information on
26. LynnLyons,LICSW
www.lynnlyonsnh.com
Lynn Lyons focuses on anxiety
disorders in adults and children in
practice. She has written several
books on the subject and identifies
the role of anxiety in families and
the need for a preventive approach,
both at home and at school.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
27. "I am a big proponent of homework assignments between appointments and of
working toward goals."When a session is emotionally difficult, I want to connect
what we did in the session to how and what the client will work on between
sessions. I have a stack of index cards in my office and I routinely write things
down and hand the cards to clients. About 10 minutes before the session comes
to a close (I do 60 minute, 90 minute, or 2 hour sessions), I reach for an index
card, and say something like, “Let’s write down what we’re working on.”
“It’s normal for me to feel
uncomfortable as I step
into new situations,”
“Just because I think it, it
doesn’t make it so,”
“Every time my heart pounds, I will
remember what we talked about
and keep moving.”
“WhenIaminsituation
X,Iwillchangemy
patternbydoingY.”
Maybe it’s a
mantra, like: or
or
Sometimes I
write down the
homework to be
worked on
between
sessions:
"This helps both end the session, makes a connection between sessions, and helps my
clients move concretely toward their goals in therapy."
28. LYNN LYONS
More information on
Lynn Lyons is a licensed clinical social worker
and psychotherapist in Concord, New
Hampshire. She has been in private practice
for 28 years and specializes in the treatment
of anxiety disorders in adults and children.
She travels globally as a speaker and trainer.
With a special interest in breaking the
generational cycle of worry in families, she is
the co-author of two books on anxiety:
Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to
Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous &
Independent Children, and the companion
book for kids, Playing with Anxiety: Casey’s
Guide for Teens and Kids. Lyons’ latest book,
Using Hypnosis with Children: Creating and
Delivering Effective Interventions is a how-to
guide for helping professionals looking to
incorporate hypnotic strategies for the
treatment of depression, anxiety, medical
procedures, pain, and sleep.
29. TAMMY NELSON, PH.D.
Psychotherapist | Author
www.drtammynelson.com
Tammy Nelson is a
well-known sex and
relationship expert. She
manages a balance between
physical and emotional
obstacles and growth when
digging through years of
unhelpful patterns and
helps her clients find love,
healing, and passion.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
30. "It can be challenging to process intense feelings in the
treatment room, opening up delicate memories, and pent
up resentments. At the end of a session, when the clock
reaches a few moments before the next couple will arrive,
the clients need to be wrapped up enough to not only go
back out into the world, but to go back into their world
together. Many times they are in the same car, they have to
drive home, resume their lives, pick up where they left off."
"MANY TIMES I SEE COUPLES IN
SESSIONS WHERE THE EMOTIONS RUN
HIGH, AND AN HOUR OR TWO IS NOT
ENOUGH TO PROCESS YEARS OF
RELATIONSHIP STRESS."
31. Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., is a sex and
relationship expert, an international
speaker, an author and a licensed
psychotherapist with almost 30 years of
experience working with individuals
and couples. In private practice she
focuses on helping people of all ages,
orientations and genders find love,
healing and passion. Tammy is a Board
Certified Sexologist, an AASECT
Certified Sex Therapist, a Licensed
Professional Counselor, a Certified
Imago Relationship therapist, and a
Licensed Alcohol and Drug Abuse
Counselor. She is the author of The
New Monogamy; Redefining Your
Relationship After Infidelity and Getting
the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions
and Reach New Heights of Passion
Together as well as What’s Eating You: A
Workbook for Teens with Anorexia,
Bulimia, and other Eating Disorders.
They review what they have learned, and
then share with their partner something
they will take into their week. And then I
close with one thing they appreciated about
their partner in the session. Usually, they
can find at least one thing they appreciated,
even if it is as simple as,
Most couples look forward to this ritual and
find it is helpful in many areas of their life
outside of the therapy. I remind them to be
“light and polite” on the ride home and not
to over process everything that happened in
our time together.”
“Thankyou
forshowinguptoday.”
