Slides from DM Masterclass, Edinburgh, June 2011. Developing propositions and writing great copy

1. DM Masterclass
Creating persuasive messages and
writing great copy for direct marketing
Damian O’Broin
Ask Direct

2. More
www.askdirect.ie
www.twitter.com/damianobroin
www.slideshare.net/damianob
www.delicious.com/damianob
damian@askdirect.ie

3. What was...
...The last movie you saw
...The last novel you read

4. Once upon a tim!...

8. 00 targ et met.
€250,0
crease on 2009
10% in
(so far...)

9. Propositions

10. A journey back in time to the centre of the brain....

11. “Researchers have demonstrated that [we] make decisions in an
emotional manner and then justify them rationally”
– Renvoisé & Morin, Neuromarketing
The most effective
messages appeal
here

12. Rational
on al
m oti
E
Switch - Chip & Dan Heath
The Happiness Hypothesis – Jonathan Haidt

14. !"#$%&'()*#+'
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“When people ask me what difference
345
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5;<=,<>=55 a donation can make, I reply that
4/&*([*2()*#+'G donations to Starship transform lives.
D%/'(@/#@E/(&27(C/(+%&.(F"99/*/'?/(&(F#'&."#'(?&'(C&7/G(H(*/@EI(.%&.(F#'&."#'2(.#(!.&*2%"@(.*&'29#*C(E"J/2K(L&*/'.2(
%&J/(.#EF(C/(+".%(./&*2("'(.%/"*(/I/2(+%&.(".(C/&'2(.#(7'#+(.%/"*(?%"EF("2(*/?/"J"'1(.%/($/2.(@#22"$E/(?&*/(&.(!.&*2%"@K(
Parents have told me with tears in
-'F($/%"'F(/J/*I(#'/(#9(.%/2/(?%"EF*/'(.%/*/(&*/(?#C@&22"#'&./(@/#@E/(E"7/(I#B(F/F"?&./F(.#(%/E@"'1K(M%&'7(I#BK their eyes what it means to know their
N#B*(F#'&."#'(+"EE(%/E@(!.&*2%"@(2B@@#*.(?%"EF*/'(&'F(.%/"*(9&C"E"/2(&.(.%/"*(C#C/'.(#9(1*/&./2.('//FK((H.("2(&.(.%/2/(
C#C/'.2G(+%/'(&(?%"EFO2(E"9/(?&'(%&'1("'(.%/($&E&'?/G(.%&.(I#B*(F#'&."#'($/?#C/2(.*BEI(.*&'29#*C&."#'&EK(
child is receiving the best possible care
H(%&J/(2//'(%#+(&(2/*"#B2EI("EE(?%"EF(?&'(9&?/("'?*/F"$E/(2".B&."#'2(+".%(&(C&.B*".I(+/EE($/I#'F(.%/"*(I/&*2K(M%/2/( at Starship.
?%"EF*/'(?&'(/P%"$".(&'("'2@"*&."#'&E(&$"E".I(.#(?&**I(#'(+".%(&(2C"E/(&'F(&'(&C&Q"'1EI(@#2"."J/(RE"J/(E"9/O(&..".BF/K(
)B.(&(@#2"."J/(&..".BF/(&E#'/("2'O.(/'#B1%(.#(1/.(.%*#B1%(&(E"9/(.%*/&./'"'1(C/F"?&E(?%&EE/'1/(S(I#B*(F#'&."#'(C/&'2(A/+(
T/&E&'F(?%"EF*/'(%&J/(&(+#*EF(?E&22(9&?"E".I(.#(1"J/(.%/C(.%/($/2.(@#22"$E/(%#@/(9#*(&(9BEE(&'F(%&@@I(E"9/K(M%"2("2(.%/(7"'F(
#9(?&*/(H($/E"/J/(/J/*I(?%"EF(F/2/*J/2K And behind every one of these
N#B(?&'(7//@(B@(.#(F&./(+".%(2#C/(#9(.%/(2B??/22(2.#*"/2(I#B*(1"9.(%&2(C&F/(@#22"$E/($I(J"2"."'1(
+++K2.&*2%"@K#*1K'Q<9#B'F&."#'G(#*("9(I#B(%&J/(&'I(UB/2."#'2G(@E/&2/(?&EE(#'(=V(,=8(WVX8K
children there are compassionate
M%&'7(I#B(&1&"'(9#*(1"J"'1(JBE'/*&$E/(I#B'1(?%"EF*/'(.%/($/2.(@#22"$E/(?%&'?/(&.(E"9/K people like you dedicated to helping.
)/2.(+"2%/2G
Your donation will help Starship
)*&F(YE&*7 support children and their families at
their moment of greatest need. It is at
Y%"/9(ZP/?B."J/
these moments, when a child’s life can
hang in the balance, that your
3/?/"@.(ABC$/*: !'()$()
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donation becomes truly
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345 transformational.”
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15. Old Brain New Brain
Emotional Rational
Automatic Reflective
Elephant Rider

18. The Six ‘Old Brain’ Stimuli
1. Self-Centred 6. Emotions
2. Contrast 5. Visual Stimuli
3. Tangible Input 4. Beginning & End

20. Contrast Implied Beginning & End
Visual Stimuli
Self-Centred
Tangible
Emotions

21. Diagnose the Differentiate your Demonstrate the
PAIN CLAIM GAIN
What is the need? Why is your organisation How are you going to
Why is this a problem for your best placed to make things better?
supporter? address the need? And why does this matter
to your supporter?
Deliver to the
OLD BRAIN

22. Deliver to the
OLD BRAIN
Create
STICKY
MESSAGES

23. S imple
U nexpected
C oncrete
C redible
E motional
S tories
heathbrothers.com

24. Simple

25. J FKFB INAT OUP SNA SAI RS
JFK FBI NATO UPS NASA IRS

26. Simple

27. Unexpected

29. Concrete
“Twelve pennies will give a
poor child a day’s treat.”
Irish Independent,
May 1905

30. Concrete
1450 LODESTAR ROAD, UNIT 18
TORONTO, ON M3J 3C1
1010943
YOUR 1 DOLLAR = 2 MEALS

31. Credible

32. Emotional

35. “P.S. As a token of our
appreciation for your gift,
we will add your name to
our supporter dedication
wall which will be featured
on the real Rainbow
Warrior. Your name will
stand alongside others
from around the world who
are prepared to contribute
to a greener world.”

