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Positive Feedback Mechanisms:
Promoting Better Communication
Environments in Research Groups
Jailza Pauly, PhD
February 7, 2015
Copyright © 2015, Jailza Pauly
Today’s Objectives
Provide an experiential format in which to:
Explore how to foster a climate of feedback
in the lab
Highlight individual and group processes
that impact effective feedback
Introduce a set of tools to facilitate giving
and receiving effective feedback
Feedback
Feedback is information about past
performance or behavior, delivered in the
present, with the goal of influencing future
behavior.
Seashore, Seashore, and Weinberg (2003)
Feedback is NOT
 Hindsight – telling people what they
SHOULD HAVE DONE
 Criticism – telling others that what they did
was BAD
 Direction – telling people what they
SHOULD DO
Miller, 2010
Perfectly Reasonable
People
Perfectly Unreasonable
People
The Rest of Us!
Gallagher, 2010
Potential Areas for Group Feedback
 How well roles are being executed
 How well core work procedures are being
deployed
 Prioritization
 Pace of work
 Delegation
 Information sharing
 Decision making
 Quality of meetings
 How well relationships are being maintained
Cultivating a Positive Feedback Environment in the Lab
 Which activities and practices have the potential to promote
an environment of feedback in the lab?
 What can I do to facilitate feedback in the lab?
Effective Feedback and its Challenges
Effective Feedback Challenges
Cognitive Dynamics Impacting Feedback
Feedback
Self-Serving
Bias
Actor/Observe
r Bias
Positive Self-
Perceptions
False-
consensus
Bias
Overconfidence
Bias
Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
Emotional Dynamics Impacting Feedback
Feedback
Threats to
Self-esteem
Threats to
Self-efficacy
Threats to
Identity
Stress
Flight or Fight
Response
Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
Hierarchical Dynamics Impacting Feedback
PI
Post Doc Grad Student
Undergraduate
Student
Lab Manager
PI
Post Doc
Grad Student
Undergraduate
Student
PI
Senior Post
Doc
Junior Post
Doc
Graduate Student
Grad Student
Undergraduate
Student
Cultural and Professional Norms + Individual
Values Impacting Feedback
FeedbackIndividualism
vs. Collectivism
Hierarchy vs.
Equity
Task vs.
Relationship
Orientation
Competition
vs.
Cooperation
Internal vs.
External
Locus of
Control
Academia vs.
Industry
Grove & Hallowell , 2004; Stringer & Guy, 1998
The Ladder of Inference
Argyres & Schön , 1974
Getting Down the Ladder of Inference
 How did I arrive at this conclusion?
 What illustrations, examples, etc. would I need to
share with the other person in order for him or her to
understand why I see it this way?
 Under what conditions have I observed this
behavior?
 What do I see as the specific, undesirable
consequences of this behavior?
 What would be the most constructive way to help
this person achieve better results?
 How might my emotions be affecting my evaluation
and intentions?
Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
Working with Assumptions
Assumptions Either/Or Perspective Relational Perspective
ABOUT SUBSTANTIVE
DISAGREEMENTS
• Assume only one person can
be right, and so the other
must be wrong
• Assume each person sees things
the other misses and misses
things the other sees
• Assume the rightness of one
view is a matter of obvious
fact, not opinion or
interpretation
• Assume people’s different beliefs
and interests lead them to see the
same thing differently
ABOUT
RELATIONSHIP
TROUBLES
• Assume one or another
person is causing the
difficulty: “He is making the
other feel this or do that”,
“She gave the other no
choice”
• Assume each person is
contributing to the difficulties;
“They are each making it hard for
the other to be at their best”
• Assume that one or the other
is mad or bad – that is crazy,
stupid, incompetent or
immoral
• Assume they are each doing their
best they can do and could use
your help
Smith, 2008
Making Feedback Effective for Groups
What How Example
CULTIVATE A
FEEDBACK CLIMATE
Foster a collaborative team environment in
which feedback is intended to aid in
learning, growth, and adaptation.
