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Making Difficult  Conversations Easier Mostafa Ewees (PhD) Stanford University at California Assistant Professor at German University in Cairo (GUC)  EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANT An Info people Workshop 2008 Presented by:
This Workshop Is Brought to You By the Infopeople Project Infopeople is a federally-funded grant project supported by the California State Library. It provides a wide variety of training to California libraries. Infopeople workshops are offered around the state and are open registration on a first-come, first-served basis.  For a complete list of workshops, and for other information about the project, go to the Infopeople website at infopeople.org.
“ Success Covers a  Multitude of Blunders.”     – George Bernard Shaw
Goals for Today ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Our Agenda   ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Part I What Makes Difficult  Conversations Difficult  ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Please remember, we’re only human. It is impossible not to make mistakes  that may offend others.  And, if we are  very  diligent,  we can always manage to be offended.
So, Again, What Makes Difficult  Conversations Difficult?  Is It Difficult Subjects? ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Is It Difficult Contexts? ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Is It Difficult Roles?  ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Is It Difficult Personalities? ,[object Object],[object Object]
Is It “Chemistry”? ,[object Object],[object Object]
Some of It Is Fear  But of What? ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Exercise  #1:  Your Most Difficult Three?
Your Most Difficult Three... Do You See a Theme?
Secondary Gain So, what are the benefits of  being difficult to talk to? ,[object Object]
Exercise  #2:  Aaaggghhh!!!  I’m Not. But, if I were, where would I be difficult to talk to?  I Don’t. But if I did, where do I get a secondary gain from being difficult?
Part II - The Basics:  Better Interpersonal Skills Make for Easier Conversations
Attending Skills Are  65-85% of the Game ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
When Is Physical  Contact Appropriate? ,[object Object],[object Object]
When Is Physical Contact Inappropriate? ,[object Object],[object Object]
Exercise #3:  First, Let’s Have  an Easy Conversation
Exercise  #4:  Now, Let’s Have an Easy Meaningful Conversation:  an Exercise of Interpretation, Insight, and Analysis
Part III Turning Conflict into Cooperation
Everyone hits the target they aim at, dead center – every time. Unfortunately,  a lot of us are aiming too low – or else we're simply shooting at the wrong target.
Exercise  #5  Let’s Identify Some Scenarios  ,[object Object],[object Object]
Accept the Undeniable...  ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
In a sense we can learn everything we need to know about resolving a problem from a sign we see at any mall in the country...
X     You are here
The First Rule  See Solutions ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
The Second Rule  Acknowledge the Difficulties ,[object Object],[object Object]
The Third Rule  Remember We Are Only  Half of Any Conversation ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Keep Light No “Position” Is  Totally  Intractable ,[object Object],[object Object]
Use the Magic of Reframing ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Outcomes and Solutions ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Focus Have an Outcome In Mind ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
... A quick word about emotions... ,[object Object],[object Object]
Exercise  #6   Master the Zen of “No”
Separate the People  From the Problem
Helping “Difficult Personalities” ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
The Big Question Confront or Avoid? ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
It’s Usually Not “Fact or Fiction” ,[object Object],[object Object]
Part IV Face to Face Walking the Walk & Talking the Talk
Use Good Following Skills  to Keep Track of the Conversation ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Don’t Know How to Start?  Try Something Like This... ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Feelings Before Facts  ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
Making a Difficult Conversation Successful  Is the Sum of All Its Parts. Even When Done Correctly   It Is Still Difficult.
Exercise  #7  Difficult Conversation:  Step by Step Practice ,[object Object]
Discussion, Questions, Observations...
DON’T FORGET… Please fill out an evaluation  before you leave. Thank you and best wishes!

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Making Difficult Conversations Easier

  • 1. Making Difficult Conversations Easier Mostafa Ewees (PhD) Stanford University at California Assistant Professor at German University in Cairo (GUC) EDUCATIONAL CONSULTANT An Info people Workshop 2008 Presented by:
  • 2. This Workshop Is Brought to You By the Infopeople Project Infopeople is a federally-funded grant project supported by the California State Library. It provides a wide variety of training to California libraries. Infopeople workshops are offered around the state and are open registration on a first-come, first-served basis. For a complete list of workshops, and for other information about the project, go to the Infopeople website at infopeople.org.
  • 3. “ Success Covers a Multitude of Blunders.” – George Bernard Shaw
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  • 7. Please remember, we’re only human. It is impossible not to make mistakes that may offend others. And, if we are very diligent, we can always manage to be offended.
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  • 14. Exercise #1: Your Most Difficult Three?
  • 15. Your Most Difficult Three... Do You See a Theme?
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  • 17. Exercise #2: Aaaggghhh!!! I’m Not. But, if I were, where would I be difficult to talk to? I Don’t. But if I did, where do I get a secondary gain from being difficult?
  • 18. Part II - The Basics: Better Interpersonal Skills Make for Easier Conversations
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  • 22. Exercise #3: First, Let’s Have an Easy Conversation
  • 23. Exercise #4: Now, Let’s Have an Easy Meaningful Conversation: an Exercise of Interpretation, Insight, and Analysis
  • 24. Part III Turning Conflict into Cooperation
  • 25. Everyone hits the target they aim at, dead center – every time. Unfortunately, a lot of us are aiming too low – or else we're simply shooting at the wrong target.
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  • 28. In a sense we can learn everything we need to know about resolving a problem from a sign we see at any mall in the country...
  • 29. X You are here
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  • 38. Exercise #6 Master the Zen of “No”
  • 39. Separate the People From the Problem
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  • 43. Part IV Face to Face Walking the Walk & Talking the Talk
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  • 47. Making a Difficult Conversation Successful Is the Sum of All Its Parts. Even When Done Correctly It Is Still Difficult.
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  • 50. DON’T FORGET… Please fill out an evaluation before you leave. Thank you and best wishes!

Notas del editor

  1. Please include this slide