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Rules of Englishness
1. THE RULES OF INTRODUCTION
Awkwardness Rules
The No-name Rule
The ‘Pleased to Meet You’ Problem
The Embarrassment Rule
THE RULES OF ENGLISH GOSSIP
Privacy Rules
The Guessing-game Rule
The Distance Rule
The “print exception”
Sex Differences in English Gossip Rules
The Tone Rule
The Feedback Rule
BONDING-TALK
Female Bonding: the Counter-
compliment Rules
Male Bonding: the Mine’s Better Than
Yours Rules
THE LONG GOODBYE RULE
RULES OF TALK
2. HUMOUR RULES
THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT BEING EARNEST RULE
The ‘Oh, Come Off It!’ Rule
IRONY RULES
The Understatement Rule
The Self-deprecation Rule
3. PUB-TALK
THE RULES OF ENGLISH PUB-TALK
The Sociability Rule
The Invisible-queue Rule
The Pantomime Rule
The Rules of Ps and Qs
The ‘And One for Yourself?’ Rule – and the Principles of Polite Egalitarianism
Exception to the Pantomime Rule & Other Rules of Regular-speak:
Greeting Rules
The Rules of Coded Pub-talk
The Rules of the Pub-argument
The Free-association Rule
4. HOME RULES
THE MOAT-AND-DRAWBRIDGE RULE
NESTBUILDING RULES
CLASS RULES
HOUSE-TALK RULES:
The ‘Nightmare’ Rule
Money-talk Rules
The Awful Estate-agent Rule
Improvement-talk Rules
GARDEN RULES
Your Own Front Garden, You May Not Enjoy’
The Front-garden Social-availability Rule
The Back-garden Formula
5. RULES OF THE ROAD
PUBLIC TRANSPORT RULES
The Denial Rule
Exceptions to the Denial Rule:
The Politeness Exception
The Information Exception
The Moan Exception
The Mobile-phone Ostrich Rule
COURTESY RULES
‘Negative-politeness’ Rules
Bumping Experiments and the Reflex-apology Rule
Taxi Exceptions to the Denial Rule – the Role of Mirrors
QUEUING RULES
The Indirectness Rule
The Paranoid Pantomime Rule
Body-language and Muttering Rules
CAR RULES
The Status-indifference Rule
Car-care and Decoration Rules
Courtesy Rules
The Ostrich Rule
6. WORK TO RULE
THE MUDDLE RULES
HUMOUR RULES
The Importance of Not Being Earnest Rule
Irony and Understatement Rules
THE POLITE PROCRASTINATION RULE
THE MONEY-TALK TABOO
THE MODERATION RULE
MOANING RULES
The Monday-morning Moan
The Time-moan and the Meeting-moan
The Mock-moaning Rule and the ‘Typical!’ Rule
OFFICE-PARTY RULES
7. Reading Rules
The ‘Shopping as Saving’ Rule
Pet Rules and ‘Petiquette’
Games Etiquette
The Underdog Rule
Pub Rules
The Rules of Round-buying
You Are What You Drink
The Rules of Drunkenness
RULES OF PLAY