Intimate Thoughts of Love II - Spring 2016

Image by: Importageparks.com
IntimateThoughts of Love
By Darlene M. Fenrick Washington
Guest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College
Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2016
Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD
Copyright DMW Publishing 2016

Intimate Thoughts of Love by Darlene M. Fenrick Washington Guest Speaker at Olive-Harvey College
Class: SOCIOLOGY 203: Marriage and Family - Spring 2016 Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD
Hi, I’m Darlene M. Fenrick Washington. I am an
author of published and self-published works. I
have been published in college newspapers,
magazines and other. My works can be found at
DMWBooks.com and RazzmatazzTV.com. I am an
Alumni of Columbia College Chicago with a
Bachelor of Arts Degree. A good part of my life has
been spent in the private business sector in
advertising and public relations. I am now
engaging entertainment industry.
This is my colleague. Ms. Cynthia L. Manns,
a full-time professor of sociology at Olive-
Harvey College. She holds an MA, PhD. She
has taught at Columbia College, Central
Michigan University, and her Alma Mater
Michigan State University. Ms. Manns is the
author of a sociology textbook, and is
currently working on a book about
communications between men and
women.

Today, we are going to discuss
intimate thoughts of love, how we
come to know love under normal
and abnormal circumstances. So, I
ask you, is love a part of
acceptance into society? Here is a
piece from Abnormal Psychology
by Martin E.P. Seligman
(University of Pennsylvania),
Elaine F. Walker (Emory
University) and David L. Rosenhan
(Stanford University) (Fourth
Edition), Chapter 1 p. 19-20

Abnormal Psychology
D. Abnormality
Defining Abnormality Today
“How our understanding of abnormality is
articulated depends on the beliefs that
dominate in a culture (*the beliefs, customs, arts, etc., of a
particular society, group, place, or time) and epoch (*a : an event
or a time marked by an event that begins a new period or development b : a
memorable event or date.). Historically, people have
used animistic, physical, and psychogenic
theories to explain disordered behavior.
Today, biological and psychological levels
of analysis are the two most viable
approaches that continue to be offered to
understand abnormality.”
*Image by: Listverse.com
*Image by: En.GMW.cn

The Elements of Abnormality
“The act of defining the word “abnormal”
suggests that there is some single property
that all cases of abnormality, must share.
Such a shared, defining property is called a
necessary condition.
Moreover, a precise definition of ‘abnormal’
requires that there be at least one
distinguishing element that only cases of
abnormality share and that no cases of
‘normality’ share. This is called a sufficient
condition of abnormality.
*Image by: Google Images Yourarticlelibrary.com
Abnormal Psychology
D. Abnormality

We will look at seven properties or elements that count
toward deciding whether an action or person is
abnormal. This analysis describes the way ordinary
people and well-trained psychologists actually use the
word. These elements of abnormality are:
-Suffering
-Maladaptiveness
-Irrationality
-Unpredictability and loss of control
-Rareness and unconventionality
-Observer discomfort
-Violation of standards
The more of these elements that are present, and the
more clearly each can be seen, the more certain we
are that the behavior or person is abnormal. At least
one of these elements must be present for abnormality
to exist.”
*Not Included in Book
*Image by: Google Images TheHindu.com
*Image by: Google Images China.org.cn
Abnormal Psychology
D. Abnormality

Preface
E. Acceptance, Medicine for the Mind
The question may be asked, “How does one
become mentally ill?” The answer is quite a
journey to define with biological and
environmental stimuli affecting the outcome.
While acceptance, besides nutrition, shelter
and warmth, remain amongst the key things
that keep a human infant alive, as the child
grows, environment defines acceptance
within the household and in society. The rule
is conform or be considered abnormal.
Society has been conditioned to conform
through education, politics, religion, the
media and traditional family values, anything
or anyone that is considered different than
ourselves or majority rule, fits into the “weird,”
“abnormal” or “other” categories.
Essays of the Unspoken Mind

Non-conformity threatens acceptance, it’s
easier to agree. Displacement emerges as an
intangible self-object, individuals need
acceptance so much that they displace their
true feelings in order to conform and fit in.
These feelings are rampant in any society,
individualism suffers. Everyone wants to
“copy” what’s already acceptable. (How do
you get rejected, if everyone already likes
what you’re trying to do?) This stigmatic
induced, displaced anxiety (the unwillingness
to be true to one’s self) forces minorities to
be subliminally configured in the minds of
others as abnormal or degenerative, because
they are different.
*Image by: Google Images SpeechBuddy.com
*Image by: Google Images EmpoweringParents.com
Preface

