Detailed process for starting and having meaningful conversations with virtually anyone, anytime.

1. Mastering Conversation: Building a Fire Jason Flores MarketingMan © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

2. Session Objectives Engage anyone in real conversation Rebuild dying conversations Transition to new topics Converse effortlessly Leave conversations easily Feel comfortable at events and receptions Develop strong business friendships © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

3. Why Is Conversation Important? Good communication/rapport Feel comfortable in any environment Gain information Have good working relationships Develop friendships/contacts Make sales Interview better/get hired © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

4. Why People Struggle Conversing Not knowing what to say Uncomfortable with rejection Counter to what we’ve been taught Good things come to those who wait Silence is golden Wait to be properly introduced Don’t talk to strangers © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

5. Overcoming The Hurdles Talk to strangers Introduce yourself Have simple ideas of what to say Start the conversation Assume the burden of conversation to make others feel comfortable People gravitate to comfortable © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

6. What Makes Great Conversation? ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ ________________ © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

7. What Makes Great Conversation? Everyone Participates / Flows Interesting for both parties Listening Comfortable Fun or Humorous Productive Engaged/Connected © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

8. Fire Starting Find an approachable person Fire Starter Questions What brings you here this evening? Fire Starter Statements Your yard looks amazing. What’s your secret? Say Something! © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

9. Find Approachable Person Don’t always default to who you know Approachable person is one who: Makes eye contact Not actively engaged in conversation Unescorted, but not always Talking to lots of different people © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

10. Fire Starter Questions Questions to engage someone in conversation What brings you here this evening? What do you do? How are you able to tell if this fruit is ripe? © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

11. Fire Starter Statements Statements used to open a conversation Your lawn looks so great. What’s your secret? What a great restaurant. What restaurant is your favorite? Why? I noticed you’re going to the 50th floor. What business is on the 50th floor? © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

12. Comfortable Approach Find approachable person Smile Make eye contact Use fire starter Offer your name and use theirs © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

13. Remembering Names Using their name is best way to remember Hi Debbie, I’m Jason Repeat their name back Debbie, it has been great talking with you Focus on something distinctive about them If you don’t remember their name, ASK! Better to ask than look silly later © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

14. Other People Forget Names Too Help them out be telling them your name Hi Michael, Jason Flores Don’t assume they remember © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

15. Approaching Groups of People Can be more intimidating to approach than individuals Move close to group Show interest in speaker Smile and nod Ease into group demonstrating your listening Find points of agreement (do not rock boat) © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

16. Keep the Conversation Fire Going Be an astute observer Open ended questions Fire stoking questions Using the F-R-O-G © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

17. Be Astute Observer People provide you free conversation fuel Appearance – Lapel pins, jewelry Team apparel – T-shirts, hats, water bottles Office or home décor – Awards, pictures Location, location, location Occasion, occasion, occasion © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

18. Open Ended Questions Need more than a Yes/No answer Start w/ What, How, Why, Tell me more Adding fuel to the conversation fire What fun thing did you do this weekend? Tell me more about how you came to ProLango? How do you spend your leisure time? Why was Maui your favorite Hawaiian Island? © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

19. Fire Stoking Questions Follow-up questions that ask people to expand on their previous answer How was your summer? What special things did you do? Note: Don’t stoke if you’re not really interested © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

20. F-R-O-G Family What does your significant other do for a living? Recreation What do you like to do for fun outside of work? Occupation ??? Goals ??? Get the FROG out of your throat © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

21. Adding Fuel to the Fire Incredible Listening Verbal Clues Visual Clues Seamless Segues © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

22. Amazing Listening Speaker looking for clues of listening Hear at 300wpm - talk at ~150wpm Beware of extra capacity Stay mentally engaged not looking around Think of yourself as psychoanalyst If bored change subject or exit gracefully © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

23. Verbal Clues Brief comments tell speaker you’re listening Encourage them to talk so you don’t have to Absence of clues make people wonder if you’re listening © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

24. Verbal Clue Examples © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

25. Visual Clues Listening is seen, not just heard 35% of social meaning verbal and 65% non-verbal Offer visual clues – show you’re listening Eye contact Facial expressions - smiling Head nods Positive body language – leaning in, relax posture, open arms and body, point center towards them Mimic style and tempo © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

26. Seamless Segues Changing topics on the fly That reminds me of … When you mentioned _______ I thought of … I’ve been wanting to ask you … I wanted to ask someone of your expertise ______ Do you mind if I change the subject? © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

27. Taking your turn – Stir the Coals Remember conversations are 2 way streets Some people struggle Many feel too ordinary but aren’t Don’t want to appear self centered Avoid taboo topics © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

28. Ordinary People Most people are ordinary Even ordinary people have extraordinary things happen to them Hilarious events Incredible adventure Ridiculous moment Exciting accomplishment Uncanny coincidence © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

29. Conversation Etiquette Few Rules Disclose personal info that’s comfortable and uncontroversial – when in doubt leave it out Leading with light info to build trust Peel the onion – share info in matching layers © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

30. Conversation Smokey Bears People who refuse to participate or hog the conversation FBI Agent Braggart / One upper/ Know-it-all Tight Ball of Shyness Ball Hog – Talkaholic Negative Nancy © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

31. Conversation Smokey Bears FBI Agents Respond and ask open-ended questions Shy People Draw them out by using repeated open-ended questions Braggarts Move the conversation ball around by interjecting “What do you think (insert name)?” to someone else Talkaholics Set a time limit with them to keep them from talking you to death Negatives Steer to positive conversation topics or get away © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

32. Effortless Exits How to break from conversation gracefully Standard Exit Would you excuse me? I’d like to chat with the speaker. Introduction Exit Matt is a great guy with an interesting history. I’d like to introduce you two. Appreciation Exit I’ve really enjoyed talking with you about your business. Let’s connect on LinkedIn and meet for coffee next week? Follow-up Exit I don’t want to monopolize your time tonight. Can I follow-up with you next week? © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

33. Review Importance of conversation skill How to start a conversation with fire starters Build it further with astute observation, open ended questions & FROG Stoke the fire to roaring hot w/incredible listening, verbal/visual cues & seamless segues Exit conversations flawlessly without getting burned © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man

34. Next Steps Don’t go home and forget about this. Try a few conversation ideas when the opportunities present themselves. Be fearless and approach people you don’t know and practice, practice, practice!!! That’s how you become a Conversation Master! Thank You! © 2005 Jason Flores Marketing Man