42. The Mother Teresa Principle
If I look at the mass, I will never act.
If I look at the one, I will.

43. Every year, 15
million children
die of hunger

44. Stories
Rebirth
Tragedy
Comedy
Voyage and Return
The Quest
Rags to Riches

45. Overcoming the Monster

49. Renvoisé & Morin Heath Bros. Cialdini
Self-centred Simple Reciprocation
Contrast Unexpected Consistency
Tangible Input Concrete Social Proof
Beginning & End Credible Liking
Visual Stimuli Emotional Authority
Emotions Stories Scarcity

50. Propositions

51. Writing direct response copy

53. ‣ Never use a metaphor, simile or other
figure of speech which you are used to
seeing in print.
‣ Never use a long word when a short one
will do.
‣ If it is possible to cut a word out, always
cut it out.
Geroge Orwell ‣ Never use the passive where you can use
the active.
Politics and the
English Language ‣ Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific
(1946) word or a jargon word if you can think of
an everyday English equivalent.
‣ Break any of these rules sooner than say
anything outright barbarous.

54. What makes a good story?

57. r g et
Be at ta
by 33%

58. DEMENTIA
NURSE
APPEAL
This Spring, let’s not
forget the 72,500 people
with dementia in Scotland.

59. What’s missing?

60. “With over 72,500 people in Scotland
needing the support and understanding
of a Dementia Nurse, and that figure
expected to double over the next 25 to
30 years, it’s essential that this appeal is
a success.”
More than 70,000 people in Scotland
need the the support and understanding
of a Dementia Nurse. That’s 70,000
mothers, fathers, wives or husbands.
Perhaps one of them is even someone
you know.
And the shocking news is that over the
next 25 years, the number of people
with dementia is set to double. That’s
going to put intense pressure on our
services. We need your support now so
that we can ensure every person with
dementia receives the care and support
they need.

64. Four t
imes
mone as mu
y rais ch
ed

71. Copywriting Case Study

74. Helpline Number
1800 341 900
Clear, tangible, early ask
in standfirst
Content warning
Starts telling the story…
(visual descriptions)
Emotion
Detail (credibility)
Letter mentions “you”,
“your” or “yourself ” 11
times on first page.

75. “you” / “your”
mentioned a further 8
times here
Need emphasised
Deadline to build
urgency
Specific ask linked to
benefits
Personal testimony to
build credibility

76. Emotion (Anger)
3rd Ask

77. Benefit / Solution
Personal and emotional
Benefit / Solution

78. Thanks
Specific examples of
what your gift will do
4th Ask
5th Ask

79. Data capture at top
Helpline Number
1800 341 900
Prominent reference to
€250 tax efficient giving
level
Repeat of call to action
from Margaret

80. The Results…
New donors recruited: 196 (30% ahead of target)
(36% more than 2009)
Average Gift: €141 (Increase of 67% on 2009)
Net cost per acquisition: €0 (down from €121 in 2009)

81. Up 84%
on-year
year-

82. General Monthly Gifts Top Donors
2009
2010
General Cash +28%
Monthly Gifts +88%
Top Donors +227%

83. Not just tangible - restricted
Increased focus on top donor segments
Core service - familiar,
understandable topic
Emotional, donor-centred,
visual, great story
Clear need & achievable solution

84. “You” or “Your” is repeated
14 times on Page 1
(and donor’s name appears four times)
Visual stimulus
Articulation of need
Introduces story...
Thanks donor and
demonstrates impact

85. Donor focused solution
Clear target

86. What you need to know
about direct response copy
‣ Long copy almost always beats short copy
‣ Use ‘I’ and ‘You’ but mostly ‘You’
‣ Use active rather than passive language
‣ Keep and language simple, the sentences
short
the
avoid jargon like the plague

87. What you need to know
about direct response copy
‣ Make it sounds like someone is taking
‣ Appeal on the basis of benefits, not needs
(or features)
‣ Tell(make a gift of €25; email your localthem to
do
people exactly what you want
TD)...
‣ ... And make it as easy as possible for them
to do it.

88. What you need to know
about direct response copy
‣ You can drive up response by using...
- urgency
- deadlines
- targets

89. What you need to know
about direct response copy
‣ Tell stories
‣ Use emotion
‣ Make it personal
‣ PS: Always include a PS - it’s usually read
first and most often

90. Make it easy to read
‣ Use a large font (12pt or larger) and a serif
typeface
‣ Indent paragraphs and vary their length
‣ Break up the text images, handwritten notes
underline, italics,
with sub-heads, bold,

91. Make it easy to respond
‣ Be clear what you’re looking for
‣ Large donation forms and plenty of room
to write
‣ Make forms easy to negotiate

92. Copy Exercise
1. Headline/Standfirst / Johnson Box
2. First page
3. PS
4. Call to action on response device

93. Thank You
www.askdirect.ie
www.twitter.com/damianobroin
www.slideshare.net/damianob
www.delicious.com/damianob
damian@askdirect.ie