1. 6 Lessons Learned About
Self Defence From My Time
On The Doors
By Neal Martin

2. Lesson #1: Everything Is Easier When You’re Relaxed
By staying relaxed you will not be bothered by most people’s
behaviour because you will see it as normal and every-day,
even if people are behaving raucously and mildly aggressive.
You will know real aggression when you see it because it will
stand out a mile from the norm, so no need to be tense and
over-vigilant all the time.
The same goes when you are dealing with people. If you are
tense and on edge in your interactions with others they will
sense it and you will put them in the same state. Your over-
anxious state will be reflected back at you, which means you
could lead them into being defensive, hostile or aggressive.
Staying relaxed will make it easier for other people to stay
relaxed around you, and even if the other person is being
aggressive, you stand a greater chance of calming them down
if you are relaxed yourself. Tension on your part may just tip
them over the edge into all out hostility or violence.
Lesson #2: Attitude Is Everything
In your dealings with people, if you have a bad attitude and
you behave like a complete asshole, then don’t expect those
people to be very co-operative or forthcoming. Also don’t be
surprised when they get defensive and turn aggressive.
It is easier to talk to people and to get them to co-operate
when you have a reasonable and firm but fair attitude.
So I learned to be fair with people when I was bouncing, but I
also learned to be a bastard when I had to be. It’s all in the
context.

3. Lesson #3: Be Assertive Or Get Walked Over
Assertiveness is closely linked to confidence. To stand up for
yourself and to hold your ground in a conflict, you need a
certain amount of confidence. If an aggressor senses they can
easily back you down then they will, make no mistake.
Many conflicts can be avoided altogether if you just assert
yourself early on, before the other person or persons overstep
the mark. If you project confidence through your body
language (even if you don’t feel particularly confident) and
refrain from coming across as hostile or aggressive, then you
can get most people to back down and co-operate. You just
have to stand your ground, no matter what.
Lesson #4: Never Underestimate Anyone
Some people are stronger and better equipped to handle
themselves than their outward appearance would seem to
suggest. The smallest of people can turn out to be like raging
bulls when they get started, especially if there is drink and
drugs involved.
Underestimate no one and be ready for anything. Being
surprised in an altercation isn’t the most pleasant of
experiences.
Lesson #5: Talking Is Easier Than Fighting
This may seem like an obvious lesson, but sometimes we are
too quick to aggression in a conflict. If someone is being

4. hostile and aggressive towards us, it’s natural to want to be
aggressive right back and the next thing you know, you’re in a
fight.
I learned to talk people down, which is a skill in itself. This
involves setting your ego to one side, even if the other person
is throwing insults your way or is trying to belittle you in front
of others. What I found was, in general, if you persist and
keep talking to someone, eventually they will relent and listen
to you, just as long as you do so in a calm and assertive
manner without being arrogant or disrespectful. I got more
satisfaction out of handling conflict in this way than I did
from resorting to rough handling or violence.
Lesson #6: If You Have To Fight, Don’t Hold Back
Some people can’t be talked down, no matter how hard you
try. Some people can leave you no choice but to resort to
violence, especially if they see fit to attack you first.
Good intentions are all well and good, but when some twat is
doing their best to cause you harm, no matter the
circumstances, you have to get stuck in or you are going to get
injured, simple as that.
And that’s also the attitude that you need to adopt should you
find yourself in a fight. Don’t hold back and do what you have
to do to finish the thing. Of course I’m not saying you have to
kill the other guy, but you have to defend yourself, right?
Regardless of all other factors like the law and morality, you
are in a fight and if you don’t do something to stop the other
guy you will get hurt.

5. Whatever you do, don’t do it half-assed. Half-assed will get
you in trouble. Give it all you’ve got. That’s the only way to
prevail.
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