2. 1 – Enough Said
2 – In A Chicago Second
3 – When In Hell
4 – No Extra Points
5 – Paid In Folk
6 – Never Scared
7 – Mass Jurisdiction
8 – Networking
9 – Mental Relaxation
10 – The Toll, Part 2
11 – When In Heaven

5. HE ISN’T SURE WHAT TO DO AND I SAY
“WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?”

6. HE SAYS “AIDS”

7. I PLAY IT OFF COOL KNOWING DEEP DOWN MY LIFE AS I
KNOW IT HAS COME TO AN END, AND SHE SLOWLY
PROCEEDS TO SAY…

8. “I MISSED MY PERIOD”

9. I WAS IN GERMANY, TO BE SPECIFIC, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN IT BECOMES
FACEBOOK OFFICIAL (TO ME) THAT I‘M CURRENTLY IN PARIS ON MY
HONEYMOON WITH A FEMALE, WHICH REALLY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I ASKED MYSELF “HOW CAN I BE IN 2 PLACES AT THE
SAME TIME?”, AND NO ANSWER CAME TO ME. DAMN.

10. MY FRIEND WAS LIKE “I KNEW YOU
TWO HAD SOMETHING GOING ON!
SO WHEN’S THE WEDDING”

11. 



25. Some people like to say Out of the Frying Pan, IntoThe Fire
I like to say Escaped From Hell,Trapped In Purgatory

27. The Evolution Of Football

28. I figured out why the Mayans calculated
the date of the end of the world
All of a sudden football doesn’t seem so violent
They had this
thing called the
Mayan Ballgame
that they cut
your head off if
you played like a
little turd

29. The Native Americans played with spears
In 5th grade Social
Studies class I did this
project on the Native
Americans and my baller
teacher reacted very
strongly to it, which
means you can put faith
in the things I say
You’re telling me
that the violence
embedded in our
modern American
culture does not
stem from the
violent ways of
the original
Americans?!

30. Teddy Roosevelt
told his son it
was better to
die playing
football than
to be a punk
[sn]itch
They commemorated the teddy
bear after such a man

31. ’98 was the year

32. Rex Grossman?
A German in Germany got
really excited when the
conversation turned to the
’07 Super Bowl (somehow),
but when I mentioned Rex
Grossman, he got confused.

33. I remember late nights
playing Madden in Ann Arbor
▪ Randy Moss in real life was the
only player to play like a
Madden character
▪ MichaelVick in the game was
ridiculous

34. The Richard Sherman effect

35. Yet another football player gets shot
outside a strip/night club
And they say
rappers are
the scum of
society, pfff!

36. Still though – None of that matters for
the final gameday experience

38. Paid In Folk
JAN BAK

39. LATE 90
SOMETHING,
EARLY 2000s
BACK IN THE DAY, YOU NEEDED TO BRING $5
TO HAVE A PARTY
The party was at McDonald's on Irving Park & Central;
4 friends, chillin, each person only taking away from the
table no more than they brought to it

40. Things That Happened Once
1

41. Someone stole my Charizard, but we went to the perpetrator’s house and
got it back within 10 minutes

42. The homies in school thought a Nelly CD would impress the girls, until
the girls laughed in their face when they tried to rap

43. Lending people my football meant I’d never see it again, which is why I
never lost my football

44. Things That Happened More Than Once
>1

45. A fool never learned that celebrating and encouraging mediocrity
was not the road to success, which means that poverty is not an
economic disease, but rather a disease of the mind

46. In Other Words….
>11
LESS IS MORE

47. ONE TIME!

48. Let’s Roll

49. The People Of Alabama don’t need a school
to teach them that – They already got it

51. Starbucks fell on Alabama: State gets its own mug, at last

52. Using the logic of one silly man
who shall remain nameless, that
means Alabama is half as
pretentious as Michigan

55. Mass Jurisdiction
Jan Bak

56. There are some things in this world
that you just can’t Shake Off

57. Example: Child Support Payments
Source:
$113 Billion
in unpaid child support in the United States
(as of Thanksgiving 2015)

58. Example: The Affordable Care Act
Source:
Queue the
Hillary Clinton
Antagonizers
(she masterminded the thing)

59. Maybe you could shake those
things if you were Taylor Swift

60. In other news, these
things are no joke

61. Sophisticated Gold Diggers
With all the admiration given to athletes
and entertainers in our society, perhaps
we should start giving that same respect
to hard working femme fatales?

62. Chicago Cubs Loyalists
How many rich people in the legal,
medical, and insurance professions can
say they made the same social impact as
Sammy Sosa?

63. Long Live Forever Bulls, Cubs, & Every Beast!

64. BOL
The Advisory Group

65. a) Food is the natural icebreaker
b) On most working days in the corporate world, the
only fun moments come during lunch
c) When people start eyeing your pizza because they
are not full from their salad, you have job leverage
d) Those late night dinners with a big group in a nice
restaurant are the only chance to see your boss
wearing a less intense mask

66. a) Joking about the craftiness of mechanics is a
classic bonding moment
b) Presence of numerous cars reflects that everyone is
doing fine for themselves
c) The Seinfeld episode where George Costanza goes
crazy at the car dealership is the funniest because
it is the most realistic

67. a) Travel location creates easy conversation starter
b) Multitudes of people makes it rude to not people
watch, but be courteous and considerate
c) An opportunity to look at gold diggers and sugar
daddies without being judged
d) I enjoy conversations about hotel rankings and
consultant points because it puts me right to sleep
after a long week

68. a) Intellectual atmosphere inspires sophisticated
discussions
b) Cream and sugar station connects strangers
c) Even if you are stuck in Peoria, there is a nice
coffee shop nearby where they will gladly take
your hard-earned money

69. a) High profile geographic terrain makes
communication unavoidable
b) Drivers and pedestrians must look out for each
other, making status differences irrelevant
c) Ever thought someone was patient until you saw
them spaz when a driver violates their right-of-way?
d) Ever been skeptical about a client’s trustworthiness
and have it confirmed by the fact that they blow
stop signs like it ain’t nothing?

70. a) My best friend from the country came to the city
once and he was disappointed with the lack of
promiscuously dressed ladies
b) Alcohol, money and passion mix together into
unlimited combinations
c) This Italian guy walked into the spot I was chillin’
and tried to call me out for being Polish, I was like
“Unfortunately”…unfortunately for the people who
can only drink a little bit

71. I need to
find a new
job…
These dorks
are hurting
my bonus.
I love my
coworkers!
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