1. the office
Creed's Creed
by
Cole Hauptfuhrer
Cole Hauptfuhrer
8614 Burton Way, Apt. 204
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(610) 597-3762

2. COLD OPEN
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 1
CREED walks into the warehouse and past a heated game of
“Horse” between ANDY and DWIGHT.
INT. ELEVATOR - D1
Andy and Dwight stand in opposite corners of the elevator.
Andy is dripping with sweat.
ANDY
(mocking)
Question: What was that final score
again?
DWIGHT
Fact: That was a fluke and I will have
my revenge.
ANDY
First of all, false. Second of all,
those were two statements, so you
should have said “Facts.”
Dwight storms off. Andy relishes the moment.
ANDY TALKING HEAD
Andy is walking and talking. And sweating.
ANDY
Domination of Cornell’s beer pong
scene? Check. 1350 on the SAT? No,
actually; 1370. Check plus. Full
ownership of Dwight K. Schrute in the
partido of life? Check. But not a
check plus... Yet.
With a sticky, slurping sound, Andy bumps right into PHYLLIS.
His sweat-covered body clings to her work clothes. She glares
down at him with disgust.

3. ACT ONE
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 1
Creed, now holding a package of wrapped paper, walks in the
direction of the warehouse exit. DARRYL stands in his way.
CREED
Darryl.
Creed slips him a twenty dollar bill and walks on by. Darryl
smiles to himself. Until he notices the camera.
INT. ELEVATOR - D1
Creed is standing beside OSCAR, STANLEY, and PAM. Everyone
but Stanley is casually dressed.
CREED
Having a nice morning, everyone?
An awkward beat. Looks of suspicion and bewilderment.
OSCAR
What?
PAM
Why?
Stanley, eyeing Creed, feels around for his wallet.
OSCAR TALKING HEAD
OSCAR
I’ve been working with Creed for
almost a decade. Over two thousand
work days, and the man had never asked
me a thing.
PAM TALKING HEAD
PAM
Creed’s been in such a great mood ever
since he found out about his trip.
Usually I’m happy for someone when
something good happens, but...
STANLEY TALKING HEAD
STANLEY
Something ain’t right. I don’t know
what, but I do know that. I’m keeping
my wallet in my back pocket. Sittin’
on it right now.

4. INT. OFFICE - D1
Creed approaches MEREDITH’S desk. She looks up at him. He
hands her a twenty dollar bill. She gives him a dirty look.
MEREDITH
I’m a slut. Not a hooker.
CREED
No, no, no.
He points to her purse. A bottle of vodka is sticking out.
CREED (CONT’D)
Stoli?
MEREDITH
Banker’s Club.
CREED
It’ll do.
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - D1
MICHAEL is sitting at his desk, looking annoyed. He’s wearing
a jean jacket and a baseball hat.
ANDY (O.S.)
Sick threads, Mike!
REVEAL Andy, sitting behind Michael on the left.
DWIGHT (O.S.)
Yes. Pleasant clothing.
REVEAL Dwight, sitting behind Michael on the right.
ANDY
Sorry I’m late, boss. I lost track of
time whipping up on Dwight, here, in
hoops.
He gives Dwight a hard pat. Dwight reciprocates.
DWIGHT
It was a close game.
ANDY
So it was. Until you Schruted it.
Andy exaggerates laughter and holds his fist up to Michael,
attempting their explosion handshake. Michael denies him.

5. MICHAEL
Listen, Dwight, it’s obvious you’re
bitter about the loss.
ANDY
Bit-ter.
MICHAEL
But take it from Sly Stallone: “As
long as you lose like a winner, it
doesn’t matter-
ANDY
-because you did it with dignity.”
(off Michael’s look)
Over the Top! Legendary flick!
Michael grins and points to his wall. Hanging from it is an
Over the Top movie poster.
ANDY (CONT’D)
Sweet poster, Mike! And quite the
germane application.
Michael looks at Andy with newfound appreciation. Andy sneaks
a smirk at Dwight.
ANDY TALKING HEAD
ANDY
When name repetition, personality
mirroring, and positive reinforcement
through nods and smiles don’t pan out,
old Andy’s got one last line of
defense.
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Andy has broken into Michael’s office. He shines a flashlight
around the room, then zeroes in on the poster. He dictates
into a tape recorder.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
Fact: Sylvester Stallone is a joke and
his quote makes no sense because
winners don’t lose.
(then)
That should have been “Facts”... Damn!

