1. The World: The world of Mace Swinger is almost your bog standard fantasy one, with
magic and maces as such. Mace Swingers are essentially the police (or the army?) of the
lands. Peace and harmony generally rule, but an evil force is at food. More specifically,
the evil that is Admiral Bonetopick and his many underlings such as Dark Lord
Anaconda. Bonetopick aspires to be the most powerful and evil warlord in the lands, and
wants to increase his power by stealing the hearts of fair maidens, such as Sipsette.
Bonetopick is looking for the most powerful mace in the world, the one that is said to be
capable of abolishing all that is evil or all that is good in the world, depending on who
uses it. Of course, it would be the only thing able to destroy a being as evil as Bonetopick
(and even then, with great difficulty).
Main Plotline Characters:
Uthgourd: Brave Knight of all the lands. Aspiring Mace Swinger who gradually gets
better at mace swinging. Plans on getting married to Princess Sipsette. Starts game pretty
weak, gets stronger as it goes on, taught by Old Beardo. Nemesis of Admiral Bonetopick.
Brave, strong and fearless. Change of name is really just writing round copyright.
Uthgourd is preferably female (and her and sipsette are a lesbian couple) but I get all the
current art assets are male, so if it's easier to leave them be that's fine.
Sipsette: Generic fair maiden who happens to be Canadian. Kidnapped early on. Mostly
irrelevant to the plot other than a driving motivation. Played by Sips_ I'm assuming??
Old Beardo: Veteran Mace Swinger who helps you take down Bonetopick in an initial
battle (he gets away though). Informs you of the Master Blaster Mace 2000 (patent
pending), which you will need to properly destroy the evil that lurks in the heart of
Bonetopick. He is killed by Dark Lord Anaconda, who of course has stolen your Master
Blaster Mace 2000 (this shows us just how powerful Master Blaster Mace 2000 is and
how in the wrong hands it can destroy the world). Needs to look at least vaguely like Old
Beardo and sound all wise and cool but also like a grizzled veteran.
Admiral Bonetopick:
Asshole, steals fair maidens to make himself stronger. Has a vast array of underlings.
Corrupt, evil, wants to destroy all that is good with the Master Blaster Mace 2000. First
seen as a force early on in game, where he kidnaps Sipsette. Early boss battle in level 1
ends with your ass getting kicked but Old Beardo saves you and chases him off. Later
fought again in the final level, where your increased strength means you can take him out
(but still with great difficulty). Needs to look super sinister and stuff but even more
sinister later on.
Dark Mage Anaconda: Admiral Bonetopick's right hand man, and a real rude dude.
Probably shows up kinda early on just to get his character established. Anyway, he finds
the Master Blaster Mace 2000 right before you do, stealing it from under your nose. Old
Beardo comes out from wherever to help you and then is killed my Dark Mage

2. Anaconda. Anaconda is killed in the penultimate level allowing you to take the Master
Blaster Mace 2000 and defeat Bonetopick.
Basic Main Plot:
To start, there's an optional tutorial. Drill Sergeant Shouty is yelling at you, teaching you
how to play, as this is the final exam for Mace Swinger school! (Thanks, gigimoi). He
also says he is the final boss of Mace Swinging school, and then you beat him up. He
gives you a degree and a shiny new mace.
Boss: Drill Sergeant Shouty. He sure is aggressive, shouty, and a drill sergeant.
Mace dropped: Proof of Graduation
The game begins in a village (Level 1), where you, Uthgourd, are making pleasantries
with the love of your life, Sipsette. You tell her of your news that you just graduated
Mace Swinging school, and you are just about to ask for her hand in marriage when a
dark and evil entity sweeps over the land. Admiral Bonetopick arrives on his Giant
Airship Horse Thing (????) and begins causing commotion. In the kerfuffle, Sipsette is
kidnapped! You give chase, and meet up with your mentor Old Beardo, who helps you
out (or basically just gives a tutorial) while you run after Bonetopick. You catch up with
him, and he owns the shit out of you, but you are saved by Old Beardo. He retreats.
Beardo tells you that right now you are not strong enough to beat Bonetopick. But if you
plan to, there is a Mace somewhere, at the top of a snowy mountain that few can brave,
that can tip the balance of pure good-hearted fantastic-ness in favour of being an evil
bastard. Or vice-versa. He gives you his old mace and you set off into the wilderness.
Boss: Admiral Bonetopick except it's not really a boss because he beats you up.
Mace received: The Battered Beardo Bludgeoner
Level 2 begins with you in the wilderness (plains). It's pretty much a break after the first,
high intensity level, with a few sidequests thrown in and the concept of mace upgrading
introduced (presumably via Old Beardo tutorial fun).
Boss: MotherTrucker - he is one big fat bastard, wearing a wife beater slacks and a steel
helmet. Speaks with like a southern accent? Maybe uses trucks to hurt people somehow
Mace received: Tuesday Special*
Level 3 takes place in a desert? That's all well and good! Uthgourd in fact actually gets
lost in the middle of the wilderness and is for some reason in a desert now. After
wandering out, trying to find how way out, she runs into Terry "The Heater" Tibbs, who
is using his heating ability to make the whole area super hot, and thus, a desert. You take
down Terry and it rains, revealing a secret trapdoor to the next area! The fort.
Boss: Terry "The Heater" Tibbs - huge furnacey bastard, voiced by Microsoft sam. Uses
fire and other stuff
Mace received: Mafia Hit
Level 4 is a small scale fort as run by Bonetopick's crew. You run a full on charge on it,
killing all the peeps in your path. You get to an area around the final room, which has
Dark Mage Anaconda in it! You over hear him saying "Boss, this Uthgourd is a real threat
*
You programming guys can decide what these maces to, I'll just to the names and the flavour text that will go with it

