A presentation given at the Society of St. John Chrysostom-Western Region Light of the East Conference, 01-02 March 2013: Following Jesus: The Power of Forgiveness Theological, Psychological and Practical Suggestions for Growth   Hosted by:  St. Paul’s Greek Orthodox Church in Irvine, CA

1. ARCHPRIEST GEORGE MORELLI, PhD

3.  The Divine Persons and their communicative
interrelationship in love are intrinsic to the
Divine Nature. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit
cannot be conceived apart from each other, in
as much as the Divine Essence will lead to
Divine action (Divine Energy) and the creation
of the cosmos and mankind itself. Mankind
was created to be in communion with God and
with one another. The depth of the Trinitarian
communion of love, which is descriptive of
their essence and which also will serve as the
purpose of mankind's creation…

5.  St. Paul writes: "But all things are from God Who
reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ and
gave to us the ministry of reconciliation, that is,
that God was reconciling the world to Himself in
Christ, not reckoning their transgressions to them,
and He put in us the word of reconciliation." (2Cor
5: 18-19)

6.  When God brought into being natures endowed
with intelligence and intellect He communicated to
them, in His supreme goodness, four of the divine
attributes by which He sustains, protects and
preserves created things. These attributes are
being, eternal being, goodness and wisdom. Of
the four He granted the first two, being and eternal
being. to their essence, and the second two,
goodness and wisdom, to their volitive faculty, so
that what He is in His essence the creature may
become by participation. This is why man is said to
have been created in the image and likeness of
God. (cf. Gn 1: 26). . . .only the good and wise will
attain His likeness."(St. Maximus the Confessor Philokalia II)

7.  The great spiritual perception of St. Maximus is
that the being and eternity of mankind is
simply given to us gratis. While God is
unbounded, He freely binds Himself not to
take this being and eternity from us. But
goodness and wisdom is another matter
completely; it is up to our volitive faculty. We
have to recognize goodness and wisdom; we
have to desire goodness and wisdom, and we
have to work at being wise and choosing to do
good.

9.  `I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came
not to call the righteous, but sinners.“ (Mt 9:13)
 And when Jesus heard it, he said to them,
"Those who are well have no need of a
physician, but those who are sick; I came not to
call the righteous, but sinners.“ (Mk 2: 17)

10.  In the book of Revelation Jesus (in the guise of
an angel tells St. John:
"Yet this you have, you hate the works of
the Nicolaitans, which I also hate." (Rev 2:6).

11.  Sin is an illness and infirmity by which we
succumb to our passions and make an evil
choice. St. Maximus the Confessor (Philokalia
II) calls evil "a privation of good."

12.  Baptism does not take away our free will or
freedom of choice, but gives us the freedom no
longer to be tyrannized by the devil unless we
choose to be. … We are created good by God —
for God creates nothing evil — and we remain
unchanging in our nature and essence as
created. But we do what we choose and
want, whether good or bad, of our own free
will. Palmer, G.E.H., Sherrard, P. & Ware, K. (Eds.). (1995). The Philokalia, Volume 4: The Complete Text;
Compiled by St. Nikodimos of the Holy Mountain & St. Makarios of Corinth . London: Faber and Faber.

14.  Tolerance is intrinsic to the Love that is God:
"how compassionate God is, and how patient;
and how He loves creation, and how He carries
it, gently enduring its importunity, the various
sins and wickedness, the terrible blasphemies
of demons and evil men.” (Alfeyev, Bishop Hilarion (2000). The Spiritual
World of St. Isaac the Syrian. Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications).

15.  "all living creatures exist in God's mind before
their creation." What this implies is that their
place in the structure of the cosmos is retained
even if someone falls away from God.
[Alfeyev, Bishop Hilarion (2000). The Spiritual World of St. Isaac the Syrian. Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications]

16. A compassionate person is the physician of his own soul, for, as if with a strong
wind, he chases away from his inner being a dark cloud. Brock, S., trans. (1997). The Wisdom of
Saint Isaac the Syrian. Fairacres Oxford, England: SLG Press, Convent of the Incarnation .

