2. Traditional courtship in the
Philippines is described as a “far more subdued
and indirect approach” compared
to Western or Westernized cultures. It involves
“phases” or “stages” inherent to Philippine society
and culture. Evident in courtship in the Philippines is
the practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting
poems, writing letters, and gift-giving. This respect
extends to the Filipina's family members. The proper
rules and standards in traditional Filipino courtship
are set by Philippine society.
3. Often, a Filipino male suitor expresses his
interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly
manner in order to avoid being perceived as very
"presumptuous or aggressive" or arrogant. Although
having a series of friendly dates is the normal
starting point in the Filipino way of courting, this may
also begin through the process of "teasing", a
process of "pairing off" a potential teenage or adult
couple.
4. Furthermore, this "testing phase"
also helps a man who could be "torpe".
However, this type of admirer could
overcome his shyness and naivety by asking for the
help of a "tulay", typically a mutual friend of both the
suitor and the admired, or a close friend of both
families. The "human bridge" acts as the suitor's
communicator. Through this "human-bridge", the
bachelor can also ask permission to visit the woman
at home from the bachelorette's father. As a norm,
the couple will not be left alone with each other
during this first home visit, because formal
introductions to family members are done, which
may be performed by the "tulay". Informal
conversation also takes place.
5. During this preliminary evaluation period, the
Filipino woman will either deny her feelings and avoids
her admirer. The suitor stops the courtship if he is quite
sure that the woman does not reciprocate. But once the
female encourages the suitor to continue, the "teasing
stage" comes to a close and a "serious stage" of
Philippine courtship begins. It is within this stage where
the couple engages in a series of group
dates, chaperoned dates, or private dates. The couple
later on decides to come out into the open and reveals
the status of their relationship to family members,
relatives, and friends.
6. During the courtship process, a traditional Filipina is
expected to play "hard to get". This behavior serves
as a tool in measuring the admirer's sincerity and
seriousness. The woman can also have as many suitors,
from which she could choose the man that she finally
would want to date. Dating couples are expected to be
conservative and not perform public displays of affection
for each other. Traditionally, some courtship may last a
number of years before the Filipino woman accepts her
suitor as a boyfriend. Conservativeness, together with
repressing emotions and affection, was inherited by the
Filipino woman from the colonial period under the
Spaniards, a characteristic referred to as the Maria
Clara attitude.
7. After the girlfriend-boyfriend stage,
engagement, and marriage follows. With regards to the
engagement and pre-marriage stages, Filipino tradition
dictates that the man and his parents perform
the pamamanhikan or pamanhikan. This is where and
when the man and his parent's formally ask the lady's
hand and blessings from her parents in order to marry.
This is when the formal introduction of the man's parents
and woman's parents happens. Apart from presents, the
Cebuano version of the pamamanhikan includes bringing
in musicians. After setting the date of the wedding and
the dowry,the couple is considered officially engaged.
The dowry, as a norm in the Philippines, is provided by
the groom’s family. For the Filipino people, marriage is a
union of two families, not just of two persons. Therefore,
marrying well "enhances the good name" of both families.
9. Luzon
In the island of Luzon, the Ilocanos also perform serenading,
known to them as tapat (literally, "to be in front of" the home of
the courted woman), which is similar to the harana and also to
the balagtasan of the Tagalogs. The suitor begins singing a
romantic song, then the courted lady responds by singing
too. In reality, Harana is a musical exchange of messages
which can be about waiting or loving or just saying no. The
suitor initiates, the lady responds. As the Pamamaalam stage
sets in, the suitor sings one last song and the haranistas
disappear in the night.
Rooster courtship is also another form of courting in Luzon. In
this type of courtship, the rooster is assigned that task of being
a "middleman", a "negotiator", or a "go-between", wherein the
male chicken is left to stay in the home of the courted to crow
every single morning for the admired lady's family.
10. In the province of Bulacan in Central Luzon, the Bulaqueños have a kind of
courtship known as the naninilong (from the Tagalog word silong or "basement").
At midnight, the suitor goes beneath the nipa hut, a house that is elevated
by bamboo poles, then prickles the admired woman by using a pointed object.
Once the prickling caught the attention of the sleeping lady, the couple would be
conversing in whispers.
The Ifugao of northern Luzon practices a courtship called ca-i-sing (this practice is
known as the ebgan to the Kalinga tribes and as pangis to the Tingguian tribes),
wherein males and females are separated into "houses". The house for the Filipino
males is called the Ato, while the house for Filipino females is known as
the olog or agamang. The males visit the females in the olog – the "bethrotal
house" – to sing romantic songs. The females reply to these songs also through
singing. The ongoing courtship ritual is overseen by a married elder or a childless
widow who keeps the parents of the participating males and females well informed
of the progress of the courtship process.