32. ElanaRosenbaum
Psychotherapist | Author
Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of
Massachusetts Medical School, Adunct Faculty
www.mindfuliving.com
Elena Rosenbaum’s love is practicing and
teaching mindful living through meditation and
focus. Due to her personal experience, she finds
fulfillment in working with cancer patients.
Mindfulness as a practice is described as “Paying
attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the
present moment, and nonjudgmentally” and
“Bringing one’s complete attention to the present
experience on a moment-to-moment basis.”
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
33. “WE’VEGOTTOSTOPNOW,”
in a calm tone and I physically
begin moving up from my chair
and will walk toward the door
and open it. My client follows my
example and I tell them we’ll take
up where we left off next time.”
“My approach is simple. I say,
34. ELANA ROSENBAUM
More information on
Elana Rosenbaum, MS, LICSW, is a leader in the
clinical application of mindfulness meditation to
cancer care. She has authored Here for Now: Living
Well with Cancer through Mindfulness and Being
Well (even when you’re sick). In 1995 she was
diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and
subsequently underwent stem-cell transplantation.
Her ability to thrive and embody mindfulness in the
face of adversity led to the development of a
mindfulness-based intervention for bone marrow
transplant patients at the University of
Massachusetts Medical Center, Emery University
and Dana Farber Cancer Institute. She is adjunct
faculty at the renowned Stress Reduction Clinic at
the University of Massachusetts Medical School
where she worked directly with Jon Kabat-Zinn as
one of the founding teachers. She’s been teaching
and educating patients and healthcare
professionals in mindfulness, including leading
cancer centers, for over 25 years. Elana has a
private practice in psychotherapy in Worcester,
Massachusetts and is a sought after teacher,
speaker, workshop leader and research consultant.
35. RichardSchwartz,Ph.D.
Internal Family Systems, Founder
American Association of Marital
and Family Therapists, Fellow
www.selfleadership.org
Dr. Richard Schwartz founded Internal Family Systems (IFS),
a model that combines systems thinking and multiplicity of
the mind to address client descriptions of various
parts–many extreme–they experience within themselves.
When these parts feel safe and clients concerns are
addressed, they are less disruptive and more likely to
accede to the wise leadership of what Dr. Schwartz came
to call the “Self.” In developing IFS, he recognized that, as in systemic family theory, parts take on
characteristic roles that help define the inner world of the client. The coordinating Self, which
embodies qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion, acts as a center around which the
various parts revolve. Because IFS locates the source of healing within the client, the therapist is
freed to focus on guiding the client’s access to his or her true Self and supporting the client in
harnessing its wisdom.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
36. Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D., is on the faculty of the Family Institute at
Northwestern University. He is the coeditor of the Handbook of Family
Therapy Training and Supervision, the coauthor of three books, and
author of over 40 articles on a variety of topics in psychotherapy. He
serves on the editorial boards of five professional journals and is a fellow
of the American Association of Marital and Family Therapists.
we can have the client
tell the part that is so
emotional that we have
to stop but will pick up
with it in the next session
right where we left off.
So, if it could separate
now a little, then we can
finish helping it next
time. This usually works
well, but it means the
therapist must remember
to bring it up next time.”
“InInternalFamily
Systems(IFS),
37. RonaldSiegel,Psy.D.
Assistant Professor of Psychology,
Harvard Medical School
www.mindfulness-solution.com
Dr. Ronald Siegel is a teacher,
speaker, author, and practitioner of
mindfulness, psychotherapy, and
mind-body treatment. Dr. Siegel’s
approach to mindfulness provides
step-by-step action plans to help
clients become more focused and
efficient in daily life.
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
38. “This is very challenging for seasoned clinicians as well
as beginners, since we need to strike a balance
between holding the therapeutic framework and
being a decent, caring human being. If we see this
coming (it’s 10 minutes before the end of a session
and a person is working with difficult material), it’s
usually best to say something in advance indicating
that you want to help them think through what they
need right now, given the end of the session coming
soon. That can help your client or patient be a
collaborator in managing your time together.”
