Godwin's Law for JavaScript: as people discuss a proposed extension to JavaScript syntax, the likelihood of someone saying "Stop trying to turn JavaScript into Java!" approaches 1. For years I've tried to understand this perspective. Why are there so many people out there for whom present-day JavaScript is Good Enough™? What crucial aspect of JavaScript's identity are they trying to defend? Why do they get so scared when someone suggests new syntax? Can we figure out how to evolve the language without incurring the wrath of their pitchforks and/or torches?

1. Learning new words

2. English

3. Old English

4. Norman conquest of England

5. anniversary yeartide
musician gleeman
conclusion endsay
“inkhorn terms”

6. I am of this opinion that our own tung should be
written cleane and pure, unmixt and unmangeled
with borowing of other tunges; wherein if we take
not heed by tiim, ever borowing and never paying,
she shall be fain to keep her house as bankrupt.
Sir John Cheke,
16th century scholar

7. For the barbarousnesse of our tongue, I must
lykewyse say that it is much the worse for [the
objectors], and some such curious fellowes as they
are: who if one chaince to derive any word from
the Latine, which is insolent to their eares, they
foorthwith make a jest at it, and terme it an
Inkehorne terme. It is indeed the ready way to
inrich our tongue, and make it copious, and it is the
way which all tongues have taken to inrich
themselves. I know not how we should speake any
thing without blacking our mouthes with inke.
George Pettie
16th century author

8. “Anglish”

9. The Anglish Moot
http://anglish.wikia.com

10. Banded Folkdoms of Americksland

11. Foresitter
Barack Obama
Folkrike Mootband
of the

12. French

13. L’Académie française

14. 40 members
serving life terms

15. walkman baladeur
software logiciel
email courriel

16. #
hashtag
mot-dièse

17. JavaScript

18. How do we want
our language to evolve?

19. top-down
vs.
bottom-up

20. New “words” must come
from the standards body...

21. …but they’ll run up against
community-made patterns.

22. Classes
THREE.SkinnedMesh = function (geometry, material) {
THREE.Mesh.call(this, geometry, material);
this.identityMatrix = new THREE.Matrix4();
this.bones = [];
this.boneMatrices = [];
// ...
};
THREE.SkinnedMesh.prototype =
Object.create(THREE.Mesh.prototype);
THREE.SkinnedMesh.prototype.clone = function (object) {
if (object === undefined) {
object = new THREE.SkinnedMesh(this.geometry,
this.material);
}
THREE.Mesh.prototype.clone.call( this, object );
return object;
};
class SkinnedMesh extends THREE.Mesh {
constructor(geometry, material) {
super(geometry, material);
this.identityMatrix = new THREE.Matrix4();
this.bones = [];
this.boneMatrices = [];
// ...
}
clone(object) {
if (object === undefined) {
object = new THREE.SkinnedMesh(this.geometry,
this.material);
}
super(object);
return object;
}
}

23. “Leave classes in Java where they belong! The
only people who want classes are the ones who
don’t understand the inherent beauty of
prototypal inheritance.”
(paraphrased)

24. JavaScript is not Java.

25. The challenge:

26. gender-indeterminate pronouns

27. “A doctor must not harm his patients.”

28. “A doctor must not harm eir patients.”

29. “A doctor must not harm his/her patients.”
“A doctor must not harm their patients.”

30. Code ideas are spread
through popular usage.

31. If you want people to use a new word,
make sure it’s in the things they read.

32. So… here’s what we can do:

33. Document the hell out of the new stuff.

34. Use them in your projects.

35. Give people therapy.

36. JavaScript will be OK.

37. (the end)
@andrewdupont
http://andrewdupont.net