After the courtship process, the Batangueños of Batangas has a peculiar tradition
performed on the eve of the wedding. A procession, composed of the groom’s
mother, father, relatives, godfathers, godmothers, bridesmaids, and groomsmen,
occurs. Their purpose is to bring the cooking ingredients for the celebration to the
bride’s home, where refreshments await them.
11. Pangasinan region
In Pangasinan, the Pangasinenses utilizes the taga-amo, which literally means
"tamer", a form of love potions or charms which can be rubbed to the skin of the
admired. It can also be in the form of drinkable potions. The suitor may also resort
to the use of palabas, meaning show or drama, wherein the Filipino woman
succumbs to revealing her love to her suitor, who at one time will pretend or act as
if he will be committing suicide if the lady does not divulge her true feelings.
Apayao region
The Apayaos allow the practice of sleeping together during the night. This is known
as liberal courtship or mahal-alay in the vernacular. This form of courting assists in
assessing the woman’s feeling for her lover.
Palawan region
In Palawan, the Palaweños or Palawanons perform courtship through the use of
love riddles. This is known as the pasaguli. The purpose of the love riddles is to
assess the sentiments of the parents of both suitor and admirer. After this "riddle
courtship", the discussion proceeds to the pabalic (can also be spelled as pabalik),
to settle the price or form of the dowry that will be received by the courted woman
from the courting man.
12. Visayas Region
When courting, the Cebuanos also resort to serenading, which
is known locally as balak. They also write love letters that are
sent via a trusted friend or a relative of the courted woman.
Presents are not only given to the woman being courted, but
also to her relatives. Similar to the practice in the Pangasinan
region, as mentioned above, the Cebuanos also use love
potions to win the affection of the Filipino woman.
People from Leyte performs the pangagad or paninilbihan or
"servitude", instead of paying a form of dowry during the
courtship period. In this form of courting, the Filipino suitor
accomplishes household and farm chores for the family of the
Filipino woman. The service normally lasts for approximately a
year before the man and woman can get married.The Tagalogs
of Luzon also refers to this courtship custom
as paninilbihan meaning "being of service", but is also referred
to as subok meaning a trial or test period for the serving suitor.
The Bicolanos of Luzon's Bicol region, call this custom as
the pamianan.
13. Mindanao Region
Reckless courtship, known in the vernacular as palabas, sarakahan tupul,
or magpasumbahi, is practiced by the Tausog people of Mindanao. Similar
to the palabas version practiced in Luzon island, a suitor would threaten
to stab his heart while in front of the courted woman’s father. If the father
of the woman refuses to give her daughter’s hand to the suitor, the suitor
is smitten by a knife.
The Bagobos, on the other hand, sends a knife or a spear as a gift to the
home of the courted woman for inspection. Accepting the weapon is
equivalent to accepting the Filipino man’s romantic intention and
advances.
Pre-arranged marriages and betrothals are common to Filipino Muslims.
These formal engagements are arranged by the parents of men and the
women. This also involves discussions regarding the price and the form of
the dowry. The Tausog people proclaims that a wedding, a celebration or
announcement known as the pangalay, will occur by playing percussive
musical instruments such as the gabbang, the kulintang, and the agong.
The wedding is officiated by an Imam. Readings from the Quran is a part
of the ceremony, as well as the placement of the groom's fingerprint over
the bride's forehead.
14. 19-century Hispanic Century
During the 19th century in Spanish Philippines, there
was a set of body language expressed by courted women to
communicate with their suitors. These are non-verbal cues
which Ambeth Ocampo referred to as "fan language". These
are called as such because the woman conveys her
messages through silent movements that involve a hand-
held fan.
15. Modern-day Influences
Through the liberalism of modern-day Filipinos, there have been
modifications of courtship that are milder than that in the West. Present-
day Filipino courtship, as in the traditional form, also starts with the
"teasing stage" conducted by friends. Introductions and meetings between
prospective couples are now done through a common friend or whilst
attending a party. Modern technology has also become a part of present-
day courting practices. Romantic conversations between both parties are
now through cellular phones – particularly through texting messages –
and the internet.
16. Parents, however, still prefer that their daughters be formally courted
within the confines of the home, done out of respect to the father and mother
of the single woman. Although a present-day Filipina is wont to encourage a
man to court her or even initiate the relationship, it is still traditionally
"inappropriate" for a suitor to introduce himself to an admired woman, or
vice-versa, while on the street. Servitude and serenading are no longer
common, but avoidance of pre-marital sex is still valued.
17. Other than the so-called modern Filipino courtship
through texting and social media, there's another modern
style that's not widely discussed in public discourse: it's
methods from the pickup artist (PUA) community as
described by Neil Strauss in his book The Game:
Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. There are a
few companies such X Arts and Beyond Pickup that offer
dating advice and coaching based on these teachings.
However, it remains to be seen whether these methods will
reach a critical mass and penetrate the consciousness of
many Filipinos since these methods flout the traditional and
religious values of many Filipinos.