39. RONALD D. SIEGEL
More information on
Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD, is Assistant Professor of
Psychology, part time at Harvard Medical School,
where he has taught for over 30 years. He is a
long-time student of mindfulness meditation and
serves on the board of directors and faculty of the
Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy. Dr. Siegel
teaches internationally about mindfulness and
psychotherapy and mind–body treatment. He has
worked for many years in community mental health
with inner-city children and families, and maintains a
private practice in Lincoln, Massachusetts. He is the
coauthor of Back Sense: A Revolutionary Approach to
Halting the Cycle of Chronic Back Pain, which
integrates Western and Eastern approaches for
treating chronic back pain. He was also coeditor of
the acclaimed book for professionals, Mindfulness
and Psychotherapy and Wisdom and Compassion in
Psychotherapy: Deepening Mindfulness in Clinical
Practice, and coauthor of the new professional text,
Sitting Together: Essential Skills for Mindfulness-
based Psychotherapy.
40. JIM THOMAS, LMFT
HowtoEndaChallengingSessionSmoothly
The Colorado Center for Emotionally
Focused Therapy, Director
Denver Children’s Home, Director
Emeritus
Psychologist | Life Coach
www.coloradoeft.com
Jim Thomas is an active life coach, trainer
and psychology therapist. His specialty is
emotionally focused therapy (EFT). EFT is a
structured approach to couples therapy
formulated in the 1980s and has been
developed to expand understanding of
the dynamics in couple relationships.
41. ?
“When I see the time winding down on the
clock as a couple is winding up or remains
wound tight, I know it is time for me to
breathe. Taking a few deep breaths, my heart
opens up. Look to the couple and what
brought them to the session, to this work."
What positive intent drives this behavior
and the underlying emotion?
?
How can this highly emotional reactive
process be seen in a meaningful,
positive light?
As a fellow therapist taught me, how does
this reflect the intensity of their bond?
?
ASK
42. ‘I see how upset and troubled you both are. The train
picked up speed today and you might leave here feeling
frustrated, lost or hopeless. Yet, there is something
important about all this. I see how much you care, how
important this is to you both, wanting to be heard and to
change things. How might we all take a moment to slow
down and reconnect before you leave today?'”
"Then find a way to
reflect this back to
them, meeting them
where they are."
43. JIM THOMAS
More information on
Jim Thomas is a licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist, EFT Therapist, Clinical
Fellow and an AAMFT Approved
Supervisor as well as an ICEEFT EFT
Supervisor. His work focuses on helping
people to be more fully aware and
engaged in their lives. He accentuates
their wholeness and strengths while
dealing with real issues. He says, “When
people connect more deeply with
themselves, they can step beyond self-
imposed limitations.” Jim is now a
Director Emeritus of the Denver
Children’s Home. After stepping down as
Director of DFI, Jim became the Director
of the Colorado Center for Emotionally
Focused Therapy. He is active as an EFT
Therapist, Trainer and Supervisor. He
also enjoys providing life coaching and
positive psychology therapy support to
individuals in his private practice.
44. THERE
YOU
HAVE
IT!
13 secrets to closing a
challenging therapy
session based on
personal and
professional
experience of expert
therapists.
Here are some
important points to
remember:
45. Closing sessions on time is an
issue even for seasoned clinicians.
With practice, however, it is
possible to close challenging
sessions compassionately and
respectfully.
Although your client may be
activated, if you relate to their
strengths, they will go forth with
more confidence
Be cognizant of any serious issues
that may come up toward the end
of a session. If a client is suicidal,
you must follow normal
procedure.
Utilize your modality in composing your
closing; for example: an EFT therapist
may address the client using a heartfelt
expression to end the session; a
schema therapist may acknowledge
discoveries and activated emotions
while reminding the client to breathe,
feel their feet on the floor, and stay
calm; an IFS the therapist might
reference the parts within their client
and let them know that we will be back
to continue next time. The idea is to
relate to your client in the same manner
as you approach counseling.
#1
#3
#2
#4
Pointstoremember
46. WHAT DID YOU FIND
MOST HELPFUL?We want to thank all of the experts that contributed their
wisdom to this post. And all other therapists, please let us
know in the comments below what you found most helpful for
how to end a challenging session smoothly and on time.
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