1. Communication is the key to success
PASS IT ON!
 We spend over 70% of our WAKING HOURS communicating with others
 Effective communication is crucial to developing and maintaining
relationships at home, work, but yet most Americans don’t understand
how we communicate or how to become a more effective
communicatorS
 NCA research on How Americans Communicate
 Understand the 7 road blocks that get in the way of effective
communication and what you can do to clear them up

2. How Americans Communicate
A study commissioned by the National
Communication Association
Americans understand how important
communication is to leading a fulfilling life,
but yet do not always feel comfortable or
effective
 62% of Americans admitted being “somewhat”
comfortable communicating
 About 57% of Americans admitted feeling
“effective” in their communications
 Women feel more comfortable communicating
than men
 65% of Americans prefer face-to-face
communication

3. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Who do American’s feel most comfortable
communicating with?
 93% said children:
This changes based on the subject matter: 83%
most comfortable discussing school and only
52% were comfortable discussing sex
 87%: with spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend
 77%: with parents
 78%: with siblings
 62%: with in-laws

4. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Effective
Communication in the
Workplace
 69% said they felt most
effective when
communicating with
coworkers
 37% said they felt least
effective when
communicating with
their boss

5. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Other people Americans feel effective communicating
with (Most comfortable at top; least at the bottom)
 Hair Stylists
 Physician
 Pharmacist
 A religious leader
 A law enforcement officer
 A person wanting to sell you
something
Q: Can you relate?

6. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Communicating with diverse social/demographic groups.
Americans said they are most effective at communicating:
62%: person of the same race
57%: People over 65 years of age
52%:A person of a different race
52%:With Women
47%: With Men
45%: With people under 21 years of age
Q: Do you find any of this surprising? What do you think this
says about Americans? How do you think this affects are
society as a whole?

7. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
What kinds of communication
are Americans most
comfortable with?
65%: Talking with friends
76%: When nice topics are being
discussed, rather than critizing
or get into arguments
60%: Giving directions to others
40%: Making decisions
48%: Telling a joke
51%: Trying to persuade others
35%: Raising complaints at work

8. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE –
Why do Americans get divorced
Communication affects all aspect of our lives. With
the divorce rate being almost 50%, this survey
provides some interesting insights about what
Americans feel that the major cause of divorce is:
 44% feel: A lack of communication
 38% feel: Money problems
 14% feel: Interference of relatives/in-laws
 12% feel: Sexual problems
 9% feel: Previous relationships of marriage
 7% feel: Children

9. Communicating in Small Groups
The seven roadblocks
to effective communication
1. Shyness
2. Lack of perceptive: letting biasness get in the
way
3. Lack of empathy
4. Poor listening skills
5. Being closed (lack of self-disclosure)
6. Lack of trust in others
7. Aggressiveness

10. Roadblock #1 - Shyness
Shyness: A complex human condition that ranges from brief periodic
spells of uncomfortableness to severe cases of fear of other
people. We are not born shy. There are events in people’s life's
that create an environment for shyness to grown.
Shyness is a learned behavior: Either derived from pleasure or
reward from the behavior associated with shyness
Philip Zimbardo, author of The Shy Child lists four fears that lead a
child to his or her shyness:
1. Negative Evaluation: the fear that others will critize or put them
down (Husbands experience with father)
2. Social Situations: The fear of responding in an inappropriate
manner in a social situation (Saying something wrong, not wearing
the right clothes, stuttering, etc.)
3. Rejection: The fear of being rejected by someone who is liked or
controls a desired resource
4. Intimacy: Fear of being involved in intimate situations

11. Roadblock #1- Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
Zimbardo’s list of consequences:
1. Social Problems: Limited contact with others
2. Poor Self-Projection: Shy person doesn’t understand
true intentions of others; and others misunderstand
them
3. Overly Self-Conscious: Preoccupied with his or her
reactions to various situations; on guard with others
4. Non-Assertive: Allows others to make decisions for
them
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want.
That’s why they don’t get what they want. “
~ Madonna

12. Roadblock #1- Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?
 Start young: Accept children for who they are not by what they do
 Think positive: Shy people usually have a lack of self-esteem. They need to use positive self talk
and focus in their strength
 Use active listening: Many shy people are afraid to start conversations. When talking to others
be involved and show you are listening.
 Use S.O.F.T.E.N.:
- Smile –
- Open your posture (No folded hands, arms and legs)
- Forward lean
- Touch – Hand, forearm, pat on the back
- Eye Contact
- Nod
 Simplify: Set realistic goals for overcoming your shyness. Don’t make your goals so impossible
that you will quit trying
 Take a chance: Do you something you fear everyday
 Go to www.shyness.com and learn about how to cure shyness. The Shyness Clinic in Palo Alto
offers workshops and counseling led by Zimbardo