17.  As St. Isaac understands it we must have
relentless repentance: "continual and mournful
supplication by means of prayer filled with
compunction draws nigh to God in order to
seek forgiveness of past offenses, and entreaty
for preservation from future [offenses]." And
for what purpose? St. Isaac answers for us that
"they [sinners] will be perfected in love for
Him, with a perfect mind which is above any
aberration in all its stirrings.“
[Wensinck, A. J. (ed., trans.) (1923). Mystic Treatises by Isaac of Nineveh. Amsterdam, Holland: Koninklijke Akademie
Van Wetenschappen.]

18.  Everyone has a single place in [God's] purpose
in the ranking of love, corresponding to the
form He beheld in them before He created
them and all the rest of created beings.... He
has a single ranking of complete and
impassible love towards everyone, and He has
a single caring concern for those who have
fallen, just as much as for those who have not
fallen.

19.  But I say to you that every one who is angry with his
brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his
brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever
says, 'You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire. So if
you are offering your gift at the altar, and there
remember that your brother has something against
you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first
be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer
your gift. Make friends quickly with your
accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest
your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge
to the guard, and you be put in prison; truly, I say to
you, you will never get out till you have paid the last
penny" (emphasis added) (Matthew 5: 22-26).

20.  When someone who offends God or us they
must repent. God, and we in imitation of
Him, should embrace the repentant sinner with
God's own love, in order to forgive him. We
have to pray that we or anyone who has
offended us or God, be reconciled to God and to
us through His Church. The foundation of this
repentance is a sense of his unfaithfulness to
God and offense to us, contrition of heart, and
determination to amend and have ametanoia, a
fundamental change of mind and heart so as
not to offend again.

22.  “Or how canst thou say to thy brother:
Brother, let me pull the mote out of thy
eye, when thou thyself seest not the beam in
thy own eye? Hypocrite, cast first the beam out
of thy own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly
to take out the mote from thy brother's eye.” Lk
6: 42)
 Trisagion Prayer for the Deceased: "for there is
no man who liveth and sinneth not."

23.  The Prodigal Son Parable reads: "having come
to himself" ( Lk 15: 17)." But is this true
repentance? No! He wanted to get something
out of the return to his father. Note what he
says he will tell his father: "... make me as one
of thy hired servants.”‟ This wouId be an
impure confession. The Prodigal son has a
motive: 'as a servant he can get paid and start
to regain status.'

24.  Later in the actual return comes the real
metanoia. The Prodigal drops the self serving
motive: “And the son said to him, „Father, I
sinned against heaven and before thee, and am
no longer worthy to be called thy son.‟( Lk 15:
21). No strings attached: a pure confession
with no expectation of self-gain.

25.  The Father (who in Jewish culture would have
absolute authority, demand servile respect, remain
aloof and would summon his son at his will. Is this
what the Prodigal's father did? No! The Father
breaks tradition and initiates reconciliation “But
the father said to his slaves, „Bring forth the robe,
the chief one, and clothe him, and provide a ring
for his hand and sandals for the feet. And bring the
calf, the fattened one, and slay it; and let us eat and
be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive
again; and he was lost and is found.‟” (Lk 15: 22-
23) [God's forgiveness]

26.  "But all things are from God Who reconciled us
to Himself through Jesus Christ and gave to us
the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God
was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ,
not reckoning their transgressions to them, and
He put in us the word of reconciliation." (2Cor
5: 18-19)

27.  The lessons: the father (Father, the true picture
of God as Father) shows unexpected self-
emptying love, the son (us) confess complete
unworthiness (humility) and sets no conditions
and simply rejoices in sonship (theosis- “may
be made partakers of the divine nature.” 2Pt
1:4) in the Father's house (heaven).

28.  Because of the brokenness of mankind, the
individual who has been slighted is angry and
frequently wants "blood" retribution. God's
conditions for repentance, on the other
hand, are so merciful, as to almost go
unnoticed. Consider St. Luke's report of the
two thieves, on their crosses next to the
crucified Jesus:

29.  One of the criminals who were hanged railed at
him, saying, "Are you not the Christ? Save
yourself and us!" But the other rebuked
him, saying, "Do you not fear God, since you
are under the same sentence of condemnation?
And we indeed justly; for we are receiving the due
reward of our deeds; but this man has done
nothing wrong." And he said, "Jesus, remember
me when you come into your kingdom." And he
said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will
be with me in Paradise (emphasis added)
(Luke 23: 39-49).

