In the 25 years I’ve been bringing couples together, I’ve done matchmaking a dozen different ways, and I’m just thrilled with the service model I’ve developed and am working with today. While I can’t control what single love seekers do out there in the world, if they’re meeting online or at bars, here in my world, we really enjoy providing a dignified, streamlined first date experience.

1. Matchmaking, Julie Ferman Style
In the 25 years I’ve been bringing couples together, I’ve done matchmaking a dozen
different ways, and I’m just thrilled with the service model I’ve developed and am working
with today. While I can’t control what single love seekers do out there in the world, if they’re
meeting online or at bars, here in my world, we really enjoy providing a dignified,
streamlined first date experience.
Here’s how we do
matchmaking, Julie Ferman
style:
The Client.
We are always working proactively for a small
group of carefully chosen Clients, both male
and female. I’ve been building community,
privately “inventorying” desirable, interesting,
date-worthy, relationship seeking single men
and women since 2001, with over 25,000
people at my fingertips. The database is not
“browsable” by the general public, or even by Clients. This is definitely not online dating.
Searching for our Female Clients.
When searching for our female Clients, we search through our entire community,
considering current and former Clients, and we are also searching through our rich, deep
pool of gentlemen Candidates – men who’ve not yet been our Clients, but whom we’ve
found out there in the world, or who have found us. What’s uniquely special and enormously
fruitful about our matchmaking process is that we take the time and make the investment of
our effort and resources to continually vet, screen and qualify ALL of the men and all of the
women who funnel here to us, from all kinds of sources. When we identify a candidate
(Client or otherwise) who’s matching up nicely with one of our current Clients, we reach out
to him to screen and qualify him for her, or her for him. When considering a potential match,
we always check in with The Guy first, to make sure that timing is good for him for an
introduction, and to determine if he’s interested and attracted to the female Client we have
in mind for him to meet. In the process, we are vetting him for her as a prospective Suitor. If
he’s available at the moment and if he’s a Yes for meeting her, then we move forward with

2. the introduction. We don’t like to “tease” our female Clients by presenting her with potential
Candidates who might or might not be available, interested, or attracted. We do that
groundwork first for her, to preserve and strengthen her confidence. So, we basically handle
“rejection” for her, and she only hears from us when we’ve got good news, a Suitor in queue
for her, who’s available, attracted, and interested, excited to meet her.
Searching for our Male Clients.
The biggest distinction between men and women in dating is the simple, often inconvenient
truth that a man simply must be attracted in order for anything to happen. Women have a
FAR better ability to develop romantic attraction over time. Rather than fight this reality, we
work with it, but always presenting her profile / photos to him first, and if he IS available,
interested, and attracted, then we’ll move forward with the introduction.
First Date Concierge Service.
Once we know he’s a Yes for meeting her, we then move forward with the introduction,
providing first date concierge service for each of our introductions. We typically let him
choose the nature of the date, which is usually drinks, lunch, or dinner, and we set the time
and place for the first date. We don’t typically set first dates at Starbucks, nor are our first
dates meant to be over dinner at the Four Seasons – We like to set our first dates at places
that are nice, interesting, fun spots, but reasonable.
Pre-Date Contact.
Once we have set the date, we do share cell numbers with both parties, so they’re sure to
find each other at the venue. It’s not required that there be a confirmation text or call prior to
the date, but it’s perfectly fine, and advisable for the gentleman to send a quick check-in text
the day prior or the morning of the date, just to say “See you there, then.” If she’s not heard
from him, is it OK for her to text him to check in? Absolutely. One of the secrets to our
success with our matchmaking process is in the preserving of the first impression for the
face to face meeting. We don’t share last names or email addresses prior to the first date.
Save the fun get-to-know-you questions for the live date. That means – no Googling, no
Facebooking – those are research tools you may need to rely on when meeting folks out
there on your own in the jungle… but here in our world, our Clients trust us to screen and
vet for them, and we greatly appreciate your cooperation with our process, which has been
very carefully designed.

