2. Agenda: In-Class Writing:
Writing Workshop: Editing
You should have one clean copy of your revised
draft.
Common Writing Errors
Incorrect spacing
Missing Words.
Revision Strategies
Eliminating passive voice
Eliminating Repetition
Review; MLA review; Open to all past topics--bring your
questions.
3. Common Writing Errors:
Incorrect spacing Missing Words.
This error can be • This error too can be
corrected by careful corrected by careful
reading. Turn on your reading, especially
grammar checker. reading aloud.
• Several qualities will • Her efforts to
mark the successful prepare were as
candidate:confidence much and more than
, trustworthiness, sufficient.
competence-- and
desire.
5. 1. Read your work backwards, starting with the last sentence
and working your way in reverse order to the beginning.
Supposedly this works better than reading through from the
beginning because your brain knows what you meant to write,
so you tend to skip over errors when you're reading forwards.
1. Read your work out loud. This forces you to read each word
individually and increases the odds that you'll find a typo.
1. Always proofread a final printed version of your work.
Proofreading on a computer monitor is more difficult than
going over it on paper.
2. Give yourself some time. If possible, let your work sit for a
while before you proofread it. When you clear your mind and
approach the writing anew, your brain is more able to focus
on the actual words, rather than seeing the words you think
you wrote.
7. Eliminating Passive Voice
• A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action
into the subject of a sentence. That is, whoever or whatever is
performing the action is not the grammatical subject of the sentence.
Take a look at this passive rephrasing of a familiar joke:
• Why was the road crossed by the chicken?
• Who is doing the action in this sentence? The chicken is the one
doing the action in this sentence, but the chicken is not in the spot
where you would expect the grammatical subject to be. Instead, the
road is the grammatical subject. The more familiar phrasing (why did
the chicken cross the road?) puts the actor in the subject position,
the position of doing something—the chicken (the actor/doer)
crosses the road (the object). We use active verbs to represent that
"doing," whether it be crossing roads, proposing ideas, making
arguments, or invading houses.
8. • Once you know what to look for, passive
constructions are easy to spot. Look for a form
of "to be” (is, are, am , was, were, has been,
have been, had been, will be, will have been,
being) followed by a past participle or a verb in
the progressive tense.
The past participle is a form of the verb that
typically, but not always, ends in "-ed." Some
exceptions to the "-ed" rule are words like
"paid" (not "payed") and "driven." (not
"drived").
A progressive verb ends in “ing”: running,
singing, dancing.
9. Here's a sure-fire formula for identifying the passive voice:
• For example:
• The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon's fiery
breath.
• When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of
ways to delay her remarriage.
10. How to change passive constructions into active ones:
• Switch the word order, making the actor and subject
one by putting the actor up front:
• “The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon's
fiery breath” becomes
• The dragon scorched the metropolis with his fiery
breath.
• “When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think
of ways to delay her remarriage” becomes
• After suitors invaded her house, Penelope had to
think of ways to delay her remarriage.
11. Change a “to be” verb and a progressive tense verb
into the active voice when possible.
• I was singing while she did the dishes.
• I sang while she did the dishes.
• I was running from the monster.
• I ran from the monster.
• I was dancing all night long.
• I danced all night long.
12. Practice
• It was located in the typical, newly built high school
that favored its athletic department due to all the banners
that were hung up on the walls.
• There were eight blue tables, which were always dirty, lined
up in the patio.
• The air was filled with the competitive spirit as our rival
school had come to our town to play basketball.
• The San Marino High School Gym was filled with incessant
cheering, and the bleachers were filled from side to side.
• There were posters and banners across every wall, and they
made the gym look like an art gallery made of paper.
13. • It was located in the typical, newly built high
school that favored its athletic department due
to all the banners that were hung up on the
walls.
• The newly built high school, which housed the
event, favored its athletic department; colorful
banners decorated virtually every wall of the
gym.
• There were eight blue tables, which were always
dirty, lined up in the patio.
