chapter5presentation3-141011003919-conversion-gate02.pdf

Chapter 5
Being Concise and Removing Redundancy
PRESENTED BY: ROHAYU A. WAHID

Why is this chapter important?
This chapter will teach you how to be concise without losing any important content,
i.e. you can express the same concepts but using fewer words.

Keep it Simple: Clearer, Concise Sentences
http://youtu.be/ATwZcyn0lWw

5.1 Cut, cut and then cut again
A word or phrase is redundant if it does nothing to help the reader understand a sentence.
Being concise means using the least amount of words to express a concept, without losing any
content or detail.
Everything you write should add value.
Don’t just cut words.
Consider cutting sentences, paragraphs, even whole subsections.
If you eliminate the unnecessary and try to be precise, your important points will stand out
clearly for the reader.

S1 and S2 contain considerable redundancy S3 and S4 are concise versions
S1. The research focused the comparison
between the year 2003, when a severe
spring frost occurred, and the 2006–2008
period, characterized by a lack of natural
spring frosts.
S3. We compared 2003, when a severe spring
frost occurred, with 2006–2008, when there
were no natural spring frosts.
S2. There is a wide variety of studies dealing
with the evaluation and the achievement of
clarity in technical manuals. We will discuss
a certain number of them that in our
opinion are of particular interest to our
research.
S4. Several studies on clarity in technical
manuals can be found in the literature [for a
review, see refs. 10 and 15]. We discuss
three papers that we believe are most
relevant to our research.
Example

5.2 Write less, make less mistakes
The less you write, the fewer opportunities you will have to make mistakes in your English!
Make the sentences more concise by removing the redundancy .
By the way, aimed at and choice would be the correct versions in S1 and S2.
Example Could be rewritten
S1. The activity aimed at / to the extrapolation
of the curve is not trivial.
S3. The extrapolation of the curve is not
trivial.
S2. We did the calculation manually. This
choice / choose meant that ...
S4. We did the calculation manually. This
meant that ...

5.3 Cut redundant words
The words in square brackets […] below are probably all redundant, and could simply be removed
without having to make further changes to the sentence.
It was small [in size], round [in shape], yellow [in color] and heavy [in weight].
This will be done in [the month of] December for [a period of] six days.
Our research [activity] initially focused [attention] on [the process of] designing the
architecture.
The [task of] analysis is not [a] straightforward [operation] and there is a [serious] danger
that ...
The analyses [performed in this context] highlighted [among other things] the [fundamental
and critical] importance of using the correct methodology in a consistent [and coherent]
manner [of conduction].

Wherever possible use the most concrete word available.
Words such as activity and task are very abstract and not memorable words for the reader.
If you find that your paper is full of the words listed below, first decide if you could cut them, if
not try to find a more concise and concrete alternative.
activity, case, character, characteristics, circumstances, condition, consideration, criteria,
eventuality, facilities, factor, instance, intervention, nature, operation, phase, phenomenon,
problem, procedure, process, purpose, realization, remark, situation, step, task, tendency

Whenever you use an adjective or adverb decide if it really is necessary.
Don’t use pairs of adjectives or nouns that essentially mean the same thing.
What contribution, if any, do the words in square brackets […] below add to the reader’s
understanding of the sentence?
This has made it possible to review the analysis of important [fundamental and practical]
problems [and phenomena] of engineering.
Numerical methods have increasingly become quick [and expedient] means of treating such
problems.
Equation1 is [readily] amenable to numerical treatment.
The method lends itself [most amiably] to being solved by ..

5.4 Prefer verbs to nouns
English tends to use more verbs than nouns. This reduces the number of words needed, makes
sentences flow better, and provides variety. Too many nouns make a sentence heavy to read.
ORIGINAL VERSION (OV) REVISED VERSION (RV)
X was used in the calculation of Y. X was used to calculate Y.
Symbols will be defined in the text at their
first occurrence
Symbols will be defined when they first occur
in the text.
Lipid identification in paint samples is based
on the evaluation of characteristic ratio values
of fatty acid amounts and comparison with
reference samples.
Lipids are generally identified in paint samples
by evaluating the characteristic ratio values of
fatty acid amounts and comparing them with
reference samples

5.5 Use one verb (e.g. analyze) instead of a
verb+ noun (e.g. make an analysis)
If you use a verb + noun construction, you have to choose a ‘helper’ verb to associate with the
noun. For example, should you say do or make a comparison of x and y? If you simply say to
compare x and y, you avoid choosing the wrong helper verb.
X showed a better performance than Y X performed better than Y
Heating of the probe can be obtained in two
different ways:
The probe can be heated in two different
ways:
The installation of the system is done
automatically
The system is installed automatically
The evaluation of this index has been carried out
by means of the correlation function.
This index was evaluated using the
correlation function

Other examples:
achieve an improvement (improve), carry out a test (test), cause a cessation (stop), conduct a
survey (survey), effect a reduction (reduce), execute a search (search), exert an influence
(influence), exhibit a performance (perform), experience a change (change), give an
explanation (explain), implement a change (change), make a prediction (predict), obtain an
increase (increase), reach a conclusion (conclude), show an improvement (improve), subject
to examination (examine).
The above verbs in italics add no value for the reader.