3. Who pays?
Careful here – there are minefields all over this issue. I encourage both men and women to
practice generosity throughout the dating journey, and not to jump to conclusions or veto
the other person quickly based on how he or she handles this sticky issue on a first date.
While it’s still common for The Guy to spring for the check, plenty of women do offer to
share in the expense of dating, and it’s not a no-no for a man to accept her offer to share,
although I’ll admit it’s risky when he says “Sure, Thanks!” Most importantly, please resist the
temptation to categorize someone (as being cheap or entitled) based on how they manage
this tricky dating issue. Once you the two of you have determined that you are both
attracted and interested in each other, you’ll be able to determine together who should pay
for what, as your budding romance evolves. My advice? Be respectful of each other, and do
your part to make the first couple of dates as reasonable as possible. Valet Parking? It’s an
over-the-top, rare, though surely appreciated gesture when a man jumps to spring for her
valet parking ticket on a first date, tipping her guy on top of it. And I believe that it’s
a mistake for a woman to expect this level of chivalry on each of her first dates.
Safety and chivalry.
It’s a good idea for him to make sure she gets to her car safely. It’s not fun, in fact it’s darn
right nerve wracking to be a woman, walking in heels, alone, trying to find her car at night in
the big city. Gentlemen, please do make sure she gets to her car safely, and Ladies, if he
didn’t think to offer to walk you to your car, please do ASK him to escort you to your car.
Our “Inventory” — Where do we find our Candidates and Clients?
Half of the people in our community found us, through a direct referral from a friend or
colleague, through TV/Radio/Podcast interviews, a blog article or an online search for a
local matchmaking agency. The other half WE found… we’re always recruiting, producing or
co-sponsoring events, and we have ambassadors throughout Southern CA who are always
scouting for us, referring to us single, relationship oriented men and women who are
intrigued with our process, who want to be privately registered with us, eligible for referral to
our current and future Clients.
Photos and detailed profiles?
Yes, absolutely, we like to have as few surprises as possible on the first date, so for that
reason we DO provide detailed profiles and we insist on current face and body photos. If
your photos are more than a year or two old, if they’re cell phone selfies, or if you don’t have
representative body shots, then we won’t likely be able to include you in our referral

4. process. Here’s a shortcut to getting great, current photos for your dating profile.
http://www.julieferman.com/ResourcesCategories.aspx?id=204
The Age Issue.
Our profiles will not always include age, as we find that there are so many other factors that
are more important to compatibility than a person’s chronological age. We won’t “fib” for
anyone, and you can count on our photos to be current and a fair representation of this
person’s actual appearance. A delightful departure from the typical online dating
experience…
Post Date Feedback.
Here’s what we love to hear back after a first date: What are your impressions?
What qualities do you appreciate? Any qualities you don’t appreciate?
Would you be open to seeing this person again? If not, for any reason, help us play
matchmaker — what type of person would you recommend for this person?
Second dates.
We absolutely LOVE to see second and third dates happening for our Clients. The most
common mistake today’s single men and women are making is to discard or veto interested
candidates far too quickly, hoping that that “perfect person” is just around the corner. Those
are the very people who will still be single three years from now, wondering why. How to
avoid falling into that picky/fussy trap is to look to see if this person you’ve just met appears
to have your Top Three Critical Criteria, and if so, have a second date. And have a third
date.
Post Date Communication.
We recommend texting or calling after the date to say Thank You – regardless of who
picked up the check, or who’s The Guy and who’s The Girl, the two of you have just given
each other the gift of your time and attention, which is no small thing. Have the courage to
respond, even if what you say is “Thanks so much for meeting with me. I’m not sure we’re a
romantic fit, but I’m really glad we took the time to meet. I wish you well.”
Behaving yourself is a very good idea.
The more favorable and positive your post-date feedback is and the more delightful we find
you to be to work with, the more likely we will be to continue referring you as a candidate to
current and future Clients. I believe that how we do one thing is how we do most things, and
if the people you meet here through our matchmaking process find you to be a kind,

5. thoughtful, an enjoyable person to be with, and if they tell us so, then we’ll tend to believe
them. With thousands and thousands of fully screened and vetted candidates available to
us for referral, we have no shortage of stellar possibilities when we’re searching for viable,
fitting referrals for our male and female Clients. Those who misbehave with us or with each
other on dates in any way quickly fall to the bottom of the referral pool. Being consistently
courteous, reliable, prompt, attentive, considerate and compassionate, kind and thoughtful –
this is what we call behaving.
There’s so much more great dating related content here on dating and matchmaking
services blog. So keep reading, keep exploring, keep learning. Growing is sexy…
For more interesting articles on Dating and Matchmaking, visit http://blog.julieferman.com/