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1. Puppy Raising Almost Broke Me – Part 1
Raisingguide dogpuppieshasbeenalifestylechoice foralittle over15 yearsnow,and I absolutelylove
beinga puppyraiser.Each puppyIraisedI fell inlove with—how canyounot?Many of thembroke my
heart, but italwayshealedwiththe helpof the nextpuppyandthe new friendsImade withthe
placementof eachpuppy.Ibecame accustomedtothe processof fallinginlove,the heartbreaking,the
hearthealing,andstartingall overagain.Goingthroughthe processso many times,Ineverthoughtthat
my heartwouldbreakandhave a hard time recovering.Butitdidhappen,anditcaughtme veryoff
guard.I am usuallyanemotionallystrongperson,butIam still havingahard time dealingwithmy
emotions.
Thisis a verypersonal blog,andbecause of thisitisa longone and I apologize forthat.There isa good
chance that I may ruffle some feathersormake some people upsetbysharingmyfeelingandthoughts.
That is the lastthingthat I everwantedtodo. Buthopefullybyopeningupandsharingitwill helpclose
thischapterin mylife andI can move on.
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For more details,please visitus at: http://www.growingupguidepup.org/
Matt and I have gone back andforth aboutthe right wayto update people onwhathappenedwith
Patrick.It has been extremelystressful forbothof usbecause we take whatwe do veryseriously.We
have chosento share our experiencesof beingpuppyraisersforthe worldtosee andwiththat comesa
bigresponsibilityof beinggoodrole modelsandbeinggoodrepresentativesof whateverorganization

2. we are raisingfor.Hopefullyafterpeoplereadthis,theywill have abetterunderstandingof whywe
have takenso longto finishourepisodeswithPatrickandwhywe have struggledwithhow muchwe
wantedtoshare andhow to go aboutit.So here goes.
Witheach puppyI raise,Iknowgoingin thattheyare not meantto be my foreverdogwhentheygrow
up,and I’m okaywiththat.I have to be.My sole jobisto prepare thatpuppyto be a service dogfor
someone whoneedsit.I raised14 puppiesforGuide Dogsforthe Blind(GDB) before Idecidedtotry
raisingforanotherorganization.The full circumstancesof thisdecisionIhaven’tmade public,mainly
because itiscomplicated.Yes,raisingforanotherorganizationwasagreatopportunityandIgot a
chance to raise a GermanShepherd,somethingIhave alwayswantedtodo.Butthe otherreasonwas
that Matt andI wantedto continue documentingourjourneywithourwebseries,GrowingUpGuide
Pup.
Afterfilmingtwoseasonswith puppiesfromGDB,the executivesthere decidedthatwe were nolonger
allowedtofilmtheirpuppies.Ican’treallygointodetailsaboutthisdecision.Ireallydidn’twanttosay
anythingaboutthispublicly.Iwasreallyworriedthatsome of ourmore active supporterswouldbe
upset,evenangry,withGDBabout theirdecision.Negativitytowardsthe organizationorbadblood
betweenuswasthe lastthingI wanted.
Matt andI were forcedtodecide betweenstayingwithanorganizationthatwe were comfortablewith
and had hadgreat puppyraisingexperienceswith,andendingwhatwe hadstartedwithGrowingUp
Guide Pup,or movingonto a differentorganizationandcontinuingtomove forwardwithourwebseries
and creatingour non-profitorganization.We hadreceivedsomuchgreatfeedbackfromguide dogusers
and puppyraisersfromall differentorganizations.We getlotsof messagesfrompeople sayingthatthey
decidedtopuppyraise orevengeta guide dogbecause theysaw our webseries.Thisisnotonly
rewardingforus,but verypowerful tohearthatwe have had that type of influence onpeople.We felt
like we hada purpose andreallywantedtocontinue,sowe made the hard decisiontoleave GDB.
Changingorganizationswashard,butalsoexcitinganda little nerve wrackingatthe same time.Iwas
veryexcitedtoraise a differentbreedandlearnnew things,butnervoustomove outside mycomfort
zone and doit withoutmyusual supportgroupof otherpuppyraisers,leaders,andmyamazingfield
representative.Igive themsomuchcreditfor makingme the puppyraiserthat I am today.I was also
verynervousthatwe wouldlose the supportof the GDB puppyraisingcommunitybecausewe changed
organizations.Wouldtheystill follow andsupportusinourjourney?Ina way I feltlike Iwasabandoning
my family.Idofeel like we lostsome people,butwe gainedmore fromotherorganizations.