6. INT. OFFICE KITCHEN - D1
Creed is mixing himself a Bloody Mary. TOBY walks in on him.
Creed tries to hand Toby a twenty dollar bill. Toby’s eyes
remain on the drink.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Toby walks out of the kitchen sipping a Bloody Mary. Andy
sits at his desk, waiting for something... when Michael walks
out of his office, Andy calls to Pam.
ANDY
Hey Pam, do you think Schrute wears
boxers?
PAM
I’d rather not think about that. Ever.
Dwight is offended. JIM turns to him.
JIM
She doesn’t want to make me jealous.
ANDY
PDA aside, Tuna, I’m guessing Dwight
prefers...
(to Michael)
Drum roll please?
Michael drum rolls with gusto.
ANDY (CONT’D)
Tighty Dwighties.
Jim shakes his head. Michael roars.
MICHAEL
Tighty Dwighties! Why didn’t I think
of that?
Michael and Andy do their explosion handshake. Andy is
beaming. Dwight is furious.
ANDY TALKING HEAD
ANDY
Michael is smitten with me, ergo
Dwight is smitten by me.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Dwight, about to retaliate, is interrupted by a guitar.
Everyone turns to see Creed strumming away at his desk.

7. Jim gets up and walks over to Pam.
JIM
It’s weird. Creed has never won a
sales award since I’ve been here. But
last month-
PAM
-After we found out the prize was a
weekend in Atlantic City-
JIM
-He blew everyone away-
PAM
-And started throwing money around
like a Hilton sister. Or like someone
renting one out for the weekend...
(then)
Was that mean?
Jim high-fives Pam.
Michael approaches Creed, who keeps playing.
MICHAEL
Creed, this is Casual Friday. Not Miff-
Stock.
Creed stops playing, pulls out a wad of twenty dollar bills,
and tucks one into Michael’s hand.
CREED
God bless you.
He leans back and starts playing again. Michael stares at the
twenty, then at the camera.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
In each and every one of us, there is
a little something called tegrity. I
think that’s why people also call it
integrity; because it’s in us.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Everyone watches the exchange between Michael and Creed.
MICHAEL
Creed, you know I can’t-

8. CREED
-Forty more if you sing along.
An awkward beat. Suddenly, Michael breaks into song.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
You might ask, “Can you put a price on
tegrity?” Well, let me answer your
query with another one: Can you put a
price on cranking Casual Friday up a
notch?
(then)
I think we know how anyone with an
ounce of tegrity would answer that.
And if you don’t, God help you.
Because I won’t.
INT. OFFICE - D1
The duet has progressed into a jam. KEVIN provides pencil
percussion. KELLY is on backup vocals.
KELLY TALKING HEAD
KELLY
Creed is so generous! Yesterday, at
lunch, I was telling him about me and
Ryan, and all our dates, one by one,
in ascending order of awesomeness, and
he gave me twenty bucks, and all I had
to do was shut the (BLEEP) up!
INT. OFFICE - D1
The band continues to play. Phyllis dances up a storm.
Michael stops singing and hands her a twenty.
PHYLLIS
What do I have to do?
MICHAEL
Stop.
As Toby nurses his Bloody Mary, Andy sidles in with his banjo
and nails the falsetto vocals. The crowd erupts.
Dwight, growing increasingly jealous of Andy, begins drumming
his hands on his desk.
ANDY
We already have percussion, Tighty
Dwighty!

