1. Maegan Stewart December 17th, 2015
COME AS YOU ARE
Dear future son,
As your mother, it’s my responsibility to ensure that you grow up loved and with good
values. In a world that will constantly try to tell you how to act, who to love, and what to care
about, I present to you the ultimate adventure: don’t listen. Your happiness is your own, and you
may not find it where you’d expect.
Being born a male comes with certain expectations and roles that you are supposed to
abide to. As if being born with certain body parts puts limits on your personality. Don’t show
fear or emotional vulnerability; those are girly, and that is unacceptable! Be persistent and in
control; show that you have the power and what you say goes. Be tough and aggressive and
assertive, and never take shit from anyone. Be a man. Author and sports adviser Tony Porter
describes this set of dominant characteristics as the “Man Box” (Porter, 2010). This is the type of
man that society enforces, but it’s not for everyone. Some people are emotional and some aren’t,
just as some people are dominant and some are submissive; but you shouldn’t be punished if you
don’t fit the stereotypical role that you’re born into. Being yourself and doing what feels right
will ultimately be where you find your happiness, not by trying so hard to fit in that you change
who you are in the process.
Not only do some people not fit into the dominant role for their gender, but some don’t
feel as though they match their gender at all. Sam Killermann explains that gender identity,
gender expression, biological sex, and sexual orientation are not quite as simple as our society
makes them out to be. He uses what he calls the “Genderbread person” to further explain that
these aspects of one’s identity are on separate scales; that one does not influence another (78).
For example, you can identify as 56% masculine and 80% feminine despite your biological sex.
Going into this even further, Sandra Bem talks about psychological androgyny, which is the
ability to easily access different personality traits from each gender when needed. In other words,
there is a good balance of stereotypical masculine and feminine character traits. There are a
number of positive consequences of having high levels of androgyny, including higher success
across a number of occupations and higher sexual satisfaction (Bem, cited in Nuselovici, Gender

2. Identity and Gender Roles). All of this is a lot to come to terms with, at least at this moment in
2015. So many people aren’t educated enough where gender is concerned, and this ignorance has
led to an incredible amount of harm and isolation in the LGBT community.
Imagine how exhausting it must be feeling like a prisoner in your own body. Not feeling
good enough, or loved enough, or like you don’t fit what is expected of you. Whether you
experience these feelings or not, there are so many people out there that do. Putting yourself in
the shoes of others creates great character, and I hope that you always step back and think about
how others feel. The world is hard enough on everyone in it, there’s no more room for more
people that treat others without respect. We live in a society that has caused people to be in
constant competition with one another; from competing for jobs to women competing to be more
beautiful than each other. Do we really need to be putting each other down in order to raise
ourselves up? Now imagine treating people fairly, being a genuinely friendly person to everyone
you meet... Not only will it make them more happy individuals, but your positivity will, in turn,
increase your own happiness. And isn’t that the point in life? To live, make memories, and just
be happy? To enjoy the one life you have while you still can? In an ideal society, this would be
the case. The ugly truth is that this will never exist. Some people just aren’t very nice and don’t
care about others. But why would you want to live like that? What would you gain from being
heartless and cold all the time? Be different. Live and let live.
Money makes the world go ‘round they say; money is the route to happiness. Why would
you dictate your happiness on something that is unreliable? As someone who grew up with a
single mother and did not have much money lying around, I can safely say that love and
acceptance are much stronger determinants of human happiness. If you value money over things
you feel, then you’ll most likely be chasing whatever it is you’re looking for forever. Laurie
Penny, author of Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies, and Revolution, talks a lot about men and
neoliberalism in her book. Neoliberalism is basically what I just stated the western world
generally believes: that business and money are the best determinants of human happiness
(Penny, 2). She does a great job explaining that young white men grow up promised all this
opportunity and happiness, and then reality hits them. Recessions occur, and jobs are a lot harder
to get than they expected (63). You won’t make tons of money by being the singer of a punk
band, and if you believe what society tells you - that money is what will make you happy - then

3. you will not be happy following your dreams of being a musician. However, if you differ from
the strict mold that people will try to fit you into and do what you truly love and enjoy, all while
making sure you have enough money to get by in the capitalist society we live in, then you will
be much happier with your life than if you settle for a mediocre paying job you hate because life
didn’t happen as planned. Life is unpredictable, and money is an ever changing variable; basing
something as important as your happiness on something that is never guaranteed is ridiculous.
I guess what I’m trying to say is screw what society tells you to be, and just be yourself.
It’s a cliché, but it’s one of the most important lessons you will eventually learn in life on your
own. You only have one, so you may as well live it to the best of YOUR ability. Be a little
selfish, take risks and let yourself be open to change. It won’t be easy, going against the current
never is; but I can promise you this, it’ll be worth it.
“Do Something” portion: http://dosomethingfeminism.tumblr.com/

4. Works Cited
Killermann, Sam. The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook: A GUIDE TO GENDER. Austin,
TV: Impetus, 2013. Print.
Nuselovici, J. “Gender Identity and Gender Roles”. Human Sexual Behaviour. Retrieved from
Dawson LEA. Web.
Penny, Laurie. Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies and Revolution. 2014. Print.
Youtube. “Tony Porter: A Call to Men”. Online Video Clip. Youtube, 10 December 2010. Web.
26 November 2015.