An anonymous Korean assassin proposes battling a man named Sam to the death in exchange for prizes like mansions, cars, and women. Sam refuses, finding both killing and dying unacceptable. The assassin offers Sam a handicap by tying his own limbs, but when they begin, the assassin headbutts Sam, knocking him out despite his disadvantages.

1. Anonymous Korean Assassin
Rough Script of the Original
(Open with park bench where Sam, with book, and AKA, with newspaper, are in suits, seated and
reading. AKA glances at Sam, closes newspaper and sets it on his lap. He turns to Sam)
AKA:
I’d like to battle you to the death… if you don’t mind…
(Sam looks up, puzzled)
Sam:
I’m sorry? You’d like to do what?
AKA:
Battle. A death match. Two men, pitted, one against the other. For the ultimate prize, another day
of life.
Sam:
Umm, I don’t think I’d like that…
AKA:
Living?
Sam:
No, fighting to the death.
AKA:
Oh, I assure you, it’s quite invigorating. Nothing works the body like mortal combat.
Sam:
But there’s the rub, I don’t particularly want to die…
AKA:
Well the point isn’t to die, my friend. The point is to live.
Sam:
But there’s the chance of dying…
AKA:
This is true.
Sam:
Thank you for the offer, sir. But I don’t think I’m the right man for the job…
AKA:
Well, what if I were to offer you something greater than living as your prize?

2. Sam:
Well it would have to be something quite extraordinary…
AKA:
A yacht.
Sam:
A yacht? You mean a large boat?
AKA:
An expensive and large boat.
(Sam shrugs)
Sam:
I don’t really care for boats…
(AKA hesitates)
AKA:
Perhaps a luxurious mansion.
(Sam shakes head)
Sam:
I really wouldn’t like living outside of the city…
(AKA pauses)
AKA:
A multi-floored penthouse apartment, in every major city.
(Sam thinks it over)
AKA:
A line of Italian sports cars. An unlimited supply of money.
Sam:
That’s more like it.
AKA:
And a harem of horny, young, teenage virgins at your beck and call
Sam:
Quite lovely.

3. AKA:
And…
(Sam interrupts)
Sam:
Mangoes!
(AKA looks confused)
AKA:
Mangoes?!
Sam:
Mangoes! I’d love to have a lifetime supply of fresh, ripe mangoes if I could…
AKA:
You can have all the mangoes you ever dreamed of eating.
Sam:
That would be life, now wouldn’t it?
AKA:
It would. And all you have to do is slay me. So…
(Sam, startled)
Sam:
Huh?
AKA:
What do you say? A quick battle to the death?
Sam:
But there’s a problem with this scenario.
AKA:
There is?
Sam:
Well, I’m not agreeing to dying, and I have to confess that I am not too fond of the thought of killing
anyone. Though I’d have to say I’d rather kill than die. (pauses) But if I could avoid both, that would
be more preferable. Besides, if you’re one to easily challenge someone to mortal combat, I suspect
you’re pretty good at the killing part…
(AKA shyly pulls away)

4. AKA:
Well I don’t like to brag, but…
Sam:
I assume, regardless of what you may offer me as my prize, there’s a very low chance of me
getting it.
AKA:
What if I gave you a handicap?
Sam:
What kind of a handicap?
AKA:
One arm, tied behind my back.
Sam:
I’d assume you’d be quite good with the other arm…
AKA:
Both arms, behind my back.
Sam:
Well that leads me to believe that you’re a bit of a kicker, a kung-fu type of guy.
(AKA laughs at the idea, but then suddenly stops)
AKA:
All right, both arms tied, both legs tied, and I’ll even go blindfolded. How’s that?
Sam:
Can I have a bat?
(AKA looks confused)
AKA:
A flying rodent?!
Sam:
No, a bat. A wooden stick used for baseball.
AKA:
I suppose you could. So, what do you say?
Sam:
I’d say, let’s get it on!

5. (Fight scene: Sam, holding bat, stands across from AKA. Both AKA’s hands and legs are tied, tie
is used as blindfold. Sam adjusts his grip on the bat. He runs towards AKA. Right when Sam is
ready to swing, AKA head-butts him. Sound of bat falling to the ground is heard.)
(Final scene: Sam is lying on the ground, unconscious. AKA hobbles over, using bat to keep
balance. AKA trips on Sam and fall over, on top of Sam.)