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Osher Lifelong Learning Institute
October 14, 2015
Cindy Petitt
Bridging the
Great Gender
Divide

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Agenda
Is There Really a Difference . . . Due Diligence
So What?!
What Are the Differences
You Tell Me
What the “Experts” Say
Implications and What To Do
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3.
Same or Different?
We are more alike than different
One small difference can have a big impact
Context Matters
The Big Debate – Nature vs Nurture
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INTERPRETING
DIFFERENCES
Many Men and Women are Similar Many Men and Women are Quite Different
Averages are different
Numberofpeople
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5.
So What
• It’s Fun To Talk About it
• Awareness Opens the Door to Understanding
• It is the Basis of Conscious and Unconscious Bias
• It Leads to Lots of Misunderstanding and Frustration
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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part I
What Are The Differences?
• How are men and women different? Two boxes:
• What does it mean to: “Act like a man?”
• What does it mean to: “Act like a woman?”
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What Are The Differences?
Act like a Woman Box Act Like a Man Box
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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part II
What Are The Differences?
• How do you feel most misunderstood by other group?
• What are most significant challenges of being in your group?
• What do you find most challenging about other group?
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Differences –
What Do The Experts Say?
 More than 100 differences in brains of men and women – where blood flows,
structure, neural networks, hormones
 Men have:
• Larger amygdala
• Smaller hippocampus
•More complex spatial centers
•More gray matter
 Women have:
•Larger Hippocampus
•More pre-frontal cortex brain cells
•Larger language centers in both hemispheres and 40% more connections to emotional centers
•More white matter
 Many differences stem from pre-historic gender roles
 Scientific evidence of differences is substantial
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Women Men
Brain Centers Verbal, Memory, Life Experiences –Focus on words emotions,
observations – constantly reassessing, personalizing
Let’s Talk – I want to know how you feel
Spatial
Focus on objects and actions – don’t remember, don’t pick up signals
Let’s Not – I want to go for a run
Information
Processing
Across Brain Centers
Multi-task
Explore all possibilities, context, implications
See patterns and connect dots
Store memory in more parts of brain
Within One Center
One task at a time – Focused Action
Isolate situations to problem-solve
Keep conversations on point
Isolate key points-focus on most important
Chemistry Oxytocin, Serotonin, Prolactin
Calming, Bonding, Stimulating Tear Glands
Accept Blame
Testosterone
Aggression, Territorial, Competitive
Deflect Blame
Rest States Never – 30% more blood flow in woman’s brains
Overwhelmed
Often
Zoned Out
Brain Differences Create Gender Differences
Differences
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“You’re Not Listening” – It’s Not Personal
The Brain at Rest*
Female Brain Male Brain
 Women Talk with Long Preambles and
Closings
 Men Have a Word Limit Threshold Before
Brain Shuts Down
Speech Patterns
Preamble Content Closing
Females _______________I________I_______________
Males __I_________I___
Advice for Women: To Be Heard, Be Concise
Advice for Men: To Hear, Stay Awake
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Women Men
Words Use more words
• Feel disrespected when the listener is not paying attention
• May talk more to regain attention
• Too many words may feel like micromanagement
Use fewer words.
• Feel disrespected when a person is wordy
• When their word limit(for listening) is reached they will interrupt, be
distracted, zone out or become irritable.
• Information shared is often vague
Criticism Criticize themselves
• To bond by minimizing differences and making another person
feel better about their mistakes
Criticize others
• To deflect negative feelings and establish status as a
form of competition
Action Drivers Are process oriented
• Slow down to think through actions
• Focus on the how
• Self esteem tied to relationships,
doing it all-perfectly.
Are goal oriented
• Rush to complete task
• Focus on the what
• Self-esteem tied to status, strength, quality
Accomplishments Ask questions about accomplishments of
others to provide support
Talk about their own accomplishments
• To position themselves competitively
Expression of
Emotions
Are typically most emotional about family and relationships Are typically most emotional about sports or other competitive
activity
Impact of Stress Are shut down. Stress stymies them
and blocks learning.
“Tend and Befriend”
Are revved up. Stress stimulates them and
enhances their learning.
“Fight and flight”
Negotiations Use a more relationship and deliberate approach
Persuade with emotional appeal (e.g., guilt)
Use a more aggressive and abrupt approach
Persuade with data
Differences
Bonding-Competition Differences Play Out in Many Ways
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Body Language, Voice Differences and Communication Style
Can Affect Confidence
Women Men
Nod means she is listening Nod means he agrees
Condense space – elbows to side and legs
tightly crossed.
Expand space – stretch out arms and legs
Sound more emotional because they use five
tones when speaking – so there is more voice
variation. Women talk faster, peak more softly
and hear better than men.
Sound more commanding and confident because use
only 3 tones, and have deeper and louder voice. Men
talk assertively. They are more successful in taking
and maintaining the flour.
Communication style reflects focus more on
relationship than clarity and task.
Communication style reflects focus more on clarity
and task than relationship
Body language is likely to emphasize
enthusiasm and inclusion
Body language is likely to emphasize composure and
stature. They use more commanding gestures and
hold their heads straight.
Faces are expressive and they establish eye
contact and tilt their heads to show interest.
Minimize facial expressions
Differences
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How it is defined . . .
Differences In How
Love is Experienced
Saying “I Love You”
Women
MenWomen = Attachment
Men = Lust and Infatuation
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Differences - EYES
MENWOMEN
I don’t see any
clutter . . .I didn’t even see
that garage door . . .
Different proportion of whites
Better peripheral
Vision, easier to
connect and see what is
going on around you
Better tunnel vision,
easier to see straight
ahead and at long
distance
Vision illustration from Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps by Allan & Barbara Pease
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Now that you know, what will
you do differently?
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Comments, Questions?
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If you think of something later, feel free to ask: cpetitt@mac.com