1. Emotional Intelligence
The term emotional intelligence (EI) was originally coined by two U.S.
psychologists, Peter Salovey and John Mayer, in 1990. Their work and the concept
of emotional intelligence were then made popular by Daniel Goleman (father of
the emotional intelligence theory). He successfully brought EI into the public arena
by writing a book titled, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
American readers lapped up the book. Truly, EI became a watershed concept in the
history of psychology. Much time has passed since Goleman’s penning of that
book, but his ideas have echoed throughout the past two decades. Some books last
a lifetime, and this is one of them. Grab your copy now. “Save” this book in your
heart.
An older couple, in their mid-70s, went to their friend’s penthouse apartment
(which was decorated with hundreds of little lights and glass baubles for the party)
and sat there solemnly. After a while, they enjoyed a good meal, starting with a
duck liver parfait, then a mousse made of local Franken fish wrapped in spinach.
For beverage, the whole party was served water from a large earthenware jug. Just
when the couple was about to leave, the music and dancing started. The party soon
turned into a frenzied atmosphere. Understandably, the elderly couple too became
intoxicated, and started dancing more energetically than most of the young people
who were present. This surprised many people, but the biggest scare to the
thousands of guests came when the aged couple’s hearts started to pump faster
(due to the excitement of dancing), and they died right on the dance floor. Shock
waves related to their deaths shattered the entire mood of the party. The principal
lesson to be learned from this situation is that an onslaught of emotions spells
doom. However, by resisting temptation and impulsiveness we gain control over
our emotions. Self-regulation is about managing feelings so that your behavior is
appropriate for the circumstances. Some experts now feel that self-regulation is
more valuable than intelligence.
We all have a wide range of emotions (without them, we would be dull robots).
Emotions are chemical signals fired off by your nervous system in response to
what is going on around you. Emotions govern our thoughts and actions; they fuel
our needs; they impinge on our bodies, and have a bearing on our relationships.
Experiencing and expressing emotions are two different things. If you do not know
the right way to express your emotions, then you are “emotionally illiterate.”
Emotional illiteracy can lead to infantile behavior. The overflow of emotions needs
to be controlled, and controlled quickly. The only immunization against emotional
immaturity lies in “emotional intelligence.”

2. Emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to handle his emotions in a balanced
and constructive manner. This capacity makes him “heart smart.” In today’s
meritocratic society, “emotional quotient, or EQ, is the glamorized term for “heart
smart.” EQ is emerging as a decisive element in high performance at work, school,
and home. Top-notch organizations are implementing EQ practices into
organizational growth and human resources. Similarly, world-class educators,
hospitals, psychologists, and coaches are applying EQ tools to generate positive
results and meet vital educational, family, health, and social needs. When people’s
EQ is low, it is costly in terms of time, goals, self-esteem, opportunity, physical
and emotional health, careers, accomplishments, relationships, and even lives.
Emotional intelligence is a learnable thing
Gwendolyn was a 7-year old daughter of a mother who was a designer. Her mother
made three-dimensional versions of decorative patterns. One table was in the shape
of a turtle in an explosion of multicolored resin and wood. Another table resembled
a frog carved from the same wood as the top. Gwendolyn led a sheltered life and
rarely went out to play (she was always chaperoned by her nanny, who took her to
school). Opening up to people was not Gwendolyn’s forte. The word that perfectly
fits her is “standoffish.” She was also vilified as a “little pipsqueak” by her peers.
Having a sense of Gwendolyn’s nature, her mother worked out a life-changing
strategy: she encouraged her daughter to participate in daring adventures and to
learn kick-boxing. What followed later was a super transformation in Gwendolyn
and her entrance to the gateway to success. By the time Gwendolyn reached
adulthood, she had befriended 30 reliable people and had many kick-boxing gold
medals under her belt. Indeed, Gwendolyn had come a long way.
A lot of credit should go to Gwendolyn’s mother. Her decision to intelligently
change her daughter’s temperament proved to be a masterstroke. It does not require
a parenting guidebook to fathom that emotion-coached kids are likely to be healthy
and strong, and to score good grades in exams. These kids have the mental
equilibrium and enough chutzpah. In contrast, those who are not emotionally
healthy tend to commit brutal crimes and are enslaved by bad habits. They
experience meltdowns due to their feeble emotional balance. Parenting is a job that
always involves responsibility. Some parents take their job seriously, and others
behave indifferently.
How the world has moved from IQ to EQ

