Webinar for Utah State Library, 2-24-15. Regardless of whether you have a great deal of positional power or authority or none at all, you can exert meaningful influence and help bring about the future you prefer. Using proven techniques grounded in a simple model of coaching, and practicing emotionally and socially intelligent behaviors, you can learn to bring yourself into a state of greater resourcefulness, focus your attention and energy, get into action, and exert purposeful influence in any situation.

1. Influence
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomas_sobek/4649690892/sizes/l/in/photostream
Utah State Library Webinar, 2/24/15
Peter Bromberg | peterbromberg.com
{When you have no power or authority}

2. Being an attempt to
answer the question:
How to be effective?
Or …
“Some things I’ve noticed or
learned along the way”

3. I Believe that…
We all exert influence
We can make conscious choices
that will improve our influence
We can learn to make better choices
more consciously and consistently
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomas_sobek/4649690892/sizes/l/in/photostream

4. I Believe that…
Higher emotional and social Intelligence
correlates with our ability to have
positive influence in the world and…
These competencies can
be developed.

5. Why Are We Here Today?

6. Why Are We Here Today?

7. Why Are We Here Today?

8. Here

9. Why Are We Here Today?

10. Why Are YOU Here Today?

11. Think about someone who has influenced you
WHO? CHARACTERISTICS?

12. Influence v. Positional Authority
“A piece of spaghetti
or a military unit can only
be led from the
front end.”
- General George Patton

13. Influence or Leadership?

14. Influence is something we do
not something we (i.e. “a LEADER”
are or a position we hold.
Influence is situational.
It’s about the choices we make
moment by moment that either move
things in the direction of a desired
goal or not.
If not, we can choose again.

15. Warren Bennis says…
Leadership is management of:
Attention
Self
Meaning
Trust

16. Attention
Do you consciously
direct your attention
and focus it in ways
that help you direct
energy effectively?
Self
Are you tuned into, and
take responsibility for
your needs, wants,
behaviors, and
emotions?
Meaning
Do you distinguish
between the data you
observe and the
meaning you create?
Trust
Are your values, words,
and actions congruent?
Does your behavior
generally inspire the trust
of others?

17. Emotional and Social Intelligence
Adapted from: A Framework of Emotional Competencies – 2002 - Daniel Goleman

18. Emotional and Social Intelligence
Competencies
• Emotional Awareness:
Recognize one's emotions and
their effects.
• Accurate Self-assessment:
Know one's strengths and
limits.
• Self-confidence: Have a
strong sense of one's self-
worth and capabilities.
• Self-Control: Keep disruptive
emotions and impulses in
check.
• Trustworthiness: Honesty
and integrity.
• Conscientiousness: Take
responsibility for personal
performance.
• Adaptability: Flexible in
handling change.
• Empathy: Sense others'
feelings and perspectives; take
interest in their concerns.
• Service Orientation: Have an
honest desire to meet the needs
of others.
• Org. Awareness: Read a
group's emotional currents and
power relationships.
• Communication: Listen
openly. Express clearly.
• Conflict Management:
Negotiate and resolve
disagreements..
• Change Catalyst: Initiate or
manage change.
• Build bonds: Nurture and
foster relationships.
• Collaborate and Inspire
Adapted from: A Framework of Emotional Competencies – 2002 - Daniel Goleman

19. Emotional and Social Intelligence
Competencies
• Emotional Awareness:
Recognize one's emotions and
their effects.
• Accurate Self-assessment:
Know one's strengths and
limits.
• Self-confidence: Have a
strong sense of one's self-
worth and capabilities.
• Self-Control: Keep disruptive
emotions and impulses in
check.
• Trustworthiness: Honesty
and integrity.
• Conscientiousness: Take
responsibility for personal
performance.
• Adaptability: Flexible in
handling change.
• Empathy: Sense others'
feelings and perspectives; take
interest in their concerns.
• Service Orientation: Have an
honest desire to meet the needs
of others.
• Org. Awareness: Read a
group's emotional currents and
power relationships.
• Communication: Listen
openly. Express clearly.
• Conflict Management:
Negotiate and resolve
disagreements..
• Change Catalyst: Initiate or
manage change.
• Build bonds: Nurture and
foster relationships.
• Collaborate and Inspire
Adapted from: A Framework of Emotional Competencies – 2002 - Daniel Goleman