Accepting difference or diversity becomes an
issue that can be observed on an individual
basis. How can we truly become a diverse
society, if we do not know and celebrate our very
own individualism? Acceptance is medicine for
the mind - it promotes and stimulates positive
feelings. Those who choose to express their
individualism can become dejected and viewed
by society’s normal eye as “weird,” “mentally
unstable” or “other.” And indeed some of them
may be. However, “normal” is redefined per
individual based on society’s acceptable legal,
social and mental health factors. Displacement
in an individual forces them to become fearful,
suicidal or violent in what they might term “a
hostile and threatening environment.”
*Image by: Google Images BeforeItsNews.com
Preface

Today, we must truly embrace diversity in
order to prevent false conformity, in order
to prevent religious, social and political
class displaced anxiety in the form of 9-11
and the Columbine Shootings; in order to
make an equal and economically
beneficial world for everyone.
Individualism will save the innovators of
the future; true diversity will make
acceptance of people’s differences a
normal and respectable facet in society.
*Image by: UNR.edu
*Image by: Google Images Personnel.Ky.gov
*Not Included in Book
Preface

And how does acceptance of one’s self
and other people’s differences cross
over into love with respect to race,
religion, and other cultural and social
factors?
What do you accept as love?
Is it when someone takes care of you, or
takes care of you no matter what?
Is it when mom or dad buys you things and
sends you off, or when they spend
countless hours trying to help you
understand your homework? Or is it both?
How about if the person will kill for you, do
they love you then?
Die for you? How about then?
Image by: Google Images
InterracialDatingCentral.com
Image by: Google Images TheDrVibesShow.com
Intimate Thoughts of Love
Image by: Mylifetime.com/shows/kosher-soul

Today, we are going to become
intimate with love. We are going
to see the different faces of love.
Now, close your eyes, please
don’t open them till I say so. I
want you to only rely on what
you hear me say as your mental
intake. I want you to immerse
yourself into each scenario
become the receiver or giver of
love in each circumstance.
Quietly determine what’s
acceptable to you.
Students from Sociology Class 203 Marriage and Family

Imagine being a newborn baby.
You can’t do anything for yourself,
so when you want something, you
simply cry. Now, what happens if
your cries go unanswered for
extended periods of time? What
kind of child might you be as you
get older? Might you even die as
babies need human touch to
survive?
Image by: Google Images Dollkid.com
Image by: Google Images PracticingParents.com
Image by: Google Images LeaderPost.com

Now, imagine yourself as a child 5 or
6 years old defenseless against a
sexual predator whom everyone likes
and believes to be true and kind. You
try to explain in your own words to
your parents and to others what is
happening to you, but they won’t
listen because the accused is a rock
star at what they do. Imagine how
you might experience love when you
grow up, if the situation is not
stopped?
Image by: Google Images Imgarcade.com

You’re teen aged girl or boy and
you’re in love. The person tells you
they are ready for the big step, but
you’re not. You don’t want to do that
just yet. This person means the
world to you and you don’t know what
you’d do without them. Do you give
in and let them have their way with
you? Do you accept their actions as
love?
MainlineToday.com
ChildrensMinistryOnline.com

You’re an adult, a woman, your
husband makes love to you. You have
several children and several years
together. But ever so often, he beats
you to a pulp. He beats you so bad
each time you make him angry that you
require medical attention and have to lie
about your attacker’s motives. The
police have been to your house like
they frequent a bar, still you keep taking
the beatings. Now, the court system
wants to take your children away and
deems you unfit as a mother. Still, you
love your husband. Is that love?
Image by: Google Images TeakDoor.com

Now you’re that sexually abuse child and
you’re having to go outside for recess.
For some reason, the other kids don’t
like you. They say you’re too quiet.
You’re weird cause you won’t talk. The
girls pull your hair and call you ugly and
stupid. The boys throw rocks at you and
spit at you and sometimes on you. And
all the while this is happening, you’re
thinking you shouldn’t be so weird. You
should talk. You should play like
everyone else. But you’re spirit is in a
cage and it can’t get out. No one will
unlock the chained up bird cage and let
you out of the mockery of your situation.
Do you feel loved?
Image by: Google Images MyKidsABrat.com

