1. Midlife Metamorphosis;
PROLOGUE/INTRODUCTION
LEONARDODA VINCISAIDONECAN HAVE NOSMALLER OR GREATER MASTERY THAN MASTERY OF
ONESELF
We all have come intothisworldwithsomuch innate potential.Withinfinitepossibilitiesandthe
powerto doanythingwe putour mindsto. It isour divine birthrighttoenjoyhappiness,prosperity
and abundance.We have a unique giftthatwe have been bornwithanda destinythatisgreater
than ourselves.We,ashumanbeings,are capable of becomingconsciousof whowe reallyare and
elevatinghumanityinthe process.Whateverourrolesinlife,whetherwe are a husband,wife,
parent,businessperson, professional,non- professional,whateverourculture,ourcreedorour
background,we have the abilitytochoose ourresponse tothe eventsinourlife.We can infuse our
thoughtsandactionswithvaluesof the highestvirtue.We cantranscendthe shacklesof our
upbringingandrealise ourtrue,authenticself andlive arichand meaningfullifeinkeepingwithour
purpose.
The sad fact is that mostof us do not.We are on autopilot,sleepwalkingourwaythroughlife,
unaware of our inherentinnerriches.We gothroughlife alienatedfromourtrue nature,withour
essence completelyobscuredbylayerafterlayerof baggage.We cause somuch pain,bothto
ourselvesandothers.Ourlatentpotential iscoveredupwithrigidpersonalitiesandpersonas,
developedfromchildhood,thusimpedingsuccessful developmentthroughourlife stages.Our
behaviourandthoughtsare reactionary,repetitiveandtotallyinvestedinourpastexperiencesand
inscripts thathave beenwrittenforusby others.We are totallyidentifiedwithourmind,the
mental chatterand incessantstreamof thoughtsthatare our versionof events,completely
subjective andtotallydivestedfromreality,the worldasitis.
The problemstartswhenwe are young.We are notgiventhe innerresources,the personal security,
that we needtosuccessfullynavigate ourwaythroughthe variousdevelopmental stagesof life.In
orderto cope withthe paininchildhoodwe developdefence mechanismsandcompensatory
behaviourpatterns.We become mastersof disguise aswe unwittinglypresenttothe worldwhatwe
thinkitwantsto see and hide fromitmuch of our true identity.We become lessandlessintouch
withour real feelingsandthoughtsasour personalitiesbecome more rigidaswe getolder.Bythe
time we go outintothe world,inan attempttomake a life forourselvesandconqueritinearly
adulthood,ourdevelopmenthasbeengreatlyinhibited.We lackthe intrinsicsecurityinwhatwe
considertobe a hostile world.We donothave the flexible and malleable personalitymasksthatcan
be interchangedandusedappropriatelyaseachsituationandchallenge requires.We interpret
everythingthathappenstousand whateverissaidtous throughour ownsubjective egofilter.Our
responseshave runthroughthe same oldprogrammesreplicatedfromourearlieryears.
As we scramble tomake a life forourselves,seektoenjoyasmuchof the pleasuresandrichesthat
modernconsumeristsocietyoffers,we follow the rulesthatare laidoutforsuccess.We compete,
control and manipulate,onlyconcernedforthe endnotthe means.Successisdefinedbywealthand
powerandwe mustdo whatwe can doto get this.Aswe lack our ownidentityandaccurate internal
moral compass,we discoverwe can define ourselvesthroughtheseacquisitions.We assume a
collective identitywitheveryone else,fittingin,strivingforthe commoncause,moneypowerand

2. success.Thisagainwill bolsterwhowe thinkwe mightbe.We discoverthatfleetingly,the trappings
of successfill thatinnervoidandgosome way to completingus.We winapproval fromourpeers,
affirmationsfromourfriendsandlovedones.Muchof what we thinkwe lackinternallycan
seeminglybe outsourced,externally.Allourinsecurities,ourfearsandlackof self- knowledge canbe
bandagedupby others.Byseekingapproval fromothersandholdingupasocial mirror,we are
totallyat the mercyof others.We control and manipulate otherssowe like whatwe see inour
mirror.Our behaviourissomewhatfalse,istaintedwithself- interestandisverysubjecttoexternal
influences.If everythingisgoingourwaythengreat butwhenitdoesnot we are nothappy.
