WHO ME??
I’m not
shouting!!!
An Intro to Emotional Intelligence
By Leon Steyn

To empower you,
to take ownership of your own life,
and your relationships,
for greater positive influence.
The Objective

Contents
1. An introduction to Emotional Intelligence (EI)
2. Becoming self-aware
3. Practicing self-control
4. Becoming self-motivated
5. Building positive relationships
6. Developing personal influence

 What is Emotional Intelligence
 How will I benefit from developing my
Emotional Intelligence?
 Why should I change?
 How do I change?
1. An Introduction to EI

The ability to perceive, recognize,
understand and suitably react to your
emotions (feelings) and those of others.
What is EI?

1. Self-awareness
2. Self-control
3. Self-motivation
4. Building positive relationships
5. Personal influence
The five competencies of EI

Activity 1

 A better understanding of yourself & what drives you
 Balance between expressing and controlling your feeling
 A better understanding of others and what drives them
 Improved relationships with others
How will I benefit from improving?

 Improved assertiveness, based on ownership
 Ability to leave the emotional baggage behind
 Ability to formulate meaning and purpose
 You will be equipped to build a network of
influential relationships
How will I benefit from improving? cont

“If you always do what you’ve always done,
you’ll always get what you’ve always got. So if
you want something different, do something
different”
- Anonymous
Why should I change/improve?

 Become self-aware and aware of others
 Realize the impact of your present behavior on yourself
and others
 Commit to change
 Start “catching yourself in the act”
 Choose new behaviors continuously
How do I change?

 The ability to perceive, recognize, understand and suitably re-act
to your emotions/feelings and the emotions/feelings of others
 Lots of benefits
 If you want different results, you need to start doing things
differently
 It starts with becoming self-aware
Summary of Introduction

 Complete the Emotional awareness questionnaire
 What are emotions and where do they come from?
 What happens when we suppress emotions?
 Why are emotions important?
 How do we identify emotions?
 What are you feeling?
2. Becoming self-aware

Complete activity 2 in your workbook.
Activity 2

You should now know if you:
 Can recognize different feelings in yourself and others
and their intensity or not
 You can control (NOT SUPPRESS) your emotions or not
The Questionnaire

 Physical re-action to our thoughts
 Triggered by experiences
 We perceive through our senses - sight, hearing,
smell, touch
 It is expressed/ communicated through our behavior
 Feelings
What are emotions?

Suppressed = not perceived, recognized, understood and
therefore not dealt with appropriately
 Physical illness or symptoms
 Compulsive behavior
 Aggressive or submissive
 Blame
What happens when we suppress?

 They tell us to pay attention to something important!
 Tell us something is not right/ about unmet needs
 They affect our “fight-or flight” mechanism
 They motivate you to ask questions and act in order to
change things
 They are contagious and impact on others
Why are emotions important?

Complete activity 3 in your workbook.
Activity

 Check your body language
 Check your re-action to music
 Check you re-action to art
 Check the roles you portrait
 Keep a journal
Identifying emotions

Complete activity 4 in your workbook.
Activity

Complete activity 5 in your workbook.
Activity

Complete activity 6 in your workbook.
Activity

Complete activity 7 in your workbook.
Activity

 Transfer of “old feelings” to new situations is possible
 Different feelings can happen at the same time
 Some emotions belong together
 Emotions can intensify
 There are primary and secondary emotions
 The origin can be traced
Points of interest

Emotions are:
 Internal physical re-action to our thoughts
 Triggered by an experience
Being emotionally aware means:
 Understanding our emotions + appropriate self-expression
 Emotions tells us of our unmet needs
 We must practice identifying our emotions
Summary of self-awareness

Summary on self-awareness (2)

 What is self-control?
 Understanding the things that shaped our thoughts
 The importance of our thoughts
 The importance of diet for emotional control
3. Practicing self-control

 “Catching yourself in the act”
 Becoming aware of your “internal cues” and choosing an
appropriate response
 Knowing the thoughts behind the emotions and challenging
it!
 Taking ownership for your emotions, needs, thoughts,
actions!
What is self-control?

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 Circumstances, events & people have shaped our
perceptions of ourselves and what we think is possible in
our life, how we express ourselves and overcome
obstacles – our Emotional Intelligence
 BUT you can change your perceptions!
The things that shape us

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

SITUATION
↓
THOUGHTS
↓
PHYSICAL RE-ACTION
↓
FEELINGS/ EMOTIONS
↓
BEHAVIOUR
The importance of our thoughts!