9. RYAN chuckles.
RYAN
Cute. Like tighty whitey.
Dwight stops drumming.
DWIGHT
It’s not cute, Ryan.
Dwight pushes his way into the middle of the band and whips a
recorder out of his sleeve. He begins playing. The sound is
awful. Everyone stops.
MICHAEL
What are you doing, Dwight?
ANDY
Are you tone deaf, Tighty Dwighty?
Kelly laughs.
KELLY
Tighty Dwighty! Cute!
Ryan cringes. Jim laughs at him.
JIM
Spending some time with your ex, huh?
RYAN TALKING HEAD
RYAN
I will never use that word again.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Dwight gets in Andy’s face.
DWIGHT
You’d better stop calling me Tighty
Dwighty.
Andy isn’t backing down.
ANDY
Or what?
DWIGHT
Or else.
ANDY
Schyeah, that’s not cliche or
anything. Or else what?

10. Dwight doesn’t know. He feels ANGELA judging him.
DWIGHT
Or else... I will destroy you.
ANDY
(mocking)
Question: Have you got the grapes,
Schrute?
Andy shoves Dwight. Dwight shoves him back.
DWIGHT
Big, blue, and ready to juice.
KEVIN (O.S.)
Cat fight!
Angela looks worried. Dwight notices. Then...
DWIGHT
Where’s Michael?
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - D1
Michael is alone, holding a Sylvester Stallone action figure.
MICHAEL
In high school, Sylvester Stallone
didn’t get Most Likely to Succeed. He
didn’t get Most Popular, like I did.
He didn’t even get Most Italian! You
know what Sly got? Most Likely to End
Up in the Electric Chair.
Michael gazes into his toy’s plastic eyes.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Despite all the cruelty in this world,
you persevered, and in the manliest of
ways. Thank you, Sly. Thank you.
PAM (O.S.)
Michael?
Michael panics and hides his action figure.
MICHAEL
Damn it, Dwight, knock!
PAM
No, it’s me. We need your help.

11. INT. OFFICE - D1
Andy and Dwight stand toe to toe.
ANDY
Alright Schrute, you and me, mano a
girlo.
DWIGHT
Fine by me, girlo.
PHYLLIS
Cut the foreplay already!
ANGELA
Phyllis!
Phyllis hangs her head.
ANDY
So what’s it gonna be?
MICHAEL (O.S.)
I know.
Michael stands in his doorway, blatantly flexing his upper
body.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
The true test of Manhood. Sly’s test.
ANDY
Arm wrestling.
Michael nods.
KEVIN
I’ve got ten on Andy.
Dwight is insulted. Creed looks him up and down.
CREED
Let’s make it twenty.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
The lunch room has been converted into an arm wrestling
arena. Pam and Jim assemble the karaoke machine.
EXT. PARKING LOT - D1
Dwight psyches himself up in his car.

12. INT. OFFICE BATHROOM - D1
Andy, in seclusion, sips from a bottle of Jagermeister.
ANDY
Old Andy gets pretty crazy when he
drinks the old deer blood. This
contest is in the proverbial bag.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Jim stands before the crowd. Dwight and Andy warm up in
opposite corners. The karaoke machine pumps “The Chicago
Bulls Theme Song.”
JIM
(emceeing)
Ladies and gentlemen, our combatant in
the red corner, standing six feet
three inches, hailing from Beet Farm,
Dwight “The Animal” Schrute!
A spattering of applause.
JIM (CONT’D)
And our combatant in the blue corner,
standing six feet zero inches, hailing
from The Ivy League, Andy “The Cornell
Cornish Game Hen” Bernard!
A beat.
ANDY
That’s not my mascot, Tuna.
JIM
Really?
The two take their spots at the table. A stare down ensues.
DWIGHT
Animals eat Cornish game hens.
ANDY
Not all animals.
Michael steps in to referee.
MICHAEL
Ready for a clean match, gentlemen?
ANDY
Sure you wanna dance, beet boy? I once
forearmed a frisbee sixty-four yards.

