The 4S collaborative conversational framework helps to develop trust when working with direct reports

1. The 4S collaborative conversational framework helps to develop trust & avoid
blunders when working with direct reports:
1. State
 Controlling your emotions
 Engaging rational brain
2. Safe
 Avoid triggering emotional
reactions in others – e.g.
defensiveness
3. Surface
 Explore to understand their
‘story’
4. Share
 Explain your ‘story’
 Jointly problem solve
“Seek first to understand… then to be understood…”
Stephen Covey: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
State – This is the area most under your control. Self-awareness will make you more
resistant to emotional triggers. Being sensitive, calm, direct & curious is ideal for difficult
conversations.
Reduce your emotional reactions & let your rational brain regain control by:
 Noticing – pay attention to your body – physically & emotionally
 Labelling the emotion – “I am feeling annoyed”
 Analysing – “I’m annoyed because your constant questioning makes me doubt my
competence to do the job”
 Take a deep breath to ensure that your emotions are under control
Safe – Keeping a conversation ‘safe’ so that both parties can openly express their views
& feelings without fear of feeling vulnerable.
Three things can help, either on their own, or in combination:
 Be upfront & state what you do & what you don’t want from the conversation – “I
don’t want to criticise you, I do want to understand your perspective & come up
with a solution that we’re both happy with”.
 Apologise if you’ve done something that has contributed towards the current
situation – “I’m sorry – I realise that I haven’t been keeping you informed as
regularly as I should.”
 Find a mutual goal – “I know that we both want this to succeed.”
Surface – It is important that you patiently explore the other person’s thoughts &
perspective first before sharing your own. To do this well, you must actively listen,

2. question for clarity & not interrupt. This takes time, but the rewards are worth the
investment.
Examples of helpful questions:
 “Tell me how you see the situation”
 “How are you feeling about this”
 “What were your expectations”
Share – If appropriate; share your own experience of the situation.
 Restate your goal & explain the situation from your perspective
 Explain how the situation, or behaviour makes you feel
 Share how it can help the other person achieve her / his goal