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Why You Should Put Your Children Before Your Marriage?
==== ====The #1 Ultimate Empowerment Toolkit for Parentshttp://94e532zp417v0y6bnoneyjqgfm.hop.clickbank.net/?tid=PARENT==== ====We live in an age when love, sex and intimacy seem to be many peoples epitome of happiness.Yes, we seek other ways to find happiness and fulfillment, but the rate of divorce and thepercentage of single parent families compared with two-parent families tells me that parenting iseither of less importance to parents than marriage or that they are uninformed about the effects ofdivorce on their children. Parents who leave an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children arenot in possession of all the facts or are misguided in their belief that divorce is in the best interestof the children. The best wisdom out there says that children of divorce suffer more than childrenof unhappy marriages.Here are 7 reasons why parents should put parenting before marriage.1. Children need two parents more than they need a perfect homeThe influence of both a male and female parent on a childs development cannot be understated.A good mother, on balance brings a nurturing, protecting and comforting aspect to a childs life,while a good father brings his child stability, security and strength. Mothers tend to be moreemotional, fathers more rational. Mothers tend to be more understanding, fathers more decisive. Agood mother may offer her child a shoulder to cry on while a good father may show his child howto get up and move on.Of course, a good parent possesses all these qualities and shares the responsibility for providingtheir child with all their needs. But it is in the nature of a male parent to provide a child withanswers and solutions and direction while it is more inherent in a female parent to be protective ofa childs emotional well-being and to be a good listener without feeling the need to give her child alogical solution to their problem.Having both a male and female parent present in the home teaches a child how to explore anddevelop both the masculine and feminine aspects of their own character. In balanced adults thereis a healthy presence of both male and female characteristics. In women, the balance will tend tobe more feminine and in men, more masculine. If a child is to have the best chance to developemotional stability then two parents are needed on a daily basis. Even the slightest change in thebalance will have an adverse effect on a childs emotional and intellectual development.2. A child has a right to be brought up by two parentsMarriage is a choice that two people make for themselves. It is rarely a selfless or altruistic act.People marry because they find someone who brings them happiness and fulfilment in life. Ofcourse, there is also the promise to live to make the other person happy. Even though the phrase"for better or for worse" is still often said in the marriage vows, more and more this promise is
being broken as married couples find its a promise they are unable or unwilling to keep.However, when a child is born into the marriage, it has rights which far outweigh the needs of theparents. Even though a couple desire to be fulfilled in their personal relationship with each other, achild has the right to be brought up by two loving, caring, selfless parents: parents who put theirchilds interests before their own.Parents rarely make a commitment to their children when they are born, but children ought toexpect that their parents will do whatever it takes to give them a stable, loving home in which togrow and develop. In a good parent, the rights and needs of their child will always come beforetheir own, whatever the cost to themselves.3. To be a parent is a moral obligation - not a choiceThere is never a time as long as a parent and a child are living when they will not be connected.Even if estranged, a parent will always be the parent to their child. There is no divorcing a child.There is no saying to a child Im sorry, I dont love you anymore, this simply isnt going to work.But when two parents say that to each other, they are in some measure saying it to their child.Parents may put a spin on divorce by saying to the child its better for you in the long run but thetruth is - it isnt. A childs perspective will be you dont love me enough to stay together and makeyour marriage work - even if only subconsciously. While some may say Im glad my parents splitup - I couldnt stand the shouting, what would they have said if their parents had found a way tomake the marriage work in order to keep the family home together? Or are they even aware of theeffects that growing up in a broken home has had on them?The love between a husband and wife can wane or even be extinguished, but the love of a goodparent is unconditional and unmovable. A marriage can breakdown and be dissolved, but the lovethat a good parent has for their child can never be diminished and their commitment to their childcan never be undermined or broken. The commitment that a parent has to their child is not onebased on choice, its one based on moral obligation. It would be even better if it were based onunconditional love. What lengths would a good parent go to to provide their child with the very bestupbringing they could if they truly loved them more than themselves?4. A child deserves and expects itDuring their formative years, children depend upon both parents to show that they are committedto them. They need to see that they are loved and to know that their home is stable and secure.They need to know that no matter what storms the family has to face together, the foundations ofthe family home cannot be shaken. Children need the certainty that the love their parents have forthem comes above their own personal happiness - that it indeed comes before their love for eachother. When a parent puts a childs interests second to their own it will make their child feelunloved and second-rate. The child will begin to doubt their own worth and their value to theparent. After all, what kind of love puts someone else second?If a child doesnt deserve a parents unconditional and undying love then who does? Children arevulnerable and need protecting. Parents have a responsibility to give their child the best parentingthey possibly can whatever the cost to themselves. A child has no reserves on which to draw tocover the emotional shortfall which results from growing up in a broken home. Parents, on the