13. DWIGHT
Big deal. Two weeks ago, I wrestled an
Austrian Bull Moose to the ground.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
He was senile, three-legged, and a
eunuch, but still quite a feat.
(then, with a grimace)
You should’ve seen what he did to
Mose.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
As the music cuts off...
DWIGHT
Let’s just say there’s a reason my
Monkey called me Mighty Dwighty.
Everyone hears this. Michael recoils.
MICHAEL
Oh, Dwight, no one wants to hear about
your creepy monkey.
Dwight and Angela exchange a strange look. She storms out.
Andy bangs his fist on the table.
ANDY
Let’s do this!
The two grasp hands.
MICHAEL
On my count: One...
ANGELA TALKING HEAD
ANGELA
This is so immature. And juvenile. And
pathetic.
(getting up)
Excuse me...
INT. OFFICE - D1
Angela watches from a distance.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Andy and Dwight, hands locked, glare at each other.

14. MICHAEL
Two... Let’s get it on!
The two strain for a few moments... As it looks like Andy’s
about to win, Dwight wills the victory.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
The winner! Dwight!
Andy stands up and starts pacing with rage.
ANDY
I wasn’t freaking ready!
JIM
You almost won.
Andy kicks over a trash can.
ANDY
This is a freaking conspiracy!
Andy storms out of the office.
CREED
Okay, who’s next?
MICHAEL
Creed, we really-
Creed holds out another twenty.
CREED
-Twenty bucks, win or lose.
(then)
Unless you’re scared, Michael.
A beat. Michael turns to Toby. Toby shakes his head.
MICHAEL
Didn’t think so.
Michael looks around, sizing people up. He stops at Dwight.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
You remember what happened last time,
don’t you, Dwight?
Dwight lowers his head. No one is volunteering.
CREED
How about you, Jimmy?
Michael scoffs.

15. MICHAEL
Jim?
An awkward beat.
JIM
Nah.
CREED
Twenty bucks. Win or lose.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
Usually I do the daring around here.
But for twenty bucks?
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Everyone waits for Jim’s answer.
JIM
Alright.
Michael looks nervous.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
Look, Jim’s an athletic guy. But he’s
a finesse guy. A jazz guy... Me?
[INSERT clip of Michael throwing the basketball out of the
warehouse.]
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
I’m a power guy. Hard rock. And who
would you take in a battle of the
brawn: Isaac Hayes or Marilyn Manson?
(then)
Manson was rock, right?
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Michael walks, gravely, toward Jim and the table. Jim and Pam
exchange a smile. Michael reaches for his hat.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
What I do is, I just try to take my
hat and I turn it around. And it’s
like a switch goes on. And when that
switch goes on...

16. INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Michael turns his hat backwards... and becomes Prison Mike.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
(as Prison Mike)
... I feel like another person. I
dunno, I feel like a...
He picks up his toy truck.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(Prison Mike)
Like a truck.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Michael sits down at the table. Creed waves the twenty in his
face. Michael snarls and snatches the bill.
MICHAEL
(Prison Mike)
Get da hell outta my face, Prune
Juice!
Creed scurries away. Jim looks at the camera.
JIM
Prune Juice, Prison Mike?
MICHAEL
(Prison Mike)
Quit checkin’ out da camera, Olive
Oil!
JIM
Olive Oil, huh?
Michael glowers at Jim.
MICHAEL
(Prison Mike)
I own you! You got no power, hoss!
Toby steps in to referee. Michael waves him off.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(Prison Mike)
Your services ain’t needed here,
Carrot Top.
(then)
(MORE)

17. Hey, Carrot, do da curtains match da
drapes? I’ll bet dey do!
PAM
Michael!
MICHAEL
(Prison Mike)
Sorry, Toots. I’m in da zone. You
broads wouldn’t understand.
(then, to Jim)
Ready, Ms. Olive?
Pam smiles at Jim. Jim doesn’t smile back.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(Prison Mike)
One...
Jim is dead serious. Dwight cheers for Michael. Everyone else
quietly pulls for Jim.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(Prison Mike)
Two... Let’s get it on!
Michael’s face strains.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(Prison Mike)
You ain’t got it, hoss! Over the top!
It’s a deadlock for about a second... then Jim slams
Michaels’ arm into the table. A beat, as the pain sets in.
Michael squeals, grasps his shoulder and runs to his office.
DWIGHT
Michael!
Dwight runs for the door. Before he exits, he turns to Jim.
DWIGHT (CONT’D)
You’re lucky my superior needs icing.
JIM
I’m your superior. You may go.
DWIGHT
Thank you.
(then)
This isn’t over.
Dwight leaves. Creed hands Jim a twenty.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)

