Hello

1. Neil,
It’s funny how things came so fast that I didn’t noticed how time passed by. It’s
been three years since I came here in New York. And now I am back.
I could still remember how the word ‘us’ started. We met at my debut because
my supposed-to-be escort ditched me because he got sick the day before that night. I
was expectant that he would come because I was waiting for that moment since I was
16. But when it was the time of the dance, he didn’t showed up. Instead, you came
wearing that apologetic smile. You came to me and gave me the white rose you brought
which made me more disappointed since the theme of the night was red and you gave
me a white rose. Nevertheless, I really appreciated how you bravely came to the party
even though you weren’t invited and I really don’t know you.
I discovered that we came from the same school. You were taking Architecture
while I was in Accountancy. I don’t really care because after the dance, I got lost any
concern of you. And then, a mutual friend of ours introduced us to each other. We got to
know more about each other because I signed up in a club you’re into. We became
friends and buddies during club periods. I got attached and didn’t know that I was
already falling for you. I was afraid to tell you because I was confused and I don’t want
you to avoid me. I am starting to get scared of my own feelings and myself. The feeling
was like a dead end for me. It is always a matter of sink or swim away but everytime I
do the latter, there is always something who’s pulling me to drown.
I got tired of keeping my feelings for you so I decided to tell you everytime so I
could free myself. But before I could, you told me you felt something deep for me. And
like me, you couldn’t take it any longer. You didn’t know how happy I was that all I could
do was faint in front of you. And note that it was the most embarrassing moment of my
life.
You became the perfect boyfriend every girl would dream of. You’re sweet,
caring, jealous at the right times, kind of strict, smart, handsome and all things I could
imagine. I could still recall every moment I had with you. Everything was perfectly clear
and not an event I could forget. How about you? Could you still remember every bit of
it? Do you remember the time when I was acting childish and I wanted to play in the
rain? You told me not to, but I insisted, never thinking that we had classes the next day.
You played along and when tomorrow came, you got sick and didn’t able to go to your
major subject. I thought you’re going to be mad but instead you just told me that it was
okay. What about when I failed one of my major exams? I cried and complained how
the world was so unfair. You just listened to all of my ramblings and endured how a cry
baby I was. You just looked directly at my bloodshot eyes and told me that even though
I failed, I will still be your most-loved CPA.

2. We had a good thing going on but I think it was only for seven years.
I heard from a friend that you’re already getting married. Well, congratulations!
Who’s the lucky girl? It’s been a long time, I got lost track of you and never knew that
you already found a bride. When will be the wedding? Was I invited and didn’t knew
about it? I guess not. You still hate me, don’t you? You’re still angry at me because I
chose my career over you. It was a very bad timing. When you asked me to marry you,
it was also the time when I was promoted to a higher position. I have been waiting for
that promotion for two years before I was finally promoted.
I thought that you would understand. I thought that you will support me. I thought
that you’ll wait for me. I never thought I could be wrong. You walked away from me
without a word. Not even goodbye.
The only thing left to me was the things that reminded me of what we had. I still
have the shirt you gave me when I got soaked in the mud. I still have the alarm clock
you bought for me because I was always late in my class. I still have the picture of you
that I stole from your wallet.
I know it’s been three years since we broke up and I know I should’ve move on
by now but I’m sorry. Could you blame me if I couldn’t? Could you blame me that until
now there’s still a single hope in my heart that you would come back so we could start
anew? I wish I could turn back the hands of time. If ever I could do that, I swear that I
would choose your ring over any promotion. I hate to admit it that I am still hurting that
every night there’s nothing I could do but cry because my heart is broken that its only
you whose capable of fixing it. I was so used of your presence that when you left, I felt
like a half of me became empty.
I tried to forget you but no man could replace you in my heart. I don’t know if I
couldn’t or I wouldn’t because every single day I am hoping that I could see you in my
doorstep giving me a second chance. But I know it’s too late now. Here you are getting
married. If only I knew, I should’ve stopped pretending that there’s still a chance of us.
Was she better than I am? Does she really love you that much compared to
some things in her life? Could she really give up everything for you? I am sorry for being
selfish back then. I wished that I didn’t just think about myself. I was always aiming for
number one and I had too many priorities that I forgot to write you on the list even
though I know that you’ll always put me before yourself. The only thing you wanted from
me was my answer, and I answered wrong.
I am writing you this so you may know that I am regretting the decision I made on
that fateful day. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. You do the forgiving, I’ll do
the forgetting.

3. I just hope that I could accept the bitter reality that I already lose you and you’ll
never be mine again. And I could find myself loving another man even if it’s so hard to
do so. Loving you feels like a battlefield. I am always willing to fight for you but
whenever I do, I fail. Why? Because there’s always something that tells me that there’s
nothing to fight for. She already won you and will always do.
I wish you all the happiness on the world, in the arms of the girl who took my
place as Mrs. Hidalgo.
Still not over you,
Lianne.