3. Girls and boys can both be mean but girls internalize
it more and ruminate on it
Girls are mean to each other for trivial reasons
The effects can be long lasting into adulthood
Girls are good at hiding their aggressive behavior
they know which teachers are tuned in
Relational aggression can include cyber bullying
It is our responsibility to maintain a safe
environment
Relational aggression is COVERT and is everywhere
ODDS AND ENDS
4. Relational aggression, also known as
covert aggression, or covert bullying is a
type of aggression in which harm is
caused through damage to one‟s
relationships or social status.
(Wikipedia, 2012)
RELATIONAL AGGRESSION DEFINITION
5. Relationship Manipulation
Subtle and behind one‟s back
Social Exclusion
Being left out
Reputation Attacking
Spreading rumors – especially on-line
Using Demeaning Gestures
Rolling eyes and dirty looks
(Fraser-Thill, 2012)
TYPES OF RELATIONAL AGGRESSION
6. Painful hurt feelings
Low self-esteem
Unable to focus
Lack of motivation
Isolation
Anger
Retribution and revenge
Self injury
Poor academics
Time out of class in guidance or office
EFFECTS
7. Cultural Causes of Bullying
Violence is acceptable (WWF)
Institutional Causes
Place doesn‟t have high standards for anti-bullying
Social Issues
Recognition for negative behaviors
Family Issues
Discipline at home is inconsistent or over the top
The Bully's Personal History
Past experience of social rejection or academic failure
Having Power
Want to wield it and show off the power
Provocative Victims
UNDERLYING REASONS
("WHY DO PEOPLE," 2009)
8. Change in friends
Drop in grades
Sad look
Late to class
Last one to leave class
Preoccupied
Change in appearance
Long sleeves in hot weather (cutting)
Weight loss
Absenteeism
SIGNS TO WATCH FOR
9. Dr. Erin Willer
Dr. Erin Willer In her seminar Helping Girls Cope and
Communicate About Social Aggression Dr. Willer
presents a three step exercise
Dr. Willer is an assistant professor at the University
of Denver
Former high school English and speech teacher
Research focuses on how females manage social
aggression
(Willer, 2009)
POSSIBLE RESOLUTIONS
10. Ask student to recall an incidence of
meanness
Give them the opportunity to talk or write
about it
Instead of “ruminating” or gut churning about
it this gives language to thoughts and
emotions
Reflection helps to make sense out of life‟s
events
STEP ONE – REFLECT ON MEANNESS
11. Draw a metaphor for the meanness
This puts the focus on the problem and not
the person
An example of a metaphor for love might be a
warm blanket
An example of a metaphor for kindness might
be a cat licking her kitten
An example of meanness might be a cat
scratching the couch when the couch didn‟t do
anything to the cat
STEP TWO – CREATE METAPHORS
12. Have the student draw a redemption metaphor
Focus on the good that can come out of it
Normal to feel bad when girls are mean but try to
find the good
An example might be moving to a new town is hard
but a new home with a big bedroom would be great
A student example was a drawing of two peas in a
pod
Engaging in telling the story and drawing metaphors
helps students make sense of the situation
STEP THREE – POSITIVE METAPHOR
13. This three step process is but one possible course of
action
Communication and a sense of connection to others
can go a long way in tamping down RA
Be aware that RA is happening in our school, but to
see it you have to look for it
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
14. The Ophelia Project
http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/ra_faq.htm
Do Something
http://www.dosomething.org
Why are those girls so mean?
http://www.greatschools.org/parenting/bullying/596-why-are-
those-girls-so-mean.gs
Inside The School
http://www.insidetheschool.com/
A Way Through
http://www.awaythrough.com/educators.htm
ON-LINE RESOURCES
15. Relational Aggression in Girls by Jamie Kupkovits
Mean Girls: 101 1/2 Creative Strategies for Working With
Relational Aggression by Kaye Randall, LISW-CP & Allyson A.
Bowen, LISW-CP and Susan Bowman
„‟Odd Girl Out‟‟ by R. Simmons
‟Queen Bees and Wannabes‟‟ by R. Wiseman
SUGGESTED READING
16. DeBruyn, R. L., & Larson, J. L. (2009). You can handle them all. (2nd ed.).
Manhattan, Ka: The Master Teacher.
Fraser-Thill, R. (2012). Social aggression forms of social aggression.
Retrieved
fromhttp://tweenparenting.about.com/od/behaviordiscipline/a/Social-
Aggression.htm
Why do people bully?. (2009). Retrieved from
http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/why -do-people-bully.html
Wikipedia. (2012, August 05). Relational aggression. Retrieved from
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relational_aggression
Willer, E. (2009, October 26). How to help students cope with girl on girl
aggression. Retrieved from http://www.insidetheschool.com/free-
reports/how-to-help-students-cope-with-girl-on-girl-aggression
(hanging indent intended)
REFERENCES
Editor's Notes
Images we all have seen…maybe even been a part of…
It’s important to note that any and all students can be bullies and can be the victim of bullying. This presentation focuses on one specific category of bullying that seems to be prevalent and is on the rise at NHS. Due to relational aggression being covert, we need to be even more diligent in looking for its occurrence.
Often we think of bullying as the “traditional” hazing of students – the type we normally “see” -pushing in the hallways, putting in a locker, making fun of, pushing in the locker room – but the type we don’t see – the hidden and covert bullying is all around us – just look in guidance or the office – who do we see? We see girls complaining about who did what to each other. It’s a growing epidemic and concern.
We often only catch glimpses of this type of aggression and so we don’t always connect all the pieces to see the big picture.
Any of these effects have the potential to disrupt a student’s life and school work. Sometimes the disruption is short lived and resolves itself and other times can have life long effects that follow and haunt a student for years to come.
Underlying reasons are varied and a diverse set of triggers that are often hidden from classroom teachers – we should look harder and dig deeper.
Any of these effects alone might be explained away, but in combination they start to illuminate a possible problem of relational aggression. Keep your eyes open and if you see something say something.
This article came to me from Inside The School that used to offer on-line support to teachers in the classroom it has since changed and now is offering classroom and school support to administrators. I found this one possible technique useful and readily doable for teachers in a position to help diffuse the situation.
