1. MATE, I AM SHIT SCARED – Presentation Script
I am SO scared. Are you scared? If you’re not, you should be. Have you read the
paper lately? I was reading it the other day and you would not believe how much
shit I found out. Some of it was shit I already kinda knew about but I found out a
bit more interesting and SCARY stuff that I am SO glad I know now.
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First thing is, the Ebola. I read in the paper that it’s spread from Africa to Europe,
the USA and it’s even up in Cairns. Soon enough it’ ll be in Brisbane. I was on the
train this morning and the bloke sitting opposite me looked like he definitely had
it. He looked like shit, coughing all over the place. What if he gave it to me?!
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I read in the paper the other day that some professor said that our Ebola rapid
response teams haven’t even been properly trained to deal with an outbreak
here. And I read in another paper “Ebola patients from Papua New Guinea could
be flown to Darwin for treatment”. Like, hold up mate! When the hell were you
gonna tell us it had reached Papua New Guinea? That’s bloody close to Australia!
Now I’m freakin out even more!
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Onto my next issue! Muslims! Did you hear about the muslims trying to get into
parliament with their burqas on? I read in the paper that they’re maybe gonna
make them sit up where the school kids have to sit IF they wanna go there. But
like, what if they have a bomb strapped to themselves and they blow up all the
kids? That’d piss me off more than if they blew up the pollies.
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But anyway, there’s a lot of fuss over these muslims at the moment. It’s mostly
because of that crazy ISIS crew over in Syria and whatnot. I heard on the news
about them killing everyone over there and cutting white peoples’ heads off on
TV! THEN I wake up and hear they were planning to do it over here too! In
Sydney as well as here in Brisbane. They were gonna just walk up and chop
random peoples’ heads off! Imagine that, plotting something savage like that on
our own soil.
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And now some ginger aussie kid is over there makin’ videos threatening Tony
Abbott! What the fuck got into him?! It absolutely BAFFLES me what kids get into
their heads these days.
But anyway, how about those poor Brits? Check out this headline me mate over
there sent me
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So anyway, if you’re not shittin’ ya pants by no there is definitely something
wrong with you because the world is going down the shitter faster than
Campbell Newman’s popularity.
(FINAL SLIDE - References)