18. CREED
Alright, who’s next?
Phyllis turns to Pam.
PHYLLIS
Want a piece?
PAM
What?
Stanley and Kevin look at each other. A beat. Stanley heads
for his desk. Kevin smiles to himself.
KEVIN TALKING HEAD
KEVIN
He did not want none of this.
INT. OFFICE - D1
The office is empty. As Dwight hurries toward Michael’s
office, Angela comes out of nowhere and plants one on him.
Taken aback, Dwight stumbles into Michael’s office.
INT. LUNCH ROOM - D1
Creed scans the room. His eyes stop on Ryan, who shakes his
head and makes for the door. Creed creeps after him.
RYAN TALKING HEAD
RYAN
Well, I’ve pretty much come full
circle. Right back where I started...
The only bright spot, really, is that
I’ve started standing up for myself.
INT. OFFICE - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Ryan keeps his desk when Jim comes back.
INT. OFFICE - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Michael stands behind Ryan with an empty mug. Ryan pours
himself the last cup of coffee and walks victoriously away.
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Dwight sneaks up on Ryan and puts him into a headlock. Ryan
stiff arms him into a car.

19. RYAN TALKING HEAD
RYAN
But there is one person in this office
who continues to intimidate me, and
that is Creed.
We see that Creed is standing behind Ryan, listening.
RYAN (CONT’D)
He freaks me out. I think he knows it,
too-
CREED
-Speaking of which, I’ll be needing a
ride to the train station at lunch.
Ryan is startled. Before he can argue, Creed tucks a twenty
into his hand.
CREED (CONT’D)
Half now. Half on delivery.
RYAN
The station’s pretty close. It would
definitely be cheaper to get a cab.
A beat.
CREED
Would it?
END OF ACT ONE

20. ACT TWO
EXT. PARKING LOT - D1
Ryan motions to Creed’s car, which should be impounded.
RYAN
Mind if we take your car?
RYAN TALKING HEAD
RYAN
Call me crazy, but when it comes to my
Civic, I prefer “new car smell” to
“distinct old man smell.”
INT. OFFICE - D1
Jim sits at his desk. Michael walks by. It’s awkward.
I/E. CREED’S CAR - D1
Ryan is in the driver’s seat of Creed’s car, sputtering down
the road.
RYAN
(muttering)
Damn thing’s older than I am.
CREED (O.S.)
Yup.
Creed is lying across the backseat.
RYAN
I thought you were asleep.
CREED (O.S.)
Nope.
Ryan thinks he smells something. His suspicions are confirmed
as smoke wafts in from the backseat.
RYAN
What are you doing?
CREED (O.S.)
Want a toke?
Ryan eyes the camera.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Jim sits at his desk. Pam sits down next to him.

21. PAM
I made you a victory present.
JIM
Really?
She sets down a drawing of Prison Mike, crying and icing his
shoulder.
PAM
I didn’t have much time, so don’t-
JIM
-This is really good!
Pam smiles.
PAM
I know.
Neither notice Michael eavesdropping.
JIM
I’m framing it. Thank you.
PAM
Welcome.
JIM
Why haven’t you been making me these
all the-
MICHAEL
-Making you what all the time?
Jim turns to see Michael standing over him. He tries to cover
up the sketch. Not in time.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Oh, is it private?
(to Jim, whispering)
Oooh, am I cockblock-
This is a loud whisper.
JIM
-No! No. It’s nothing.
MICHAEL
Well, it looks like something to me.
A beat. Jim uncovers the drawing. Michael’s face falls.

22. MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Oh... God...
JIM
Michael...
MICHAEL
Pam drew this?
PAM
Michael, it’s just a joke.
Michael sulks back into his office. He draws the blinds.
I/E. CREED’S CAR - D1
Creed, standing outside of his car, hands Ryan a twenty. The
gas light comes on. Creed notices, but pretends not to.
CREED
Godspeed, Raymond.
He walks off.
INT. SCRANTON GAS STATION - D1
Ryan, a little red-eyed, hands the twenty to a CASHIER.
RYAN
Twenty bucks in pump four. Please.
Looking over at pump four, the cashier cannot help but stare
at Creed’s car. Then, suspiciously, at Ryan.
RYAN (CONT’D)
It’s not mine.
The cashier marks the bill with a counterfeit marker.
Unsatisfied, he pulls out a magnifying glass.
RYAN (CONT’D)
Is something wrong?
CASHIER
Like you don’t know, you smug little
punk.
He slams the bill on the counter. Ryan is taken aback.
CASHIER (CONT’D)
This bill is a friggin’ fake! And you
know what? I’ll bet that car is
stolen, too!

23. RYAN
(blurting)
Probably.
CASHIER
You think this is some kind of joke?
I’ve got a good mind to whoop your
ass! Get the hell out of my store!
Ryan runs for Creed’s car.
EXT. ROAD - D1
Ryan pushes Creed’s car down the road. He ignores his ringing
cell phone.
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - D1
Michael repeatedly dials his phone.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1
Toby leads a discussion. Michael slouches in the front row.
OSCAR
How do you know they’re fake?
TOBY
Well, I just got off the phone with
Ryan. He found out at a gas station
down the street.
OSCAR
So what should we do?
TOBY
Even though they might look and feel
real, I’d advise that you rip up and
throw away the bills Creed gave you.
MICHAEL
Let me stop you right there, Tobes.
Can I call you Tobes?
Michael gets up and assumes center stage.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Did Toby’s marriage look real? Did it
feel real? Did he rip it up and throw
it away?
PAM
Michael!

24. TOBY
Where are you going with this?
Michael has no idea.
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
Do I think Creed handed out fake
money? I think it’s just as likely as
Ryan calling Toby and not me...
Indubitable.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1
Michael turns to Toby.
MICHAEL
Are you aware that destroying currency
is a sin?
DWIGHT
It’s not a sin. It’s illegal.
DWIGHT TALKING HEAD
DWIGHT
A felony, actually. And if that crazy
old loon thinks he can bring his hippy
horse puckey onto my terrain, he’s
messing with the wrong assistant
security guard.
INT. CONFEREENCE ROOM - D1
Dwight stands next to Toby.
DWIGHT
Toby’s right. We should tear up the
bills, then tear down Creed.
MICHAEL
You want us to break the law, Dwight?
You of all people? A deputy’s
assistant?
JIM
Volunteer.
Michael turns to Toby.
MICHAEL
And why should we believe Ryan called
you, and not me, in the first place?

25. PHYLLIS
I believe you, Toby.
MICHAEL
B.F.D., Phyllis, because I don’t.
TOBY
Why would I lie?
MICHAEL
You tell me, you corporate snake.
Toby sighs.
TOBY
I have no idea why Ryan didn’t call
you, Michael, but he told me the bill
Creed gave him passed the counterfeit
marker test but not the magnifying
glass.
JIM
That’s weird. Don’t counterfeit
markers usually work?
TOBY
Yes, which means Creed used thin rag
paper.
DWIGHT
Thin rag paper. Of course. He could
have bought it anywhere.
STANLEY
Or stole it from our warehouse.
TOBY
He then crumpled the bills to make
them feel worn.
Dwight nods in approval.
TOBY (CONT’D)
And the bill was exposed by the
magnifying glass because counterfeit
dollars lose some color detail during
the process.
DWIGHT
Wow, Toby. I didn’t even know that.
TOBY
Should I keep going?

