The author claims to provide 8 reasons why he doesn't like kittens, but ultimately reveals that he actually loves kittens. Some of the reasons he provides are that he enjoys petting their soft fur, admires their independence and napping habits, likes when they purr while being petted, and is envious of their carnivorous diet and snuggling behavior. However, after listing each supposed reason for disliking kittens, he states that he still doesn't like them. In the end, the author admits that he doesn't actually dislike kittens at all, and tries to make their lives pleasant because he loves them.
2. DON’T BE STORYIN’
My Grandma used to tell me, “Don’t be storyin’,” and this may
apply here. But, I’m not storyin’ you. It’s not that I hate cats or
that I hate kittens, far from it. Those who know me recognize that I
have an affinity for the finest of felines, so they may think I’m
storyin’. But I’m not.
I think my fondness for the fuzzy felines began in my early days
when I saw Tweety and Sylvester and their antics. I liked Tweety
Bird ’cause he dressed in the finest of colors: yellow. And, Sylvester
was always conniving to eat Tweety. Now, I would never try to eat
Tweety Bird, but I confess that I do have a fondness for fried
chicken.
So, why don’t I like kitties? Well, read on.
3. 1. FUZZY FELINES
Like the fairest of fuzzy felines, I’m a little bit fuzzy myself. So, I love love love to have warm fuzzy
kittens around so that I can pet them. Even though their fur tends to take my breath away, I still
“purrsist” in making their fuzzy fur fly in fabulous formations. But I don’t like them.
4. 2. FIERCE
INDEPENDENCE
The kitties seem to begin their
existence by being fiercely
dependent on their mother but, as
they grow, they quickly develop
independent streaks. I love their
ability to create problems for every
solution and spark friendly feline
fights over the simplest of things,
like red dots. However, I still don’t
like them.
5. 3. THE NAPS
It’s really more of a jealousy thing, but I love how the kitties
spend their long days in the midst of long feline dreams. While
I don’t enjoy the opportunities like I used to, I really like to nap
about ten hours per day, followed by about eight hours of
restful sleep. However, I still don’t like the puddy tats.
6. 4. THE PURR
I love how the kitties like to purr when you start to pet
and fuzz them. They soon develop the habit of flipping
their tails and pretending that they don’t want to be
near you, but they eventually sidle up to you with their
motors running because they want you to pet them
endlessly, until they want you to stop, which is almost
right away. The petting requires specific planning and
must be tailored and customized for each cat, which
makes it very challenging. But I still don’t like them.
7. 5. THE DIET
I love how kitties like to eat the chicken, fish, pork, and beef. I
gotta admit that I’m envious of their carnivorous lifestyle. You
won’t ever see me out hunting birds, but I certainly enjoy da’
meats. But, I still don’t like ’em.
8. 6. THE
SNUGGLES
I love how the kitties all fight and
play all day and pretend to be
mortal enemies. But, when it turns
cold out, they huddle, snuggle, and
groom each other. I still don’t like
kitties, but I am a little envious.
9. 7. THE
TAILS
You can observe a lot by
observing a kitten's tail, and
you can earn their wrath by
attempting to pet it. Their tails
are the window to their souls
and indicate how they are
feeling and wish to be treated.
But, I still don’t like ’em.
10. 8. THE
CATTITUDE
I love how they strut their stuff
all over the place as though
they have no fear in the world.
But a simple loud noise sends
them scurrying up a tree. I
don’t have their strut but I
scare pretty easily. But, I still
don’t like em’.
11. I LOVE ’EM
That’s right. I don’t like kitties:I
love ’em. I’ll deny to my dying
day that I’m obsessed with
them, but I won’t turn the
kitties away. I try to do what I
can to make their stay on this
earth pleasant as they do for
each of my passing moments.
So, I’ve given you eight reasons
why I don’t like kitties, and
that’s because I love ’em.