31.  Psychological
 Spiritual

32.  Current research psychology has helped us understand
dysfunctional emotions such as anger have a cognitive
theme and distorted irrational cognitive structures
initiating them [Beck, A.T., Rush, S., Shaw, B. & Emery, G (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. NY: Guilford
Press.];Burns, D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. NY: The New American Library; Ellis, A. (1962). Reason and Emotion in
Psychotherapy. Secaucus NJ: Lyle-Stuart.] Beck, for example found the theme of
anger is significant intrusion. The angry individual
perceives some one has intruded on them or on
someone or something they love and possess that he
considers to be an extension of himself. The value of
what they consider significant is such, that they feel
they have a "right" to be angry. This is an exalted state
of self-importance by which people define themselves
which gives them this "right." It reveals an underlying
postulate of self-definition that allows all anger to be
justified.

33.  Added to the interpretive perception are evocative cognitive
distortions such as selective focusing: disregarding some nice
things someone has done while centering on an error they
made; mind-reading: concluding, without proof, the reason
for someone's improper action was to "get at" the angry
person and/or was directed to the person; fortune telling:
predicting only unseemly things will happen to you and this
will continue in the future; and catastrophizing: evaluating
the errors, improper actions and unseemly behaviors of
others as more that 100% bad. These distortions enable the
individual to create ongoing irrational mental scenarios that
fuel the anger emotion. (For further explanation of how these
distortions trigger and interact with anger. Morelli, G. (2005, October 14). The Beast of
Anger http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles5/MorelliAnger.php. & Morelli, G. 2007, December 02). Forgiveness is Healing
http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/OT/view/morelli-forgiveness-is-healing )

34.  The root cause cannot be made more clear than
what St. John of the Ladder (1982) has told us:
"Pride is a denial of God, an invention of the
devil, contempt for men. ... the source of anger,
the gateway of hypocrisy." (italics mine). St
John Cassian calls the demon of pride " ... most
sinister, fiercest of all ... " (Philokalia I).

35.  The ultimate model of humility is Our Lord God
and Savior Jesus Christ. This was told to the
Philippians by St. Paul who said:
 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours
in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of
God, did not count equality with God a thing to be
grasped, but emptied himself, taking the form of a
servant, being born in the likeness of men. And
being found in human form he humbled himself
and became obedient unto death, even death on a
cross (Philippians: 5-8).

36.  The reasoning mind, for example, will reject
the commandment "Judge not, that ye be not
judged" (Matthew 7:1) as nonsensical, urging
that the faculty of being able to judge is a
distinctive quality in man, making him
superior to the whole world and affords him
the power to dominate. [Sophrony, Archimandrite. (1999). St. Silouan the Athonite.
Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir's Seminary Press.]

37.  Pride makes us forget our sins ... the
remembrance of them leads to humility." Thus
we must heed the further words of St. John:
"He must not allow the memory of things that
afflict him to be stamped on his intellect lest he
inwardly sunders human nature by separating
himself from other man although he is a man
himself. When a man's will in union with the
principle of nature in this way, God and nature
are naturally reconciled. (St. John of the Ladder (1979). The Ladder of Divine
Ascent. Boston: Holy Transfiguration Monastery)

38.  “…the person who has attained to knowledge
of his own weakness has reached the summit of
humility.” (Brock, 1997) Brock, S. (1997). The Wisdom of St. Isaac the Syrian. Fairacres
Oxford, England: SLG Press.
 To bear a grudge and pray, means to sow seed
on the sea and expect a harvest. http://www.roca.org?OA/137d.htm

39.  Staniloae (2003) calls humility "the highest and
most inclusive of all the virtues." Staniloae, D. (2003). Orthodox
Spirituality: A Practical Guide for the Faithful and a Definitive Manual for the Scholar. South Canaan, PA: St. Tikhon's Seminary
Press