26. A beat. Everyone is impressed. Except Michael.
MICHAEL
You seem pretty knowledgeable about
money counterfeiting, Toby... Too
knowledgeable.
TOBY
I researched it. On HowStuffWorks.com.
It took five minutes.
MICHAEL
Unfortunately for you, Toby, I have
far too much tegrity to just stand
here and let you make a spacegoat out
of Creed!
Pam whispers to Jim.
PAM
Spacegoat?
MICHAEL
Do you hear me, Toby? So help me God,
Creed will not become your spacegoat!
KEVIN
I think you mean scapegoat.
A beat, as Michael regroups.
MICHAEL
Really, Kevin? I always thought there
was a goat floating around in space
that everyone blamed their problems
on! Whoops!
Jim smiles to himself. He whispers to Pam.
JIM
He actually did.
Michael reaches into his pocket and hands Toby a tissue.
MICHAEL
Your silence speaks volumes, Toby. I
have no choice but to let you go.
TOBY
You can’t fire me, Michael. We’ve been
through this.
Dwight stands behind Toby as he usually does with Michael.

27. DWIGHT
Fire Creed. Please, Toby... Fire.
Creed.
Michael is getting jealous.
MICHAEL
Okay. Let’s do it. Creed is gone.
No one seems opposed. Except Toby.
TOBY
Well, Creed didn’t technically do
anything against company policy.
Dwight considers.
DWIGHT
Toby’s right. There were no legal
transactions. As far as we know, he
only used the bills to fund pranks.
TOBY
Pranks that, if disclosed, would
actually get you into more trouble
than him, Michael.
Dwight is disappointed.
DWIGHT
So we can’t fire Creed.
A beat.
MICHAEL
We can’t?
MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
MICHAEL
For once I was trying to agree with
the guy, but he wouldn’t tell me what
he wants! It’s like, all Toby wants to
do is bicker with me! No wonder he’s
divorced!
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - D1
Michael sits down, perplexed.

28. JIM
Yeah, I mean, I doubt it says anywhere
in the Dunder-Mifflin Handbook, “Do
not convince your boss to arm wrestle,
then compensate him with Monopoly
money.”
Michael appears deeply wounded by this comment.
MICHAEL
(screaming)
This isn’t funny... Toby!
Michael, on the verge of tears, stands back up and addresses
the room:
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
When I was a boy, my stepfather made
me a deal: If I started doing the
dishes, stopped complaining about my
nightmares, and started calling him
Dad, he’d give me a fifty one day.
(then)
One day, a couple weeks ago, I finally
mustered the courage to ask for my
fifty. I’d been expecting fifty
dollars, all this time, but he gave
me... not that.
Michael reaches into his wallet and pulls out a blue piece of
Monopoly money. It’s been torn up and taped back together.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Dad became Steve on that day.
A beat. Michael, suddenly irate, turns on Toby.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
We are a family here, and family does
not give each other counterfeit money!
Not you, not me, not even the creepy
granduncle!
Michael holds his bill in Toby’s face.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
There is nothing you can say that will
convince me this bill is a fake!
Nothing!
A beat, as Toby takes a closer look at the bill. He turns it
around for Michael, showing it to be a two-headed bill.
Michael runs from the room.

29. EXT. ROAD - NIGHT 1
Ryan continues to push Creed’s car down the road.
RYAN
I’m going to kill Creed.
(then)
No, I’m not.
INT. OFFICE - N1
The office is dark. The SECURITY GUARD walks in on Dwight
going through Creed’s desk.
SECURITY GUARD
Hey!
DWIGHT
Don’t worry, Hank. It’s Dwight.
HANK
Who?
DWIGHT
Dwight Schrute.
HANK
Who?
DWIGHT
Your assistant security guard.
HANK
Assistant to the security guard.
DWIGHT
Whatever. I’m investigating an
important security matter.
HANK
Looks like you’re snoopin’ through
somebody’s desk to me.
A beat, as Hank lights Creed’s desk with his flashlight.
DWIGHT
Strange...
HANK
Mmm hmm. Nothin’ but Visine and mung
beans.