We receivedaverywarmwelcome whenwe startedworkingwithGuide Dogsof the Desert(GDD) and
we were veryexcitedto workwiththem.The firstpartof our puppyraisingjourneywiththemwasgreat
and I wasreallyhappy,butthe endingdidn’treallygoaswe expected.We thoughtthatwe were all on
the same page,but somehowourmultiplediscussionsabouthow importantitwasforus to be able to
track Patrick’sprogressfrombeginningtoendwere pushedaside andthe communicationwasn’twhat
we had hopedfor.

3. Duringmy time raisingforGDB, I wasalwaysgivengreatfeedbackabouthow mypuppieswere doing
and keptaware of anythingthat mightchange withtheirstatusof becominga guide.GDD’swayof
communicatingwithme wasverydifferentandIhad a veryhard time adjustingtothat.Thiswas a big
reasonwhywe chose not to raise anotherpuppyforthemwhenwe turned Patrickinfor breeder
evaluations/formal training.
Nottakinganotherpuppyto raise fromGDD wassurprisinglystressful forme.We were askedthe day
we turnedPatrickinif we wantedtotake anotherpuppy—there were multiple puppiesinthe kennel
needingraisers—butwe wantedtosetupa time totalkand work outsome concernsand kinksthatwe
had.But that talk wasneversetup or broughtup again.I keptseeingemailscome throughandpostson
social mediaabouthowtheywere desperatelyinneedof raisers.Ifeltveryguiltyandselfishaboutnot
helpingthemintheirtime of need.We were perfectlycapable of takingonanotherpuppy,butwe just
couldn’tbringourselvestodoit.Theirway of doingthingsjustwasn’ta match for us as raisers.Theyhad
beenabsolutelywonderful aboutlettingusfilmPatrickanda reallygoodfitforthe show duringthe time
that Patrickwas withus,but notso much forus as individualraisersandourneedsemotionally.As
importantas our showisto us,it isn’teverything.We needtobe happyandcomfortable withwhatwe
are doing.
Two monthsafterwe turnedPatrickin,we requestedanupdate onhim, We wantedan update we could
share on social mediabecause we were gettingaskedalmostdailyabouthow he wasdoing. We had
askedif we wouldbe able toget updatesonPatrickwhile he wasinformal trainingandwe were told
that itshouldn’tbe a problem,butthistooseemedtobe forgotten.
We were toldthathe was beingpulledforbreedingpendingfinal healthevaluations.Iwasbothvery
surprisedandtroubledbythis.He wasamazingphysically,buthadissuesmentally.We hadbeenvery
honestthatPatrick struggledwithadogreactivityissue,butweren’tfullyhonestwithhow severeitwas
at times.We got enoughnegative feedbackfromviewersandreadersabouthimbeingdogreactive that
I feltcompelledtoprotectGDD fromany negativitywe were bringingonbysharingourexperienceswith
Patrick.
We spenta lotof time workingwithhimonthisissue.We hadnever raisedapuppywiththistype of
issue before andthere wasafair amountof trial anderror inhow we handledit,andwhatworkedbest
for usand Patrick.He wasconsistentlyveryinconsistentaboutwhenhe wasreactive.Somedays,he did
reallywell aroundotherdogs,andotherdaysitwas a struggle forhimand us. Eventhe day before we
turnedhimin,he barkedat two separate dogsat the airport andtwo more dogsthat we came across at
Universal Studios.Inmyworld,thiswasabsolutelyunacceptable foraservice dog,ora behaviorthat
couldpotentiallybe passeddowntofuture service dogs.Ihadalwaysfeltdeepdownthatthere wasno
wayhe couldbecome aguide dogbecause of this,but that wasnot forme to decide.