40.  Recently psychologists (e.g. Exline, Baumeister,
Zell, Kraft, & Witvliet, 2008; Powers, Nam, Rowatt,
& Hill, 2007) have begun to study and found
support for a relationship between humility and
other prosocial behaviors such as forgiveness.
Psychologists such as Enright, 2012 and Gassin,
2001, have developed have developed
psychotherapeutic interventions based partially on
cultivating humility. Enright, R.D. (2012). The Forgiving Life: A Pathway to Overcoming Resentment
and Creating a legacy of love. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
 Exline, J.J., Baumeister, R.F. Zell, A.L., Kraft, A.J., & Witvliet, C.V.O., (2008) Not so innocent: Does seeing one's own capability for
wrongdoing predict forgiveness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94, 495-515.
 Gassin, E.A. (2001). Interpersonal forgiveness from an Eastern Orthodox perspective. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 29, 187-200.
 Powers C., Nam, R.K., Rowatt, W.C. & Hill, P.C. (2007). Association between humility, spiritual transcendence, and forgiveness.
Research in the Social Scientific Study of Religion, 18, 75-94.

41.  “Philotimo according to Elder Paisios, is the
spontaneous self-sacrificing love shown by
humble people, from whom every trace of self
has been filtered out, full of gratitude towards
God and their fellow men. Philotimo comes
from a deep, abiding connection with God, so
that one is constantly moved to do and seek
that which is good, right and honorable. Out of
spiritual sensitivity, such people try to repay
the slightest good that others do for them."
Footnote from Elder Paisios of the Holy Mountain, (2011). Spiritual
Counsels, Volume I: With Pain and Love for Contemporary Man. Thessloniki, Holy
Monastery, Evangelest John the Theologian.

42.  But I say, if the merciful one is not also beyond
justice, he is not merciful. That is, not only from
his own part will he be merciful to others, but
also he will endure injustice gladly and
voluntarily. He will not establish and seek full
justice in his dealing with his companion but
will be merciful to him; because when he
overcomes justice with mercy he will weave for
himself a crown, not of those who are just
according to the Law, but of the perfect
according to the New Covenant

43.  Go then and learn what this meaneth, I will
have mercy and not sacrifice. For I am not
come to call the just, but sinners. (Mt 9: 13)
 If therefore thou offer thy gift at the altar, and
there thou remember that thy brother hath any
thing against thee; Leave there thy offering
before the altar, and go first to be reconciled to
thy brother: and then coming thou shalt offer
thy gift. (Mt 5: 23-24)

44.  St. Silouan tells us: "God is love, absolute love embracing every
living thing in abundance. God is present in hell, too, as love. By
allowing man to know this love, in so far as he is able, the Holy
Spirit reveals to him the path to the fullness of being." A short
account, related by the saints biographer and cell
attendant, Archimandrite Sophrony, of an exchange between the
St. Silouan and a visiting hermit monk It shows the unfathomable
depth of love God has and we should have toward all who have
offended us: The hermit "declared with evident satisfaction that
'God will punish all atheists. They will burn in everlasting fire.'"
 Obviously upset, the Staretz said, "Tell me, supposing you went to
paradise, and there you looked down and saw someone burning
in hell-fire - would you feel happy?" "It can't be helped. It would
be their own fault," said the hermit.
 The Staretz answered him in a sorrowful countenance. "Love
could not bear that," he said. "We must pray for all."

46.  Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not,
dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; Is not
ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not
provoked to anger, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth
not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with the
truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things,
hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity
never falleth away.” (1Cor 13: 4-8)

47.  Political Outrages: a different class of offenses..
This included not only politicians, political
parties, but even the citizens themselves of
some countries. It is as if the realm of
government and politics is on a completely
different domain or level than that of one to
one individual interaction. It is as if our Lord's
teaching on forgiveness should not extend to
groups making up the political arena.

48.  Research psychology gives some insight about
about why applying forgiveness to groups may be
more difficult than to individuals. Individuals in
groups are often de-individuated . [Diener, E., Fraser, S. C., Beaman, A. L. and
Kelem, R. T. (1976). Effects of deindividuation variables on stealing among Halloween trick-or-treaters. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology. 33(2), 178-183.]
 We do not see them as individuals but as group
members. They are without individual
personhood. By definition 'groups' are an
abstraction. Violent, destructive acts, and surely
unforgiveness therefore, is more easily applied to
groups and by members of groups to each other.

49.  What is forgiveness? Forgiveness cannot be
understood without understanding the nature of
sin and it's effects. St. Matthew (22: 37-40) records
the words of Jesus: "You shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart, and with all your
soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and
first commandment. And a second is like it, You
shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two
commandments depend all the law and the
prophets." Sin is a breaking of God's Laws to love
Him and to love our neighbor, despite and in the
face of His infinite Love for us.

