Total interpersonal space devoted to mutual understanding and shared information. Productivity and interpersonal effectiveness are directly related to the amount of mutually-held information

1. Success through Interpersonal Skills

2. Prepared By
Kindly restrict the use of slides for personal purpose.
Please seek permission to reproduce the same in public forms and presentations.
Manu Melwin Joy
Assistant Professor
Ilahia School of Management Studies
Kerala, India.
Phone – 9744551114
Mail – manu_melwinjoy@yahoo.com

3. 1001 Skills
MMJ’s Management Skills Archive

4. LIVE
LOVE
LEARN
LEAVE A LEGACY

8. Four steps of skill acquisitions
• Unconscious incompetence.
• Conscious incompetence.
• Conscious competence.
• Unconscious Competence.

9. Johari Window
CLOSED DARK

10. Arena
• Total interpersonal space devoted
to mutual understanding and
shared information.
• Productivity and interpersonal
effectiveness are directly related to
the amount of mutually-held
information

11. Blind area
• Ignorance about oneself.
• Mannerisms, Verbal cues etc
• Can be reduced by asking for
feedback.

12. Closed area
• Withhold information.
• Fears, secrets, dreams etc.
• Can be reduced by sharing it
with others.

15. Activity
• Meet three people.
• Ask for their thoughts on
your Blind Area.
• Then share, if you feel safe,
items for the Hidden Area.

16. Life script
Script Analysis is the
method of uncovering
the early decisions,
made unconsciously, as
to how life shall be
lived'.

17. Why we take decisions?
• Lack of power.
• Inability to handle stress.
• Immature thinking capacity.
• Lack of knowledge.
• Lack of option.

18. Don’ts or Injunctions
• Don't be (don't exist)
• Don't be you/ Don’t be the sex you are
• Don't be a child
• Don't grow up
• Don't make it in your life (Don't Succeed)
• Don't do anything!
• Don't be important
• Don't be close
• Don't be well
• Don't think

19. Do’s or Drivers
• Be perfect.
• Be strong.
• Please others.
• Try hard.
• Hurry up.

20. Emotional bank account

21. Emotional Deposit
Trust & Confidence
Growing relationship
Emotional Withdrawal
Mistrust & Discord
Empty relationship

22. The secret to rich and
rewarding relationships is
three-fold:
• Understanding the
importance of deposits
and withdrawals in our
relationships.
• Acting with the awareness
that we will make
withdrawals unknowingly.
• Putting in a concerted and
committed effort to make
deposits consistently.

23. Activity
• List 5 things that your spouse willingly does, even occasionally,
that increase your appreciation, enjoyment, or desire for him
or her
• List 5 things that you do or are willing to do on a regular basis
that you believe would help your spouse to appreciate, enjoy,
or desire you more.
• Discuss your lists with your spouse. Fine tune list.
• Make deposits into your spouse’s emotional bank account by
consistently and frequently doing the thing on your second
list. Also be sure to express sincere appreciation for the
deposits your spouse makes into your emotional bank
account.

24. Understand

25. Listen

27. Listening Vs Hearing

28. Why listen?
• Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen
effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks
down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or
irritated.
• The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to
listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each
other is our attention.
• A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is
left unsaid or only partially said.

29. Why we don’t listen?
• Listening is effortful.
• We are preoccupied.
• We want to talk.
• False assumptions.
• Quick thoughts

31. Empathy
Vs
Sympathy

32. Autobiographical responses
• Evaluate.
• Probe.
• Advise

34. Levels of listening
• Ignoring.
• Pretending.
• Selective listening
• Attentive listening
• Empathic Listening

35. Stages of empathic listening
• Mimic content.
• Rephrase content.
• Reflect feeling.
• Rephrase content and reflect feeling.

36. Essence of good presentation
• Ethos -- your personal credibility.
• Pathos -- the empathic side.
• Logos -- the logic.

38. Learning styles in classroom
Those who prefer a visual learning style...
• look at the teacher's face intently
• like looking at wall displays, books etc.
• often recognize words by sight
• use lists to organize their thoughts
• recall information by remembering how it was set out on a page
Those who prefer an auditory learning style...
• like the teacher to provide verbal instructions
• like dialogues, discussions and plays
• solve problems by talking about them
• use rhythm and sound as memory aids
Those who prefer a kinesthetic learning style...
• learn best when they are involved or active
• find it difficult to sit still for long periods
• use movement as a memory aid

39. Men are from mars, Women are from Venus

40. Differences
• Mr. Fix-It and the
Home Improvement
Committee
• Men Go to Their
Caves and Women
Talk

42. Love

43. Love can be defined
as the will to extend
one’s self for the
purpose of nurturing
one’s own or
another’s spiritual
growth.
Love defined

44. Myths about love
• Falling in love.
• Romantic Love.
• Dependency in love.
• You can love things.
• Love is a feeling.
• Love is effortless.

45. Love is blind
• Temporary collapse of ego boundaries.
• Act of regression.
• It is effortless.
• Extension of one’s limit requires effort.
• Real love is a permanently enlarging
experience.
• Genetically determined instinctual
component.