3. For centuries, the general consensus among people was that IQ is the only
prognosticator of a person’s success. However, this well-established notion was
challenged by Daniel Goleman (heterodoxy)—it was a complete twist in the tale.
Goleman asserted in his book that there is something more than just cognitive
intelligence that takes a person to the top of his field. He named the ingredient
“EQ.” This new theory became a bone of contention for many success
connoisseurs. Arguments and counter-arguments arose. Researchers undertook
case studies to investigate this concept. Ultimately, Goleman’s idea was
buttressed by one and all (i.e., EQ indeed holds the upper hand over your
IQ/aptitude/track record). Eighty to ninety percent of a person’s success is based
on his EQ. Surely, EQ has taken the center stage in recent years.
Camden had a superb IQ. He possessed mental sharpness, logic, and analytical
skills. His academic performance was excellent. He was considered a “gem” of
his alma mater. But there was a serious negative aspect to his personality.
Camden did not know how to navigate his feelings. Every minute provocation
rubbed him the wrong way. In short, he lacked emotional competency. Because
of his zero EQ, Camden had to take a clerical job in a taxation department.
Kai had an excellent EQ. He possessed control over his emotions. His
intrapersonal and interpersonal skills were admirable. People liked him for his
emotional balance. Some people even called him an “emotional genius.” It is
hardly a surprise that Kai works as a creative director of an ad company. Kai, we
salute you for using your emotions as well as your cognitive abilities to reach the
top.
IQ + EI = success
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is a type of behavior by a parent that severely damages a child’s
emotional development and sense of self-worth. Emotional abuse also includes the
parent’s failure to provide the psychological nurturing necessary for a child’s
psychological growth and development—giving no love, support, or guidance. In
children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including
intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination, and moral
development. Emotional abuse can also affect a child’s social development and
may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand, and express
emotions.
Types of emotional abuse –

4. (1) Subjecting the child to unfair treatment.
(2) Making hurtful remarks about the child.
(3) Resorting to snarling at the child.
(4) Physical intimidation, thus petrifying him.
Example: Zander was brought up in a luxury-filled environment. His father, a
Capricorn, worked in real estate, and his mother, a Sagittarian, was CEO of one of
the largest mutual fund companies in America. She also owned just over 50% of
the chemical company Altana, as well as 14% of BMW. Zander’s parents had a
large retinue of staff to tend to their five enormous houses and 305-foot mega
yacht. To their credit (a mind-boggling collection worth $20 billion dollars and
their marital happiness has lasted since their wedding. They only attend highbrow
events such as the ballet or the opera). Zander was physically well cared for, but
severely deprived of basic emotional nurturing. Zander’s parents were critical,
constantly found fault with him, criticized him for silly slip-ups, and denigrated his
potential. To combine the above details into one statement, he was a casualty of
abusive parenting. As a result, he could not overcome those scars (in his mind)
throughout his lifetime.
Many people admit that the remnants of a difficult childhood stifle their progress.
They carry emotional baggage. As a result, they never allow their wounds to heal.
Horrifying emotional mistakes
(1) When Rex came in a close second in a spelling bee competition, he
experienced this as an inglorious defeat. Worse still, he threw his award into a
trash can. Rex nursed a grievance against the judges for their obvious partiality.
However, this was a far cry from reality.
(2) To escape from his depression over a broken marriage, Brock has become a
gambler, a womanizer, and a drunk.
(3) Unhappy with a penalty-kick decision made by one of the referees, three
soccer fans ran out onto the field like hooligans. They grabbed the referee’s shirt,
slapped him, and hit him on the head. He was bleeding from every orifice. That

5. referee was carried on a stretcher (after the fracas) to an ambulance for immediate
treatment.
(4) A mathematical prodigy committed suicide after failing to earn the highest
grades in geometry.
(5) On being teased as a pint-sized person by some of his schoolmates, Titus went
on a “shooting spree” and killed 15 people in the process. Eventually, he hanged
himself.
(6) Due to heavy Internet traffic, a person was unable to download a file. On
account of this, he threw his laptop onto the floor (breaking it into pieces).
So-called intelligent, but emotionally volatile people are causing irreparable
damage to their lives by opening the floodgates of their emotions. The enormity of
their destructive actions leaves a bitter taste in peoples’ mouth.
Everybody would nod in agreement when I say that, we also make emotional
mistakes but definitely not such bizarre ones. Although our errors do not receive
mention in the newspapers (certainly not an excuse for winking at them as mere
peccadilloes), each one of us would have to confess that at one time or another, we
have also come under the influence of unruly emotions, whether it be anger, fear,
or jealousy, and failed to take steps to correct our misconduct. At the end of the
day, these mistakes weaken us and our loved ones. Such errors create breaches in
our relationships. My friend once said, “Emotional mistakes keep a person in the
news for all the wrong reasons. Some attention-seeking people aspire to achieve
that. For them, any publicity is good publicity.”
Conclusion: I know a peripatetic, taciturn music teacher whose middle name is
“depression.” Years of anxiety have lined her brow with deep furrows. Also, there
are white flecks in her hair. She herself is to be blamed for all these traits. You may
ask, “Why?” Over the years, she has only worked out the emotional muscles of
sadness and loneliness. Hence, she finds it difficult, if not impossible, to
experience positive emotions (they have gone unexercised, thus making them
harder for her to access). The message is clear: the emotional muscles that are used
the most, shape an individual, either positively or negatively.