50.  Forgiveness does not mean we forget, excuse,
condone or demand some payback. Forgiveness
does not mean we have 'warm fuzzy' feelings
toward someone who may have offended us. It
also does not mean we automatically 'trust' anyone
to act appropriately. Trust is a process and has to
be earned in time by experience. It also does not
mean that the perpetrator of for offenses shown by
scientific research that may to have no cure or have
a high recidivism rate should be 're-established' in
the community in the same status, (occupation,
style of life, etc.) the offender had before the
offense. We have heard the expression 'hate the sin
but love the sinner.'

51.  But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of
the Nicolaites, which I also hate. (Rv 2:6)

52.  St. Dorotheos of Gaza [Wheeler, E.P. (1977). (ed., trans.), Dorotheos of
Gaza: Discourses and Sayings. Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications.]is able to
describe this beautifully: "Condemning a man is
saying: 'he is a wicked liar, or he is an angry
man, or he is a fornicator. For in this way he judges
the condition of his soul and draws a conclusion
about his whole life, saying it is of such a kind and
condemns him as such. This is a very serious
thing.. For it is one thing to say, 'He got mad', and
another thing to say 'He is bad tempered ... .."
[emphasis mine]. He 'got' mad, is a problem to be
and issue to be addressed. He 'is' bad tempered is a
label of and condemnation of his being.

53.  If any man say, I love God, and hateth his
brother; he is a liar. For he that loveth not his
brother, whom he seeth, how can he love
God, whom he seeth not? 1Jn 4:20)

54.  The words of Christ on the cross are very
telling in this matter. Our Lord
said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not
what they do" (Luke 23:34). Jesus was able to
put himself in the mind of those calling for His
death and actually crucifying Him. Each had
their own reasons for participating in His
death. Our Lord was able to take the
perspective of his killers: they knew "not what
they do."

57.  Enright (2001) reports on research indicating
taking the perspective of the persons who have
offended has been shown to be a significant aid in
leading to forgiveness. He recommends his
patients to reflect on such questions as: "what life
was like for him or her when growing up; what life
was like for him or her at the time of the offense;
what he or she is like when you ... (see) him or her
in a spiritual, religious sense." This process which
Enright calls taking perspective is similar to the
psychological process of empathy, which may be
defined as "thinking and feeling what the other is
thinking and feeling."Enright, R.D. (2001). Forgiveness is a Choice. Washington, DC:
American Psychological Association.

58.  Research by Hoffman, 1988; Eisenberg &
Mussen 1989; and Greenberg, Kusche, Cook, &
Quamma 1995; has linked increase in empathy
to attenuated aggression. Cunningham (1985)
has reported on successful application of
empathy to 'forgiveness' in a pastoral setting.
Cunningham, B.B. (1985). The Will to Forgive: A Pastoral Theological View of Forgiving. Journal of Pastoral
Care. 39:141-149; Hoffman, M.L. (1988). Moral Development. In M.H. Bornstein & M.E. Lamb
(Eds.), Developmental Psychology: An Advanced Textbook. (2nd ed., pp. 497-548). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum;
Eisenberg, N., & Mussen, P.H. (1989). The Roots of Prosocial Behavior in Children. Cambridge, England:
Cambridge University Press; Greenberg, M.T., Iusche, C.A., Cook, E.T. & Quamma, J.P.
(1995). Promoting Emotional Competence in School-Aged Children: The Effects of the PATHS Curriculum.
Development and Psychopathology, 7, 117-136.

59.  Love of God, means to love Him with all our
heart, mind and soul. Love of neighbor plain
and simple means to use all our heart mind
and soul to desire and work for the good and
welfare of our neighbor.

60.  We are reminded of the wisdom of St. Isaac the Syrian
(Brock, 1997): "Just because the terms 'wrath', 'anger',
'hatred' and the rest are used of the Creator in the Bible, we
should not imagine that He actually does anything in anger,
hatred or zeal. Many figurative terms are used of God in the
Scriptures, terms which are far removed from His true
nature. Among all God's actions there is none which is not
entirely a matter of mercy, love and compassion: this
constitutes the beginning and end of His dealing with us."
May I add this should be the beginning and end of our
relationships with all mankind in which we are all made in
God's image. Those who have offended most egregiously
and performed the most horrific of offenses are to be loved
the most. In this same spirit we have to be reconciled in love
to those whom we have offended.