Dog behaviorhasbeenabig interestof mine andwheneverIgoto veterinaryconferencesIwill usually
try to squeeze inacouple of lecturesonbehavior.MygutfeelingwasthatPatrick’sdogreactivitywasa
part of whohe is andthat was whyhe struggledtocontrol it, notbecause I failedasa raiser.However,
for a verylongtime I blamedmyselfforhisbehavior(andstilldoalittle bit),thinkingthatmaybe Ijust

4. wasn’ta good enoughraisertoworkhimpast hisissue or thatI didn’traise himcorrectly,didn’tdo
enoughtowork throughitand perhapsevencontributedtothe issue.Butbecause we haddocumented
our time withPatrick,Iwas able tosee that thisissue wasthere whenwe broughthimhome asa 10-
week-oldpuppyandIdidthe bestI couldwithwhat wasgiventome.
“I worriedthatif Patrick wasbredand hispuppiesinheritedhisissue,future raiserswouldhave the
same stressful experience Ididandthose puppieswouldalsohave the same stressthatPatrick
experienced.”
Patrickis an amazingdogand had all the qualitiesapersonwouldlookforinaservice dog.First,he
lovedtoworkand was alwaysreadytogo. He wassupersmart and learnedquickly.He hada lot of
energy,butwasverygood aboutsettlingquietlyandbeingpatientwhile outinpublic.Physically,he isa
beautiful dog,areallynice size andbuild.Forthese reasons,Ican see whytheywouldwanttocarry on
these traits.Butin myopinionIwouldnotwant to riskreproducingtothe reactivityissue.
As hisraiseritwas verydifficulttohandle.I wasalwayshyper-vigilantaboutwatchingforotherdogssoI
couldbe preparedto deal withPatrickif theyappeared.Istartedbeingstressedoutaboutit,andPatrick
was alsovisiblystressedaboutittoo.He triedsohard to keephiscool at times,but failed.He wouldget
frustratedwithall the correctionsneededtotryand keephimundercontrol aswell,butthiswashow I
was instructedtohandle it.Iworriedthatif Patrickwas bredand hispuppiesinheritedhisissue,future
raiserswouldhave the same stressful experience Ididandthose puppieswouldalsohave the same
stressthat Patrickexperienced.
I didexpressmyconcernsaboutbreedingPatricktoa few people atGDD,but theydidn’tseemtoshare
my concerns.Iwas a little frustratedabouthow myconcernswere received,butwhatdoI know?They
have beenbreedingdogsforaverylongtime now and I have neverbreda dogin mylife.Ijusthad to
accept that we hada difference of opinionandasa raiserI have absolutelynosayinthe decisionmaking
of the puppyI raised.
Once again,we had a major dilemma.The people followingPatrick’sjourneywere anxiouslywaitingfor
an update,butwe justcouldn’tshare that Patrickwas pulledforbreeding.Iwasreallyhopingthatthey
wouldsee whatIsaw and change theirmind.Because Iwasopenabout hisdogissue,Iwas veryworried
that otherpeople wouldquestionthe decisionlike Idid,butina publicforum.
Once again we didn’tsayanythingpublicly.Ididn’twantGrowingUpGuide Pupto cause anyone to
thinknegativelyaboutthe organization,orforthe organizationtothinkthat theyreceivedbadfeedback
because theyletusfilmPatrick.The lastthingI wantedwasfor ourreputationtobe tarnished,andfor
otherorganizationstothinkthatwe,as GUGP, causedpeople tothinkbadlyof the organizationsthatwe
raise for.Afterall,if we hadn’tsharedPatrick’sdogissue,there wouldbe noone questioningwhetheror
not Patrickshouldbe usedforbreeding.We were inaverytoughspot: we couldupsetourfollowersby
not sayinganything,orupsetthe organizationbybringingthembadPR.
I was toldthat GDD was over90% positive thattheywere goingtomake Patrickabreeder.Iwas just
startingto come to termswiththiswhenwe got a phone call fromthe head of theirbreeding

5. departmentsayingthatPatrickwasno longerpartof theirprogram.Thiswas not the newswe were
expectingtohear.Ithoughtmaybe whenIsaw theirnumberpopup onmy phone thattheyhad decided
againstbreedinghimandwere puttinghimbackintotraining.We were nottoldanythingaboutwhythis
decisionwasmade.
For more detailson our products and services,please feel free tovisitus at: service doglaw, service
dog etiquette, service dogpuppy raiser, guide dog, puppy in training.