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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

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Session 1: Problems and Solutions

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I had a problem, a big one <ul><li>I had a well paid job. My boss is really nice. I saw a bright career path in front of me. </li></ul><ul><li>I lived out of my own country and far from my family. </li></ul><ul><li>I failed multiple times in relationships. I felt lonely after I went home. I wanted to have my own family. </li></ul><ul><li>I am not happy! </li></ul>

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In fact, everybody had one <ul><li>I am having tremendous professional success, but it’s cost me personal and family life. </li></ul><ul><li>I know I’m overweight. I tried all the ways without success. </li></ul><ul><li>My employees are always waiting for me to give them orders. I am tired of that. </li></ul><ul><li>I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. </li></ul><ul><li>My kid won’t listen to me anymore </li></ul><ul><li>There is no love in my marriage. We don’t feel it anymore. </li></ul>

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What’s the biggest problem you are facing? <ul><li>At work </li></ul><ul><li>In family </li></ul><ul><li>Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Health </li></ul><ul><li>Time </li></ul><ul><li>Meaning of life </li></ul><ul><li>Death </li></ul>

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What to do with the problem? <ul><li>Put it aside, try not to think about it </li></ul><ul><li>Worry about it </li></ul><ul><li>Talk about it </li></ul><ul><li>Work on it! </li></ul>

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Deal with the problem <ul><li>Acknowledge the problem </li></ul><ul><ul><li>A problem cannot be solved if we pretend that it doesn’t exist </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>A real problem cannot be hidden </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>A real problem won’t go away </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Define the problem </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What’s bothering me most? Why? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Write it down </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Solve the problem </li></ul><ul><ul><li>How? </li></ul></ul>

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New Level of Thinking <ul><li>“ The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them” </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>– Albert Einstein </li></ul></ul></ul>

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The way we see the problem is the problem <ul><li>It’s “out there”. It’s the problem of the others. </li></ul><ul><li>We look at the symptoms and ignore the root cause </li></ul><ul><li>We expect some magic techniques and quick fixes. The real solution may be a long process and require significant efforts </li></ul><ul><li>Examples: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Employees lack of loyalty </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Marriage without love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Always busy, but little accomplished </li></ul></ul>

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How to see differently?

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Paradigm - How do we “see” things? <ul><li>The “lens” we all wear </li></ul><ul><ul><li>We all see things through our own “Paradigms”, which are our own ways of thinking. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>We may not know the paradigm exists, like contact lens. We think what we see is objective. But it may not be. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both be right. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Our unique experience creates the “lens” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Family </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Education </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Environment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Culture </li></ul></ul>

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Power of the Paradigm <ul><li>Paradigm is our map </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Reality, the way things are, where are we now. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Value, the way things should be, where do we want to be </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Paradigm determines </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Our attitudes </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Our behaviors </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Wrong map </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Try to find ways in New York using a map of Chicago. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Working on attitudes and behaviors won’t help. </li></ul></ul>

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What to do with our Paradigms? <ul><li>Be aware of them </li></ul><ul><li>Take responsibilities of them, examine them, test them against reality </li></ul><ul><li>Listen to others, be open to their perspectives </li></ul><ul><li>Get the large picture </li></ul>

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Paradigm shift - “See” things differently <ul><li>Paradigm shift is powerful </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviors </li></ul></ul><ul><li>The only way for us to make significant and quantum changes </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Science </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>From Earth center to Sun center </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>From bloodletting to gem theory </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Society </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>From Kings to Democracy </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Life </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Life threaten crisis </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Step into a new role </li></ul></ul></ul>

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Solve our problems <ul><li>What are the “maps” we are using? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The way we “see” things </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The way we “handle” things </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Are the “maps” correct? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Can they explain our current situation? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Can we get to the destination using them? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are we lost using the current map? </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Change the map </li></ul>