13. Roadblock #1 - Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
in Groups
IN GROUPS:
 Shy people can get ignored
 Other’s in the group may feel they are antisocial, and may be hostile
toward them
 Shy people may go along with the group decision because they won’t stand
up for themselves or are afraid to ask questions
 Shy people may be more defensive because they very self conscious
TO BE A MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR:
 Be aware that a shy person is not purposely reserved, but that things from
their past can get in their way.
 Be patient; give them a chance to build trust and comfort with the group
 Ask them questions, to find commonalities that they share with the group
 Ask them their opinions
 Avoid using sterotypes when dealing with or talking about shy people

14. Roadblock #2 – Lack of
Perception
Perception: We are bombarded with thousands of messages or stimuli a day
(visual, verbal, smell, taste, hot or cold, internal or external and more) To deal
with this our conscious and unconscious selects, sorts and organizes this
information.
Because there is so much information we tend to organize it a manner that we are
comfortable and familiar. We often reconstruct events in how we think they
should have been.
Problems with limited perception:
 Bias: People usually see what they expect to see– and ignore what they don’t
expect
 Dependency on past experiences – it happened that way before, so it should
happen the same way again
 Limits your life: Lack of appreciation of other cultures music, food, art. We also
avoid people and events that we assume will fit our negative perception based
on bias or past experiences
HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?
 Be open-minded…give something new a chance
 Remember that one bad experience does not mean you will have another bad
experience in a similar situation
 Ask others around you how they remember an event so that you give your self
several viewpoints of what happened before you rewrite history

15. Review Questions
True or False
Shyness, unfortunately, is something we are born with and can do little
about.
True or False
Perception is the process where we attach meaning to an environment.

16. Roadblock #3 - Lack of
Empathy
 Empathy: is a feeling of oneness with others
 The closer we come to understanding others; we are said to have empathy.
 Difference between Empathy and Sympathy: Empathy is understanding vs.
Sympathy which is feeling sorry of them.
 Example: You have a paper that is due, but you spent too much time with friends
and it is late. Your instructor might have empathy for your plight, but very little
sympathy.
Problems with not being empathetic?
 Lack of compassion for others
 Unable to be responsible for our communication, as we don’t understand others
and their motivations
 Not perceived as a good listener
HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?
 The more we understand where someone is coming from, the better we can tailor
our communication
 Learn to listen to what the person is “really” saying (read between the lines)
 If you can be empathic to others, you will be kinder to yourself

17. Listening – 10 minute break
Q: How many of you think you are good
listeners?
Q: What characteristics do good listeners
have?
 Listening self evaluation/results
 Listening Quiz/Listening is the hardest
task

18. Roadblock #4 – Poor
Listening Skills
“It’s good to shut up
sometimes.”
Marcel Marceau - Entertainer

19. Roadblock #4 – Poor Listening
Research from Paul Rankin, Ohio State
University revealed:
70 percent of an adult’s waking hours is
spent communicating.
 9% writing
 16% reading
 30% speaking
 45% listening

20. Road block #4
- Why is effective listening so
hard?
 Our hardwiring: We think much faster than we hear
 We speak 125 words per minute
 Our brain can process 600 words per minute
 7 seconds is average length of human attention
 In that down time, our mind wanders, we day
dream, make other plans…and most of all we are
not being effective listeners
 Immediately after hearing a message, most people
retain barely 50% of the content.
 Eight to twelve hours later, they barely retain 25%
percent of the content.

21. The difference between
hearing and listening
 We are all born with the ability to hear, listening is a learned skill
 Hearing is being aware of sound generated by the environment
Example:
Hearing: A baby crying, breaks squealing from a car, a police siren
or a crash in the kitchen. Hearing is “hearing” the sounds.
 Listening is a skill which allows us to interpret or analyze those
sounds that create meaning
Example:
 Listening: is the skill that allows to create meaning. Based on the
type of cry from the baby, or the length of the siren, or sound of
the crash in the kitchen – all might mean there is trouble, which
has meaning to us.

22. Listening –
Being an Empathetic Listener
Empathizing: Empathizing is the most complex and
difficult type of listening. It involves:
 Concentration
 A sensitivity to the emotional content of messages
 Listening to the unstated purpose (or reading
between the lines)
 Withholding judgment
 Seeing the world from the speaker’s perspective
 Sensing the unspoken words
 Responding with acceptance

23. Researcher, Jack Kelley describes the
difference between good listeners and
bad listeners
 Good Listeners: Open to new ideas, emotionally
stable, mature, sophisticated, outgoing, bright,
dominant, enthusiastic, trustful, and have self-
control.
 Bad Listeners: Aloof, dull, emotional, submissive,
glum, timid, lax, suspecting, simple and tense.
 What is implied: The good listener is actively
involved in the communication process; the bad
listener not involved in the communication
process.

