FredKofmanON MANAGING CONFLICT

But it doesn’t have to
be difficult if we approach it with Mostofusareuncomfortablehavingconversationsaroundconflict. THERIGHTTOOLSTHERIGHTFRAMEOFMIND FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Thewrongframeofmind:Iwanttowin,andIwantyoutolose. But there’s no such
thing as “winning” a fight in a relationship. The moment you’re fighting, you’ve already lost. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Instead,lookatconflictascomingtogethertosolveaproblem. This framing dissolves 90%
of the animosity. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Almostanyconflictconversationcanberesolved ifyoupursuethese4goals: Listen and understand
what the other person thinks and feels. Explain your own thoughts, so the other person understands where you’re coming from. Discuss if there’s a way to come together with mutual benefit. Once you agree on something, make commitments and get it done. 1 2 3 4 FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Howyoulisteninaconflictconversationiskey.Followthesesteps: BEQUIET Listen quietly without
interrupting and pay attention ENCOURAGETHEM Nod, smile, and follow along as you listen CHECKYOURUNDERSTANDING Summarize what you heard in 1 or 2 short phrases, and ask if you got it right VALIDATETHEIRREASONING Acknowledge that you now understand their point of view FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

HOWYOUSPEAKALSOAFFECTSYOURCONFLICT Begin with an “I”
statement to show it’s your opinion that you’re sharing BEGINWITHI Explain your reasoning, or why you believe it Explain Propose your idea or solution Propose Ask what they think about it ASK FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Conflictsmayrequiresomenegotiation.Trythis: Negotiate for what really
matters to you, rather than around a “position.” Good negotiators find ways to give the other person what they really want— without necessarily giving them what they originally asked for. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Themostimportantpartofnegotiationhappensbeforeyoubegin. Prepareforpossibleoutcomeswith“BATNA”: EST LTERNATIVE OA
EGOTIATED GREEMENT B A T N A Ask yourself what’s the best you can do without the cooperation of the other person. What will you do if you cannot agree? What can you do on your own? FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

Agreementswithoutcommitmentareworthless. Somakeacommitment. Discuss who’s going
to do what... and by when. FRED KOFMAN ON MANAGING CONFLICT

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