This slide deck is designed to assist when relationships are ‘sticky.’ It offers strategies for self-management and safe communication so parties can calm themselves enough to hear the other person and get their message across in a civil and respectful manner.

1. How to Start and Stay
in Dialogue
Kathy Popaleni,
M.A., Q.Med

2. How to Start and Stay in
Dialogue

3. for spending your
valuable time with me
today!
&

4. Intent behind this
workshop
1. Professional Development
Skills
2. Creating a healthier
relationships

5. Choice Map

6. Choice Map
Developed by Marilee
Adams, PHD
Helps people see their
communication when in
conflict
Strategy to respond to
‘sticky’ situation
constructively

7. Live the Choice Map:
Use it when you are in an
‘incident’ – (disappointed,
fearful, angry, frustrated)
Learner or Judger Path?
Were you able to notice
yourself on Judger Path &
switch lanes?
What helped you to switch
lanes?

8. Scenario
Pushing Stapler Off
Desk … again!

9. Get Unhooked

10. 3 ‘A’ Trap
1. Accommodate – we say ‘yes’ when
we want to say ‘no’ – go along to
‘get along’
2. Attack – wesay ‘no’ in a way that
is hurtful to the relationship
3. Avoid – we don’t say ‘yes’ and we
don’t say ‘no.” Afraid of offending
others. Hope problem will
disappear.

11. Take A Break to Cool Off

12. Go to the Balcony to get
perspective

13. Going to the ‘balcony’
based on the thinking and
writing of William Ury
Conflict management
specialist from the United
States

14. Going to Balcony helps:
Move you into logical, thinking brain
Distance you from strong emotions
Get perspective on the situation
Prepare for a ‘do over’
Examine … what are my needs?
Look at situation from other person’s
perspective
Plan for a ’repair’

15. Start with Heart

16. Start with Heart
 Based on literature from
Crucial Conversations. Tools
for Talking When Stakes are
High
 Authors: Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillan, Al Switzler & Kerry
Patterson

17. Start with Heart
Focus on what you really want:
 Begin ‘high risk’ discussions with the
right motives
 Ask: “What do I really want for
myself? For Others? Relationship?”
Project? Patients?
 Avoid focus on negativity and
judgment

18. Unhelpful/Unhealthy
Motives
Helpful/Healthy
Motives
• Be Right! • Learn
• Look good or
save face
• Get the facts
• Win! • Produce
results/Solve the
problem
• Punish or judge • Strengthen
relationships
• Avoid Conflict • Get back to task
at hand

19. Learn to Look
What are signs that the
conversation is turning
unhealthy & safety is being
compromised?

20. ‘Tell Tell’ Signs to look for
in yourself & other party:

21. These ‘signs’ are
opportunities to turn
the conversation from:
Unsafe to SAFE

22. Make it Safe by --
Repairing

23. ‘Step out’ of the
conflict to make the
repair

24. Repair by ….
Apologizing –
SINCERELY
Contrasting
Call other party ‘in’
rather than calling
them ‘out’

25. What makes for a
Sincere Apology?

26. Contrasting
Tend to the relationship
BEFORE tending to the issue
I do, I don’t statements
Purpose: establish or re-
establish Mutual Purpose
and/or Mutual Respect

27. “DON’T” part “DO” part
• Addresses others’
concerns that you
don’t respect
them or have a
malicious
purpose
• Confirms your
respect or
clarifies your
real purpose
• “The last thing I
want to do is
communicate that
your contribution
isn’t valued, Jim.”
• “I do want to
make sure I can
handle this
project and
deliver it on

28. Explore Other’s Side
Ask to get things rolling – “Rubina,
what was happening for you when
you pushed the things off the
desk?”
Mirror to confirm feelings –
“Sounds like you were pretty
anxious.”
Listen actively

29. Intent-Action-Effect Model
of Communication
Intent
(reasons,
motives)
Action
(words,
behaviour,
decisions)Effect
(impact,
outcome)

30. State Your Side
Give benefit of the doubt – you
may not realize, you may not know
…
Tell your story (express
intent/effect)
Share your facts
Talk tentatively rather than
definitely