24. Listening Professor Alton Barbour at the University of
Denver conducted a country-wide survey of many
industries “Listening Habits That Irritate Me.”
He found that no matter the industry, the same habits irritated people.
Listening Habits That Irritate Me
1. The other person interrupts me when I talk.
2. The other person doesn’t look at me when I talk, so I am not sure if he
or she is listening.
3. The other person talks down to me.
4. The other person does distracting things when talking to me (picking
fingernails, cleaning glasses, fidgeting with pencils, looking at watch)
5. The other person waits for me to get through talking only so he or she
can interject something of his or her own, instead of responding to what
I said.
6. The other person acts as if they are doing me a favor by talking with
me.

25. Barriers to Effective Listening
1. Prejudging the communicator or the
communication:
 You dislike or disagree with speaker.
 You anticipate what the person will
say and then you tune them
out.(Especially politicians who hold
different views from our own)
 You prejudge others based on
culture, religion, age, sex or race.
To consider: Good ideas come from
everyone…even people you don’t like.

26. Barriers to Effective Listening
2. Rehearsing a Response - This barrier is perhaps the
most difficult to overcome.
 We spend time rehearsing what we will say before
the other person is finished speaking.
 One of the reasons is the Speech-rate-ratio: The
difference between speech rate and thought rate.
 Reason for ticker tape information on CNN and other
channels.

27. Guide to being an
Effective Listener
 Stop
 Look
 Listen
 Ask questions
 Paraphrase content
 Paraphrase feelings

28. Guide for Being an Effective
Listener
Stop:
 Eliminate distractions (cell phones, pagers, computers, etc) so you can
concentrate and give speaker full attention.
 Be present - (eliminate self talk)
Look:
 Listen to what isn’t being said as an additional component
 Look for nonverbal clues that will help you understand what the speaker is
feeling
 The face provides the most important information about how a person is
feeling.
 The body can also communicates feelings and emotions, if you know what
to look for
 The voice quality, pitch, rate, volume, and use of silence also give
information about how a person is feeling.

29. Guide to Being an Effective
Listener
Listen:
 Be an active listener
 You may not always agree with what
the person is saying, but try to give
them a chance to be heard
 Match a person’s verbal with nonverbal
to decipher both the content and
emotion of the person’s message
Ask yourself. “How would I feel if I were
in that person’s position?”

30. Guide to being an active
listener
Ask Questions:
 Help others to focus by using questions that
clarify perceptions.
Four purposes of questions:
1. To obtain additional information
2. To find out how a person feels
3. To ask for clarification of a word or phrase
4. To verify your conclusion about the person’s
meaning are feeling.

31. Guide to being an Active
Listener
Paraphrase Content:
 After the person is done talking (Don’t interrupt) Restate in your own words what you think the
other person is saying. (Different from parroting)
 The goal of active listening is to understand both the feelings and the content of another
person’s message
Paraphrase Feelings:
 You could follow your paraphrase with a comment on feeling, such as “ I imagine you must be
feeling ______(frustrated, confused, happy, sad, perplexed, etc.) Followed with “Is that true.”
 Give the person a chance to respond to your paraphrase.
Other things you can do:
 Rubber band snap (handout and challenge to do for the rest of class)
 Don’t fake listening in any situation as the speaker will usually know
 Be a scientist: Examine the communication process happening around you. Put what you’ve
learned to work

32. Listening to Succeed -
Challenges for Groups
• When more people are in
a group it is easier to sit
back and be a passive
listener
• When many different
opinions in a group/easier
to create barriers to
effective listening

33. Benefits of Being
an Active Listener
 Effective listening can build supportive,
cohesive groups
 Effective listening is also the cornerstone
of critical listening -- the skill required to
make decisions and to solve problems
effectively
 Effective listening will cut down mistakes
at work, improve your grades, enhances
your relationships, and more importantly
give you the tools for greater success! ; - )

34. In-class group Exercise –
Worth 5 points
Abigal and

35. Road block #5 – Being closed
 One of the most important ways to establish and maintain
trusting relationships with others is through self-disclosure/The
deliberate communication of information about yourself to
others.
 Challenges with this: When you reveal personal, private
information, you open yourself to the possibility that others
might reject you.
 John Powell: Author of the book Why I am afraid to tell you who
I am? says people hesitate to disclose much about themselves
because “If I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and
it’s all I have.”
 Self-disclosure should be timed to suit the occasion and the
expectations of the individuals involved.
Expression: TMI (Too much Information) Example of an
instructor’s past graduate school experience

