1. Understanding separation regret and
the impact on children

2. What we tried to understand…
 Feelings of regret
 Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education
 Impact on children
Seddons
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4. Do you have children?...
50.00%
45.00%
40.00%
35.00%
30.00%
25.00%
Female
20.00%
Male
15.00%
10.00%
5.00%
0.00%
Live with you
all the time
Live with you
part of the time
Live with ex
partner/spouse
but you have
contact visits
They are
grown up and
live with neither
of us
Seddons
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5. What we tried to understand…
 Feelings of regret
 Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education
 Impact on children
Seddons
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6. Do you regret marrying or cohabitating?
No
Yes
38.75%
No
61.25%
55+
56.22%
45-54
61.48%
18-24
56.36%
25-34
68.40%
35-44
56.86%
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7. If yes, why?
We were not right for each
other…
We drifted into it without
making a clear decision…
20.83%
57.44%
We were never both fully
committed to the
relationship…
17.86%
We rushed into it…
34.52%
It wasn’t worth the
subsequent pain…
27.08%
Seddons
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8. What do you regret most about getting a
divorce or separating?
Other
4.96%
Nothing
20.30%
Losing the house
10.50%
I wish we had not
separated
21.57%
The way we
conducted the
divorce/separation
21.34%
Not having custody
of the children
6.11%
The financial
consequences
24.34%
The impact on our
children
33.33%
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9. What do you wish you had learned at the start of
your marriage / cohabitation?
None of the above
22.61%
The kinds of
difficulties most
couples experience
28.26%
How to handle
disagreements more
constructively
20.42%
How relationships
grow and develop
over time
28.26%
How to communicate
and support each
other more effectively
23.53%
More about each
other's
character, values or
interests
34.83%
Seddons
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10. If you could turn back the clock, what would
you change in your relationship?
Nothing
24.45%
Get relationships
counselling or other
help
19.03%
Try harder to make the
relationship work
24.91%
Make different choices
about work or career
19.03%
Seddons
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11. If you could turn back the clock, what would
you change in your relationship?
Not marry a self-obsessed
mummy’s boy…
Choose someone who was
less selfish…
I would have never let it get as
far as marriage…
My wife not being a
psychopath…
Not give in to others all
the time…
Get my partner the help he
needed…
Run a mile!
Find the right man to marry
in the first place…
Seddons
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12. What we tried to understand…
 Feelings of regret
 Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education
 Impact on children
Seddons
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13. Did you attend a marriage preparation course or other
relationships education in the early stages of your
marriage?
No
Yes
16.38%
55+
92.97%
18-24
65.45%
25-34
79.86%
No
83.62%
45-54
91.85%
35-44
79.90%
Seddons
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14. Why not?
We couldn't find a
suitable course
4.55%
My partner didn't
want to
7.72%
Other
8.69%
We never thought
about it
44.14%
We were too busy
7.86%
We didn't think it was
necessary or
important
25.52%
We didn't know there
were such courses
36.97%
Seddons
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15. Did you get any marriage / relationship counselling when
the relationship was in difficulty?
90.00%
Yes
20.88%
80.00%
70.00%
60.00%
50.00%
Yes
40.00%
No
30.00%
20.00%
10.00%
No
79.12%
0.00%
18-24
25-34
35-44
45-54
55+
Seddons
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16. Why not?
We couldn't find a
suitable course
3.94%
Other
8.45%
We never thought
about it
26.24%
My partner didn't want
to
13.41%
We weren't able to
discuss such things
13.41%
We didn't think it
would make a
difference
25.95%
It was too late, one or
both of us had
already decided to
separate
37.90%
Seddons
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17. Have you ever tried to reconcile your
differences with your ex-partner?
30.00%
Did you succeed?
25.00%
No
39.19%
20.00%
Yes and
now we're
back
together
13.54%
15.00%
10.00%
5.00%
0.00%
Yes, during Yes, we got Yes, a few
No, we
No, by the
the early
marriage
times
didn't have
time I
stages of counselling towards the that kind of realised I
the
end
relationship
was
relationship
unhappy it
we tried to
was too late
talk things
to do
through
anything
about it
No
Yes we're
friends
47.27%
Seddons
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18. What we tried to understand…
 Feelings of regret
 Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education
 Impact on children
Seddons
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19. Who was most affected by the divorce or
separation? (by gender)
45.00%
40.00%
35.00%
30.00%
25.00%
Female
Male
20.00%
15.00%
10.00%
5.00%
0.00%
Children
Family
You
Your
partner
Other
Seddons
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20. Did your arguments affect your children?
Not applicable I don't have
children
13.17%
No
14.69%
Yes, they felt
they needed to
take sides all of
the time
6.48%
Yes, they really
had no idea
what was going
on
12.53%
In denial?
Yes, they were
very upset
12.74%

Yes, because
perhaps the
divorce would
have been
smoother and
quicker for
everyone if we
hadn't
22.03%

Has your
relationship with
your children been
affected?
74.33% said NO

Yes, because it
wasn't helpful to
anyone
18.36%
Did your divorce
affect your children?
23.91% said NO
Has your divorce
had any negative
impact on your
children’s personal
relationships?
69.67% said NO
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21. Impact – the ripple effect
Divorce had a
positive impact
7.61%
Physical health and
well-being
deteriorated
14.57%
No impact
23.91%
Emotional state
deteriorated
34.35%
Other
6.52%
General behaviour
deteriorated
17.17%
Friendships and
relationships
deteriorated
11.74%
School performance
deteriorated
23.48%
Seddons
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22. How was your relationship with your child
affected?
25.00%
20.00%
15.00%
10.00%
5.00%
0.00%
They don't speak
to me as much
They are more
distant
They don't trust
me as much
They are more
clingy
They are less
They are more
emotional and
emotional and
affectionate with affectionate with
me
me
Other
Seddons
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23. The bottom line: two key questions
“Are we in denial over the impact of
separation on children?”
“How can we overcome the stigma attached
to counselling and help couples get the
early support and relationships education
they need and deserve?”
Seddons
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24. 5 Portman Square, London, W1H 6NT
Seddons
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