Feedback orientations of punishment, fear,
judgment, or critique will not promote
effective group feedback.
• Feedback is ongoing and frequent
• The lab environment is safe for people to give
and receive feedback collectively as well as
individually
• Failure and challenges are perceived as an
opportunity for learning
SPECIFY BEHAVIOR
Clearly and directly express what you’ve
experienced that the person has or hasn’t
done without judgment. Start with “I”
statements.
• “I noticed you did not bring the literature
review and results from the other
experiments, even though you agreed to do
so in our last meeting.”
DESCRIBE IMPACT
Clarify how the behavior impacts the
work being done in the team or how it
affects you personally.
• “This is making difficult for us to to go
beyond description of the data to generate
high quality insights.”
INQUIRE, EMPATHIZE,
UNDERSTAND
Be aware that we often make assumptions
and misattributions about behavior.
Consider feedback as a way to directly
articulate your experience and to better
understand the experience and perspectives
of the others.
• “Are there competing priorities we need to
consider?”
• “Is there a way we could make changes that
would make it easier for all us to prepare for the
meeting?”
ACTIVELY LISTEN
&
ESTABLISH A
DIALOGUE
Actively listen to the others perspective
without interruption. Establish a dialogue
about the feedback to help arrive at a joint
solution.
• “It seems we have different ways of prioritizing
tasks related to this project. Should we go
around and quickly share where this project fits
into our goals for the semester?”
IDENTIFY PREFERRED
FUTURE BEHAVIOR
(S)
Identify the preferred future behavior(s).
Clearly state the outcome that is expected.
Agree on next steps.
• “Before we agree on any task for the next
meetings, we will take a moment to review
other commitments we have made. We will
only say yes to tasks we can complete at
least 24hrs in advance of the meetings.“
Adapted from Berkeley-Haas MBA Team Survival Kit, 2010 & Pearce, 2014
Feedback Delivery Modes
Negative Positive
IndirectDirect
Asmuß, 2008
Ineffective Feedback
 You’re really an enthusiastic person!
 Jane is just not a team player.
 It was great that you had a lot of details in your
report.
 Lane is unprofessional.
 You were looking out the window during the lab
meeting. You looked really bored, like you were
thinking about things unrelated to what was
being discussed.
Ineffective Feedback
 Attacks the person rather than the person’s
behavior
 Vague or abstract assertions
 Without illustrations
 Ill-defined range of application
 Unclear impact and implications for action
Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
Making Feedback Effective
 Observable Behavior
 When I see/ When I hear…
 Effect of Behavior
 I notice that…
 I feel…
 Preferred Future Behavior/Alternative
 I would appreciate it if you…
 The team would benefit from…
BET Feedback Method
B (behavior) Specific, detailed observations
E (effect) On the individual and/or team
T (thank you!) Demonstrate appreciation
Harms & Roebuck, 2009
BET Example
Behavior
“Your willingness to teach us the
techniques you learned at the
conference helped our group develop
better ways to analyze our samples.”
Effect
“Our success completing the
experiments for the paper was due in
large part to the insights we gained
based on what you taught us. “
Thank you! “Thank you!”
5:1 Rule
BEAR Feedback Method
B (behavior) Specific, detailed observations
E (effect) On the individual and/or team
A (alternative) Suggestion
Impact of
alternative on
individual and/or
team
Timeframe
for change
R (result) Broader results/consequences
Harms & Roebuck, 2009
BEAR Example
Behavior “I have noticed that you were late 5 out
of 6 of our team meetings.”
Effect
“When you are not on time for our
meetings our group has to wait until
you arrive, which either causes the
meeting to run late or we don’t cover
all topics. “
Alternative
“I would like to see you arrive on time
for next meetings. If you need us to
change the start time, we could do
that.”
Result “If you arrive on time, our team will be
better able to accomplish our targets.”
BEAR Example
Behavior
“During this morning’s presentation, I
observed that you held a side conversation
with Jim for the first 10 minutes. After that,
you chatted with Mary on and off for the rest
of the talk.”