The OV below highlights the redundancy that such verb + noun constructions cause.
Avoid saying to send an email or to do a search on Google, and simply say to email and to google.
In Figure 2 the curve exhibits a downward
trend (portion A–B); then it undergoes a rapid
rise (part B–C), it then (zone C–D). It possesses
a peak at point E before displaying a slow
decline ...
On the other hand, the curve in Fig 3 is
characterized by a different behavior.
In Figure2 the curve initially falls (segment A–
B) and then rises rapidly (B–C). It then levels
off (C–D). Finally it peak sat point E before
falling slowly...
On the other hand, the curve in Fig 3 behaves
differently.

5.6 Reduce the number of link words
When papers reflect a clear, logical progression of ideas, the reader follows the argument
without excessive promptings such as:
It is worthwhile noting that ...,
As a matter of fact...,
Experience teaches us that...

Compare the two versions below. Note how some of the link words from the OV have been
removed in the RV, some have remained, and others have been added.
Our data highlighted a significant toxic effect. (1) In fact,
cell survival in cultures inoculated with elutriates was
about 75% of the control, respectively. (2) Considering
that several heavy metals (HMs) are known to be
carcinogenic compounds, the metal contamination may
explain some of the toxicity. (3) Moreover, in complex
mixtures, HMs may also act as co-mutagens, (4)
increasing the toxic activity of other compounds
(Brogdon,2011). (5) In particular, cadmium could be
responsible for the mutagenic effects. (6) In addition, the
high concentrations of chromium may be responsible for
the toxic effects, (7) given that chromium is a potent
mutagenic compound (Ray, 1990) and it is also ...
Our data highlighted a significant toxic effect. (1) In fact,
cell survival in cultures inoculated with elutriates was
about 75% of the control, respectively. (2) Several heavy
metals (HMs) are known to be carcinogenic compounds,
thus the metal contamination may explain some of the
toxic results.(3) In complex mixtures, HMs may also act as
co-mutagens, (4) thus increasing the toxic activity of other
compounds (Brogdon,2011). (5) Cadmium could be
responsible for the mutagenic effects. (6) In addition, the
high concentrations of chromium may be responsible for
the toxic effects. (7) Chromium is in fact a potent
mutagenic compound (Ray, 1990) and it is also ...

Below is an analysis of the seven points indicated in the OV.
(1) In fact is needed because it gives evidence of what was said in the previous sentence.
(2) Considering that forces the reader to wait till the second half of the sentence before understanding the meaning of the phrase. In the RV
considering that has been replaced, later in the sentence, by thus. The resulting structure is: tell readers something then tell them the
consequence.
(3) Moreover is unnecessary as the sentence also contains the word also which has the same function as moreover.
(4) In the RV thus has been added before increasing. This is absolutely necessary as the reader could interpret the sentence in a completely
different way, i.e. that the way heavy metals act as co-mutagens is by increasing the toxic activity. For more on the difference between
thus and by before an -ing form see Sect.6.10.
(5) In the OV, this is the fourth consecutive sentence that begins with a link word. Such a style of writing soon becomes repetitive and also
delays the subject of the sentence. The expression in particular is rarely useful. In the RV it has been removed.
(6) In addition is useful here as it alerts the reader that more is going to be said about the findings mentioned in the previous sentence, rather
than this sentence moving on to a new topic.
(7) In the RV, the OV sentence is terminated after effects and a new sentence is begun. In order to avoid the tedium of having link words
always at the beginning of the sentence, in fact has been placed after the subject.