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Thoughts about my own problem <ul><li>My old paradigms </li></ul><ul><ul><li>There is only successful career path for me. I rely on my boss to promote me in the company ladder. To be successful in career, I have to live in United States. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>My perfect partner will fall into my life from heaven. We will fall in love immediately and be happy ever after. I just need to wait. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Love is sweet and all about happiness. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>As long as I have a family, every problem will be resolved. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>My attitude and behaviors are solely based on those paradigms. </li></ul><ul><li>Are they correct? </li></ul>

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What’s the “correct map”? <ul><li>Principles </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Real, unchanging, unarguable and self-evident as natural laws </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Universally applicable among different societies and religions </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Examples </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Only if you are trustworthy, you can earn long term trust </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Principles determine the results </li></ul><ul><li>“ Correct map” are Principle-Centered </li></ul>

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Principles, Practices and Values <ul><li>Principles vs. Practices </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Guidelines vs. Activities </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Universal application vs. Situation Specific </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Always true vs. Work in some circumstances </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Principle empowers people to create variety of practices to deal with different situations </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Principles vs. Value </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Objective territory vs. Map </li></ul></ul>

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How to change the “map”? <ul><li>Inside-out </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Start with yourself </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Paradigms </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Characters </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Motives </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Private victory precedes public victory </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Keep Promise to ourselves before to others </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Improve ourselves before improve the relationships </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Work on our characters before work on personalities </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Continuing renewal process </li></ul></ul>

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Inside-out examples <ul><li>To have a good marriage </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Generate positive energy </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sidestep negative energy </li></ul></ul><ul><li>To have a pleasant, cooperative teenager </li></ul><ul><ul><li>More understanding </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Empathic </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Consistent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Loving </li></ul></ul><ul><li>To have more freedom, more latitude in your job </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Be more responsible </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More helpful </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More contributing </li></ul></ul><ul><li>To be trusted </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Be trustworthy </li></ul></ul>

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Put the “map” inside us, permanently <ul><li>Characters </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Relatively permanent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Distinguishing features </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Manifest when relates to others and reacts to various kinds of challenges </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Examples </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Courage </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Honesty </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Loyalty </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Characters determine our destiny </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Determine our actions and reactions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Determine how people see us and treat us </li></ul></ul>

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Characters Ethic vs. Personalities Ethic <ul><li>Characters Ethic </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The foundation of success come from the Characters like Integrity, Humility, Courage… </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Personalities Ethic </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Human and Public Relationship techniques </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Positive Mental Attitude </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Characters vs. Personalities </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Inside-out vs. Outside-in </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Permanent vs. Inconsistent </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Natural vs. Artificial </li></ul></ul>

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The New Paradigm <ul><li>The new level of thinking </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Principle-centered </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Character-based </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Inside-out </li></ul></ul>

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Principles of Growth <ul><li>Growth are sequential </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Multiple Stages </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The later stage is built upon the previous one </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Each one is important. None can be skipped </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Each one takes time </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Example: Learning to run </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, run </li></ul></ul>

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The Paradigm Change Process <ul><li>It’s a continuing renewal process </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Learn the principles </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Build the characters </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Start with ourselves </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Emotional Development Level </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Listening to others requires Patience, Openness, Desire to understand </li></ul></ul><ul><li>No quick fixes. No shortcut </li></ul>

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Conclusion <ul><li>Solution to your problem </li></ul>Change the way you see the it

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What’s next? <ul><li>We learned </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Our significant problems are the fruits of our own paradigms, the “lens” we wear and the “maps” we use </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Our problems can only be solved by paradigm shifts. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>A correct paradigm is Principle-Centered, Character-based, Inside-out </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Paradigm shift takes a continuing renewal process </li></ul></ul><ul><li>What’s missing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>A actionable process to guide us in making the paradigm shift </li></ul></ul>

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Next Session <ul><li>Session 2 </li></ul><ul><li>The Overview of The 7 Habits </li></ul>