1.
A Feminist Defense
of Friendship
Lisa Wade, PhD
facebook.com/lisawadephd
lisa-wade.com
@lisawade
Originally written and delivered with my friend, Caroline Heldman, PhD

2.
Why Friendship?

3.
Why Friendship?
People with friends are healthier.

4.
Why Friendship?
People with friends live longer.

5.
Why Friendship?
People with friends are happier.

6.
“Friendship has a bigger impact on our
psychological well-being than family
relationships.”
- Sociologist Rebecca Adams

7.
“I am not aware of any other factor—not
diet, not smoking, not exercise, not
stress, not genetics, not drugs, not
surgery—that has a greater impact on
our… incidence of illness [and chance of]
premature death...”
- Dr. Dean Ornish

8.
“Applying the term ‘friendship’ to
animals is not anthropomorphic.”

9.
Women -- with -- Women
Men -- with -- Men
Women & Men
-- with --
Each Other

10.
Women -- with -- Women

11.
Men -- with -- Women

12.
“10 Drinks Men Should Never Order”

13.
“[A sexual charge] added a certain zest, a
special excitement that can’t be had in a same-
sex friendship [if both are heterosexual]. Some
people spoke of a flirtatious quality in the
relationship, saying they valued it because it
imparted a quality of vitality to the time they
spent together, because it generated a spark
they enjoyed.”
Rubin, Lillian. 1985. Just Friends: The Role of Friendship in our
Lives. New York: Harper Perennial.

14.
Women -- with -- Men

15.
Men -- with -- Men

16.
Justin, 15-years old
“[My best friend and I] love each other… that’s
it… you have this thing that is deep, so deep,
it’s within you, you can’t explain it. It’s just a
thing that you know that person is that person…
I guess in life, sometimes two people can
really, really understand each other and really
have a trust, respect and love for each other.”
Way, Niobe. 2011. Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of
Connection. Boston, MA: Harvard University Press.

17.
Justin, 18-years old
“[My friend and I] we mostly joke around. It’s
not like really anything serious or whatever.
Nothing like serious talking whatever ‘cause I
don’t talk to nobody about serious stuff… I
don’t talk to nobody. I don’t share my feelings
really. Not that kind of person or whatever…
It’s just something that I don’t do.”
Way, Niobe. 2011. Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of
Connection. Boston, MA: Harvard University Press.

18.
Positive Examples of Friendship

19.
Embracing Friendship

20.
For Women
Fight the urge to seek
male attention and
approval.

21.
For Women
Refuse to see other women as your
competition.

22.
For Women
Cherish and cultivate friendships with
women.

23.
For Women
Decide to be friends with men.

24.
For Men
Give yourself permission to just be you.

25.
For Men
Express yourself.

26.
For Men
Befriend other men who “get it.”

27.
For Men
Struggle against dismissing women.

28.
In Conclusion…

29.
If they can be friends…

30.
…we can be friends.

31.
Questions?
Lisa Wade, PhD
lisa-wade.com • @lisawade • facebook.com/lisawadephd
Credits:
www.fourfour.typepad.com Caroline Heldman, PhD
www.interspeciesfriends.blogspot.com www.feministfrequency.com
www.forkparty.com www.acidcow.com
www.nbc.com www.zimbio.com
www.smurf.com www.universal.com
www.etsy.com Ampersand