5.7 Choose the shortest words
 choice of two words mean the same thing → choose the shortest
 short word is too informal → don’t use it.
 Example: dear and cheap are synonyms for expensive and inexpensive → would not usually be
appropriate in a research paper.
 A thesaurus, called Thsrs → will find shorter synonyms
SHORT LONG SHORT LONG
advise, urge
aim
also
but
end
have
improve
keep
later
recommend
objective
furthermore
however
termination (n), terminate (v)
possess
ameliorate
maintain
subsequently
short
now
potential
show
spread
thus
use
usual
very
long
currently
potentiality
demonstrate
proliferation
consequently
utilization (n), utilize (v)
customary
extremely

5.8 Choose the shortest expressions
Try to use the expression that requires the least characters.
X is large in comparison with Y. (26 characters)
X is larger than Y. (15 characters)
The following link words could be replaced by since:
considering that, given that, due to the fact that, on the basis of the fact that,
notwithstanding the fact that, in view of the fact that, in consequence of the fact that

5.8 Choose the shortest expressions
Short sentences tend to stand out from the rest of the text, and thus get noted more.
All the phrases below could be replaced by Note that...
It must be emphasized / stressed / noted / remarked / underlined ...
It is interesting to observe that ...
It is worthwhile bearing in mind / noting / mentioning that ...
It is important to recall that ...
As the reader will no doubt be aware ...
We have to point out that ...

5.9 Use the shortest adverbial expression
Instead of using an adjective + a generic noun (way, mode, fashion), use the adverb form of the
adjective.
To do this, the application searches for
solutions in an automatic way / fashion /
mode
To do this, the application searches for
solutions automatically.
This should be avoided since it is generally
the case that it will fail
This should be avoided since it generally fails.
From a financial standpoint, it makes more
sense to ...
Financially, it makes more sense to …

5.9 Use the shortest adverbial expression
Other examples:
in the normal course of events (normally), on many occasions (often), a good number of times
(many times, frequently), from time to time (occasionally), in a rapid manner (rapidly), in a
manual mode (manually), in an easy fashion (easily), from a conceptual point of view
(conceptually).
For rules on the position of adverbs see Sect. 2.12.

5.10 Avoid pointless introductory phrases
Often you can avoid an introductory phrase when it is preceded by a heading.
For example, immediately after a heading entitled Results, the following phrases would be
completely redundant.
The salient results are summarized in the following.
The results of this work may be synthesized as follows.
Let us recapitulate some of the results obtained in this study.
Likewise, it is pointless immediately under a heading entitled Conclusions to begin by saying:
In conclusion, we can say that ...

5.11 Avoid impersonal expressions
Impersonal expressions are those that begin a sentence with it is... Such expressions tend to
delay the subject (Sect.2.5) You can replace impersonal expressions by:
a) using modal verbs (can, must etc.)
It is necessary / mandatory to use X. X must be used.
It is advisable to clean the recipients. The recipients should be cleaned.
It is possible that inflation will rise. Inflation may rise.

b) using adverbs (surprisingly, likely etc.). For the position of adverbs in a sentence see
Sect.2.12.
It is surprising that no research has been
carried out in this area before.
Surprisingly, no research has been carried
out in this area before.
It is regretted that no funds will be available
for the next academic year.
Unfortunately, no funds will be available for
the next academic year.
It is clear / evident / probable that inflation
will rise.
Inflation will clearly / probably rise.

c) rearranging the sentence
However, impersonal phrases may be useful when you want to hedge your claims (Sect.9.9).
It is possible to demonstrate [Kim 1992] that
…
Kim [1992] demonstrated that …
It is anticipated / believed that there will be
a rise in stock prices.
We expect a rise in stock prices.
We believe there will be a rise in stock prices.
A rise in stock prices is expected.
It may be noticed that … It is possible to observe that …
Note that …

5.12 Reduce your authorial voice
Readers will not appreciate being continually given a commentary on what you are doing in your paper.
It is also unnecessary to use we to refer to you and your readers, as in the last example.
For more on this topic see Sect.7.5.
As in the previous case we observe that there are
three distributions of this measure:
There are three distributions of this measure:
We can identify two categories of users .. There are two categories of users ..
Thus, in this analysis we decided to focus our
attention on ..
This analysis focuses on …
It is now time to turn our attention, in the rest of the
paper, on the question of ..
The rest of the paper focuses on the question of …
We find it interesting to note that x = y. Interestingly, x = y.
As we can see in Fig. 1, for each network we have a
series of different relationships.
Figure 1 highlights that there is a series of different
relationships for each network.