20. The Influence of Emotional Contagion
CC BY 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/93393982@N00/3822687027 | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/83261600@N00/4944691233
CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/9304463@N08/2217777720/

21. The Influence of Emotional Contagion
CC BY 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/93393982@N00/3822687027 | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/83261600@N00/4944691233
CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/9304463@N08/2217777720/
“Being able to change your internal state might
be one of the most powerful techniques you
learn in becoming an effective leader– one who
inspires others to learn, adapt and perform at
their best.”
-Richard Boyatzis, author of Primal Leadership and Becoming a Resonant Leader

22. Free Coursera Course:
Inspiring Leadership through
Emotional Intelligence
CC BY 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/93393982@N00/3822687027 | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/83261600@N00/4944691233
CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/9304463@N08/2217777720/
https://www.coursera.org/course/lead-ei
Led by Richard Boyatzis, Professor, Case Western Reserve
author of Primal Leadership and Becoming a Resonant Leader

23. It’s Not About Being Nice
Image: CC by 2.0 http://www.flickr.com/photos/dirigentens/4592361218/sizes/l/in/photostream

24. Courageous Follower
1. The courage to assume
responsibility
2. The courage to serve
3. The courage to challenge
4. The courage to participate
in transformation
5. The courage to take moral action
6. The courage to speak to the hierarchy

25. Courageous Followership
“Followers don’t serve leaders.
Both followers and leaders serve
a common purpose, serve a
vision. And they do it within
a set of shared values.”
-Ira Chaleff

26. - No formal authority
- Motivate others
- Initiate new ideas
- Seek others’ opinions
- Are passionate and involved
(Emergent Leadership concept from Peter Northouse)
Emergent Leaders
(AKA Influencers)
Photo cc license 2.0 courtesy flickr user Ian’s Shutter Habit
flickr.com/photos/9289838@N06/3387635009/sizes/z/in/photostream/

27. Emergent Leaders
“I’ll just keep going
until someone tells
me to dial it back.”

28. “I’ll just keep going
until someone tells
me to dial it back.”
And what will you do
if someone tells you
to dial it back?
“I’ll still keep going”
Emergent Leaders

29. Connected Influence
- Mark Goulston and John Ullment

30. “You cannot antagonize
and influence at the
same time.”
- J.S. Knox

31. Your Here
http://justinmaier.com/2006/05/09/amazing-3d-art-by-julian-bever/

32. http://justinmaier.com/2006/05/09/amazing-3d-art-by-julian-bever/
Their There

33. Three Traps that Disconnect
1. Fight or Flight
2. Habit Handicap
3. Error Blindness
- Adapted from “Real Influence” by Mark Goulston
(CC BY-NC-SA 2.0) http://www.flickr.com/photos/7196003@N02/4128356306/“
Connected Influence

34. Error Blindness
1. Ignorance Assumption
2. Idiocy Assumption
3. Evil Assumption
- Adapted from “Real Influence” by Mark Goulston
Photo: CC BY-SA 2.0 Flickr: https://www.flickr.com/photos/32281196

35. A Few Steps to Connected Influence
Adapted from Goulston and Ullmen
CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 http://www.flickr.com/photos/wespeck/4960579336/sizes/l/in/photostream
1. Go for great outcomes (win/win)
2. Be influencable
3. Engage them in “their there”

36. When we avoid
difficult conversations
we trade
short term discomfort for long term dysfunction
CC by 2.0 http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimwall/5129679770/sizes/z/in/photostream/

37. Effective Communication

38. Effective Communication

39. (Adapted from “The Fifth Discipline” by Peter Senge.)

