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1. BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS OF CHILDREN [email_address] Slides change automatically

2. I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

3. Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.

4. Home is where the house is. I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

5. For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

6. My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally-- but I didn't want to upset him.

7. As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.

8. Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.

9. Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

10. If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid? " don't answer him.

11. No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

12. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on Whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. Two's Company, Three's........ The Musketeers.

14. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

15. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

16. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

17. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

18. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

19. FAMOUS KIDS SAYINGS "Liter: A nest of young puppies." Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat." "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

20. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops." "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it." For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

21. It's Always Darkest Before........ Daylight Savings Time. Never Under Estimate The Power Of........ Termites. Don't Bite The Hand That... .....Looks Dirty.

22. If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll........Stink In The Morning. A Miss Is As Good As A........ Mr. Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And......You Have To Blow Your Nose.

23. Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Never let a cat mind your pet bird. When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Never trust a dog to watch your food.

24. Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

25. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING [email_address]