Have you ever wanted to know how to help your gifted child make friends? Confused about how to navigate the barriers to developing friendships? In this presentation, Drs. Agnes Meyo and Dan Peters will lead you through the effective, straightforward steps any parent can take to help his/her child find and keep friends. In cooperation with the Mensa Foundation.

1. MY
GIFTED
CHILD
WANTS
MORE
FRIENDS:
WHAT
CAN I DO?
Agnes Meyo, PsyD &
Dan Peters, Ph.D.

2. First, let’s clarify the goals.

3. Do you want…
more invites from others?

4. more friends?

5. more verbalizations of contentment?

6. more texts, emails, or calls from friends?

7. more motivation on your child’s
part to find more friends?

8. more polite interactions
with adults?

9. more activities with friends?

10. It’s important to know what the goals are...

11. so you can
track progress
and outcome
success

12. and don’t inadvertently
undermine the process.

13. It also allows for adjustments in
methods, rewards, or pacing.

14. Next, what
are the
constraints?

15. genetics
{such as natural tendencies towards
extroversion or introversion}

16. time constraints
{just how busy are you?}

17. motivational level
{how much does your child want it?}

18. neurological
concerns
{are hyperactivity,
impulsivity or
others issues at
work?}

19. What are the
MYTHS
associated with
increasing
socialization?

20. MYTH:
Parents can’t set
up play dates for
older children.

21. REALITY

22. Actually,
parents can
be the BEST
at picking
friends for
the gifted.

23. {just don’t let them
know you’re doing it
– it can be our
secret}

24. MYTH:
The more the
merrier!

25. REALITY

26. Never! Actually, one-on-one
is virtually always best.

27. Three is a

28. Since four or more may create an
overwhelming social environment,

29. the gifted may prefer isolation or
feel left out in a crowd.

30. MYTH:
Trying out new
activities is
preferable.

31. REALITY

32. Avoid
surprises.

33. {the time to try
bungee jumping
for the first time
is NOT with a
new friend}

34. Use “tried and true”
options for activities.

35. Try to plan, predict, and prepare for
as many scenarios as possible.

36. A trial run at the site of the play date may
seem excessive, but it offers a level of
comfort/predictability.

37. MYTH:
Sleepovers are a
great way to
start a
friendship.

38. REALITY

39. WARNING!
FAILURE
ALERT!

40. All initial
activities need
to be short.
{maybe an hour or so}

41. Long engagements
may be going so well
that they might want
them to last forever.
{don’t give in}

42. If the “Honeymoon
Period” wears off during
the first encounter,

43. they may never want to
get together again.

44. {leave while they
still want more}

45. MYTH:
Social skills groups
are the best at
teaching strategies
for socialization.

46. REALITY

47. Unfortunately, the skill sets
may not generalize easily to
new environments.

48. {specific feedback, individualized
instruction, rewards, and practice
often work best}

49. MYTH:
It’s easy make friends
even if their family
members do not have
close relationships.

50. REALITY

51. Uh, no.

52. The easiest way to make
friends is when the
family members already
belong to a social group.

53. {e.g. church,
boating club,
baseball team,
book club}

54. MYTH:
Hygiene and
attire are
secondary.

55. REALITY

56. Showering, brushing teeth,
clothing, and brushing hair
really influence a first
impression.

57. {believe it or not, these
factors may completely
make or break a friendship}

58. MYTH:
Periodic contact
can maintain a
relationship.

59. REALITY

60. The memory of
a great social
engagement
can fade if not
followed up by
additional
enjoyable
contacts.

61. {regularly
scheduled
short
activities
work well}

62. MYTH:
Play dates at
home are best.

63. REALITY

64. Maybe they
are best for
your child,

65. but play dates
should be
designed so
that the other
child has fun,
too.

66. Pairing your
child with a
guaranteed
good time will
increase the
desire for the
other child to
want to play
with your child
again.

67. It doesn’t
always
have to be
a dog and
pony show;
just make
sure it’s
something
fun for
both kids.

68. MYTH:
Empathy and
sharing always
come naturally.

69. REALITY

70. Wouldn’t that be
wonderful?

71. Most have compassion
and sensitivity,

72. but many struggle with “seeing the
world through someone else’s eyes.”

73. It can help to ask,
“Do you want to have friends
or do you want to be right?”

74. What strategies
for making friends
work the best?

75. Five Things You
{or your child}
Can Do Now.

76. Learn these skills:

77. listening {not just hearing}

78. maintaining eye contact

79. asking
questions

80. respecting personal space

81. sharing

82. Practice the skills.

84. trial
runs

85. try alternative techniques

86. Select three
{potential} friends.

87. Find peers with common interests.

88. Match personalities.

89. Pursue family friends. {cousins!}

90. Make contact with all. {cast a wide net}

91. Schedule a one-
on-one activity.

92. Select an enjoyable activity.

93. Ask at least a week before
the date of the activity.

94. Prepare for all
possibilities.

95. Keep the engagement brief.

96. Follow up.

97. Send a short “thank
you” email or text.

98. Indicate that
a future event
is desired.

99. Wait at
least a week
to ask again.

100. Find a
regularly
scheduled
activity to
attend.

101. Let’s review.

102. To help the
gifted with social
skills, you need
to set goals and
clarify them.

103. There are many
myths about
socialization that
are not true.

104. Remember the five steps to
increase the socialization.
1. Learn skills
2. Practice skills
3. Select three potential friends
4. Schedule one-on-one activity
5. Follow up

105. And most
important
of all . . .

106. Keep
trying!

107. Contacts & Credits
If you would like more information or assistance with your child’s {or your own}
social success, please contact Dr. Meyo or Dr. Peters.
Dr. Agnes Meyo, PsyD. agnesmeyo@yahoo.com
Dr. Dan Peters, Ph.D.
drdanpeters@summitcenter.us
summitcenter.us
Presentation Design & Editing:
Mensa Foundation mensafoundation.org
For information on what Mensa and the Mensa Foundation have to offer
gifted children, their families, and educators, please contact
GiftedYouth@mensafoundation.org
Images:
Unless otherwise indicated, all images courtesy of sxc.hu.
Slide 15: DNA by Jorge Lucero, Flickr
Slide 71: iStock photo number 1399686_21236547
Slide 88: Morguefile photo number 144169