5.13 Be concise when referring to figures and
tables
RVs below highlight how it is not difficult to be concise when referring to figures and tables.
Figure 1 shows schematically / gives a graphical
representation of / diagrammatically presents /
pictorially gives a comparison of two components
Figure 1 shows a comparison of two
components.
From the graphic / picture / diagram / drawing / chart
/ illustration / sketch / plot / scheme that is depicted
/ displayed / detailed / represented / sketched in
Figure 3, we can say that …
Figure 3 shows / highlights / reports that …
The mass spectrum, reproduced in the drawing in
Figure 14, proved that …
The mass spectrum (Fig. 14) proved that …
We can observe / As can be seen from Table 3 that …
From an analysis / inspection of Table 3 it emerges
that …
Table 3 highlights that …

5.13 Be concise when referring to figures and
tables
Don’t need to:
describe the figure using words like graphically or schematically.
use many different synonyms either to describe what kind of figure it is or to say what it shows.
Use active verbs – this figures shows x, rather than x is shown in this figure.
Avoid duplicating information that can be easily found in tables and figures. Just give the
highlights (Sect.16.9).

5.14 Use the infinitive when expressing an aim
Save space by expressing purposes and objectives in the shortest form.
For more on this topic see Sect.15.10.
We use X for the purposes of showing the
suitability of Y for the description of Z.
We use X to show how Y is suitable for
describing Z.
In order to maximize channel utilization … To maximize channel utilization …
The design of software is aimed at
supporting multimedia services.
The software is designed to support
multimedia services.
The software supports multimedia services.

5.15 Redundancy versus Conciseness:
an example
Concise is important in reducing number, words, potential mistakes and in increasing readability
and impact.
Read the following two versions of the beginning of an abstract, look at the analysis that follows.
ICT technologies are expected to hold the ignition key to the
reduction of the greenhouse gases produced worldwide, which is
a non- debatable global priority. The importance of “greening of
the Internet”, therefore, is recognized as a primary design goal of
the future global network infrastructures. Indeed, the Internet
today already accounts for about 2% of the total world energy
consumption, but with the current trend of shifting offline
services online, this percentage will grow significantly in the next
few years, and it will be pushed further by the forthcoming
Internet-based platforms that require always-on connectivity. In
this paper we present … (101 words)
ICTs hold the key to reducing greenhouse gases. Greening the
Internet is a primary design goal of future global network
infrastructures. The Internet already accounts for about 2% of total
world energy consumption and now that offline services are being
shifted online. This percentage will grow significantly and will be
further fuelled by the forthcoming Internet-based platforms that
require always-on connectivity. We present … (64 words)

an example
Technologies - ICT stands for ‘Information and Communications Technology’, thus technologies is redundant and ICT
should be made plural (ICTs).
ignition keys- ignition adds no extra information.
produced worldwide- unless the author states that that the gases are only produced in one particular location, then it
is clear to the reader that this is a worldwide phenomenon.
which is a non-debatable global priority - this is firmly established information that all readers will be aware of
(whether they agree with it or not).
recognized as - recognized by who? Presumably by the scientific (and political) community.
This information is implicit and is therefore probably not necessary.
indeed - this is an example of a link word that adds no extra information and if the paragraph is structured correctly,
such link words may be redundant.
today - unless stated otherwise it is clear that the time reference is now so today is unnecessary.

an example
in the next few years and the forthcoming - the use of will clearly indicates that this is a future event, and given that
readers are likely to be ICT people they will already know the time-scale. In any case, if the action was not in the very
near future presumably the author would have used a more accurate indication (e.g. in 10–15 years).
in this paper - given that this is part of an Abstract, the reader knows that the text refers to the associated paper.
The RV also makes use of other tricks to make the OV more concise, again these are indicated in
italics.
key to the reduction of becomes key to reducing - this is an example of using use a verb instead of a noun (Sect.5.4).
In this case the verb is in the –ing form because it comes after a preposition (key+ to+ -ing).
but with the current trend of shifting offline services online becomes now that offline services are being shifted online
- this change is not strictly necessary, but the present continuous already contains the idea of a current trend.

5.16 Constantly ask yourself - does what I am
writing add value for the reader?
A problem that all authors experience, particularly those writing outside the pure sciences, is
falling into the trap of writing things that give them satisfaction or pleasure when they re-read
them, but which in reality have no benefit for the reader.
A really useful skill in writing is thus to be critical of your own work.
Try to play at being the editor of your work and use your red pen to delete anything that is not
strictly relevant for the reader.
As English writer Samuel Johnson said: “Read over your compositions, and wherever you meet
with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.”

5.17 Summary
Be more concise by:
deleting any words that are not 100% necessary
finding ways of expressing the same concept with fewer words
using verbs rather than nouns
choosing the shortest words and expressions
avoiding impersonal phrases that begin it is ...
It is perfectly acceptable to write a long phrase or sentence, or a complicated construction,
provided that you only do this occasionally.
Conciseness can produce unintelligible phrases (Sect.2.15). It is always better to put clarity first,
even if it means having to use more words.

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