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The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
CLASS 6: VULNERABILITY
Class 6
Photo by Alan [link]
Vulnerability
Photo by Alan [link]
Vulnerability
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 35 mins
Vulnerability 25 mins
A conversation 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
A...
Before we get
down to business
Photo by Charles Hutchins [link]
Debrief in your
What was that like?
How did it feel?
quartet
Shame &
empathy
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]
Shame &
Shame = I’m flawed & unworthy
Empathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
Shame &
Shame = Creates distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
empathy
Shame &
Disclosures often trigger shame
(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
empathy
Shame &
But typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
e...
Shame &
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
empathy
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
A story
I’ll start
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Now it’s your turn
Spread out with your quartet
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
4 minutes to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing w...
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
How might you push yourself?
What would be too far?
Reflect for a mi...
quartet
Debrief in your
What happened?
Debrief
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy
Vulnerability
Brené Brown
Vulnerability = oversharing or weakness
I don’t do vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths
Vulnerability
So…
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
How do we build ...
Photo by Sabri Yildiz [link]
Find your Profl.
Partner
Meta-emotion
Photo by Franco Folini [link]
Meta-emotion
John Gottman, et al
How do we feel about how we feel?
Meta-emotion
Feelings & thoughts about emotion
Yet another set of mental models
Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers
Meta-emotion
Potential factor with any emotions
Particularly with vulnerability
Meta-emotion
Reflect on your worksheets
What does this
Reivich & Shatté
ABCs: Adversity  Beliefs  Consequences
Traps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusions...
What might I try?
Reframing
Self-soothing
Talking about feelings
Why vulnerability
A powerful tool when we can manage it
A destructive force when we can’t
Build connections or not
Build a...
For next time…
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
Unhappiness
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?
Unhappiness
Please note…
Pema Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Oliver Burkeman is an option
Unhappiness
Also…
It can be heavy
Please don’t be late
Please plan accordingly
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Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @StanfordBiz, Class 6: Vulnerability

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This is a condensed slide deck from the sixth class of my Spring 2016 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

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Ed Batista, The Art of Self-Coaching @StanfordBiz, Class 6: Vulnerability

  1. The art of Photo by Seth Anderson [link] self-coaching Ed Batista CLASS 6: VULNERABILITY
  2. Class 6 Photo by Alan [link]
  3. Vulnerability Photo by Alan [link]
  4. Vulnerability
  5. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link] Small groups 35 mins Vulnerability 25 mins A conversation 20 mins For next time… 5 mins Agenda
  6. Before we get down to business Photo by Charles Hutchins [link]
  7. Debrief in your What was that like? How did it feel? quartet
  8. Shame & empathy Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]
  9. Shame & Shame = I’m flawed & unworthy Empathy = The antidote to shame empathy
  10. Shame & Shame = Creates distance Empathy = Creates closeness empathy
  11. Shame & Disclosures often trigger shame (or embarrassment or vulnerability) empathy
  12. Shame & But typical responses block empathy 1. “Look on the bright side” 2. “My problem’s worse” 3. “Here’s some advice” empathy
  13. Shame & Instead… 1. Avoid judgments 2. Sense & validate emotions 3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement) empathy
  14. Vulnerability Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link] A story I’ll start
  15. Vulnerability Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link] Now it’s your turn Spread out with your quartet
  16. Vulnerability Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link] 4 minutes to tell your story 2 minutes for group to respond Timing will be key
  17. Vulnerability Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link] How might you push yourself? What would be too far? Reflect for a minute
  18. quartet Debrief in your What happened?
  19. Debrief Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
  20. Crucible stories Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
  21. Crucible stories Photo by Dave Hogg [link] Meaning-making Mental models Connections Empathy
  22. Vulnerability Brené Brown Vulnerability = oversharing or weakness I don’t do vulnerability I can go it alone myths
  23. Vulnerability So… If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough? If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it? How do we build boundaries & trust? questions
  24. Photo by Sabri Yildiz [link] Find your Profl. Partner
  25. Meta-emotion Photo by Franco Folini [link]
  26. Meta-emotion John Gottman, et al How do we feel about how we feel?
  27. Meta-emotion Feelings & thoughts about emotion Yet another set of mental models
  28. Meta-emotion Discomfort with emotion  Feelings themselves become triggers
  29. Meta-emotion Potential factor with any emotions Particularly with vulnerability
  30. Meta-emotion Reflect on your worksheets
  31. What does this Reivich & Shatté ABCs: Adversity  Beliefs  Consequences Traps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusions Icebergs: Achievement, acceptance, control tell me?
  32. What might I try? Reframing Self-soothing Talking about feelings
  33. Why vulnerability A powerful tool when we can manage it A destructive force when we can’t Build connections or not Build a culture anyway matters
  34. For next time… Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
  35. Unhappiness Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
  36. Unhappiness Subjective points of view Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl Which ones are most meaningful to you?
  37. Unhappiness Please note… Pema Chödrön is a little out there That’s why Oliver Burkeman is an option
  38. Unhappiness Also… It can be heavy Please don’t be late Please plan accordingly

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