You’re a grown man now. But as a youth you
killed someone in a grizzly crime. You
wanted to prove a point, no one should mess
with you. The judge gives you life in prison
with no parole. You’re raped and now
occasionally you help the rapist rape so they
won’t rape you. You feel so small inside.
You want to kill them and one day you fear
you will. But on this day, you will die also
because you will have killed again. Every
day you pray to God to remove them. Every
day you pray for guards who aren’t corrupt.
Every day you pray to be set free. No one
has visited you in over 30 years. You keep
seeing your family’s faces. You imagine they
love you again. You’re sorry. You’re so sorry,
but no one will believe you. No one will ever
love you again. This is how you feel.
Image by: Google Images PittsburghUrbanMedia.com
Image by: Google Images MassAppealsNews.com

You’re someone’s pet, a dog or a cat. Your
owner comes home every day and
depending on what kind of day they’ve
had, you might get thrown against the wall,
kicked in the face. Hit with a broom stick
just for trying to rub against their leg. And
when you look up at them, you wonder if
they love you. You’ve run away countless
times, but the neighbors keep bringing you
back. No you just wait for death should it
come, because you don’t know what else
to do. When other cats or dogs come
around, they won’t play with you or some
of them do. They lay with you to help ease
your sorrow. For a moment you feel love,
until they leave. You’re trapped.
Image by: Google Images Blog.Gfader.com
Image by: Google Images PetFinder.com

You’re pregnant for the first time.
The doctor tells you and you’re right
in the middle of your career. The
doctor also tells you that you can’t
keep the baby. The baby is killing
you. And you can’t choose between
your life and the baby’s, and no one
understands why. And all you can
hear is the baby crying from the
womb, begging for its life. Who do
you love more, yourself or the child?
Or would you rather risk it all?
Twitter.com - Tboz at the Mondrian

Now, you’re you again. How might
you experience love? Maybe no
tragedies have befallen you.
Maybe you just fell in love with
someone who didn’t love you
back. It hurt so deeply in your
mind, you will never love anyone
again. No one will get the chance
to hurt you again. Now, you only
want sex. Has love left you? How
can you get it back? Do you need
it back?

Now open your eyes.
Who are you? What are you worth? Why
should anyone love you? Heterosexual,
homosexual, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender,
no matter who or what you are, you will
transition through love. You will have to
determine for yourself what is acceptable as
love. I can only say that love should not
destroy you; it should build you up, you
should build your partner up. If you’re
tearing each other down in a friendship, a
familial situation, no matter the situation,
seek counseling. If it doesn’t work, you
should consider letting go. Define love as it
matters to you. I find God’s love is never
ending. No matter how imaginary or foolish
someone may think it is. God exists in your
body, mind and spirit. He is love.

Now, I’m going to ask you some of
these questions again. I want you to
be honest. Tell me either:
Yes, it’s love and why
No, it’s not love and why
It’s obsession or something else
No comment.
Speaker Darlene M. Fenrick Washington

What if I were to tell you that all of these
scenarios were considered love? It’s love, but
it’s abnormal love. In any of these situations if
you were the giver or receiver of love or
perceived love, by any legal or social standard,
it would be marked as maladaptive love.
What we have learned is that each person will
hopefully define love on their own terms
whether they have grown to know a normal or
abnormal version of what love is could
ultimately make the difference in life and death
situations.
We have also learned that society cannot grow
to accept differences in people and the many
variations of love in cultures around the world,
if they do not first identify and respect
themselves and their own differences. Even
identical twins celebrate their likeness and
individualities. We can’t all be twins, but we
can all learn to accept life’s variations of love.

Professor Cynthia L. Manns, MA, PhD
and long-time friend for inviting me to
speak to her Sociology Class on
Marriage and Family at
Olive-Harvey College.
A Special Thanks To

Intimate Thoughts of Love II - Spring 2016

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (20)

Similar to Intimate Thoughts of Love II - Spring 2016

Similar to Intimate Thoughts of Love II - Spring 2016 (11)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

Intimate Thoughts of Love II - Spring 2016