36. Road block #5 – Being closed
Solution: Open Up and understand
the levels of Self-Disclosure
Author Powell says that there are 5 predictable
levels that individuals and groups go through:
Levels go from lowest to highest form of
communication
Level 5: Cliché Communication: Signals a desire to
initiate a relationship: Smiling; making eye
contact; saying “Hi” “Nice to see you.”
Level 4: Facts and biographical information:
You reveal nonthreatening informational bout
yourself, such as name, hometown, or occupation
Level 3: Personal attitudes and ideas: After
introducing yourself and getting down to business,
you then respond to various ideas and issues,
noting where you agree and disagree with others.
Level 2: Personal feelings. Talking about your
personal feelings; and sharing how you feel about
others; This level really makes one vulnerable.

37. Road block #5 – Being closed
Solution: Self-Disclosure
Level 1: Peak Communication. People seldom reach this level.
This is a level of self-disclosure where people do not have a fear
of rejection and are not afraid to reveal ideas, opinions, feelings,
and not afraid to have to agree or disagree. Are most of all they
are not afraid to say “no.”
How to change this roadblock:
 Be aware of the different levels of disclosure and try to share
information about yourself that you feel comfortable with
 Don’t reveal too much, too soon or you can turn people off
 Take other people’s leads…what do they reveal and when
 Establish trust with others so that all parties can communicate
with peak communication
“ If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.”
~ Geena Davis - Actor

38. Road block #5 – Being closed
Groups and Self-Disclosure
 Groups are very effective in allowing us to
learn about ourselves and what roles we might
play in a group
 Joseph Luft, the creator of the Johari Window,
researched the relationship between self-
disclosure and the success of the group
 He created a description of the process which
occurs and called it the Johari Window
 There are four areas of self disclosure between
the person and those around him or her that
are part of the Johari Window
 The more open a person is the more successful
the group
 Group Discussion on Johari’s window

39. Road block #6:
Lack of trust in Others
Q: How many of you have a basic trust toward
other humans? Why? Why not?
 I believe everyone is trustworthy…Sometimes as
an instructor this is hard; as you hear many
excuses from students; most the time true, but
often not…
 Often we make assumptions about the
trustworthiness of others based on bias, past
experiences, culture, religion, race, sex
“Assumptions are the termites of a
relationships”
~ Henry Winkler…Actor

40. Road block #6:
Lack of trust in Others
 According to Psychologist
Julian B. Rotter; trust is: “ a
generalized expectancy;
that the word, the promise,
the verbal or written
statement of another
individual or group can be
relied upon?”

41. Communicating in Small Groups
- Trust
 According to communication theorist John G.
Babarro: The degree of trust you place in
another is to a large extent based on your
perception of the individual’s character
 These character-based sources of trust
include trust in the integrity of the person,
trust in his or her motives, trust in his or her
consistency of behavior, and trust in his or
her openness and discretion.

42. Communicating in Small
Groups- Trust
 To be able to trust others, to be willing to take a
risk, you need to have degree of confidence in
yourself.
 Shy people are less trusting, as they have a
problem with self-esteem
 Abraham Maslow, feels that this is not positive,
and stresses the importance of a trusting attitude.
Maslow feels there are two motivating factors for
choices in our life.
1. Growth choices: People who trust themselves
make “growth” choices (self-actualized; living life
to its full potential)
2. Fear choices: Non-trusting people, make choices
out of fear and misunderstanding, and therefore
learn little about themselves.

43. Communicating in Small Groups-
Trust
 Julian Rotter believes that a high level of trust
is a desirable attitude for a person
 He found that low trusting people were more
likely to be taken advantage of than high
trusting people – such as by a con-artist
 The high trusting person has a positive
outlook and decides the con-artist is bad and
doesn’t want any involvement
 The high trustee creates a more trusting
situation that does the low trusting person
 Groups need to have trusting individuals if the
group is to be healthy
 If people are not trusting they will take
advantage of the group
 Take the high road and give your group
members a chance

44. Group Discussion
Johari’s Window

45. Chapter 3
Review Questions
True or False
You are born shy
True or False
The concepts of listening and hearing are interchangeable
Multiple – Choice
According to Abraham Maslow, the trusting person makes choices in life
referred to as:
A. self-actualized choices
B. fear choices
C. intelligent choices
D. growth choices
E. A and C
True or False
According the author John Powell, the highest level of self-disclosure is clique communication
True of False
According to Julian Rotter, people who are more trusting are more susceptible to con artists