We donot subscribe tomanynoble principlesinlife onlyemployingflimsyvalueswhenthe goingis
favourable.Whenwe are facedwithchallengingtimesandsituationswe donotlike,we listentoour
innercritic.We are devoidof sturdyprinciplesandguidingvaluesandsuccumbtothe incessant
negative mental chatter.Ourfeedbackloopbetweenmindandbody iscorrosive asnegative
thoughtsandresultantemotionspermeate the cellsof ourbodies.Ourphysical andmental health
suffersaswe get trappedinthiskarmiccycle.We furtherpoisonourselvesandotherswithour
anger,fear,anxiety,greedandother formsof negative andunconsciousbehaviour.We are
completelyunawareof somuchof thisnegative internal dialogue thatisgoingoninour minds.
In an attemptto paperoverthe cracks and coverall ourunderlyingissuesandlackof identity,we
turn to variousformsof denial suchas alcohol,drugs,prescriptionandillegal,foodandother
addictions.We buryour headsinthe sand andblame othersforall the problemsinourlife.We live
our liveswallowinginthe pastor fearingandobsessingoverthe future.We donotlive inthe
presentwhere everyreal momentof life actuallyunfolds.Eventhoughwe know we are unhappy,
rudderlessandcompletelyunfulfilled,we donotseemtowantto finda solution.We waste many
yearsin emptyandlovelessrelationshipsandunfulfillingjobsaswe make poordecisionsbasedon
inappropriate,reactionaryandrepetitivethoughtsandemotions.Thisisthe waywe live muchof the
firsthalf of our life.There ismore thana hintof narcissisminmuchof ourbehaviour.We are forever
lookingoutside of ourselvesforhappinessandwholeness.We spendmuchof ourtime preening,
attendingonlytowhatotherscan see and makingsure we are liked.
We seemtohave a pathological fearof change andall the painand workthat will followif we were
to re-evaluateandrebuildourlives.Besideswe wouldnotknow where tobegin.Yearsof gnawing
discontent,latentunhappinessandpaincanthenbe followedbydepressionandmid- lifecrises,as
we continue toignore the whispersof the soul andthe mental andphysical pleasforthisperiodof
innerreflectionandself- correction. The psyche respondstoourdenialsbyshoutinglouder.
Feelingsof inertia,indecisiveness,panic,fear,anxietyandlackof control become more pervasive.
Our beliefsthatwe have clungto nowclashwiththe realityof our feelings.The ruleswe have played
by seeninvalidandtrivial.Muchof what we helddearto ourselvesseemsquestionable atbest.We
may experience apotentialturningpointinthe formof a brokenmarriage orrelationship,lossof
job,lossof healthor financial failure.If we continuetoignore the opportunitiesforchange inour
mid-lifeitislikelywe willliveoutthe final half inthe same veinasthe first,neverbecomingthe
authentic,lovinganduniqueindividual thatwe were borntobe.
We do nothave to waste all these yearslivingalife soemptyandmeaningless,endingupdownso
manydeadends.We donot have to waitfor a divorce,seriousillness,financialfailure orsome other
painful experience before we looktorebuildourselvesandrealiseourtrue authenticpotential.We

3. can move out of thisinertia,rebuildourselvesandjourneybackonour ownunique path. We must
have the courage andhonestytoadmitall is not well andthe responsibilityandself- disciplineto
embarkon a periodof innercontemplationandreflection. If we are to become the authentic,
creative andhappyindividualthatmakesthe mostof everymomentof the final half of ourlife,we
mustlive by a bettersetof valuesandmoral codes.To discoverourtrue self,ourworldandour
purpose init,we needtobecome openmindedandchange the waywe see our world.Toget back
on our ownpath andsee the worldas it reallyis,we needtobe honestand take responsibilityfor
our dysfunctional andrepetitive thoughtpatternsandbehavioural traits.We needtoshedmanyof
our oldwaysthat have keptus lockedinone roomin ourown mansionandpreventedusfromsee
the infinite possibilitiesthatwe were bornwith.
To re-evaluate andrepairourselveswe needtoinvestinourselves,the mostimportantassetwe will
everhave.Aninnerinventoryneedstotake place.We needtoaskourselvesquestionssuchaswho
am I? What has happenedtome toget to this point?What valuesdoIhave?What is myplace the
world?How do I wantto live mylife?How can I be a betterperson?Whyam I unhappy?What is
missing? We needtolookinside andbeginthe periodof transformation.We canthenbeginthe
rebuildingprocess.We canthenbegintomove out of our inertia,climboutof our rut and beginto
see anotherpath,our ownpath.By lesseningourcompulsiontolookoutside foreverythingandrely
on scaffoldingtoholdusupwe concentrate onour innerfoundations.We canmake sure that this
time round,the foundationsof ourlife,ourinnersecurityandinnerworth,issolidandunshakeable.