40. (Adapted from “The Fifth Discipline” by Peter Senge.)

41. Delivering the Message
Without the “Load”
(Adapted from Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott)
Blaming
Name-calling
Sarcasm
Exaggerating
Catastrophizing
Ridiculing
Mocking
Threatening
Gunnysacking
Badmouthing
Publicly shaming
Diminishing
Rolling eyes
Facial expressions
Ascribing motives
Silent treatment
Tone of voice
Personalizing
Nitpicking
Denying contribution

42. “We often refuse to accept
an idea merely because
the tone of voice in which
it has been expressed is
unsympathetic to us.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche
image: hchrisschmied.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/wont-listen.jpg
The Importance of Emotion

43. image: hchrisschmied.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/wont-listen.jpg
“The people who had received positive
feedback accompanied by negative
emotional signals reported feeling
worse about their performance than
did the participants who had received
good-natured negative feedback.
In effect, the delivery was more
important than the message itself.”
- Daniel Goleman & Richard Boyatzis, “Social Intelligence
and the Biology of Leadership”
The Importance of Emotion

44. Axe photo: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/shaggyhill/5599951059/
Soup photo: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/21130538@N04/2448845969/
What do an axe and a bowl of soup have to
do with each other?

45. Axe photo: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/shaggyhill/5599951059/
Soup photo: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 www.flickr.com/photos/21130538@N04/2448845969/
Research from Jonathan Haidt, author of The Righteous
Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion
suggests that…
Relationship
Trumps
Reason

46. Trust is the conduit
for influence. It’s the medium
through which ideas travel.
If they don’t trust you, your ideas are just
dead in the water. Having the best idea is
worth nothing if people don’t trust you."
- Amy Cuddy
CC BY-SA 2.0 https://www.flickr.com/photos/42275232@N00/43253572/

47. Resourcefulness
http://www.flickr.com/photos/danisarda/4043404303/sizes/l/in/photostream/
(CC BY-NC-SA 2.0) Flickr user: ~Oryctes~

48. Coaching  Awareness and Action
Assess what is, then ask…
1.What do you want?
2. What have you tried?
3. What was the result?
4. What else can you do?
5. What WILL you do?
Modified from Steve and Jill Morris’ Leadership Simple

49. Coaching  Awarness and Action
1. What do you want?
2. What have you tried?
3. What was the result?
4. What else can you do?
5. What WILL you do?
Modified from Steve and Jill Morris’ Leadership Simple
Accountability

50. Provocative Questions
• What result do I want?
• Where is my attention focused?
• What else could this mean?
• What resources are available?
• What’s stopping me?
• What assumptions am I making?
• What have I tried?
• What actions can I take?
• What action WILL I commit to?
• Did that move me in the right direction?

51. Where ourattention goes, our energy goes
Where our energy goes, action follows
Where actions are taken, results follow

52. It all starts with Attention

53. “Repeated studies have demonstrated that
meditation can rewire how the brain responds to
stress. Boston University researchers showed
that after as little as three and a half hours of
meditation training, subjects tend to react less to
emotionally charged images.
“Other research suggests that meditation
improves working memory and executive
function. And several studies of long-term
practitioners show an increased ability to
concentrate on fast-changing stimuli..”
-Wired Magazine
-http://www.wired.com/business/2013/06/meditation-mindfulness-silicon-valley/

54. Participating in an 8-week mindfulness
meditation program appears to make measurable
changes in brain regions associated with
memory, sense of self, empathy and stress.
"It is fascinating to see the brain's plasticity and
that, by practicing meditation, we can play an
active role in changing the brain and can
increase our well-being and quality of life." says
Britta Hölzel, PhD.
- Science News Daily
-http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/01/110121144007.htm

