• What is a self image? • How is your self image formed? • How does your self image affect your performance, behaviour and relationships? • How a Christian belief system impacts gay and lesbian sense of self? • Ten evidences of a poor self image • How does your sexual identity influence your sense of self worth? • Cognitive dissonance - what is it and how does it affect your self image? • How fragmentation and compartmentalisation of self occurs • Internalised homophobia and its impact on self esteem • How to move along the self esteem spectrum • Ten ways to create a healthy self image

1. SELF IMAGE,
SELF ESTEEM &
SEXUAL IDENTITY
The connections
© 2013 Anthony Venn-Brown

2. Our self-concept or self-image is
what we think and feel about
ourselves, including:
•Appearance
•Abilities
•Personality
•Parentage/culture
•Environment
•Sexual Orientation
•World view (spirituality)

3. Our self-image is influenced by
four concepts:
Who I
think
I am
Who
others
think I am
Who I
really
am
Who I think
others think
I am

4. Harmony is wholeness
Who I
really
am
Who I
think
I am
Who I think
others think
I am
Perfect
Self
Image
Who
others
think I am

5. The Self Image
Spectrum
P
O
O
R
P
E
R
F
E
C
T

6. • How is self image formed
• LGBT people and puberty

7. Evidences of a poor
self image
1. Inability to be open and build
genuine relationships
2. Excessive shyness
3. Attitudes of superiority
4. Obsessive behaviours, over
achievement
5. Self-loathing/self-hatred
6. Fragmentation of self

8. 7. Self rejection of physical features,
abilities or traits
8. Critical/judgmental attitude
9. Negative attitude
10.Negative self talk
11.Lack of goals and achievement
12.Lack of respect for self
Evidences of a poor
Self image

9. POOR SELF IMAGE
Shyness
Superiority
Self hatredNegative
Obsessive
Critical
Judgmental
Failure
Under achievement
Fragmented self

10. Coming from a Christian
background you have received
and adopted these messages.
•You are an abomination (KJV Leviticus)
•You are a sexual pervert (I Corinthians 6:9)
•You are consumed by lust (Romans 1)
•You are unnatural/abnormal (Romans 1)
•You won’t go to heaven unless you are
straight (I Corinthians 6:9)

11. •You became this way because of
sexual abuse or poor parenting. You
are dysfunctional.
•You are unworthy of God’s love or a
place in His kingdom
These messages cause:
Cognitive dissonance
Internalised homophobia

12. “Every day I feel the burdens of regret. I grieve for my
own years of anguish and also for the pain and
confusion I caused my wife, my family and my friends.
And sure, I spent a lot of money in this process, but
what I want back more than anything is the time and
energy I put into it. Studying at school now, my peers
are a decade younger than me, and hardly a day goes
by that I don’t wonder; Where would I be now if not for
my ex-gay detour? Where would I be professionally?
How much more financially stable would I be? How
much more confident? How much closer to self-
actualisation? I realise such questions could poison my
progress, but nonetheless they arise naturally, and I
must wrestle with them”
David, Ex-gay Survivor

13. •Do you think that it is better when
gays and lesbians are more
“straight acting” because “men
should be men” and “women
should be women?”
•Do you cringe when a gay or
lesbian character is shown on TV
or in a movie?
•Do you wish you were not gay or
lesbian?

14. •Do you pretend that you are
straight?
•Do you only desire to have shared
sexual experiences with others of
the same sex and not shared
companionship?
•Are you afraid that others will
reject you if they find out that you
are gay or lesbian?

15. •Do you purposely refrain from
speaking with a gay or lesbian
person in a work setting or public
place, because others might think
that you are gay?
•Do you have indiscriminate sex
with others?
If you answer yes to one or more of
these then you have some level of
internalised homophobia

16. How a self-image works
It’s a cybernetic mechanism that
sets the boundaries for our
performance and behaviour
•Thermostat
•Automatic pilot

17. B
B
A
F
How a self-image works

18. •The me I see is the me I’ll be. If I’ll
never see it, I’ll never be it.(R. Schuller)
•As a person thinketh in his heart so is
he (Proverbs 27:3)
•Your world without is a reflection of
your world within. Change your world
by changing your thinking.

19. How to develop a healthy
self image
1. Accept yourself (I am gay)
2. Celebrate and appreciate your
uniqueness (Blessing not curse)
3. Realise true happiness is never
determined by physical
appearance
4. Set realistic goals

20. 5. Develop a confidence in your value
as a person
6. Deal with the negative images from
the past
7. Be a person of integrity and live
authentically
8. Improve yourself
How to develop a healthy
self image

21. 9. Become conscious of inner self-talk
10. Speak positively about yourself, other
LGBT people and the community
11. Don’t blame take responsibility
12. Forgive others and yourself
“When we choose to live authentically, we
chip away at others’ prisons of
pretend”.
How to develop a healthy
self image

22. ‘People who exist at the margins of society are
very much like Alice in Wonderland. They are not
required to make the tough decision to risk their
lives by embarking on an adventure of self-
discovery.
They have already been thrust beyond the city’s
walls that keep ordinary people at a safe distance
from the unknown.
For at least some outsiders, “alienation” has
destroyed traditional presumptions of identity and
opened up the mythic hero’s path to the
possibility of discovery.

23. What some outsiders discover in their adventures
on the other side of the looking glass is the
courage to repudiate self-contempt and recognise
their “alienation” as a precious gift of freedom
from arbitrary norms that they did not make and
did not sanction.
At the moment a person questions the validity of
the rules, the victim is no longer a victim.’ Jamake
Highwater

24. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is
our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask
ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child
of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant
to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of
us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others”. Marianne Williamson

25. Anthony Venn-Brown
Coach – Speaker – Consultant
Ambassadors & Bridge Builders
International
info@gayambassador.com
www.gayambassador.com
Twitter: Facebook: YouTube: Blog
gayambassador
Autobiography
A Life of Unlearning
© 2013 Anthony Venn-Brown