3. to our plans!!". Anyway he sees you and gets some big minion who will be named "Dan
the Man". Dan the Man gets killed and explodes for no real reason. The explosion sends
you flying very conveniently to the mountain the Master Blaster Mace 2000 is resting on.
Boss: Dan the Man. Can basically look or sound like anything, he's just a big heavy
mook.
Mace received: Standard Issue Bone2Pick Mace Version 6.8
So you climb up the mountain in a grueling effort. It's cold, there's enemies
EVERYWHERE, and eventually you begin to make it too the top. However, standing in
your way is a behemoth simply known as THE FUCKMEISTER. After a grueling battle,
he slowly begins to gain the upper hand. When once again, Old Beardo swoops in to save
the day!! THE FUCKMEISTER is down, and you then see The Master Blaster Mace
2000. You race towards it when down from the heavens decends....DARK MAGE
ANACONDA! He states those immortal words: "Ho ho ho, travellers, thanks for getting
the Master Blaster mace 2000 for me!" He snatches it up, murders Old Beardo, and flies
away. What's funny, is that the only reason he knows you and Beardo are there is because
he followed Beardo, and Beardo was following you to tell you about Anaconda, ensuring
his own demise. Ah well. With his dying breath, Beardo tells you to stop Bonetopick
before he destroys the world! You swear revenge, and you're gonna go right to the source!
The second biggest dungeon in all Mace Swingerville, "Manchester".
Boss: THE FUCKMEISTER who is probably some kind of huge boar. Roars a lot.
Mace received: Not-so-Nice Ice Mace
So you go to Manchester Dungeon and you take on every man who stands in your way,
via pelvic thrusts or other wise. The boss is...SHADOW URTHGOURD. Once you cream
her, you take a look at the map which tells us that Bonetopick's fortress is in...the
nightmare zone.
Boss: Shadow Uthgourd is Uthgourd dipped in a vat of black ink (or basically shadow
link from ocarina of time I think? Only uthgerd not link)
Mace received: The Nightmarce
The quickest way to the Nightmare zone is through the Jalapeno Jungles. This is a thick
and sinister place, filled with thick and sinister folk who are out to get you, but if you can
survive the trip it's much quicker. End boss is the Elderglam (writing around copyright
again), who really is just a big bitch. And also a tree. Anyway you kill her and some
magical forestry crap takes you too the forest!!
Boss The Elderglam. big bitch and also a tree
Mace received: Nettleblane
It's the forest! More baddies attack you. Few allies are at foot due to the corruption
BonetoPick is spreading across the world. This forest is shrouded in darkness, more
evidence of the spreading evil. The end boss is "A Living Suit of Armour". You kill him
and climb atop his corpse, where you see, face to face, the nightmare zone: a huge
volcano.
Boss: A Living Suit of Armour. A living suit of armour that hits very hard. BASHHH.
Speaks like an old timey noble englishman guy. Think bane, basically.

4. Mace: BFG (Big Fucking Gmace)
So there you are. A huge volcano of doomy death. The nightmare zone. You fight through
it all despite constant threats and taunts from Dark Mage Anaconda. However, eventually
you get to him. It's a tough battle, especially due to the power of the Master Blaster Mace
2000. But eventually you get the upper hand and defeat him, to claim the Master Blaster
Mace 2000!
Boss: Dark Mage Anaconda
Mace: Master Blaster Mace 2000
You spy upon the lair of Bonetopick. You fight, tooth and nail, one-shotting all the kids
with your amazing mace. After a grueling journey, you see Bonetopick. He lectures you
James Bond style about how powerful he truely is now, and even the Master Blaster
Mace 2000 is a tiny speck compared to his shiny, sunlike significance. Sipsette descends
from the rafters, tied up, about to be destroyed by Bonetopick. Not on your watch! You
fight him down and eventually knock him out with a final blow from your mace. Sipsette
is saved, and you make out with her as Bonetopick burns horrifically. Old beardo's force
ghost smiles approvingly as the ending credits begin to play.
Boss: Admiral Bonetopick
Mace: N/A.