Effect
“I was frustrated because I could not hear what
the presenter was saying. Several people also
asked you to be quiet. “
Alternative
“What are some ways you can focus your
attention during the meeting and you get to
connect with your colleagues?”
Result
“If you agree to hold your side bar
conversations at another time, that will
improve the atmosphere in our meetings.”
Receiving Feedback
 First, listen!
 Try to see the “big picture” and do not get stuck on
details.
 The feedback you receive from colleagues,
instructors, your PI will likely differ. After all, they
interact with you and see you from different
perspectives.
 Given these differences, it is not appropriate to
invalidate/disregard one set of feedback because
they are not similar to the others.
 Do not automatically reject any feedback.
A Healthier Way to Receive Feedback
 Could you give me an example of the behavior that
concerns you?
 Can you help me understand how you came to that
conclusion?
 Can you help me understand the situations in which
you have seen the behavior and what you see as the
impact?
 Can you clarify what you would like to see me do
differently?
Reducing your Blind Spots
My Blind
Spots
The
Arena
The
Unknown
The
facade
What others
see
What I see
Not seen
clearly
Seen very
clearly
Seen very
clearly
Reducing your Blind Spots
My Blind
Spots The
Arena
The
Unknown
The
facade
What others
see
What I see
Not seen
clearly
Seen very
clearly
Seen very
clearly
Actively Seeking
Feedback for Professional Development
 Identify the area of interest for feedback
 Choose the people who will provide you
feedback
 Hold the conversations
 Ask open-ended questions
 Take notes
 Thank the feedback providers
 Integrate the data
 Take action
Feedforward
Goldsmith, 2007
Pick the one behavior you would
like to change
Describe this objective
Ask for two suggestions for the
future
Listen. Say thank you!

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Positive Feedback Mechanisms: Promoting better communication environments in research groups

  • 1. Positive Feedback Mechanisms: Promoting Better Communication Environments in Research Groups Jailza Pauly, PhD February 7, 2015 Copyright © 2015, Jailza Pauly
  • 2. Today’s Objectives Provide an experiential format in which to: Explore how to foster a climate of feedback in the lab Highlight individual and group processes that impact effective feedback Introduce a set of tools to facilitate giving and receiving effective feedback
  • 3. Feedback Feedback is information about past performance or behavior, delivered in the present, with the goal of influencing future behavior. Seashore, Seashore, and Weinberg (2003)
  • 4. Feedback is NOT  Hindsight – telling people what they SHOULD HAVE DONE  Criticism – telling others that what they did was BAD  Direction – telling people what they SHOULD DO Miller, 2010
  • 6. Potential Areas for Group Feedback  How well roles are being executed  How well core work procedures are being deployed  Prioritization  Pace of work  Delegation  Information sharing  Decision making  Quality of meetings  How well relationships are being maintained
  • 7. Cultivating a Positive Feedback Environment in the Lab  Which activities and practices have the potential to promote an environment of feedback in the lab?  What can I do to facilitate feedback in the lab?
