1. SupremeSiteServices
The “Special” Olympics

2. 3S Special Olympics
Held every 4 years when the gene pool hits an especially
low level, members of 3S gather at a secret location in a
series of events which will see them crowned as the
foremost proponents in their field. The rest can only dare
to dream. Events such as:
The Erectile Textiles Shield (scarf moulding taking origami to the
next level)
The Upchuck Cup (projectile vomiting as self-expression)
The Trouser Cough 500 (excellence in bottom burping)
The Ashes (new discipline this year for the budding young arsonist)
The Princess Diana Silver Spoon for Eating Disorders (a bit of a
mouthful but then so is this).

3. Local Games for Local People
So job-seekers, let’s see who made the
medals this year (not you Mikey love, you
were on leave in South Africa with your
fire-men friends).

4. Chuck it Up!!!
Mansour “ManFountain”
Noman, guru in the art of
projectile vomiting
prepares to give
spectators a psychedelic
view of his lunch. The
judges discuss the last
time Mansour lifted the
trophy.
Mansour avoids carrots and
anything too lumpy in his
preparations and swears
by Campbell’s Cream of
Chicken Soup as a
medal winner.

5. Windy Bottoms!
Pete Anderson aka “The Screamin’
Skidmark” ran a few impromptu
seminars on windpower in the 21st
century. Apparently a diet of
scampi, red wine and garlic is
enough to make an onion cry.
Organisers would point out that at no
time were scamps harmed during
these games “apart from the
cheeky little fucker on the gate at
GH14”.
Bottom-burping was once widely
practised in ancient Rome hence
the word Jacuzzi, Latin for
underwater flatulence.

6. Freckles!!
Devotees of the art will recognise the
classic pose. First adopted by the
“Screamin’ Skidmark” at the ’78
Sphincternationals in Munich and
still very much a classic, as Pete
pulls a clincher on his way to the
trophy.
The “Grinning Idiot” has now become
a firm favourite amongst fartists
across the globe although since
the ’78 finals judges now tend to
sit upwind of competitors as can
be seen.
Poetry in motion!!!

7. Beds are Burning
Zylfie “Napalm” Mehmeti can scarcely
conceal his delight upon hearing
that incinerating 4 Serbian
villages, 6 bus depots and a
distillery have been enough to get
him to the finals of the “Torch Your
Neighbours” competition. A new
sport this year, Zylf was flown in at
the behest of the organisers to
promote the art. Zylfie has kindly
volunteered to carry the torch
every year.
Shine on you crazy Scottish!!!

8. I’m your fire-starter!
“Napalm” Mehmeti took some time
out to show onlookers how to turn
themselves into a human flame-
thrower. He was quoted as saying
“sport apart, this is a hobby for
young and old and practical too.
Kiss goodbye to pesky ant
infestations and you’ll never be
stuck for a cigarette lighter again”
Normally Zylf would use gasoline, but
being sensitive to the “green
regime” (and the fact that Fuels
are tight bastards) he now relies
on a healthy mix of alcohol readily
available in most supermarkets.
He claims that the side effects are
over exaggerated.

9. Bulimia Culpa
Irina “Shall we Dine” Unutoiu, pictured
here with long-time coach and
mentor Pete “Fat-boy” Fitz-Gerald
(so big they named him twice)
discuss tactics in the up-coming
PiDi Silver Spoon (all you can
eat). The contest did enjoy some
controversy as one of the three
judges was listed as missing just
before the finals. The fact that his
coat is captured in this picture is
purely coincidental.

10. You Are What You Eat
Great pains are taken to keep the
menu secret when it comes to this
event. Our resident photographer
was fortunate enough to get
behind the scenes to discover the
amount of preparation that is
involved. Here “Fatboy” Fitz-
Gerald looks on as Irina finishes
the last of 3 bus loads of midgets
in the warm-up heats. Organisers
are at pains to add that the
midgets were not in fact part of the
menu but just happened to be in
the wrong place at the wrong time.

11. Record Breakers
Any doubt that success in the 3S
Special Games doesn’t lead to
greater things can easily be
dispelled. Here Irina “Shall We
Dine” Unutoiu speaks with her
agent just after lifting the Silver
Spoon. It was later confirmed by
the Guinness Book of Records
that this is the moment when the
plan was laid for her next world
record attempt. Irina plans to eat
Camp Supreme dining room,
complete with diners, in her next
attempt on the world record.
You read it here first!!!

12. Erectile Textiles
THE event of the games.
Riann takes the stage to show the
audience why he is rightly known as
“Scarf-ace”. Riann, 5 times holder of
the Wonder bonnet Cup has
attracted quite a following. Notice his
groupies in the background, who
pay homage (and rightly so) to the
moment he created a replica of the
Taj Mahal from a scarf no more than
12”x12” using just one finger.
Amazing!!!

13. New-Comers
Rod “you need” Hanns, wows the
audience in the “Famous Faces”
section with his uncanny
representation of “The Elephant
Man”.
While a literary character, John
Merrick was actually referred to as
“ The Elephant Man” because he
would travel from door to door
selling elephants. I know, as my
grandfather once bought 3
Africans and an Indian for 2 and 6.
Which was cheap considering they
didn’t have trunks and walked on
two legs. Pretty sure they were
elephants though because they
shit all over the place according to
him.
Well done Rod!!!!