46. • De-actives portions of the prefrontal cortex which
governs judgment and social behavior.
• Deactivates middle temporal cortex which regulates
• Deactivation of the amygdala which controls fear,
sadness and aggression
• negative emotions Dopamine - a feeling of euphoria
• Decrease in Serotonin- feel easily anxious, jittery
and depressed.
• Increase of adrenaline - making our heart beat faster,
our palms sweaty, and our mouths go dry
Falling in love is equal to a state after consuming narcotic drugs

47. Romantic Love
• There is a man meant for
every women.
• You can only be happy
with them.
• Real love is accepting the
one who is with you.

48. Dependence
• Inability to experience
wholeness.
• Passive dependent personality
disorder.
• For being loved, be a person
worthy of love.
• Role switching in marriage.

49. Cathexis
• Process of attraction,
investment and commitment.
• Loving money, power, garden
lacks spiritual growth.
• We project our feelings to pets.
• Some people are capable of
only loving pets or infants.

50. Love is a verb
• Feeling is the emotion
we experience while
cathecting.
• True love is committed
thoughtful decision.

51. Give

53. Forgive

54. Activity
Write about the most significant hurt you have experienced in your life
– What happened?
– When did this happen?
– Who was involved?
– What were your reactions immediately after the hurt?
– What reactions do you still have as you think and write about the hurt
now?
Answer the following questions with the specific hurt in mind. report on
your current experience, how you feel right now.
– I’ll make him/her pay.
– I wish that something bad would happen to him/her.
– I want him/her to get what she deserves.
– I am going to get even.
– I want to see him/her hurt and miserable.

55. Four elements of forgiveness
• Express the emotion.
• Understand why.
• Rebuild safety.
• Let go.

56. Clarify expectation

57. One minute goal
• Agree on your goals.
• See what good behaviour looks like.
• Write out each of your goals on a single
sheet of paper using less than 250 words.
• Read and re-read each goal.
• Take a minute every once in a while out of
your day to look at your performance, and
• See whether or not your behaviour
matches your goal.

58. Gratitude

61. Gratitude Practices
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Express your gratitude.
• Take a daily thank you walk.
• Make gratitude visits.

62. Activity
• Make a list of five things you
are grateful for right now.
• Reflect on your list and allow
yourself to feel good about
these things.
• If there is a person you can
thank or show your
appreciation to, do that today.

63. Appreciate

64. Touch

65. Words are powerful

67. One minute praising
• Tell people up front that you are going
to let them know how they are doing.
• Praise people immediately.
• Tell people what they did right—be
specific.
• Tell people how good you feel about
what they did right, and how it helps
the organization and the other people
who work there.
• Stop for a moment of silence to let
them “feel” how good you feel.
• Encourage them to do more of the
same.
• Shake hands or touch people in a way
that makes it clear that you support
their success in the organization.

68. Smile

69. Remember
names

71. Count every " F " in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

73. Why we judge people?
• It is effortless.
• It reduces overloading.
• It needs no understanding
• It makes us feel better

74. Shortcuts
• Halo / Horn effect
• Contrast effect
• Projection
• Stereotyping
• Selective perception

75. I cnduo't bvleiee taht I culod uesdtannrd waht I
was rdnaieg. Unisg the icndeblire pweor of the
hmuan mnid, aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mttaer in waht oderr the
lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is
taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn
mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe. Aaznmig, huh? Yaeh and I
awlyas tghhuot slelinpg was ipmorantt! See if
yuor fdreins can raed tihs too.

76. • Fundamental attribution error
– tendency to over estimate the internal and
underestimate the external factors when
explaining the behaviors of others
• Self serving bias
– We tend to equate successes to internal and
failures to external attributes

77. Pygmalion effect

78. One minute reprimand
• Reprimand people immediately.
• Tell people what they did wrong—be
specific.
• Tell people how you feel about what they
did wrong—and in no uncertain terms.
• Stop for a few seconds of uncomfortable
silence to let them feel how you feel.
• Shake hands, or touch them in a way that
lets them know you are honestly on their
side.
• Remind them how much you value them.
• Reaffirm that you think well of them but
not of their performance in this situation.
• Realize that when the reprimand is over, it’s
over.

79. Never

80. A man rides into the town on
Friday. He stays one night and
leaves on Friday. How is it
possible?
Answer – Friday is the name of his horse.
False assumption – Friday is a day in the week

81. There is a cabin on the side of a
mountain. Three people are inside
and they are dead. How did they die?
Answer: They were killed in a plane crash
False Assumption: That the cabin was a office cabin. It was
actually the cabin of a jetliner.

82. Sacrifice

83. Life is difficult
• Discipline is the basic
set of tools we require
to solve life’s problems.
• The tendency to avoid
problems and the
emotional suffering
inherent in them is the
primary basis of all
mental illness.

84. Tools of discipline
• Delayed gratification.
• Take responsibility.
• Dedication to truth.
• Balancing.

85. Delayed gratification
It is the process of
scheduling the pain
and pleasure of life in
such a way as to
enhance the pleasures
by meeting and
experiencing pain first
and getting it over
with.

87. Never break a promise

88. Keep commitments
• All Commitments Are Important.
• Be Careful What You Agree To.
• Manage Your Commitments
• Renegotiate When You Are Unable to
Keep Your Commitment.
• Manage By Agreement

89. Respect people