  • 8. Effective Feedback and its Challenges Effective Feedback Challenges
  • 9. Cognitive Dynamics Impacting Feedback Feedback Self-Serving Bias Actor/Observe r Bias Positive Self- Perceptions False- consensus Bias Overconfidence Bias Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
  • 10. Emotional Dynamics Impacting Feedback Feedback Threats to Self-esteem Threats to Self-efficacy Threats to Identity Stress Flight or Fight Response Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
  • 11. Hierarchical Dynamics Impacting Feedback PI Post Doc Grad Student Undergraduate Student Lab Manager PI Post Doc Grad Student Undergraduate Student PI Senior Post Doc Junior Post Doc Graduate Student Grad Student Undergraduate Student
  • 12. Cultural and Professional Norms + Individual Values Impacting Feedback FeedbackIndividualism vs. Collectivism Hierarchy vs. Equity Task vs. Relationship Orientation Competition vs. Cooperation Internal vs. External Locus of Control Academia vs. Industry Grove & Hallowell , 2004; Stringer & Guy, 1998
  • 13. The Ladder of Inference Argyres & Schön , 1974
  • 14. Getting Down the Ladder of Inference  How did I arrive at this conclusion?  What illustrations, examples, etc. would I need to share with the other person in order for him or her to understand why I see it this way?  Under what conditions have I observed this behavior?  What do I see as the specific, undesirable consequences of this behavior?  What would be the most constructive way to help this person achieve better results?  How might my emotions be affecting my evaluation and intentions? Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
  • 15. Working with Assumptions Assumptions Either/Or Perspective Relational Perspective ABOUT SUBSTANTIVE DISAGREEMENTS • Assume only one person can be right, and so the other must be wrong • Assume each person sees things the other misses and misses things the other sees • Assume the rightness of one view is a matter of obvious fact, not opinion or interpretation • Assume people’s different beliefs and interests lead them to see the same thing differently ABOUT RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES • Assume one or another person is causing the difficulty: “He is making the other feel this or do that”, “She gave the other no choice” • Assume each person is contributing to the difficulties; “They are each making it hard for the other to be at their best” • Assume that one or the other is mad or bad – that is crazy, stupid, incompetent or immoral • Assume they are each doing their best they can do and could use your help Smith, 2008
  • 16. Making Feedback Effective for Groups What How Example CULTIVATE A FEEDBACK CLIMATE Foster a collaborative team environment in which feedback is intended to aid in learning, growth, and adaptation. Feedback orientations of punishment, fear, judgment, or critique will not promote effective group feedback. • Feedback is ongoing and frequent • The lab environment is safe for people to give and receive feedback collectively as well as individually • Failure and challenges are perceived as an opportunity for learning SPECIFY BEHAVIOR Clearly and directly express what you’ve experienced that the person has or hasn’t done without judgment. Start with “I” statements. • “I noticed you did not bring the literature review and results from the other experiments, even though you agreed to do so in our last meeting.” DESCRIBE IMPACT Clarify how the behavior impacts the work being done in the team or how it affects you personally. • “This is making difficult for us to to go beyond description of the data to generate high quality insights.” INQUIRE, EMPATHIZE, UNDERSTAND Be aware that we often make assumptions and misattributions about behavior. Consider feedback as a way to directly articulate your experience and to better understand the experience and perspectives of the others. • “Are there competing priorities we need to consider?” • “Is there a way we could make changes that would make it easier for all us to prepare for the meeting?” ACTIVELY LISTEN & ESTABLISH A DIALOGUE Actively listen to the others perspective without interruption. Establish a dialogue about the feedback to help arrive at a joint solution. • “It seems we have different ways of prioritizing tasks related to this project. Should we go around and quickly share where this project fits into our goals for the semester?” IDENTIFY PREFERRED FUTURE BEHAVIOR (S) Identify the preferred future behavior(s). Clearly state the outcome that is expected. Agree on next steps. • “Before we agree on any task for the next meetings, we will take a moment to review other commitments we have made. We will only say yes to tasks we can complete at least 24hrs in advance of the meetings.“ Adapted from Berkeley-Haas MBA Team Survival Kit, 2010 & Pearce, 2014
  • 17. Feedback Delivery Modes Negative Positive IndirectDirect Asmuß, 2008
  • 18. Ineffective Feedback  You’re really an enthusiastic person!  Jane is just not a team player.  It was great that you had a lot of details in your report.  Lane is unprofessional.  You were looking out the window during the lab meeting. You looked really bored, like you were thinking about things unrelated to what was being discussed.
  • 19. Ineffective Feedback  Attacks the person rather than the person’s behavior  Vague or abstract assertions  Without illustrations  Ill-defined range of application  Unclear impact and implications for action Cannon & Witherspoon, 2005
  • 20. Making Feedback Effective  Observable Behavior  When I see/ When I hear…  Effect of Behavior  I notice that…  I feel…  Preferred Future Behavior/Alternative  I would appreciate it if you…  The team would benefit from…
  • 21. BET Feedback Method B (behavior) Specific, detailed observations E (effect) On the individual and/or team T (thank you!) Demonstrate appreciation Harms & Roebuck, 2009
  • 22. BET Example Behavior “Your willingness to teach us the techniques you learned at the conference helped our group develop better ways to analyze our samples.” Effect “Our success completing the experiments for the paper was due in large part to the insights we gained based on what you taught us. “ Thank you! “Thank you!”
