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1. What’s Going On? — Part 11
Competition Culture
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© 2010 Sue-maree McEnearney

2. Even when it’s not our intention, we’re buying into
the competition culture every time we take
hierarchy positions in relation to others.

3. When we
displace rights and responsibilities by:
• forcing our responsibilities on others
• taking others’ responsibilities from others
• abdicating our responsibilities to others
• accepting others’ responsibilities from others.

4. Use cope strategies to
• power play, and We end up punishing
• compliance caper.
• others and/or
And when it all gets too much, to • ourselves.
• escape.

5. • dominating • submitting
to force what we want for personal benefit: to relinquish what we want for others benefit:
Force Relinquish
“I want what I want, and “It doesn’t matter what I want,
I don’t care what you want!” I’ll do what you want!”

6. Sometimes, we’re just trying to protect ourselves.

7. harsh,
When our protections are
others get hurt.

8. flimsy,
When our protections are
we get hurt.

9. It’s easy to see how we end up with
conflict and alienation.

10. When what we really want is
understanding and connection.

11. With so much at stake, why do people choose to get what
they want by dominating with power plays? And
why do they give up what they want by submitting
with compliance capers?

12. Why people dominate with Power Plays:
(a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they get
off on the power trip
(b) They know they’re doing it and they think it makes
them “smart” and confident
(c) They know they’re doing it and they want to stop
but they don’t know what to do instead
(d) They make efforts to stop but in the heat of the
moment they fall back on old habits
(e) They have no idea they’re doing it and when they
find out they’re shocked.

13. Why people submit with Compliance Capers:
(a) They know exactly what they’re doing and they’re
scared of the consequences if they don’t
(b) They know they’re doing it and they think it makes
them “nice” and a good person
(c) They know they’re doing it and they want to stop
but they don’t know what to do instead
(d) They make efforts to stop but in the heat of the
moment they fall back on old habits
(e) They have no idea they’re doing it and when they
find out they’re shocked.

14. These situations can create pain and heartache for They influence the work we do, the people we associate
ourselves, and others, often for many years, and if we with, our health and happiness, and the quality of our
don’t do something about it, our whole life. relationships — especially with our partners and children.

15. When we recognize domination and submission in our
behaviour, it’s normal to resolve to stop it.
If we swing from one position to the other, we simply
swap one set of issues for another — which only serves
to get us out of the frying pan and into the fire.

16. • If we replace dominating with submitting, we end up
feeling angry and resentful because we’re “acting
like an doormat” — letting people walk all over us, and
take advantage of us, and we end up doing things we
don’t want to do.
• If we replace submitting with dominating, we end up
feeling guilty because we’re “acting like an ass” —
walking all over other people, and taking advantage, by
manipulating or forcing them to do what we want.
help!

17. So what do we do?
How do we make our way in a
competitive environment
without competing?

18. Next:
What’s going on?
Cooperation Culture

19. What’s going on?
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