61.  Love is not a feeling. Love does not mean we
condone or excuse or minimize evil acts. Love
does not mean we have to be blind to the
brokenness and sinful predilections of
mankind. Did not Our Lord Himself tell his
disciples: "Behold, I send you out as sheep in
the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and
innocent as doves" (Matthew 10: 16). We have
to use our intelligence and be wise.

62.  As indicated above in discussing what forgiveness
does not mean, applying even the simple wisdom
of our God given intelligence and experience, love
(and forgiveness-reconciliation) does not mean for
example, allowing an alcoholic to go back to his
former occupation as a bartender, or a pedophile
to be a child caretaker. This can be applied to many
examples of inclinations that humans have that
through modern scientific research have been
found can be of potential harm to self and others:
abuse, use of drugs, sexual problems, etc.

63.  Forgiveness does mean we make sure the offending
individual, who has repented and shown sorrow for
their sin or offense towards us is given
physical, mental, and spiritual care. Even if some
offender has not shown repentance and sorrow we are
required to give them basic physical, spiritual and an
even greater abundance of spiritual care. All are to be
looked on as sons and daughters of God. All are given
respect and courtesy. They are to be prayed for and
approached by us in an attempt to reconcile. Repentant
offenders, are given the Holy Mysteries of the Church
so they can grow in grace and be in union with all the
blessed in paradise. All at the very least are to be
prayed for with all our heart, mind and soul that all
who offended us can reach paradise

64.  It is crystal clear that humans do not start their physical,
psychological or spiritual lives in a "perfect state." The
scientific study of human development suggests
psychological growth occurs in stages and involves gradual
bio-social-behavioral shifts and growth Cole, M., Cole, S. & Lightfoot, C. (2005). The
Development of Children. NY: Worth.
 The writings of the Church Fathers reveal that spiritual
growth also takes place in steps or stages. The title of one of
the classics of Eastern Orthodox spiritual wisdom, "The
Ladder of Divine Ascent" by St. John of the Ladder (579-649)
bears out that spiritual development takes places as in
Jacob's dream: "And he dreamed that there was a ladder set
up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven; and
behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending
on it!" (Genesis 28:12).

65.  Behavioral psychologists use a technique called "shaping" to
bring about appropriate behavior. It involves rewarding
small increments in desirable behaviors that are similar and
lead to the correct appropriate behavioral goal [Morelli, G.
(2005a, September 17). Smart Parenting Part 1. http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles5/MorelliParenting. Morelli, G.
(2005b, October 14). The Beast of Anger. http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles5/MorelliAnger.php.]
 It is important to start out with the level a person is capable
of performing then rewarding the next step. For
example, the parent of a child who tosses all their clothing
on the floor might reward their child for picking up one
clothing item, followed by another reward when the child
picks up two items, until an entire messy room was cleaned
up. The same principle holds true in both asking for, and
giving, forgiveness. Not everyone will be able to start out
with the desirable straight talking described above and must
approach the process incrementally.

66.  Examples: restarting friendly communication; doing
something nice that unexpected by the other; offering to
help on a problem; telling a humorous story; or suggesting
resuming a previously halted activity. When someone
reaches out even indirectly and is ignored, it usually is
perceived as aversive by the person who has initiated the
imperfect but desirable reaching out action. This decreases
the likelihood the person will continue to grow and develop
into either asking or giving forgiveness (Morelli, 2005a). For
example, after some disagreement but before actual
forgiveness is asked, one of the individuals may suggest
going out for a walk. No doubt the ideal is straight talking.
Yet, most people cannot jump to the top rung of the ladder.
It is psychologically sound, and more importantly Christ-
like to go along with our brothers and sisters in Christ - as
well as all mankind (i.e. Jews, Moslems, atheists, etc.) -- who
are climbing the ladder one step at a time.