  • 24. BEAR Feedback Method B (behavior) Specific, detailed observations E (effect) On the individual and/or team A (alternative) Suggestion Impact of alternative on individual and/or team Timeframe for change R (result) Broader results/consequences Harms & Roebuck, 2009
  • 25. BEAR Example Behavior “I have noticed that you were late 5 out of 6 of our team meetings.” Effect “When you are not on time for our meetings our group has to wait until you arrive, which either causes the meeting to run late or we don’t cover all topics. “ Alternative “I would like to see you arrive on time for next meetings. If you need us to change the start time, we could do that.” Result “If you arrive on time, our team will be better able to accomplish our targets.”
  • 26. BEAR Example Behavior “During this morning’s presentation, I observed that you held a side conversation with Jim for the first 10 minutes. After that, you chatted with Mary on and off for the rest of the talk.” Effect “I was frustrated because I could not hear what the presenter was saying. Several people also asked you to be quiet. “ Alternative “What are some ways you can focus your attention during the meeting and you get to connect with your colleagues?” Result “If you agree to hold your side bar conversations at another time, that will improve the atmosphere in our meetings.”
  • 27. Receiving Feedback  First, listen!  Try to see the “big picture” and do not get stuck on details.  The feedback you receive from colleagues, instructors, your PI will likely differ. After all, they interact with you and see you from different perspectives.  Given these differences, it is not appropriate to invalidate/disregard one set of feedback because they are not similar to the others.  Do not automatically reject any feedback.
  • 28. A Healthier Way to Receive Feedback  Could you give me an example of the behavior that concerns you?  Can you help me understand how you came to that conclusion?  Can you help me understand the situations in which you have seen the behavior and what you see as the impact?  Can you clarify what you would like to see me do differently?
  • 29. Reducing your Blind Spots My Blind Spots The Arena The Unknown The facade What others see What I see Not seen clearly Seen very clearly Seen very clearly
  • 30. Reducing your Blind Spots My Blind Spots The Arena The Unknown The facade What others see What I see Not seen clearly Seen very clearly Seen very clearly
  • 31. Actively Seeking Feedback for Professional Development  Identify the area of interest for feedback  Choose the people who will provide you feedback  Hold the conversations  Ask open-ended questions  Take notes  Thank the feedback providers  Integrate the data  Take action
  • 32. Feedforward Goldsmith, 2007 Pick the one behavior you would like to change Describe this objective Ask for two suggestions for the future Listen. Say thank you!

Editor's Notes

  1. Welcome Thank you for having me Expectations for the workshop (Flip Chart)
  2. Feedback is greatly impacted by context - Will give you some “experiences” together which we will use as a reference to practice giving and receiving feedback Feedback is the primary mechanism to address behaviors that would otherwise hold individual and teams back - These may seem “light/low stakes” experiences, but they will serve as a safe space for you to practice Initial set of tools to get you practicing giving and receiving feedback - As we progress through the day, we will look at examples of situations that happen in the lab. And at the end of the day, will integrate what we learn to solve some “thorny feedback cases” Roughly divide the workshop in two sections – feedback as a tool to improve group performance and feedback as a tool to improve individual performance
  3. Let’s start with some definitions… Information – Feedback is simply information. What you do with it is your choice. The more choice you give, the more likely people are to use it. The more you impose it on them, the less interest they will have on adopting it. Feedback is informal, ongoing. Takes place at meetings, in the the halls, conversations. In-process, short- and mid-term milestones. Bite-size pieces. Different from performance evaluation, which is a formal process in organizations to review performance. Special quarterly/semester/annual meetings. End-of process, major long-term goals. Frequently includes ratings or scores.