30. DWIGHT
Creed clearly needs the mung beans,
but what’s the Visine for?
A look from Hank.
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 2 (MONDAY)
Creed sleeps in his car. Eventually, he gets out.
CREED
Hell of a weekend.
He holds up an empty money clip.
CREED (CONT’D)
All out of twenties. Didn’t do any
gambling, though.
INT. OFFICE - D2
Creed walks toward his desk. Workout music blares from
Michael’s office.
JIM TALKING HEAD
JIM
I think Michael took the arm wrestling
thing a little hard. He’s been acting
weird lately... Weird for him.
INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE - D2
Michael shadowboxes with his two-pound weights. He sees Creed
through the blinds.
INT. OFFICE - D2
Creed notices something sitting on his desk. Someone has put
his mung beans in Jello. But they failed to make it properly.
The result is a soup-like substance. Creed looks at Jim.
Jim shakes his head defensively, then turns to Pam.
JIM
And even if I was dumb enough to mess
with Creed, I’m not dumb enough to
forget how to make Jello.
PAM
There’s only one suspect who could be
capable of being so... incapable.
Creed takes a bite of his substance.

31. MICHAEL (O.S.)
How does it taste, Creed?
Michael stands over Creed. Dwight flanks him on the other
side. Creed takes another bite.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Betrayal. Bitter, isn’t it?
CREED
Delicious, actually. Thank you.
MICHAEL
You embarrassed me. You embarrassed
the office. And most importantly,
Creed, you embarrassed me.
Michael gives a not-so-surreptitious flex of his upper body.
CREED
I’m sorry you’re getting older,
Michael. And can’t even make Jello.
Michael shows Creed the two-headed bill.
MICHAEL
We know what you did, Creed!
Creed realizes his mistake.
CREED TALKING HEAD
CREED
I started out using the bills where it
was too dark to see. Like my
gentleman’s club.
(a wink)
Or where the recipient was too busy to
notice. Also like my gentleman’s club.
(another wink)
It worked so well, I suppose I got
carried away.
INT. OFFICE - D1
Creed smiles.
MICHAEL
Well, Creed?
CREED
Well, what?

32. MICHAEL
Don’t you have something you’d like to
say to your betrayed coworkers?
CREED
Sure.
Creed stands up to address everyone.
CREED (CONT’D)
Whoops.
He sits back down.
MICHAEL
Where’s your tegrity, Creed?
CREED
Are you making up words again,
Michael?
MICHAEL
How can you treat me like this? I’m
the guy who gave you your life back.
CREED
No. You’re the guy who almost fired
me.
MICHAEL
You said I was a fine man. You said I
wouldn’t regret this. You God blessed
me, man!
Michael is clearly upset. Creed just smiles.
CREED
Lies.
Michael flees to his office. A beat. Everyone looks over to
Toby, who eventually approaches Creed.
TOBY
Did you realize what you were doing
was a felony?
Creed shakes his head.
TOBY (CONT’D)
Did you do it on company property?

33. INT. WAREHOUSE (FLASHBACK)
Creed, holding a package of wrapped paper, hands Darryl
twenty “dollars,” then walks out of the warehouse.
INT. OFFICE (FLASHBACK)
Creed loads the paper into the office’s scanner.
INT. OFFICE (FLASHBACK)
Creed places a real twenty dollar bill onto the scanner tray.
INT. OFFICE (FLASHBACK)
Creed sits at his desk, crumpling bills in his hands.
INT. OFFICE - D2
Creed looks Toby in the eye.
CREED
No, Toby. I honestly did not.
TOBY
Okay. I think we’re going to let this
slide. But don’t do it again, okay?
Creed stands up and shakes Toby’s hand.
CREED TALKING HEAD
CREED
Well, it was a good run.
A beat, as Creed realizes something. Something troubling. He
stands up and hurries out of the office.
DARRYL TALKING HEAD
DARRYL
That motha(BLEEP)a what!?
Darryl stands up and stomps toward the parking lot...
EXT. PARKING LOT - D2
...Where he intercepts Creed, who scurries to his car.
DARRYL
Rippin’ people off? That yo’ creed,
Creed? My creed’s to beat someone’s
ass when they rip me off! That’s my
beat ass creed!

34. Creed barely makes it into his car. Darryl bangs on the hood.
DARRYL (CONT’D)
You’re Creed! I’m Rocky! Let’s go, old
man!
A panicked Creed peels off with Darryl yelling after him.
END OF SHOW