Knowing how to discipline your child in a way that creates great results is one of the toughest jobs a parent has. We try time-outs, taking things away, not allowing them to see certain friends only to keep struggling with the same issues. Using a BELIEVE journal will start to uncover the mystery as to why the methods you use may not be effective. Every parent knows each child has a different personality and what worked for one child does not work for the next.

1. How To Discipline Your Child The B.E.L.I.E.V.E Journal
I want to be clear that this is not the magic secret that will explain how to discipline your child so all
your stress goes away. This article is about a method I have started and am still perfecting. I could
write 50 articles on disciplining your child and everyone one would produce different results for
different people.
If you are struggling with figuring out how to discipline your child then read through this article and
try my idea out for two or three months. Yes give it that long. Children thrive on routine and discipline
is no different.
Father’s Day
I write this the day after Father’s day at 11:00 p.m. because not only did I enjoy a lovely pancake with bacon breakfast, delicious
pulled pork supper and yummy desert yesterday but I also took some time to reflect on how I could improve as a dad. Then I
took today to really plan a way to make a difference in my life and the lives of my children.
I love and appreciate my children. I encourage them to be their own person, even when it goes against the norm and to
relentlessly go after what they want. Raising them to be that independent is not without its challenges when it comes to handing
out discipline.
Even my four year old son is becoming a master negotiator and what some would call stubborn. Again all great skills except
when it comes to disciplining them to help reinforce a life lesson. You hand out the discipline and the next thing you know they
somehow shaved 2 days off for good behaviour and two other stipulations that essentially turn the discipline mute.
So I resolved on Father’s Day to combine all of the knowledge I have gained so far with 4 kids to come up with some type of
solution that I hope will help other parents and our family.
My Journey
I have always struggled with finding a productive way to discipline my children. By productive I mean one that actually
creates lasting results and the change I would like to see. I seem to have developed the saying “I wouldn’t be mad if you would
just listen to me” and the instant reaction to ground them from electronics. Not great habits and they have lost all effect.
I understand the need to be the change you want to see and you cannot change other people. That is where I started.
With the help of my wife I figured out that the missing ingredients were:
Consistency – Disciplining for the same behaviour each and every time.
Sticking to it – Not caving in to the sad eyes, disappointed looks and crafty negotiating.
Presentation – Focusing on how I present the discipline and ensuring it is from a place of caring no matter how mad I am
choosing to be.
Overreacting – I tend to ground them so quick sometimes that ten minutes later I have no idea why I even did it. Zero
thought went into why it was necessary to ground them and therefore I get zero results.
Hard to teach kids a life lesson when you are inconsistent, a pushover, moody and have no idea why you grounded them in the
first place. Not the formula for success.
I need my method just as much as my children do and hope it will help parents out there who are struggling with discipline too.
Our children need discipline with love and a clear explanation as to why they are being disciplined. They will not always agree
with it, so don’t expect that but that’s not the goal.
The goal is to have them understand why they got grounded. To relate their behaviour to the consequences of their actions.
Then to be able to apply that knowledge in all areas of their life.
I want you to pause for a moment and reflect on how you feel when you are at your career, receive a reprimand and don’t
understand why.
Doesn’t feel great does it? All you want to do is understand why you were disciplined and without that understanding you are
just frustrated and angry with your boss.

2. Are you being that boss for your children? The very boss you trash standing around the water cooler each day. Food for
thought.
B.E.L.I.E.V.E. Journal
I thought I should come up with a better name then just a grounding journal or discipline manual for what I am experimenting with
so I settled on the B.E.L.I.E.V.E. journal.
Behaviour
Expectation
Learning
Inspiration
Expressive
Visual
Effective
I toyed with the name Behavioural Understanding Tutorial That Helps Explain Attitude Disintegration or BUTTHEAD for short but
that seemed to go against any positive reinforcement articles I have read. Smiley face.
Before I explain how I am integrating it into my disciplining choices I want to go over two main points.
First do not use writing in the journal as the actual punishment. If you yell at them to grab their journal and that they had better
write what they learned from all this, the exercise will backfire. They are not going to like writing in the journal in the first place so
no point adding to the tension.
They will warm up to it because they will start to see results. Children, not unlike adults, want to feel like their voice is being
heard and that they are being respected. As you listen and better understand them the discipline will change and become more
effective.
Second is to make sure the situation is somewhat diffused before bringing out the BELIEVE journal. Don’t wait too long so you
don’t forget what happened but don’t pull it out in the middle of a heated argument. Calm the situation as much as possible and
then bring out the BELIEVE journal so the two of you can record your thoughts in it.
Here is how to effectively use a BELIEVE journal:
Write the following statements or something close to them.
Child
I got grounded because I behaved in XXXXX way.
The discipline I received for XXXXX behaviour was _____________.
The reason I choose to behave XXXXX way is because I feel XXXXX way.
What I learned from this experience was that I ________.
I understand that my behaviour is my choice and that I am in control of the results I create based on my behaviour.
Parent
The reason I chose to discipline you for XXXXX behaviour is because I _________________.
I chose the consequences I did because I _______________________.
When you behave XXXXX way it makes me feel like I________________________.
Ensure you date each entry and put a note in there if you did remove the punishment early and why. Do not add to the entry if
you had to add to the discipline for the same behaviour. Write it all out again which is where the power of this exercise comes
from.

3. Having a journal in your hands that shows you have disciplined your child for the exact same behaviour 15 times in 6 months
shows there is a breakdown in communication. All the discipline in the world will not fix this issue without finding the root cause
of the breakdown. The journal will help you discover a better way of working with each other on the changes you need to see.
What you hope this accomplishes is that your child can see how they have a pattern of behaviour that consistently produces
the results they don’t want. You can see where you as a parent are not following through, being inconsistent or overreacting.
Overall it should improve your communication, lead to understanding who your child is and their needs and develop a healthier
relationship with them.
Will this work for everyone?
I can’t say for sure because I have no idea how you will implement and deliver this. I know you will see results if you do it every
single time but not the results you want if you only do it 99% of the time.
Consider this a zero tolerance for yourself. You as the parent are responsible for ensuring you and your child fill this out and
that the consequences are followed through on.
Now, as with any rule, here is where you can negotiate. When you realize that how you chose to discipline them was due to you
overreacting you need to own up to that. Admit you overreacted and note it after the fact with the adjusted discipline. Do not let
your ego get in the way and take responsibility if you made a mistake.
If the best reason you can come up with is “because I said so” then you need to relook at the situation.
This journal is for the both of you to read and learn from. You are going to discover how you and your child have patterns of
behaviours that are causing the outcomes you are experiencing. The very behaviours that could be destroying your relationship.
Essentially you will be proactively diffusing situations before they ever turn into a need to discipline.
Take Action Request:
Create a BELIEVE journal for you and your child to share and learn from. Explain why you are trying it and take responsibility for
anything you know you need to. Don’t worry if they take responsibility for their part just yet. It will come.
This is honestly in the very beginning stages and I would love to hear how you make out trying it. Just leave a comment here on
How To Discipline Your Child or on Facebook.
Your Life Your Choice Your Design
Darrin Wiggins
P.S. I found the books The 5 Love Languages of Children/The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers Set to be eye openers on how
my one son really wanted me to show love and affection vs. how I was actually showing it. I learned I was disciplining him in the
past for behaviours that were his way of trying to tell me he wanted my attention. Glad I caught it now and understand his needs
better.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make
them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like
cooperating or doing better?” – Jane Nelson
photo source