  4. Feedback is merely telling others how you experience their actions. Really, an opportunity to influence others. Therefore, your how you deliver (and receive) feedback may be more or less likely to result in change.
  5. 15% - We have high relationship strength with them, we can say almost anything and it will work 15% - Cut you off in traffic, cheat on taxes, harass employees, have little regard for boundaries, and thus tend to be outside of what effective communication skills can influence 66-70% in the middle – Not close like friends and family, not complete jerks – So.. If you criticize they will push back. If you speak from a sincere point of view, you are likely to influence them.
  6. Fast Start vs. False Start What are we trying to do? How we will do this? What do I want out of this experience? Key questions for a group to address early on – connect and contract Quick dives into task for efficiency, skipping connection, can lead to difficulties later
  7. Forget for a moment that you are part of the lab of Dr. so and so. This is an opportunity to identify ways in which feedback can become part of everything you do in the lab (e.g., experiments, group meetings, writing papers, preparing for conferences, job talks, etc.).
  8. Your brain on feedback
  9. Attribution Biases/Errors Self-serving bias – see self responsible for successes and external factors or others as causes of failure Actor/observer bias – see failure as resulting from internal causes (the feedback receiver), and discount the success of others Positive Self-Perceptions – inflated evaluations of ourselves False Consensus Bias – people overestimates the changes others will see things the same way they do – “If it is obvious to me, it should be obvious to you” Overconfidence Bias – people tend to be overconfidence on their own conclusions – leads to the production of poor feedback
  10. Positive illusions are necessary – avoid depressions, keeps us going under pressure Accepting criticism may reduce self-esteem and self-efficacy (belief that you can do something) Am I likeable? Am I worthwhile? Am I capable? Stress – obstacle to learning Reactions (avoidance or retreat)
  11. Primary value orientations that may affect preferred styles of performance and performance evaluations include task versus relationship; individualism versus group; status hierarchy versus equity; competition versus cooperation; fate versus control; and harmony versus surfacing issues.^ Additionally, the issue of internal versus extemal control, loss of face, or previous experiences will affect responses to feedback.^ These contrasting value orientations are described below.
  12. Feedback employees usually receive – no feedback, negative feedback, positive feedback, reality checks Asmuß (2008), feedback can be in given four ways: positively, negatively, directly, and indirectly. Studies show that most negative feedback is given indirectly. Supervisors tend to soften the blow by using softer words and postponing critical statements. Furthermore, supervisors will tend to make suggestions for improving future performance rather than focusing on the insufficient performance of the past. Although this approach may be easier for the supervisor, the employee may have difficulty responding directly to the feedback. The employee is too preoccupied with trying to align a response to the supervisor’s criticisms while avoiding the social awkwardness that comes with giving and receiving negative information. Asmuß, therefore, concludes that the supervisor can hamper effective feedback by being too indirect.
  13. Flawed Feedback
  14. Flawed Feedback
  15. Behavior. In the “behavior” segment of feedback, the individuals giving feedback describe specific, detailed observations of positive behaviors they have observed their peers demonstrating. We encourage the students to use concrete language and to be clear, detailed, and accurate. The issue of accuracy is particularly important when describing the frequency of behavior (e.g., three times this month, two out of three meetings, sometimes). Students have a tendency to exaggerate frequency (e.g., never, always), which is easy for a listener to discount as inaccurate. Effect. The “effect” segment explains how the individual’s behavior/actions is/are helpful to the team. Thank you. Thanking the individual is the third part of the BET model. Although this task is relatively easy to do, we often find that students are initially uncomfortable thanking the other individuals on his or her team.
  16. You Are Doing Good Work B (Behavior) Your willingness to share the experience you gained from your internship helped our group move beyond the situation presented in the text E (Effect) The “A” our group ultimately earned on the project was due in large part to our creative approach based on your insights T (Thank you) Thank you!
