Ideas for positive parenting

1. POSITIVE
PARENTING

2. This session is about
• Improving parenting skills, not creating perfect parents
• Putting parents in charge of situations when their child
displays defiant or destructive behaviour
• Creating an environment where there are reduced stress
levels and greater calm for parents and children when
dealing their misbehaviour

3. Parents are Role-Models
• remember at all times that you are setting an example
for your child
• parents constantly “model” behaviour which their
children observe
• your child learns to behave by imitating your behaviour

4. EXAMPLE EXAMPLE EXAMPLE
• pinpoint things that you wouldn’t want your child’s role-
model to do and then make sure that you aren’t doing
them!
• show respect for all others including your
child
• how parents act in their relationships with one another
has a significant impact on their children’s development

5. Don’t unintentionally demonstrate
behaviour that you wouldn’t like to
see in your child

6. Build a positive relationship
Learn to separate the child from the behaviour.
Reduce the number of times you get overly angry with your
child – try to remain calm and assertive.
Make sure your child knows that being angry does not
mean “I don’t love you.”

7. Reactive Responses
• do not clearly state rules/expectations
• beg/plead/threaten/ignore/give up
• powerless/hostile tone of voice
• let children decide
• respond emotionally: blame/condemn
• use ineffective statements
• inconsistent, fail to follow through
• verbal/physical abuse

8. Proactive Responses
• clearly, firmly state expectations
• consistently deal with instances of inappropriate
behaviour
• try not to get emotionally involved
• don’t give up
• try another strategy if the one you are using doesn’t work
• use praise and positive support
• calmly follow through

9. LANGUAGE of CHOICE
Support children in learning to make appropriate choices is
aimed at developing confident, independent children who
feel in control of themselves.
•Talk to students about the choices they are
making
•Define good/poor choices to help students
identify
•Teach them decision-making skills

10. LANGUAGE of CHOICE
• It’s great to see that you are making the choice to
…………….”
• “You need to make a better choice”
• “You have 2 choices. Either you ……. Or………”
• “You chose to …..so the consequence now
is …….”

11. Assertive Statement
• Stand/sit/move close to your child
• Use a firm, calm tone of voice
• Give a clear, short message
“Horatio, you need to …………….”

12. Broken Record
• If he continues to argue/refuse, repeat the statement
“Horatio, you need to……”
• If he still continues to argue/refuse, repeat the statement
and name the consequence
“Horatio, you need to………OR……........”

13. Positive Management Plan
There are 3 elements of the plan:
1. Rules that are the basis of the plan
2. Rewards that are given for following the rules
3. Consequences that need to be enforced when rules
are broken

14. Basic Family Rules
• Choose rules that will help minimise normal,
everyday problems
• Make rules specific
• Explain the rules to everyone in the family
• Consistently enforce them through appropriate
rewards or consequences

15. Pick Your Battles!
Allow your children to make their own decisions about the
smaller issues
BUT
Focus on changing those behaviours that cause conflict in
your home.

16. POSITIVES
The most powerful form of positive encouragement is
PRAISE.
• Praise: tell your child specifically what he is doing or has
done that you like.
• Super Praise: first one parent praises the child, then
repeats the praise in front of the other parent who then
also praises the child.

17. POSITIVES
• Non-Verbal Praise: nod, wink, thumbs-up, high five etc.
• Special Privileges/ Rewards
Follow-through is as important with rewards as it is with
consequences!

18. CONSEQUENCES
Be ready to back your words with actions!
Consequences need to be:
• logically related to the misbehaviour
• something the child doesn’t like
• given as soon as possible
• delivered in a calm manner
• consistently applied
• changed if proving ineffective
• applied and then….forgive and forget

19. REMEMBER!
Try to remain CALM
Commit to being CONSISTENT