1. University of La Verne
Counseling Center
Brenda Bryan, Ian Carpenter & Rick Rogers
January 20, 2009

2. EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL
 Sadness
 Sorrow
 Pain
 Anger
 Guilt/self-reproach
 Anxiety
 Loneliness
 Shock
 Yearning
 Emancipation
 Relief
 Numbness
 Emptiness
 Hollowness in stomach
 Tightness in chest
 Tightness in throat
 Dry mouth
 Oversensitivity to noise
 Depersonalization
 Breathlessness
 Weakness in muscles
 Fatigue/lack of energy

3. COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL
 Disbelief
 Confusion
 Preoccupation
 Sense of presence
 Hallucinations
 Thoughts of own death
 Sleep disturbance
 Change in appetite
 Absent-minded behavior
 Social withdrawal
 Dreams of deceased
 Avoiding reminders of deceased
 Searching & calling out
 Crying
 Sighing
 Restless over-activity
 Visiting places or carrying
objects that remind you of
deceased
 Treasuring objects that belonged
to deceased

4.  Denial and Isolation
 Anger
 Bargaining
 Depression
 Acceptance

5. 1. To accept the reality of the loss
2. To experience the pain or emotional aspects of the
loss
3. To adjust to an environment in which the
deceased is missing.
4. A. To make a healthy emotional withdrawal from
the deceased and to feel comfortable reinvesting
that emotion in another relationship
B. To relocate the deceased within one’s
life and find ways to memorialize the person

6. Death
•Natural
•Accidental
•Suicidal
•Homicidal
•Premature
Traumas
•From natural disasters
•e.g., Hurricanes, floods, fires
•From person created disasters
•e.g., sexual assault or rape,
murder
Endings
•Divorces
•End of relationship
•Loss of job
•Loss or residence
Transitions
•Moves
•Graduation
•Promotion

8. WHAT TO DO WHAT NOT TO DO

9. WHAT TO DO WHAT NOT TO DO

10. Anticipate your fears
Prepare how you want to cope
Remember to take care of your physical health
How will you attend to your emotional
wellbeing?

11.  Anticipate in advance what your fears consist
of about surviving an anniversary & the
holidays without the deceased.

12.  Prepare in advance how you want to cope with
the anniversary & spend the holiday
 Who will you want to be with? Will you want to
talk with this person(s) about your grieving feelings?
And if so how willing are they to listen?
 Will you want to go to the grave site on or around
the anniversary?
 Will you want some private time to reflect about
your loved one not being there with you & if so plan
for such time?

13.  Journal or write a letter to your deceased loved
one
 letting them know what you are feeling & thinking
as you go through this anniversary or holiday
without him/her.

14.  Remember to take care of your physical health
via:
 Continue to exercise regularly (or if you have not
been exercising start an exercise routine)
 Get ample sleep
 Eat regular meals

15.  How will you attend to your emotional well-
being?
 What are your best stress management strategies?
 What kind of relaxation, meditation or prayer works
for you to quiet your mind?
 How might you enjoy some aspect of nature’s
grandeur to bring to you some peace of mind (e.g.,
watching a sunset, enjoying being outdoors)?
 What is your favorite music that might soothe &
calm you?
 Who can you talk to when your emotions overcome
you?

16. “Grief begins with a terrible and lonely loss. Grief
changes you but it is not destroying you. Grief is a
powerful teacher…. Your growth in the midst of
your pain can bear fruit in your spirit and make
you all the richer.”
(Rabbi Earl Grollman, 1997).