14. A Close Second!
Disaster was narrowly averted when
Anton ”I’m in the Attic” Frank
found that his lifelike
representation of the Great Fire of
London was rather too life-like.
Lindsay “ Women and Children
Second” Louew beats a hasty
retreat as Richie
Ifyouwanttoknowthetimeaskapolic
eman hastens to intervene.
The judges were particularly
impressed with Anton’s desire for
accuracy and awarded him the
Order of the Fire-blanket in
recognition of his work.

15. Know Your Athlete
Anton “ I’m in the attic” Frank is no
stranger to fame. Contrary to
popular opinion, his grandmother
Anne was not fleeing the Gestapo
but her father. Teenage
pregnancies were frowned upon in
Holland in the late 1930’s which
explains why she hid in the attic
rather than face her irate parents.
Anton, long considered an “all
rounder” in the special games has
vowed to return to take part in the
“Royal Wave”, which will be
accepted as a Special Games
discipline next time round, and
which most pundits agree is his
strongest event. Evidence here
would suggest they are right and
the smart money is on him.

16. Judging
The event has become so popular
that judging has is now done on
an international level.
Brendan “Party Hat” Ward (so called
because of a slight birth defect un-
noticeable in normal
circumstances), master of
ceremonies and all round good
egg has access to judges on all 20
continents and 6 countries.
“Computer says no” Brendan!!!

17. The Finale
As with any event, there has to be a
winner. No-one was surprised that
“Scarf-ace” would lift the trophy for
a 5th successive games.
Riann proudly exhibits his uncannily
accurate recreation of Harry Potter
and the Child Molester.
The midget is happy to have escaped
from the bus before Irina ate it.

18. Everyone’s a Winner!
“Party Hat” presents Riann with the
Scarf of Scarves in recognition of
his service to head-wear creation
and in promoting it as an
international sport.
Riann proudly accepts the Scarf and
wears a fetching multi-coloured
tiara especially designed for the
occasion by The Flaming Lips,
tonsorial designers to the stars.
(and twats).

19. Behind the Scenes
No games would be complete without
an after-games party. Here Irina
ably displays how one should hold
a cup at an angle in order to avoid
“the Attic’s” party trick of gobbing
in an unsuspecting drink.
Anton uses only organic olive stones
in order to avoid offence.
Good bloke!!!

20. Popularity!
It is impossible to stress how popular
these games have become but the
camera doesn’t lie. While Irina
basks in the glory of her last meal
and unobserved by the event
security company (Compass…
which is an abbreviation for
Come…Pass…hardly reassuring),
petty thieves were filmed stealing
the candles as souvenirs.
Tight bastards!!!!

21. Visitors
JL and Leslie jetted in from WH3 to
lend some much needed culture.
JL is picture sporting his “Kashmir
Codpiece” award that he received
earlier for being the smoothest
bastard on the planet.
Leslie has just learnt that he has won
the lead role in the new Hollywood
blockbuster based on the life and
times of Marlon Brandon.
Good work bald bloke!

22. New Beginnings
Brendan “Party Hat” Ward firmly
endorses his belief that the “Royal
Wave” will become a firm favourite
at the next games.
Brendan is so confident in this that he
actively encourages people of all
ages to practice the wave at every
opportunity.
In the meantime Riann tries to steal
the show with his “invisible glass”
trick.
Joy lends a certain childlike clueless-
ness to the whole affair.

23. Guest of Honour
US Army Gen (Retd) “T” Bone-Steak
was the guest of honour at this
year’s event. Sadly “Shall we
Dine” Unutoiu was in such good
form that she mistook the guest
list for the menu.
Miss Unutoiu would like to take the
opportunity to commend US (DoD)
in the fact that they have created
an indigestible forage cap, no
doubt a boon to US service
personnel world-wide especially if
GWB should want to eat them.

24. Sex Bum
“Napalm” Mehmeti continues to
inflame the passions of his female
supporters behind the scenes.
Gulnara (Gums to her friends) flew
directly in from a seminar on
prehistoric dentistry to ensure her
man was left unmolested.

25. Always an Opening
Time out from competition. “Fat Boy” Fitz-
Gerald (actually he isn’t fat but if you
coach Power Eaters something has to
stick) captured here arranging a
planned Las Vegas extravaganza
where-by “Napalm” hopes to torch a
small enclave of midgets shortly before
“Shall we Dine” Unutoiu eats them.
“Napalm” has some concerns about the
amount of incendiary needed but Fitz
is explaining that the “Screamin’
Skidmark” will provide the gas.

26. A Meeting of Champions
Sport is politics and politics is
sport. At one time each of our
3 champions pictured here
have suffered at the hands of a
South African bar-b-que. So in
a moment of solidarity they
have agreed to gas, burn and
eat anyone who even looks
sideways at a hippo and
considers it between two slices
of bread
Children be advised, the guy in
the pointy hat is fucked…as in
proper fucked 

27. The Next Generation
And let’s not forget the stars of
tomorrow. At the special baby unit
the proud fathers of another batch
of bar-b-ques look on as their
offspring prepare to make their
way in the world.
Many a poor beast of claw and hoof is
destined to discover its part on the
food chain on one of these.
The fathers are particularly pleased
as the baby barbies have just
moved on to solids, each
consuming 5 chickens, 24 steaks
and 2kg of sausages every day.

28. Margaret
Not really…but she deserves a mention.
“Margaret….MARGARET!!!”
“Have we got any pirate naming games for
the under 5’s?”
“HAVE WE GOT ANY PIRATE NAMING
GAMES FOR THE UNDER 5’S??”
“No”