That in timesof buffetingfromexternal sourceswe remainupstandingandthe kind,graciousand
lovingpersonwe longtobe.
Reprogrammingourselvesmeansintroducingfixedandpositive guidingprinciplesthatallow usto
decide howwe live ourlife,howwe thinkandact.All thatwe neediswithinus.We musthave faith
inourselvesandfaiththatwe can change.There isa betterwayto be.We must determine whowe
wantto be and the moral codesby whichwe wantto live by.We begintodefine ourselves.We are
thenno longercontrolledbyotherpeople’sopinionsof usandwe begintosee the futilityof
possessionsandpowerasa meansof fillingthe happinessgap. We move forwardas we respondto
people andsituationsinpositiveandconsistentmanner,insteadof negatively,reactionaryandina
feelingsbasedway.Whenourresponsesare inalignmentwithourvalueswe become the personwe
wantto be.We must learnhowto love ourselvesandothers.Notdependant,narcissisticlove but
real,genuine unconditional love wherewe wantgrowthforourselvesandothers.Love isanaction,a
verb.It issomethingwe canlearnto do,if we have forgottenhow.Underpinningpersonal growth
and innerrenewal islove forour-selvesandothers.
We mustlearnhowto control ourmindsand become consciousof ourthoughts.We needtonullify
the demonstrative powersof the egoandlearnto dis-identifywithourthoughtsandemotions,and
bringingobjectivityandrealitybackintoourlives.We nolongerlistentothe innercriticandlistento
our innercompanion.Withournewabilitiestoharnessthe powerof the mindina positive way,we
can stay presenttoeveryopportunityandpossibilitythatwillenrichourlives.Aswe learnthatwe
are the creatorsof our realitywe canstart attracting more of whatwe do want,and lessof whatwe
do notwant, intoourlives.Ourthoughts,emotions,actionsanddeedscreate ourownheavenor
hell.We can choose whichone we wantto live in.We muststopresistingwhatis,acceptslife’s
challengeswithgrace andhumilityandlearntoletgoof our attachments.We shouldnolongerbe
fearful of the inevitable lowperiods,appreciateall thatwe have andseektominimise the highsand

4. lows.Bylivingconsciously,beingcompletelyaware of the powerof ourthoughts,we come froma
place of compassionandkindness.We caninvestwiselyintoourkarmicbankaccounts everysingle
day andcreate the heavenonearththat we deserve.
By becomingconsciousof ourthoughts,beingself -awareandappreciatingthe consequencesof our
actionswe can fashiona life forusthat we have alwaysdreamedof.Aswe follow our ownpathwe
make decisionswithanewlevelof self-assurance thatwill transcendthe confusionandad-hocways
of ourpast, as we plotour owncourse in life andfollow ourownstar.We can deal withall thatlife
throwsat us withpoise andunderstanding.A new levelof serenityandconfidence isattained.By
givingnottaking,bybeingof service wheneverwe can,we will receiveall the innerwealthwe need.
Whetherwe believe inrebirthorone life,we have onlynow tofulfil ourinnate purpose,tolive our
life full of meaningandtoleave the worlda betterplace thanhow we foundit.
A permanentnirvanaisunlikelybutwe canbe betterequippedtodeal withall thatlife throwsatus.
There are nosecrets,nosevendaypromise andno simplifiedversions.Everythingwe needforan
authentic,abundantandhappysecondhalf of life iswithinus.Self- mastery,the realisationof our
innate potential isopentousall.The painful andtoughtimesdefineus,ourwoundsare our
uniqueness.We mustgraspthe opportunitythatmid- life presentsustoundergothisperiodof
transformation.Thisprocessof metamorphosisisthe mostimportantandrewardingtransformation
that will everhappentous.Itwill payuntolddividendsforthe restof our lives.We will be able to
lookback and see thatwe conqueredourselves,ourchallengesandourfears.We will have no
regretsandbe able to see a legacyof growth,inspirationandlove inaworldsodesperate forthese
qualities.