How divorce affects children

1. DIVORCE

2. WHAT IS DIVORCE?
 Oxford dictionary: the legal dissolution of a
marriage by a court or other competent body.
 Wikipedia: is the final termination of a marital
union, canceling the legal duties and
responsibilities of marriage and dissolving
the bonds of matrimony between the parties.
 Merriam Webster: the action or an instance
of legally dissolving a marriage.

3. CURRENT DIVORCE RATE IN THE US?
 Frequent reports say that “50% of all
marriages in the America end in divorce.”
“Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of
marriages will end in divorce if current trends
continue.” -The Americans for Divorce Reform
(http://www.divorcereform.org/)

4. FACTORS WHY COUPLES DIVORCE
 Work Problem
 Poor communication
 Infidelity
 No more trust
 Incompatible

5. FACTORS WHY COUPLES DIVORCE
 Drinking or Drug Abuse
 Physical or mental abuse
 Money Problem

6. HOW ARE CHILDREN AFFECTED BY DIVORCE
Infant
 Too young to understand what is happening
 May sense parents’ stress and feel changes in
daily routine

7. Preschool
 Lack mental ability to understand what is
happening
 Will be confused, angry, sad, and fearful
 May believe they are at fault

8.  Fantasy play will reveal fears and desires of
family reunited
 Developmental regression: insisting to sleep on
the same bed as the parent, stuttering or baby
talk, disruption on toilet training, excessive
emotional dependence to parent

9. School Age
 Early Elementary Grade
Better to handle separation to the
noncustodial parent
Fear of being replace in the affections of the
noncustodial parent
sadness, depression, anger, and general
anxiety
decline in academic performance

10.  Upper Elementary Grade
capable of better understanding of divorce
erecting defense mechanisms to protect
themselves against the pain they feel over a
divorce.
Intensely angry at their parents for divorcing.

11.  Teenagers
divorce is difficult because it is yet another
source of upheaval in their lives.
torn between love for and anger toward their
parents and between conflicting loyalties to
both parents.
May act out anger and frustration through
delinquency, substance abuse, sexual
promiscuity

12. may blame one or both parents
may become controlling by demanding to stay
in one place or to switch residences
constantly.
may have behavior problems, exhibit
depression, show poor school
performance, run away from home, or get into
trouble with the law.

13. HOW TO HELP CHILDREN COPE WITH DIVORCE
 What to say and how to say it
 Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why
you are getting a divorce,
 Say “I love you.” However simple it may
sound, letting your children know that your love
for them hasn’t changed is a powerful message.
 Address changes. Acknowledging that some
things will be different now, and other things
won’t.

14.  Avoid blaming:
 Present a united front. As much as you can, try
to agree in advance on an explanation for your
separation or divorce—and stick to it.
 Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk
with your children before any changes in the
living arrangements occur
 Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse
when giving the reasons for the separation.

15. LISTEN AND REASSURE
 Help kids express feelings
 Listen. Encourage your child to share their
feelings and really listen to them.
 Help them find words for their feelings. It’s
normal for children to have difficulty expressing
their feelings.
 Let them be honest. Children might be reluctant
to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you.
 Acknowledge their feelings. Acknowledge their
feelings rather than dismissing them..

16.  Clearing up misunderstandings
 Set the record straight. Repeat why you
decided to get a divorce.
 Be patient. Treat your child’s confusion or
misunderstandings with patience.
 Reassure. As often as you need to, remind your
children that both parents will continue to love
them and that they are not responsible for the
divorce.

17.  Give reassurance and love
 Both parents will be there.
 It’ll be okay. Tell kids that things won’t always be
easy, but that they will work out.
 Closeness. Physical has a powerful way of
reassuring your child of your love.
 Be honest. When kids raise concerns or
anxieties, respond truthfully.