  17. 5:1 Rule Berry, Cadwell, and Fehrmann (1996) have recommended that 80% of all feedback be positive  Connection to group effectiveness Losada & Heaphy (2004) - Emily Heaphy and consultant Marcial Losada, examined the effectiveness of 60 strategic-business-unit leadership teams at a large information-processing company. “Effectiveness” was measured according to financial performance, customer satisfaction ratings, and 360-degree feedback ratings of the team members. The factor that made the greatest difference between the most and least successful teams, Heaphy and Losada found, was the ratio of positive comments (“I agree with that,” for instance, or “That’s a terrific idea”) to negative comments (“I don’t agree with you” “We shouldn’t even consider doing that”) that the participants made to one another. (Negative comments, we should point out, could go as far as sarcastic or disparaging remarks.) The average ratio for the highest-performing teams was 5.6 (that is, nearly six positive comments for every negative one). The medium-performance teams averaged 1.9 (almost twice as many positive comments than negative ones.) But the average for the low-performing teams, at 0.36 to 1, was almost three negative comments for every positive one. Negative feedback is important when we’re heading over a cliff to warn us that we’d really better stop doing something horrible or start doing something we’re not doing right away. But even the most well-intentioned criticism can rupture relationships and undermine self-confidence and initiative. It can change behavior, certainly, but it doesn’t cause people to put forth their best efforts. Only positive feedback can motivate people to continue doing what they’re doing well, and do it with more vigor, determination, and creativity. John Gottman’s analysis of wedded couples’ likelihood of getting divorced or remaining married Once again, the single biggest determinant is the ratio of positive to negative comments the partners make to one another. And the optimal ratio is amazingly similar — five positive comments for every negative one. (For those who ended up divorced, the ratio was 0.77 to 1 — or something like three positive comments for every four negative ones.) Over the past 30 years, renowned marriage counselor John Gottman has been able to predict with 90% accuracy which newlyweds he works with will stay married versus getting divorced after watching just 15 minutes of their interactions on videotape. The key factor that Gottman looks for is the ratio of positive to negative reinforcement that couples give to each other.  When the ratio is 5 to 1 positive, the couples report the overall relationship as positive.  Anything less than 4 to 1 and the relationship is perceived as negative. Why does it have to be slanted so heavily in the positive direction?  The answer is emotion.  The emotional response surrounding each praising or criticism amplifies its impact.  For most people, criticism is stinging and leaves a far larger emotional footprint than positive praising. 
  18. Behavior. In the “behavior” segment of feedback, the individuals giving feedback describe specific, detailed observations of positive behaviors they have observed their peers demonstrating. We encourage the students to use concrete language and to be clear, detailed, and accurate. The issue of accuracy is particularly important when describing the frequency of behavior (e.g., three times this month, two out of three meetings, sometimes). Students have a tendency to exaggerate frequency (e.g., never, always), which is easy for a listener to discount as inaccurate. Effect. The “effect” segment explains how the individual’s behavior/actions is/are helpful to the team. Thank you. Thanking the individual is the third part of the BET model. Although this task is relatively easy to do, we often find that students are initially uncomfortable thanking the other individuals on his or her team.
  19. It indicates you heard, understood (key component of active listening) and levels the ground for additional dialogue. Paraphrase “Let met see if I’m understanding you…” “It sounds like you are saying…” “Is this what you mean?” Summarize Restate the issue and enumerate the themes. Then…. Engage in conversation! And creative solution-finding!
  20. Johari Window – Joe Luft and Harry Ingram (1970) My blind spots – I don’t see the pluses and minuses about myself but others do The arena – I see these pluses and minuses about myself clearly and so do others The unknown – buried to both myself and others The façade – I see these things about me but keep them hidden
  21. Johari Window – Joe Luft and Harry Ingram (1970) My blind spots – I don’t see the pluses and minuses about myself but others do The arena – I see these pluses and minuses about myself clearly and so do others The unknown – buried to both myself and others The façade – I see these things about me but keep them hidden
  22. Instead of rehashing the past, it encourages to spend time creating the future by 1 – asking for suggestions for the future, 2 – listening to ideas, 3 – just saying thank you!