4. Am I Still A Sister? We are often shuttled off to friends and left out of our family. I know you do this to protect us from painful feelings, but please…let us be a part of our family! -Allie Sims www.oliviashouse.org
5. Identifying and Dispelling: The Myths of Grieving Siblings www.oliviashouse.org
6. Myth When a sibling is dying, children have no problem sitting on the sidelines of the family circle. www.oliviashouse.org
7. Reality Children become jealous of situations that keep their parents occupied, a dying sibling is no different. www.oliviashouse.org
8. Myth Parents have no problem determining where to put their energies when their child is terminally ill. www.oliviashouse.org
9. Reality Most parents are torn between the dying child and their surviving children. This dilemma is one of the most difficult at the time of the illness. www.oliviashouse.org
10. Myth Children are lethargic and sad all the time when experiencing the illness and death of a sibling. www.oliviashouse.org
11. Reality Children’s grief is often expressed through energy and activity; It is called, a “grief burst”. www.oliviashouse.org
12. Myth It is typical for a child to be a “Super-Perfect Kid” during the illness of a sibling. www.oliviashouse.org
13. Reality Some children strive to be super heroes when the family is coming apart but most children act out negatively while expressing their grief. www.oliviashouse.org
14. Myth Children’s fears are often addressed during and after the death of their sibling. www.oliviashouse.org
15. Reality Surviving siblings can have irrational fears that they keep to themselves, as a way of protecting their grieving parents. www.oliviashouse.org
16. Myth Most children “move on” soon after the death of their sibling since there is not a relationship anymore. www.oliviashouse.org
17. Reality Children heal and process bereavement when encouraged to “redefine the relationship” with their deceased sibling. www.oliviashouse.org
18. Myth Most teens are oblivious to their parents and could care less if they see them smile. They live in their own world during the teen years! www.oliviashouse.org
19. Reality Teens are very protective of their parents and tend to assume the role of a parent while the parent mourns their loss. They feel most secure when the family returns to a routine and parents set boundaries again. www.oliviashouse.org
20. Myth New siblings born after the death create harmony in the family because they fill the empty void. www.oliviashouse.org
21. Reality No child ever fills the void of a deceased child. The sibling born after the death will create their own relationship with the deceased. www.oliviashouse.org
22. Myth Teens have no desire to have a social life or be involved in outside activities because they feel the need to stay close to home during and after the death of a sibling. www.oliviashouse.org
23. Reality The “Independence vs. Dependence” struggle is a very real part of the developmental work a teen must do as they process loss. www.oliviashouse.org
24. Myth Children experience relief when their sibling finally passes and they feel very little guilt at all. www.oliviashouse.org
25. Reality All children feel a sense of relief when the family is no longer observing a death vigil but it brings along an enormous amount of guilt. www.oliviashouse.org
31. To Those Who Don’t Know If you could imagine the loneliest moment of your entire life, remember exactly how your body felt in that moment, empty those feelings into an expanding pill and swallow it. Then you could begin to imagine what it feels like to live through the loss of your sibling. I have one hand in happiness, the memories we made together. And one hand in isolation, the world without my brother. I constantly push and pull in an attempt to firmly remember, yet triumphantly live a positive life! - Scott – Written in memory of his brother Chris www.oliviashouse.org