56. It’s not just Google…

57. “Choosing to act on ‘what matters’ is
the choice to live a
passionate existence…
Acting on what matters is a stance
whereby we declare
we are accountable for the world
around us and are willing to pursue
what we define as important.
- Peter Block

58. “My job is to
awaken possibility
in other people”
-Benjamin Zander,
Conductor of the Boston Philharmonic
Author of The Art of Possibility
http://www.flickr.com/photos/radiorover/2787677403/

59. Thank you!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/darwinbell/2602728681
Peter Bromberg
peterbromberg.com | peterbromberg@gmail.com

60. Deleted Scenes

61. Connected Influence
Cc by 2.0 http://Stockmonkeys.com

62. What assumptions
are you making
that no longer
serve you?

63. Know Thyself
Personality Styles
Courtesy Flickr user mayhem (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0) http://www.flickr.com/photos/81126501@N00/3975910516
•DISC
•Myers Briggs
•Enneagram
•Strengths Finder
•True Colors

64. Know Others
• DISC
• Myers Briggs
• Enneagram
• Strengths Finder
• True Colors

65. Platinum Rule
Treat others the way
they want to be treated

66. Better Mood
(FYI… Mood Matters)

67. Happiness Research
“When you are experiencing positive
emotions like joy, contentment, and
love, you will see more possibilities
in your life.
These findings were among the first that
suggested positive emotions broaden
your sense of possibility and open your
mind up to more options.”
The Science of Positive Thinking: How Positive Thoughts Build Your Skills, Boost Your Health, and Improve Your Work
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-clear/positive-thinking_b_3512202.html

68. ASSUMPTION:
You are…
Creative
Resourceful
and Whole

69. It’s not what
they call you,
it’s what you
answer to.
-W.C. Fields

70. …one’s own small flame to the
central flames of life and the world.
We cannot predict the exact details of the
future, but we can have a hand in shaping
the heart of the future, including its context of
meaning and our commitment and courage in
advancing into the unknown.
Continually Connect…
- Robert K Cooper, Ayman Sawaf, Executive EQ

71. How Do you build the capacity,
competency and habit?

72. Six Factors of Effective Conversations
Concern
Trust
Respect
Appreciation
Affection
Hope
Nicholas Burbules, Dialogue in Teaching. Theory and Practice.

73. Amygdala Hijack
Image CC BY-SA 3.0 http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:EQbrain_optical_stim_en.jpg

74. Kouzes, J.M., & Posner, B.Z. (2007). The leadership challenge (4th ed.). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Souba, W. W. (2014). The Phenomenology of Leadership. Open Journal of Leadership, 3, 77-105.
http://dx.doi.org/10.4236/ojl.2014.34008
Effective Communication

75. EQ Book Recommendations

76. The Triangle of Perceptions, Wants, and Actions
Based on The Triangle of Choice, in Leadership Simple by Steve and Jill Morris
THREE SPHERES OF CONTROL
• We can change what we want
• We can change our behavior
• We can change our perception
Actions
Wants Perceptions
The Gap

77. Actions
Wants Perceptions
The Gap
The Triangle of Perceptions, Wants, and Actions
Based on The Triangle of Choice, in Leadership Simple by Steve and Jill Morris
KEY INSIGHT: The gap
between what we perceive
and what we want creates
energy which can lead to
action.

78. Better Mood
(FYI… Mood Matters)

79. The Neurobiology of EQ:
How to Renew and Recharge
Reflection Helping others
Attention Training Exercise
Mindfulness Resonant Relationships
Journaling Prayer
Coaching Petting a pet

81. “Between stimulus and response
there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose
our response.
In our response lies our growth and
our freedom.”
- Viktor E. Frankl

82. Four Key Experiences that renew
and build resilience
Mindfulness
Hope
Compassion
Playfulness

83. The power of followership

84. Three Stories About Meaning
1. Victim
2. Hero
3. Learning