67.  The example above is based on one to one personal or
family interaction. However political parties and nations
themselves often act in similar ways. We see examples of
nations that took years, decades, even centuries to
either straight talk wrongs committed by themselves or to
forgive the repenting nations. Many times small steps are
taken even before this goal is reached such as increased
trade, debt alleviation, medical or food supply help, disaster
aid, etc. Other important first steps may be groups solving
common problems [Sherif, M., Harvey, O.J., White, B.J., Hood, W.R. & Sherif, C.R. (1961). Intergroup
Cooperation and Competition: The Robbers Cave] Experiment. Norman, OK: University of Oklahoma Press.and
dissemination of favorable information about the groups to
each other [Worschel, S, (1986). The Role of Cooperation in Reducing Intergroup Conflict. In S. Worschel & W. G.
Austin (Eds.), Psychology of Intergroup Relations. Chicago, IL: Nelson-Hall.] These may be
small, but significant steps in the forgiveness process..

68.  For a Christian viewing all mankind, despite
intra-national or international group affiliation,
as "children of God, made in His image and
called to be like Him" is the most favorable
information that could be received

70.  God tolerates sinners eternally because he is waiting for
them to return to His eternal love. Archbishop Hilarion
Alfeyev Alfeyev, Archbishop Hilarion (2009). Christ the Conqueror of Hell: The Descent to Hades from an Orthodox
Perspective. Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir's Seminary Press. references a verse from the 6th
Ode of the Holy Saturday Orthros (Lamentation) Service. In
the Antiochian Orthodox usage the verse reads:
 Verily, Hades ruled the race of man, but not forever; for thou,
O mighty One, when thou wast placed in the grave didst
demolish the locks of death with the palm of thy hand, O
Element of Life, proclaiming to those sitting yonder from
the ages a true salvation, having become, O Savior, the
Firstborn of the dead. . . .
 He then goes on to explain how the verse proclaims the
boundless eternal mercy of God as understood by St.
Gregory of Nyssa (and, by implication, St. Issac of Syria; Alfeyev,
Bishop Hilarion (2000). The Spiritual World of St. Isaac the Syrian. Kalamazoo, MI: Cistercian Publications.

71.  The short answer is that God is waiting for us to
love Him in response to His Love for us. The
longer answer is given by St. Isaac of Syria:
 So then, let us not attribute to God's actions and
His dealings with us any idea of requital. Rather
we should speak of Fatherly provision, a wise
dispensation, a perfect will which is concerned
with our good, and complete love. If it is a case of
love, then it is not one of requital; and if it is a case
of requital, then it is not one of love. Love.... looks
to what is most advantageous in the future: it
examines what is to come, and not things of the
past. (quoted by Alfeyev, 2000)

72. Expulsion from  At the very least praying for the
Paradise good and welfare of all who
have wounded us, or those
whom we love and cherish is
We are called to the first and minimum step we
interiorize God's eternal can take in forgiveness. [Morelli, G.
readiness to forgive in (2007a, February 4) The Spiritual Roots of Altruism:
our own lives. The Good
Samaritan.http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/OT/view/mo
relli-the-spiritual-roots-of-altruism-the-good-samaritan;
Morelli, G. (2007b, April 03). The Psycho-Spirituality
of Forgiving People and
Nations.http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles7
.]The icon of
/MorelliForgiveness.php
Forgiveness Sunday depicts
Adam and Eve's expulsion from
Paradise, by God, because of
their disobedience and pride.
But it also depicts God's
readiness to forgive them.

73.  St. Silouan has pointed out that, "those who dislike
and reject their fellow-man are impoverished in
their being. They do not know the true God, who is
all-embracing love." St. Peter in his second epistle
tells us what God has given us: "His divine power
has granted to us all things that pertain to life and
godliness ... and become partakers of the divine
nature" (2 Peter 1:3-4). We know this is not
participation or becoming God in His Being or
Essence but sharing in the warmth and light of His
"Divine Energy" Staniloae, D. (2003). Orthodox Spirituality: A Practical Guide For The Faithful And A
Definitive Manual For The Scholar. South Canaan, PA: St. Tikhon's Seminary Press

74. 
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me. Wherefore
he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the
poor, he hath sent me to heal the contrite of
heart.“ (Lk 4: 18)
 He hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their
heart, that they should not see with their eyes,
nor understand with their heart, and be
converted, and I should heal them.” (Jn 12: 40).