• Eight perpetually-dirty, blue tables lined the
patio.
•
14. • The air was filled with the competitive spirit as our rival
school had come to our town to play basketball.
• The sounds of competitive spirit filled the air; our rival
school had come to our town to play basketball.
• The San Marino High School Gym was filled with incessant
cheering, and the bleachers were filled from side to side.
• Incessant cheering filled the San Marino High School Gym;
students crowded into the bleachers.
• There were posters and banners across every wall, and they
made the gym look like an art gallery made of paper.
• Posters and banners hung from every wall, making the gym
look like an art gallery made of paper.
15. Get out a copy of your draft
• Eliminate passive voice in your essay: Look for
a form of "to be” (is, are, am , was, were, has
been, have been, had been, will be, will have
been, being) followed by a past participle (a
verb ending in “ed” or “en”).
• It was eaten by John: John ate it.
• Also, look for “to be” verbs followed by
progressive verb forms (verbs ending in “ing”)
• Mary was singing: Mary sang.
17. Eliminate Redundant Words and
Phrases
• 1. absolutely certain: Certainty has no room for doubt; it's absolute.
• 2. absolutely never: Never is always absolute.
• 3. ask a question: It's impossible to ask anything except a question.
• 4. ATM machine: The M in ATM means machine.
• 5. basic essentials: If they are essentials, they must be basic.
• 6. close proximity: You cannot have far proximity. Delete close
• 7. combined together: If you combine things, they have to be
together.
• 8. completely finish: Can you partly finish? Delete completely.
• 9. continue on: Can you continue off? Delete on.
• 10. month of July: Everybody knows July is a month.
18. Remove Repetitive
Sentences
• Another common occurrence in writing is
repetitive sentences. Although they may seem
necessary for effect or emphasis, they actually
attribute to wordiness.
• Consider the sentences, “The oven had quit
working. It was broken.” The second sentence,
while it may corroborate the first, is repetitive.
Removing it unclutters the writing without
altering or diminishing the meaning.
19. How to Eliminate Repetition
• Rule 1 - Words beginning sentences
• Never start two consecutive sentences with the same word.
• I have seen instances of six sentence paragraphs with each sentence
starting with the same word. Fixing this will immediately elevate
your writing.
• Rule 2 - Words beginning paragraphs
• There should be at least four (4) paragraphs starting with different
words before you use the same paragraph starting word again.
• This provides the reader with a smoother ride through your essay
• Rule 3 - Do focused page scans for other repetitions
• Scan each page for extensive repetitive use of particular words. The
time you take to find all instances of repetitions in your work will be
time well spent.
20. • Rule 4 - Never repeat a descriptive phrase
• Some writers get a bit carried away when they devise a great
phrase. They start to use it every few pages - or several times
on the same page. Don't turn your own brilliance into a cliché
or an avoidable error.
• Rule 5 - Make finding repetitions a separate editing run on
your essay
• Because eliminating repetition is such an important part of
producing high quality work, make this a separate editing run
on your essay.
21. Check for Repetition in your Essay
• Look for redundancies.
• Small little; perfectly clear
• Look for repetitive sentences.
• I went to the store. At the store I bought ice
cream.
• Look to see if you are using the same words
to begin sentences or paragraphs.
• There are; Later; At the ranch; Mary
23. Review MLA
• Last name and page number in header, on right
side, .5 inches from the top.
• Heading double-spaced and correct. Check the
date format.
• Title is original, centered, not bolded or
underlined.
• Margins are 1” all around
• Quotations, summaries, and paraphrases are
cited correctly.
• A Works Cited page contains a complete list of
sources used in the preparation of the essay.
24. Homework
Read: SMG p684 "Logical Fallacies" and "Letter from
a Birmingham Jail"
Write: Edit Essay #3
Blog Prompt #11: Identify a problem or issue at De
Anza. Describe the problem clearly, and then offer a
solution
Study: Vocabulary
Bring: A final draft of Essay #3 on Wednesday.