other hand should be prepared to go into emotional debt if they have to in order to make sure theirchild does not grow up emotionally poor or crippled.5. Spouses can expect too much from each other, but children never expect too much from theirparents.Marriages are not perfect, neither are parent-child relationships. But a child deservesunderstanding, provision, support, affection, and security moreso than a spouse. After all, whentwo people get married, they make an agreement to love each other and provide for each othersneeds. When a child is born, no such agreement takes place. A child simply grows up expectingall thats coming to them. When one person in a marriage fails to uphold their part of theagreement, the other has every right to withdraw their own part of the agreement. So often, whenthe love that one has for the other depends on what they get out of the relationship, if they aintgetting then the love dies. But this only works one way with a child-parent relationship.When a child fails to be a perfect child, a parent cannot abandon them or withdraw their love fromthem. The child still has the right to expect to be loved unconditionally. Children owe nothing totheir parents, but parents owe everything to their children. If a child fails to love a parent as theywould like to be loved, the parent must go on loving their child nonetheless. The child has no debtof love to pay to the parent. But if a parent loves their child unconditionally, that child will grow upto love their parent too. If a parent fails to love their child more than themselves, the child willwithdraw from the parent to a greater or lesser degree.Even though good parents will fail their child in some measure, a childs expectations of theparents are always right - even if unrealistic. Good parents will always understand that they arenot married to their child - they are inextricably connected and committed to their child and that achild has a birthright to expect unreserved love and commitment from their parents regardless ofhow much a child returns their parents affections or lives up to their expectations.6. A broken home results in a broken childSomewhere along the way, when a child is brought up by one parent or by two parents who liveapart, something in the child is lost or broken. Having two parents who could not find it inthemselves to stay together to give them a stable home will have a detrimental effect on a child. Itmay not emerge till later in life, but a person from a broken home may find it difficult to makestrong emotional connections with others. Statistics show that people from single-parent homesare less successful in life - even years afterwards - than those from two-parent families.While parents may argue that they split up for the childs sake, in actuality, its rare that divorceever benefits a child. Growing up in a home even where parents are disconnected or in constantdisagreement gives a child more stability and normality than growing up where they have to dealwith the loss of the two-parent home. A child growing up in a broken home grows up grieving forthe intact home where two parents are available on a daily basis to provide them with the moral,emotional and intellectual support essential to their development and nourishment. The bestparenting cannot be done over the telephone or on weekends. The best parenting is done on adaily basis and in partnership with the other parent. No matter how parents try to justify divorce, itwill nearly always result in a broken child.
7. Putting parenting first may save a marriageChildren should never be used as an excuse not to leave a marriage, but they can be the reasonwhy a parent would stay in a marriage. The difference is that if a parent knows that to provide theirchild with a stable, loving and peaceful home in which to grow up will give them the best possiblestart in life, it may give them the resolve they need to work harder at their marriage than if they hadnot been a parent. Whereas, not leaving a marriage for the sake of a child is a mindset which canresult in a parent putting too much responsibility on their child to bring them personal happiness.If parents can proactively take steps to make a marriage workable so that their child has the homethey deserve, they may find that their marriage becomes less of a disappointment. Focusing onthe needs of their child and resolving to work at their relationship for the sake of their child doesntnecessarily mean that the marriage is false or a sham. It merely shifts the priorities of themarriage. Nor does it mean that the child carries the burden of keeping the marriage together. Itmerely requires a level of giving to the child that supercedes the parents desire to take from eachother. Providing a child with a good home is one of the best reasons two people can stay together.Who said that romance or sex or a great social life are the only reasons to be married? Surely,providing a child with a loving home is as good, if not, a better reason for working at a marriagethan all the others put together? The result of working at the marriage wouldnt be to prevent thepain of separation for the parents, it would be the enduring and immeasurable investment that theymake in the well-being and personal development of their child. If parents can keep their child thefocus of their ambitions and desires, they can find ways they otherwise wouldnt have done tomake their marriage workable and as enjoyable as possible and thus provide their child with theparents and the home they deserve.http://stayforyourchildren.comStephen ReesHaving worked at a difficult marriage for 20 years in order to bring up my two children my desire isto encourage and help other parents in a similar situation to do the same. My core belief onparenting is that a good parent can find ways of making a marriage work - even if not fulfilling - inorder to provide their children with a stable, happy home in which to grow up.The modern belief that leaving a bad marriage for the sake of the children has no evidential basis.In fact, studies on both sides of the Atlantic have shown that children who come from homeswhere both parents are present even if the marriage isnt a good one, develop better emotionallyand intellectually than those who come from broken homes. Parents who are considering divorceshould take notice of this evidence if they truly want the best for their children.My book "How To Be A Good Parent In A Bad Marriage" provides encouragement and support forparents who find themselves struggling to cope with the stresses and traumas of being a parent inan unhappy marriage, and shows how you can find happiness and fulfillment in life while being agreat parent to your children.