 Interpretations
 Values
 Assumptions
 Thought patterns
 It is what we do with the information we receive!
Our thoughts are a combination of…

 How we choose to filter info
 It is not necessarily the truth
 3 Common filters:
1. Alienation
2. Distortion
3. Generalization
Interpretations

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 What we strive for/ think is important
 3 Different types of values:
1. Getting
2. Giving
3. Being
Values

Complete activity 8 in your workbook.
Activity

 Preconceptions and Prejudices
 “Our truth”
 It might not be the truth or rational
 Convictions learnt from early childhood and onwards.
Assumptions

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 Yourself
 Relationships
 Your needs
 The world
 Your rights
 Mistakes
 Feelings
 Problems
 Trust
Assumptions – what YOU think about

 No change without challenge!
 Challenge you interpretation of info, your values and
assumptions!
 Change your thoughts and you will change your emotions
and behavior!
Change required!

 Exaggeration or Minimization
 “Reading other people’s thoughts”
 White-or-black thinking
 Ignore the positive
 Labels- I am a …; You are a …
 Blaming- yourself and others
Other thought patterns…

 Rules of behavior- expectations
 Prediction of the future- in a negative way
 Feelings are reality
 Catastrophic thinking
 Ought to
 Personification
Other thought patterns… cont

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 “Catching yourself in the act”
 Becoming aware of your thoughts
 Being aware of the circumstances, events and important
people that shaped your thoughts
 Challenging thoughts impacting negatively on your
performance
 If you want to behave differently, you need to start thinking
differently
Summary of self-control

 What does a self-motivated person look like?
 How do I become a self-motivated person?
4. Becoming self-motivated

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 Takes ownership for own needs
 Has a vision and a purpose
 Lives value based lives
 Takes personal ownership for “getting there”
 Is able to adapt
 Is optimistic
 Does not accept “failure” as the end of the road
 Persists
 Aligns thoughts and emotions to the vision and purpose.
A self-motivated person…

Challenge what you think about:
 Your future
 Your values
 Your responsibility
 Failure
 Obstacles/ set-backs
Becoming self-motivated

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

A self-motivated person takes ownership for meeting their
needs, has a vision of what they want to achieve and does
not allow obstacles, set-backs or failure to stand in their
way. Their values support their vision for their lives and
they are able to align their thoughts, feelings and behavior
to achieve that vision. They are optimist.
Challenge your thoughts to become self-motivated!
Summary of self motivation

 Having empathy for others
 Your intentions towards others
 The way you carry yourself
 The way you act towards others
5. Building positive relationships

It’s about caring about the experiences, feelings, needs and
wants of the people around us.
You have to:
 Pay close attention
 Check for understanding
Having empathy with others

 Consistently demonstrate a pure intent
 Give of yourself
 Care for the welfare and growth of others
Your intent towards others

 The message you send to others, through your body language
 It can attract or distance
 Smile, make eye-contact, greet friendly
The way you carry yourself

 We are often blind to the things we do that distance us from
others
 Get some honest feedback from someone you trust
 Act differently
The way you act towards others

 Learn to respect others
 Get to know the people working for you
 Reach out
 Ask questions, listen and respond with genuine interest
 Break inappropriate habits
Things I can do differently

 Deal with conflict in an appropriate manner
 Express yourself in an assertive manner- be approachable
 Build an atmosphere of trust and openness where people
feel free to express themselves and their ideas
 Encourage creative thinking and participation
Things I can do differently cont

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

To build positive relationships you need to:
 Become empathetic (awareness of others)
 Have pure intent
 Carry yourself and act in a way that does not distance
yourself from others
Summary of positive relationships

To have personal influence, you must have:
 Technical mastery
 Self-awareness
 Self-control
 Self-motivation
 Positive relationships with others
 The ability to convince, persuade and inspire
6. Develop personal influence

It is about constantly learning and having an expanded
knowledge base in the field you operate in.
Knowledge can be expanded through:
 Reading
 Belonging to a Professional body
 Attending conferences & workshops
 Research
Technical mastery

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

 Understanding what drives your people
 Having a vision
 Understanding the value the team adds
 Aligning the above into a WIN-WIN through skillful
communication
 On a foundation of relationship
 Being contagiously enthusiastic
 Neutralize negative emotions
To convince, persuade and inspire

Complete the reflection exercise in your workbook.
Reflection

Developing personal influence is about developing:
 Technical mastery + Emotional Intelligence
Summary develop personal influence

Complete activity 9 in your workbook.
Activity

Applying what you’ve learnt
Complete the reflection exercise in the back of your book.

You have taken a nice, positive step
to empowering yourself,
taking ownership of your own life,
and your relationships,
for greater positive influence.
Congratulations!!

References
1. Coaching for Emotional Intelligence. Bob Wall,2007, New York.
2. Emotional Intelligence Workbook. Le Roux, de Klerk, 2001. Human
and Rosseau, Cape Town
3. The Heart of a Winner. Van Jaarsveld, 2003. Lux Verbi, Wellington,
South Africa