Take your time replying to customer queries, set unrealistic service level agreements, and hire grumpy representatives who don't have authority to make decisions or fix problems. Blame customers, don't listen to their needs, and focus on selling rather than solving their issues. Only support top tier customers and make contacting support as difficult as possible through complex IVRs and buried contact details.

1. HOW TO LOSE A CUSTOMER IN
10 MINUTES
Take your time replying to that customer’s support
query. After all, their life doesn’t depend on a size M
black shirt.
Set up service level agreements (SLAs) which outline
when the customer can expect a reply.Take time to respond
Let your customers know that the world is not
sunshine and puppies. Your support team’s allowed
to be whoever they want to be - even if it’s Scrooge.
Hire people that are naturally cheerful and train your
team members to be empathetic to customers.Sound grumpy
Require support representatives to get permission
for every single decision, like giving small discounts
to unhappy customers.
Set a budget and empower agents to do what is
necessary to make customers happy.
Don’t give agents
authority
Make sure the customer knows that it’s his fault that
he didn’t read the fine print on page 550 of the
manual. Now, nothing can be done as everything is
set in stone.
Train agents to fix the problem and not play the
blame game.
Blame the customer
Follow the traditional approach of sizing up agents
based on how long they spend on the phone with
customers. The shorter the call, the better the rating.
Reward agents when they go the extra mile to
resolve a customer’s problem.
Don’t listen
Ask the customer the same set of questions every
time they come to you with a problem.
Provide agents with access to relevant context
information about the customer including details of
previous interactions.No customer history
Customers voluntarily talk to you on the phone only
when they call support. So, pounce on the
opportunity and sell an upgrade, spare part or just
about anything!
Focus on solving the problem. A job well done will
help customers trust your brand.
Sell rather than support
Why waste time on the little customers who pay you
peanuts? Your top-tier customers will appreciate the
service more.
Support all your customers. They should not be
restricted by their plan to receive answers to their
questions.
Support only top tiered
plans
Build an IVR so complex that people need GPS to
navigate it. “Press 99 to get in touch with a sales rep, 100
to listen to their favorite song…”
Connect the call directly to a support agent or limit
the levels of IVRs to quickly route the call to the right
person or team.
Set Many levels of IVR
Be hard to contact
Bury your support number so deep within your
website that finding the Holy Grail is easier than
getting in touch with you.
Clearly display contact details in all your channels